I sure did NOT promise to obey and we did not have a unity candle.

I made a point not to promise to obey. :)

Are you kidding,,they have perverted the wedding vows so bad now that its a wonder they don't say,

"I promise to love and honor till the first time I get bored and wanna try something else"

I'm with olgardener...in 1966, the Catholic church still had "to honor and obey" in the bride's vows. The priest said those words, and I repeated "to honor". Never said "obeyed".

A few of my friends noticed and we had a laugh, priest(who was a HS boyfriend of mother's), mother or MIL never said a word about it.

Second time around, 2 years ago, The word wasn't even in the vows. Church removed the word years ago.

In 1966 "Obey" was in the Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian and civil vows. See a pattern? In 1966 if you had been honest and just asked can we exchange obey for honor or cherish, you could have. No one gave it much thought until about then. Everything is not a conspiracy. I cannot read all of the original post that stupid red advertising is covering it.

Wedding vows have not been perverted in the least!

People take vows. They either honor them, or they don't. It's not like cheating started in the last 30 years. It's not like dissatisfaction in a marriage started in the last 30 years. It's always happened.

But people do have more options now - including divorce. I've been with one man for more than 30 years, and married for 26. Yippee for me. He was married before, and has 2 children. Neither DH, his first wife, her second DH, nor I, consider that marriage a failure. It ran its course, they grew apart. They weren't exactly friends in the beginning of the divorce, but we all are now. They were always united in caring for the 2 children, and they have hosted our son several times on vacation trips they were taking. And they four of us get together occasionally, and enjoy each others' company.

My mother was with my father for 20 years, and he was completely nasty - to her. She finally divorced him when I was 17. Hooray for her!! She's now been happily married for more than 30 years to someone who loves and cherishes her. My father also found someone to love and be loved by, and he treated her very well, and stayed married until he died more than 25 years later.

You don't always marry the right person the first time. Marriage should be a commitment, but it shouldn't be a life sentence.

Divorce can be such a blessing.

Read the post I just did about old Uncle Enoch and his beautiful young wife "Addie" (my great-great Aunt). Apparently, he wanted out of the marriage but didn't see a way clear, and 29-year-old Addie died under "mysterious circumstances."

Divorce *is* a much better option than a life sentence, especially if that life sentence is pronounced by a 53-year-old husband on a 29-year-old wife.

Rose

Thanks for sharing your stories, Mary. I needed to see your last line, even though deep down I've suspected that could be the reason why I'm having so much difficulty making my own marriage work, for some reason seeing it in black and white helped it to lodge in my brain.

When I married, our JP changed the word "obey" to "treat with courtesy and respect".

Ours were short and sweet.It's worked pretty good for all these years!
Having said that, I went to a wedding a few years ago where she had to take a vow to allow the husband to be the ruler of the home, she had to agree to SUBMIT to his decisions. Her responses to all the vow were "I will submit."
I almost came off my chair I was so upset. Different strokes I guess..apparently it was going to work for them.

I have a friend who is in her mid-70s and I assume they have been married for approximately 50 years and she told the pastor of her Methodist church that she would not vow to "obey". That was OK with the pastor. It gave us all a laugh when she told us that because we thought that did not become popular until the 70s.

So...nobody wants to address the earlier bride's promise to "...be bonny and buxom..."? I thought it was cool that Elizabeth, 'the virgin queen', was in charge when that part was removed. I see that whereas now 'buxom' refers to a woman who is big-busted, in Middle English it mean humble and obedient. (Here we go again!)

DH and I were married 'below the altar' since I was not joining the Roman Catholic faith. I still had to promise beforehand not to try to disuade him from church teachings and to raise any children in that faith.

DH disuaded himself, despite my reminding him to attend mass, and we didn't baptise our son. At my urging, DS joined the RC church before marrying our dear DIL. I couldn't see that working if he didn't; hers is a huge, extended Polish-American family, and she isn't 'buxom' in the M.E. sense! lol

I was at a wedding a couple years ago where the preacher was talking to the bride and counseling her that in order to keep a happy husband, it was her duty to keep the house in order, keep herself attractive to him and raise well-behaved children. I couldn't even tell you what the husbands duty was...I was too astounded to be hearing him say it!

Salgal I've been to weddings just like this within the past year. I know to many women who have taken vows such as this.

It was a long time ago. I do not believe I promised to "obey."

I don't remember what Sue and I promised - it was the service in our church's service book ...

... but I don't think that it included, " ... obey ..." (on the part of either).

ole joyful

Well said Mary :)

Our vows are my favorite memory of our wedding. They were so beautiful.

"With this ring, I give to you my promise that from this day forward you shall never walk alone.
May my heart be your shelter.
And my arms be your home.
May God bless you always.
May we walk together through all things.
May you feel deeply loved, for indeed you are.
May you always see your innocence in my eyes.
With this ring, I give you my heart.
I have no greater gift to give.
I promise I shall do my best.
I feel so honored to call you husband.
I feel so blessed to call you mine.
May we feel this joy forever.
I thank God
I thank you
Amen"

Not at all traditional, but I wouldn't say perverted.
And no obey! :) We didn't have a unity candle, but we did do a Hawaiian blessing where we drank water from the same glass then offered water back to the earth. We were outside. DH is part Hawaiian.