Lpink, that is a very nice picture of you. Nice picture of your french toast, too! Glad to hear that you two had a chance to catch up and that Lpink could vent a bit. I've had the "estate plan" conversation with my mom. Thank heavens she is realistic about it all and it wasn't hard. I hope you weren't driving through those horrible storms we had on Sunday. What a mess.

ladies. I hate that things are like this. You are all so right that this guy is a creep. I think he is a control freak with anger management issues too....not good. I have always known mom had issues but I think this is the first time there was a true threat to her safety. With her phone being out we don't hear form her for weeks at a time and it's always in the back of mind that that guy has done something to her. Jonathan isn't as compassionate. He is just concerned with the girls and how this is going to affect them and I don't blame him for his feelings. She has put everybody through the ringer the past few years. Her mother called me last night wanting to know if we had heard from her. Since her phone has been cancelled she hasn't been in contact with any of her family. Her sister has apparently been trying to call her and was freaking out when she couldn't get through. Everyone is expecting the worst. As far as having to follow her around with the girls trick or treating....it won't be an issue. She won't get them. She can't handle them alone and she won't have the BF with her because she knows the girls would mention he was there and that would be the nail in the coffin. Jonathan would cut off the visits totally untill she returned to rehab. He's already bending the rules for her because the original deal was no visiting untill she had completed treatment. Now that she has been give that inch she is trying to get him to allow the BF around the girls....you give her any wiggle room at all and she pushes for more. It's that personality trait that keeps us from doing anything jointly with her. Jonathan and I discussed it more last night after the girls went down for bed. He said he is not making any plans around her. He has no interest in doing the holidays with her. He believes this will just be another case of her getting her cake and eating it too and it will give her the green light to keep up the lifestyle without any consequences. He thinks part of her problem is that so many people have bent over backwards to bail her out everytime she gets into a fix. Basically he wants her to be forced into a position where it is either A)Get it together or B)Have a relationship with her kids...he doesn't think having both should be an option. He feels that she is going to have to hit rock bottom in order to start honest recovery, if she EVER does. He is to the point where he feels the girls are better off without her around so if she gets clean great and if not great. He isn't making any effort to make it easy on her in the meantime. It's sad but he has nothing but utter disgust towards her and the decisions she has made. I guess in the long run we will see how this all turns out. I can personally only see it going one of two ways....one is making up with her mom, moving back here closer to her kids and getting back into rehab and the other....well, the other is kindof obvious at this point. The woman is going to wind up dead. Either by her own hand, an accidental overdose or by an abusive boyfriend. I don't see her going to rehab anytime soon.

I had a total hip replacement in July and did go to a rehab facility, which was great, The hospital social worker asked me for my 1st, 2nd, and 3rd choice. Then its up to which one has room at the time of discharge. What I did beforehand was check out a few of the nearby places I was considering. Two friends had done rehab at one of them right in the neighborhood and highly recommended it. It made me claustrophobic. My surgery was scheduled quickly, so I didn't make formal appointments, just kind of popped in when I could (usually late afternoon, not a busy time for them) just to get a feel for what they were like. They were all good enough to give me a short tour... the rooms for short term rehab, the exercise room, and I asked about meals--where do we eat, the type of menu. I did fill in an application for "the one" I really wanted, and when the SW contacted them, they had a room so I got my 1st choice. I also have Medicare and BCBS. There was a $50/day copay for rehab that Medicare doesn't cover. Came as a surprise, but the place was sooo worth that and more. Doesn't seem to matter if you pick the most or least expensive, the copay is the same. And there is really very little price difference between them! The visiting nurse and PT come to your house when you go home, whether its right from the hospital or do rehab first. You'll do fine.

'When he returns to rehab, my friend is going to need emotional support. I'm really baffled to know what to say. I know just listening is what is probably needed most, but how do I just listen without saying something?' That's the hard bit. When my mother had a bit of free time when her 5 kids had gone to school, she thought she might try her hand at becoming a councillor. She joined a group, headed by a councillor or maybe be was a psychiatrist. I can't remember. He explained that what they had to do, as councillors, was to listen. No talking. They were not to talk. They had to be quiet. The person with the problem was to do the talking, not them. So, the training started. He had them sit there, being silent. And then he asked them questions. (According to my mother.) My mother could not resist answering the questions. And she never became a councillor. I was telling my friend about this and my friend somewhat disagreed with the councillor/psychiatrist. My friend thought that sometimes we can suggest things to help. But I agree with the councillor/psychiatrist. The fact is, we know what we should do. And if someone tells us, then we can feel patronised. The definition of the the word patronise (she said, hoping not to sound patronising) is 'treat with an apparent kindness which betrays a feeling of superiority'. I looked up some synonyms for 'patronise' because I tend to over-use that word, but the definition was so nice that I wanted to include it here. I think that it's soooooo important never to come across that way, especially to someone who is going through something.