I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm guessing when you refer to 'the lifestyle he chose' you might be talking about addiction, but, of course, I'm not sure. But if that's the case, please know that your brother died as a consequence of a terrible disease. People never choose the disease; some are fortunate to choose recovery and when that choice is made, some very few are fortunate to hang onto their recovery one day at a time. Please forgive me if I've presumed something inaccurate. I only mention it because if it's so, part of the pain of the loss can be compounded by the prevalent misunderstanding about this disease. Your brother was not less worthy as a human being. And he was .. and is .. and will be always .. loved by you and your family. I like mariend's suggestion. Writing is helping me with my own losses. I attend Al anon, which helps me with understanding and acceptance and has taught me to live one day at a time. And right now, you are still in shock and will be for some time. Be very gentle with yourself. King Solomon said, "Seal this upon your hearts: Love is as strong as death."

My father died in September, 2006. He had lung cancer, went into remission, then suffered a stroke, and continually weakened. On Labor Day, 2006, he was admitted to the hospital for tests, which revealed that the cancer had returned and there was nothing else to be done. He died at a hospice on September 16th. He never complained, except when he said he knew he wouldn't be going home again and that he didn't want to be alone (we vowed he would never be alone and kept true to that promise.) After the funeral I stayed with Mama to help her with all of the things that needed to be done. The first night I slept in Daddy's bed. I was in a deep sleep and felt the mattress on the side of the bed "give," as if someone was sitting by me. It was so real to me, and didn't scare me, because I felt his presence. Fast forward to last week. Mama came to visit us for the week and we were sitting outside on the patio, talking about Daddy, when all of a sudden, we saw a shooting star. Perhaps we read too much into signs like these, perhaps not. All I know is it gives us such peace, and that's all that matters.

Hi kath, I'm sorry that your Dad has this heartache to deal with, but without his brother recognizing him, it's been a problem for a time and this will put an end to that ongoing heartache. I hope that you can call and talk frequently for the next while - does he have skype or an equivalent? It would likely be helpful if he could see your face, especially moving. Sorry as well that your family has had these disruptions: it's best to get such issues resolved: life is too short for us to let ourselves become prisoners of such issues to the point that it causes a rupture in our relations with out family - our supposed-to-be loved ones. (((((kathsgrdn and bereft family))))) ole joyful

Thanks for all the wonderful posts. My husband sends his sincere thanks to everyone. We decided to be safe and wait until the weather cleared up here. It was pretty bad last night and lots of wind with the water. Right now the sun is shining not sure how long but we will be leaving soon. Our kids and grandson are really getting hit hard right now they are in the Memphis area and Mississippi. They have decided to wait until tomorrow to drive because it's way too dangerous now. Thanks again and we appreciate the good travels wishes.