hard to say...as a birth mom, who also nursed, i probably wouldn't have noticed...she might have been embarrased that he'd touched you, and needed to over-react? if it happens again...then be honest with her. remind her if anything is made a big deal of, it can make it worse....

my first reaction is to say he's starting young as a boob-guy, lol....

I'd be wondering what she says when he touches himself. I dislike anything that might make a child think bodies are somehow shameful.

Susan could be right that the mother was embarrassed that he'd touched you.

I agree Alisande, I dislike anything that might make a child think bodies are shameful. I almost said something to her. She is a close friend. I nursed my child and it does not bother me if a toddler touches my breasts.

A couple of questions come to mind. Was he adopted at this age, or as a newborn? If he is recently adopted, did he come from an abusive situation?

When young children act out in a sexual manner, they are recreating what they've lived. That's what they know, that's how they got attention, even if it was negative.

He has to be taught that touch is loving and that he won't be hurt by it. Scolding him definately is not the right approach. All she needs to do, if his touching is making mommy uncomfortable, is to just take his hand in hers without reacting or commenting. Give him a little cuddle and continue on as though nothing out of the ordinary happened. It shouldn't take long for him to learn not to do it.

Unless, of course, he was traumatized before he came home to her.

and that abuse can be at an age where you'd never think they'd react...

at least (you hope) that now days adoptive parents are made aware of abuse...I know one mom who found out her child she'd received, had been abused, the hard way...when he started mistreating the 2 younger kids (one adopted, one natural)

We don't have all the facts. He's adopted and we do not know at what at what age he was adopted nor when he was separated from his birth mother or former caretaker. He's only 2.5 yr old, If he was breast fed from infancy to 18 mo or longer, touching his caretaler's breast might be a natural signal that he is hugnry or thirsty. It does seem odd that at 2.5 yr, he's still breat touching. However, some childen have been breast fed beyond 2 years.

He was adopted at birth. Never breastfed.

I wouldn't have said a word about it. At that age he didn't mean a thing by it or would understand if someone told him. Breasts are nice and squishy and soft and easy to rest your hands on when being held.

He's probably just tired of listening to you two talking around him and wants some attention! LOL

However... why has everyone assumed that IF there was some perversion involved, it couldn't be in the adoptive home?

My kids are young adults and it's been awhile since I've dealt with 2 1/2 year olds. However, as soon as my kids were old enough to understand, we started talking about privacy and good manners with regard to our bodies. My children were very verbal, so we probably started talking about it at that age.

The mom may not have phrased it the way I'd phrase it, but I don't think 2 1/2 is too young to start teaching children that touching other people's breasts is inappropriate.

I don't like anything that makes children think their bodies are shameful, either, but I think that has a lot more to do with the overall family attitudes.

If the mom was upset or looked disgusted then perhaps she was inappropriate.

I wouldn't over think it. He's only two.

A two year old girl going around squishing papa's privates, you know she's just figuring out what goes and what doesn't. A little boy, at that age would be the same. They know their moms breast from someone elses, so I would say your friend was correct. Maybe holding your hand or hugging your neck would be a "nice" gesture to encourage. Nothing wrong with breasts but he might doing that to other women too. His mom is teaching him what he may or may not touch on others. As long as she's being NICE about it, I don't see the problem.

I think that at 2.5, it is time to start teaching him what is appropriate and what is not.

Touching womens breasts whenever he is around them is not appropriate at any age. Doesn't mean she is trying to teach him that bodies are bad, just teaching him proper behavior.

I agree with what she did.

What if the child was 5 or 6 or 7? I don't think any of you would think that is appropriate behavior then so when do you think he should be taught that?

When my youngest son was young he always placed his hand on my breast, however I never thought much of it...until he started calling them the "babysitters". Our babysitter at the time was a well endowed teen girl from our church. Needless to say, I was puzzled and a bit concerned. That is until a friend dropped by the next day and picked up Mark. Of course his hand went right to her chest. Then it clicked (and I verified)...our sitter had removed Mark's hand and said, "no, those are the babysitters"! We all got quite a chuckle out of that!

houstonmom -- Tee-hee! Thanks for the funny story. I've heard breasts called a lot of things, but this takes the cake!

I think how she handled it is perfectly appropriate. It ISN'T nice to reach out your hand and put it, purposely, on a woman's breast. Now, you didn't describe exactly how it was. Did it do it to be funny, did he do it intentionally, such as seeing the breasts and purposefully reaching out and laying his hand there? Or was it simply where his hand fell?

All of that matters. But as I read it from you, he reached out and intentionally put his hand on your breast, and then did the same thing, intentionally and almost in response to his hand being removed from your breast, to his mother. He is old enough to start to learn what's acceptable and what's not.

I hardly think that her correction marred him and gave him an idea that a body is something to be ashamed of. She's giving him lessons. (I also don't know what him being adopted has to do with it. He's her son, right?).

I agree with suzieque that I don't see that being an adoptive mother has anything to do with it.

Maybe he was looking for a nice soft pillow or a squishy toy.

That's what all the guys say Jemdandy!

The only reason I mentioned him being adopted was so that you would know that he had not been breast fed by his mom.
I appreciate your opinions. You have given me a new outlook on a topic I could not discuss with friends here because they would all know who I was referring to.

If i were the adoptive mom, I'd be embarassed also. I think what she said was okay. But I might have tried to distract him with a toy or a game (peek-a-boo,etc). Get him laughing and focused on something else.

That 2 to 3 yr old group can embarass their audience. One day, in my youth when I was about 20 yr old, I was striding down the sidewalk when I passed a car with a young couple and child. The child was maybe 2 yrs old and in the arms of the lady; the man was behind the wheel.. The child looked out the open window, pointed his finger at me and said, "Da Da." Such pronouncement caused me to look in the direction of the sound and I saw a change of expressions on the faces of the two adults. I kept on walking, embarrased.

I'd still be interested in knowing how he did it. Intentionally with a mischievous smile? Focusing visually on the breast and reaching out an planting his hand on it? Or simply reaching out and that's where his hand came to rest? To me, that makes a difference. At his age, this child is old enough to be corrected and to understand that it's not ok to do that.

When I've seen breast-fed babies reach for a breast, they do more than place their hand on it. They try to get to it.

This reminds me of my daughter when she was two. Every Sunday after church mother would bring my grandmother out to the farm for dinner. One day, my daughter was sitting on great-grandma's lap and leaned back against her chest. DD's head jerked up, she turned and looked at GG's chest and started poking it. Mother and I burst out laughing because we knew what DD was thinking. At that time I was very thin and hardly had anything and GG was very well endowed older woman who's breasts had gone south. DD must've thought she had pillows in there.

Suzieque, I think he did it out of curiousity.

I am not missting something? Do you think he's obsessed with breasts? I guess I'd have ignored it as his mom, well maybe not ignore, did as little as possible. I might've backed away so his hand couldn't reach you. Something like that. Ignoring behavior you want to go away is the best thing to do. But I don't think breasts are even entering his mind. I't s just the right height for his hand to reach. Probably. Don't worry too much.

On another note, I wouldn't say anything. If there is anything I really didn't like when I was learning to mother/trying to teach, was for someone to say anything like, "Oh, it's ok." right after I said it wasn't ok to my child. It's not ok if I don't want it to be ok. All that did was undermine what I was doing. But that's just my opinion and maybe something to think about. Not to mention, it's her right to raise her child as she sees fit. You'd be surprised how often I've been told that's ok by moms who are now fighting their kids. I'm wondering how much permissiveness plays into their current problems? More food for thought.