I don't like people to copy me especially if we have the same friends. Although, many people take it as a compliment. I guess you could look at it that way. In the whole scheme of things, is it really a big deal? No, it really isn't. And your friend obviously thinks you have fabulous taste and value's your opinion.

See all the style and taste you have? Get a good night sleep, and things will look better in the morning.

....Jane

I used to have a neighbor who would do that type of thing...

Such as.....I told her we were going to paint our house and what color we had chosen...
She had more money to spend than I did...so she ran out and bought the color I wanted.

It always upset me...but I never said anything to her...I just vented to Denny...He's always been my sounding board.

patti

Sorry, I don't get it. If you (presumably) chose what you thought was the nicest driveway treatment, why would you want your neighbour to chose (what must be in your opinion, since you chose the nicest) a less attractive pattern, just to be different? If you thought yours was the nicest pattern, wouldn't you want _everyone_ to have it, so you didn't have to live near "ugly" driveways? Does your neighbour having the same pattern make it less desirable somehow?
I've never understood why some people feel they should have exclusivity over something, especially something in the public domain. If you wore jeans, would you be upset if your neighbour did also?
They do say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Be happy your neighbour thinks of you as the arbiter of good taste and enjoy your status as the local trendsetter.

I don't get it either. I can understand if you commissioned someone to do an exclusive design for you but most of these driveways are straight out of a brochure. Assuming the styles of homes on the street may be similar it would be obvious that certain styles and choices of color would overlap to complement the architecture. Would you rather have a mish-mash of surfaces and colors or perhaps a hot pink and green house with a purple roof next door just to make your house look better at the expense of the neighborhood?

Two doors from my sister is a house that's exactly like hers, except it's a reverse image. For many years, everytime she did something they copied. She painted her door and trim green--they painted theirs the same color. She put a bench on her front stoop--they got a similar one and put it in the same place. She changed her landscaping--they copied it. To tell you the truth, we all got a good laugh over it. And she felt that it was an affirmation that she must have good taste if others wanted to copy it exactly.

I know you're upset right now, but really, it will pass. As others have said, so what if others copy your good decisions? It just shows that you made a good choice. Not only that, it's a driveway--not as if you had a custom-made painting hung in your living room and she had a duplicate painted. Or she walked out of the house wearing the same outfit you chose every day of the week. Hang in there--you'll be laughing about this one day.

Enjoy the new driveway--always fun to have something new, that you really wanted, isn't it?

Maybe the message is you are missing your true calling as a decorator consultant? Ever think of charging her for your services? LOL

Your tastes must be superb. I do understand your being upset but

Imitation is the highest form of flattery.

So, what do you charge for services? I'm not kidding...I love to garden and people in my husband's office have seen photos of my work (I don't think it's spectacular) and want my advice/'consultation' service to help them design or overcome issues in their landscapes. I take that as a compliment.

My neighbours like that I put in a huge front garden across the center of my yard and some are starting to do the same - I love it because I enjoy seeing their beautiful plants instead of just plain grass. Let's me see the 'front' of my garden as a reflection when I'm sitting here indoors.

So, what do you charge?
LOL

McPeg

People make decisions on what to do by looking around at what others have done. Your driveway pattern was designed by someone else, you picked it out of a book.
Thousands of others have the same design. Why not your neighbor?

dex215, this truly is a compliment to your good taste.
I do undertand how you feel though.
I know a lot of people go to open houses to get decorating ideas because they just can't come up with ideas.

Don't feel bad.

Sue

Upset over a driveway? I'm not getting it. The same prom dress, maybe... but a driveway? Guess I just don't get into driveways....

It would make me feel good and confirm that I must have good taste if other people liked it enough to copy it. I would take it as a compliment if I even noticed it.

Well, so much for giving people directions to your house and saying "look for the brown basketweave driveway!" lol I'm only laughing because it's silly of her to copy your every move. Woody's brother was like that, he bought a house exactly like ours, same model and did everything we did, even down the paint inside. I got a bit exasperated one day and told him we were putting in a pool. lolol He didn't fall for it though, he would have needed to see WHICH pool we got so he could copy it exactly. lolol

I totally understand your annoyance, Dex, and I think I would ask my friend if she could do her driveway in a different shade "just so it won't look like you're copying me completely". That might get your point across. :) Since she has more money, she probably doesn't want to be KNOWN as a copy-cat, even if she is.

Here's what'd bother me (and probably dex). It was the way the neighbor went about doing it. She has no problem asking advice from dex, but dex had to find out from the contractor that her neighbor was having the same driveway put in. To me that's sneaky. Had she come over and ask/told me before hand, it wouldn't bother me.

Flamey and I posted at the same time. Now a relative doing that really WOULD drive me up the wall.

As others have said, you could consider it flattering that she trusts your good judgement in helping her make choices for her home.

However, I would be interested to hear her reason for choosing your exact driveway motif without telling you anything, when she has picked your brains about so many other choices for her home.

If it were me, before the work starts at her place, I'd put a smile on my face and say, "The contractor tells me you have chosen to have your driveway re-done exactly like ours," and see what her reply is. Whatever her answer was, I'd just keep smiling.

Sorry you are going through this, and I do understand why you are upset.

Would bother me too... We all want to be/look original to some degree and if the neighbor is copying it would irk me too... don't have much advice, just wanted to say that I understand. But, if there was ever a time to bring up her copying you, now would be the time BEFORE she puts in her driveway. Maybe she will stop and reconsider colors.

Some people are not capable of making any kind decision on their own. Some people just don't have the "decorating" gene (more money doesn't equal better taste). You friend may have one or both of these issues. Either way she sees you as a role model. You should be flattered, not irritated. It is after all a small thing. Perhaps you could tell her you know what she picked and ask if you could help her pick another design or color to complement her house better.

Now, we need to see pictures of your new driveway.

Linda

My mother had the same problem with one of her SILs. Mom put in new carpets, Betty did the same. Mom bought new living room furniture at a certain store, Betty would buy the exact same furniture. Dad told Mom "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" Mom took it in stride. After all, she knew she had it FIRST!

i don't bother worrying about things like that, that are beyond my control. i have toooo many other things i can chose to worry about lol! i have dealt w/ alot of people thou thru landscape designing, [one of my specialties was hardscapes (pavers, travertine, pool resurfacing, retaining walls etc...)] who did not like their neighbors to do the same thing. any decent designer should know that! it is the designers responsibility to steer clients buying in the same neighborhood to something a bit different. my guess is either you have a common, generic design which is stock and easy to sell and replicate or your designer is either not creative or doesn't care that he sold the same thing to a neighbor. my guess is your friend didn't know how to distinguish her driveway and the designer just wanted an easy job... just take the copying as a mark against the designer and as a fact that your friend could not come up w/ some different, not as something personal against you...besides it sounds like she trusts your judgement better than her own anyways ;-) congrats on the new brick driveway! ~ liz

I was once in an awkward position that may possibly explain your current predicament. After having spent weeks picking out the perfect shade of teal I wanted for our garage door, I walked outside to see a new neighbour across the street two doors down painting theirs the exact same colour! I debated about whether I should try to find a differnt colour. But I finally decided that because this one complimented my brick colour perfectly, it would bother me more over the years to look at a less suitable colour than to see two identical garage doors in such close proximity.

I walked over (with paint chip cards in hand) and explained that I'd selected the exact same colour as them a few weeks earlier, but we hadn't had the chance to paint yet. I said I just wanted to let them know as a courtesy that I had tried to select a different colour after seeing we'd picked the same one, but I just couldn't find an alternate that I liked as much as my original choice. The lady was very nice and thanked me for letting her know, saying she absolutely understood my feelings because it also took her weeks to select that colour! We both tell anyone who asks that it was purely coincidental.

I realize this neighbour is usually dependent upon your help for decorating advice, but do consider the possibility that they may have selected their driveway colour and pattern before they even saw yours.

It's also conceivable the contractor pushed that design, since he'd just done it, and he knew she'd be able to visualize what it would look like.

I chuckle at all the people in discussions like this who seem to pooh-pooh how annoying it is to have someone copy you so closely, or lean on you for all those creative, aesthetic decisions.

It *IS* annoying, and it's *extra* annoying because the truth is, there's very little you can do to stop it or change it.

*MAYBE* you could talk to the contractor on the QT, and persuade him to tweak the design a little--if your friend is SO clueless, he can tell her he couldn't get enough of one kind of material, and then he can change it a little so it doesn't look identical.

(If I were a contractor, I would--in fact, I'd probably refuse to do the *exact* same design on the same block. I'd do similar, but not exact--wider stripes, slightly different stone, whatever)

We also used to have neighbors like that.If we painted our house,they painted theirs the same color.We put up a fence,they put up a fence(same kind).I hung new draperies,she'd come over to visit,next thing you know she has almost the exact same thing.Used to Pi** me off,but DH would say,"consider it a compliment"!
Kathi

Hmmm...
Maybe she just needs design advice.
You could go overs and say "Oh, honey, you don't want this look with YOUR house, it will be ALL wrong. If I had your house , it would be the sand running pattern, hands down!"
Good luck.

I understand why you are upset, and I agree the way she went about getting the same pattern could be considered sneaky. Always wonder why people just can't come out and ask if they want something like that.
I do know a surefire way to stop her copying everything you do - do something outrageous, or a couple of things outrageous - like look for a wild shower curtain that you could temporarily attach to a wall of your house or garage (might need more than one), or do something radical to your hair (temporary dye), or something similar that can easily be remedied the minute she copies it...
she might think twice before she runs out to copy your latest after something like that...lol.
Suzan J

We had a neighbor with that problem. She had moved around a lot with her husband in the military. A few moves previous, she met a gal who copied everything she did in her new house. When she moved here, the neighbor moved into our development too rather than remain away from my neighbor. He house was a few blocks down. It just never stopped till the neighbor left the West Coast for the East Coast, and finally the gal did not follow.

I'd think that she would maybe be open to having a different color than yours anyway. I wonder if you could maybe work in a suggestion of there being a 'better' color for her drive....that the drives wouldn't be so redundant.

I wonder too if the contractor has several tons of that particular brick, and he is pushing it, regardless of it being the best suited color.

Good luck.

Sue

Since she values your opinions, maybe you could mention to her that the contractor told you about this. Then tell her that you think that a different design and/or color would look better for her driveway and complement her house better. You've helped her with other decorating decisions; your input may help her change her mind about the driveway.

I had a neighbor like this. I quit giving her suggestions, and didn't tell her in advance about my home improvements.

But I also really don't care if someone else has the same driveway.

Thanks everybody for all your thoughts about this. I was woken up this morning by the bulldozer across the street and her old driveway is now demolished and the new bricks have been delivered. The contractor apparently told her to have a lighter color border than mine, so I guess it won't be so bad. I am feeling much better after reading all your posts. Thanks.

I have known people like that, they can't make a decision on their own, but think you had yours first and you must have good taste for her to copy you. Do like one of the former comments and suggest to her that another style would look better with her house and she will probably take your advice. I have always been told to be proud that someone else likes the same as you but it still makes us feel uncomfortable. I walk into church and wonder if my sister-in-law has on the same coat as me. So I have started shopping by myself.I think you could easily change her mind.