"Friends", huh? There are those people out there that will just say any old thing that pops into their heads without thinking. I try not to have those types of people as friends! Whatever...they clearly have no taste. Your cabinets are gorgeous. We must simply pity them for their lack of style.

I would think of lots of clever things for the next several days that I "should have said" to them at the time. :-) In reality I would have said that we ordered it that way intentionally so we could have a unique and beautiful space that was really 'us.'

Don't think people didn't give me weird looks whenever I said we'd have 4 colors of cabinets, 3 backsplashes, and 3 countertops...

It will be gorgeous and they'll just be jealous...Or never understand. But that's OK, because you'll love it everytime you walk into the room. If you want to think of it that way, it's the best revenge. :-D

I wonder if there was a tinge of envy.....

Is your countertop on yet? Paint? Backsplash? Handles?It's not until all those things are done does it seem to all pull together. We had friends that didn't get our pantry wall until all the handles were on (who would have thought that?!)

Also, I'm finding that people are not as caught up in kitchens as much as I am - they don't get it. We on this site are quite a bit more into their kitchens than the average person.

Enjoy your lovely kitchen! It's a beauty! (love the colour and style of your cabinets and your island!)
Maria

You have to go with that old saying "there's no accounting for taste". And, I'm learning lately that people just say insensitive things. Your kitchen looks beautiful -I love the black island. Try not to let it bother you.

Thank you all!!! My DH and I are sitting here trying to think of something clever to say.. I must agree, they might just be envious.. The funny thing is they are friends but not good enough friends (or at least we don't think) to have given such an opinion (i don't think too many of our good friends would have said that even if they felt it).. but we love it.. and I know once they see the full put together kitchen they may regret it!!!
Thanks for making me smile!! :)

Okay, here are some snappy comebacks (which of course you can never actually use):

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

I see the wheel is spinning, but the hamster looks dead.

If you had another brain, it would be lonely.

I would have squinted at the cabs and then looked shocked and said "Oh no you are right they DON'T match....grabbed my DH's arm and said "Honey they DON'T match....you know the drill and just kept exclaiming and then threaten to sue the idiots who installed the cabs.

As everyone said there is no accounting for dumb. c

unfortunately i can believe it! when my dh and i bought our first home -a 100 year old gem we were looking forward to renovating, dh's brother says, "i'm surprised you bought this house. i figured you could have afforded to get something new."

your friends are either rude, clueless or too stupid to know the difference.
don't give them another thought. your kitchen is lovely!

Cakelady reminds me of a lyric from a great song: "If there's a void behind your face why not rent out the vacant space." Song is Life is hard, but Life is Hardest When You're Dumb.

What I've found is that people will blurt out anything about something that confuses them. If one is wearing something odd, people will compliment it because they don't know how to process it.

In this case, black is so obviously different from cinnamon, it sounds like they were really confused. Like, how come you were showing them happily when there was an obvious--to them--mistake. With a little subtlety, they could have said something like, "I've never seen it where the island didn't match the other cabinets. How did that come about?" Much more polite. But, in my experience people just blurt when they're overwhelmed.

So cheer yourselves with the knowledge that your stylish, beautiful new kitchen is so impressive and interesting that it has left them gobsmacked with their manners gone a-beggin'.

This has happened to me also and it was positively hilarious since our perimeter is white and the island a deep mahogany so it was obviously intentional. The counter tops are also different---quartzite on the island and a dark green granite on the perimeter. On our first tour for relatives jaws dropped, eyes popped, and I was asked if the cabinet maker would be back to "fix" the cabinets. I just explained that I'm a bit eccentric (they already know this) and wrote it off as they are obviously not TKO or they would have realized that an unmatched kitchen has been very popular for a while. I still smile when I think of my very German cousin-in-law telling me that I shouldn't worry but tell the cabinet maker, "Achtung! You can get this right! Start now without delay! LOL. She really said this with exclamation marks and probably all caps too.

Cakelady...I'm rofl! Great lines! We had friends say the same to us when they saw our dark green stained peninsula...had no idea that islands, etc could be a different color. I suggested they look at some current kitchen magazines and didn't take offense...but the op's friends' comments sounded somewhat ruder !

Obviously you're friend (besides being rude and not realizing) are not TKO and don't know squat about kitchens. Wonder what they would say about mine? (3 paint and 1 stain on cabs with three counter materials.) Don't let it bother you. They don't know any better.

blech. With a rude question like that, I'd be tempted to say.

"Have you looked at a kitchen design magazine or walked through a home center lately?"

Your cabinets are lovely and your finished kitchen is going to be gorgeous!

I agree with Allison0704, that your friends are not TKO and did not realize that the latest trend is that the island be a different color. I would print out color pictures from the Kitchen forum and tell them nicely (since they seem clueless)that they may need to be updated on the latest kitchen trends and your kitchen is trendy and you and your husband are loving the way it is turning out.

THank you everyone for your responses.. The more I think about it and read what you all had to say, the more I think they just don't know any better. I do wish I was clever enough to have made a comment like "your kidding.. I didn't even notice that, we better call the cabinet maker and sue him".. LOL;.. Unfortunately, I am not that witty, but if it comes up again (IT BETTER NOT FROM ANYONE ELSE) I will!!

Funny thing is, I didn't really tell my DH I was doing it until about a week ago, b/c in our new house build the kitchen and master bath were the 2 rooms we agreed he didn't care what I did, he trusted me. When I told him what I decided to do (only b/c we owed the cabinet maker a little xtra for the painted island), he was concerned and confused, until he saw it today and LOVED IT!! I guess when you are not in the know that would be a common reaction...

Thanks again for making me smile!!!! I can't wait to show you the pictures when it is complete!! Granite template is taking place on THursday am.. the end is in sight!
-Elissa

My friends are so sick of hearing about my kitchen I doubt there is any part of it they are not expecting! In fact, anyone who will stand still long enough or read any of my emails gets an ear full! This is the most exciting thing I've done in the past 6 years so everyone gets a copy of the new chapter. When I moved to a farm at age 56 I pretty much took every element of surprise away from everything I did after that. I think my response would have been, "sure did! I was afraid they might not install two different colors without a phone call to me but they must have realized I was up to speed on current kitchen styles." What could they respond to that without looking foolish?

Your friends are not TKO, and obviously don't know the latest trends. Just imagine my surprise when I heard what the TKO gardenwebbers said about my 80's oak cabinets! (same thing, in reverse, LOL!)

Hi Gillylilly, I totally know the feeling of being in an apt. We move in August and are just starting the kitchen. Our windows just arrived and the roof paper is going on tomorrow. How long did it take once you ordered your cabinets and how long were you in the apt. I can't wait to get back home. kellykath

Oh GillyLilly,

You are doing the right thing. Posting here lets you vent
without having to face them. And it shares the sitution in
such a way that you can reflect back to see what they
were intending. How others might view it too. And lets you
grow from their error.

Do what you are doing. Rise above it.
Know that they either made a mistake in their comment
because of their own lack of knowledge or they were trying
to be mean. Either way, Rise above the comments and show
how truly wonderful you are.

Be the woman of grace, elegance and gentility by standing
tall and knowing you chose your kitchen because you love
it. Enjoy the excitement and ignore the negativity.

If they are friends worth keeping they will be happy for
your happiness and say positive things in the future.
And never forget those of us on Garden Web are
Thrilled for your new cabinets and the design you choose.
Cheering you on.
~boxerpups

I am obviously in the minority here because I do think that these are the kind of comments true friends make - honest ones. It was clear that in their eyes it didn't make sense that the island was a different color. Unless you have a kitchen blog/mag addition like most of us in the site do, you are probably not aware of the latest and what we think is the greatest trends in kitchen design.

A cousin just installed glazed cream cabs and all I could think when I saw them is that if you did not know that glazing is a current trend, they look dirty. Obviously they are not but unless you are up on the trends one wouldn't know.

I do go back to my original statement in that friends are honest with each other. If you disagreed with what was said or do not believe they understood what is now a "trend" and you value their friendship, you don't take offense but you talk it out and explain. At least that is what I do with my friends - you can't always agree - and you can't always expect them to understand what is on your mind.

I meant addiction, but those who are smitten' knew that, didn't ya'?

gilylily, I just had to share my story with you just to make you laugh. When we were in the middle of our kitchen remodel we had a major plumbing/sink disaster. I had to call a plumber because it was beyond what DH could handle. The plumber came right out and did a great job and I praised him like you would a Nobel Peace Prize Winner He then handed me a big fat bill which I was shocked at but gladly paid. He then looked around and said "are they going to come back and fix that ?" I looked at him puzzled. He said "That island doesn't match the rest of your cabinets"
I was shocked and my initial thought was "Get out of my house!" Moral of the story even though your plumber is a master at his trade never let him design your cabinets! LOL!

"It was clear that in their eyes it didn't make sense that the island was a different color. Unless you have a kitchen blog/mag addition like most of us in the site do, you are probably not aware of the latest and what we think is the greatest trends in kitchen design."

I agree, some just don't know. There's a lot of this stuff I wouldn't know about if not for this forum.

My sister (and BIL) built a new house a few yrs ago. And she still told me I was nuts last spring to be checking this stuff out MONTHS ahead of time. Really?

When I was looking at silestone and really liked 2 of them she said 'Don't even THINK about putting a different countertop on the island!' I just laughed at her and said 'I'm not, I'm not planning on an island. I plan to use my old kitchen table, but i might use one of them somewhere else in the house.' I didn't pay attention to her reaction to that... but i'm sure she rolled her eyes - whether I just missed it or she purposely turn her head. lol!

I'm sure the idea that someone would choose to not have an island was just as foreign to her as someone choosing to use 2 different counter tops in 1 kitchen would be.
Obviously she figured if any one she knew would do that, it'd be me!

Using my old kitchen table/bench/chair - would be another set of eye rolls!

Thank you all again for your responses.. I do agree, not everyone is up to date with the latest kitchen trends and TRUE friends would give their opinion.. BUT. what makes me upset with freinds and family is when you do something that you put your heart into and are clearly very excited and proud of how everything has turned out, why would someone say something like that AFTER the fact, AFTER everything was installed? Perhaps if I has asked for their opinion before the install I would feel otherwise b/c I was looking for an opinion.. After the fact it is hurtful.. I have very different taste than many of my friends and my family for that matter with home design, but I would never question their taste b/c it is THEIR taste.. I guess that was the hurtful part of all this.. OH Well I guess I just need to chalk it up as one of life's lessons!!!

I am obviously in the minority here because I do think that these are the kind of comments true friends make - honest ones.

I think it is okay to make those comments during the planning stage, but once the kitchen is in and the owner loves it, a friend should zip it if she doesn't like it. What good can come from a critical "honest comment" at that point?

My neighbor came in yesteray, and asked when we were painting the rest of the cabinets....(this project has been going on since May)

I have already painted the dark oak cabinets a white, and we added very dark stained cherry cabinets for the island and the pantry wall.....

I just looked at him and told him he has no clue to what is in style. Ugh. My dh reminded me that they don't really have much taste anyway!

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who got that reaction to the mixed cabinets.

I would have been fine with what they said and, as others have suggested, just written it off as lack of TKO-osity, except for the part where they said "did you realize." Did I realize that some of my cabinets are stained and some of them are painted black?!?! How could anyone not realize that?? At that point, they aren't commenting on my taste, they are commenting on my intelligence or, perhaps, my visual acuity. I would wonder just how stupid (or blind) they thought I was.

I would have said to her--I guess you haven't been keeping up with the latest kitchen trends and offered to look at her kitchen to help her update it!

While she came across as catty and tactless, I think a lot of what she said was ignorance on her part rather than outright malice.

Jealous I think.

I think you have real cyber friends here! The responses have been great. Plllog's comments about people blurting out anything when they are confused - so true. Boxerpup's comments - rise above it - good advise. Trailrunner's, (hi C), running dialogue - oh my gosh they don't match, honey!! - very funny.
File your experience with the rest of the crazy things that have happened during the project.

The night before we were supposed to move back into out newly remodeled house, I met with the cleaner to review what need to be done that night before we returned in the morning. All was fine until the end when she asked, " Why would you pick white marble for your island when your perimeter is a different color and stone? It's not the same at all." I nearly burst into tears! I love marble, and in particular this piece which had this outrageous swirl that perfectly matched the end radius. I had spent weeks looking for just the right slab and convincing myself that I could live with the inevitable etching only to have the cleaner question my decision. Instead I answered with the only possible response, "I simply love it. Make sure you use only water on the marble - no cleaners."

In the end, people don't have to like, understand, or agree with your kitchen choices. If you love it, go for it!

Honesty? Sure, they said exactly what they were thinking without considering how it would make another feel and tempering their response with kindness. Their words were rude, cruel, and unhelpful. That's the kind of honesty I will happily do without. But who hasn't had those moments when surprise makes manners jump the track and produce words best left unsaid instead of sentiments conveyed more thoughtfully?

Boxerpups said it best in her always poetic prose. Rise above it and be a woman of grace, elegance, and gentility. And know that you're creating a kitchen you love.

What would I say? It would depend on the exact words and the tone with which the friends' comments were said. Not having been there, I don't know if the comments were mocking or sincere.

I think at this point I am over it and moving on. I will most likely never bring it up, since, as i mentioned, they are not really good friends of ours.

At the end of the day, I LOVE our kitchen- I can only imagine what they will say when they see the 2 different granites but oh well..

Thanks to all for your comforting words and helping me realize it isn't worth fretting about!!! I am going to spend the next 12 days enjoying my 2 little princess while they have off from school and continue enjoying my soon to be new home!!
I hope everyone has a very happy, healthy and safe holiday and New year!!!
-Elissa

Boxerpups, what wise advice you give. I'm going to print it out and put it where I can read it before I show my new kitchen to my family. We haven't even broken ground on the new addition yet, but I know for a fact that there will be comments about choices we make that are not 'standard'. LOL, thanks! And gillylily, gorgeous, gorgeous kitchen. Just smile and come here to vent. I know I will. :-)

Enjoy the new space,
Cj

I think they didn't "like" it. Sometimes we don't like things that are different and it takes time to get used to something different.
When I was sorting out all of the pictures of kitchens I loved, I learned that the ones with an island different from the perimeter were my favorite.
Your friends may have thought that the nice way to bring up the topic of "why did you choose that?" was to say it must have been a mistake! LOL
Maybe a good response would be, "Yes it is different. We planned it that way. They will be tied together by style or countertop or it will look more cohesive when the kitchen is finished. I know everyone may not like it, but we do. Give them permission to not like it and maybe one day they will see the beauty in it too, or maybe they will go home to an out of date kitchen and never understand or care. It is fun when others can share your vision, but not everyone will.

I guess I just didn't read the comments as being rude. I think I would have had a good laugh with them and said something like... "Come on now, did you really think I was that blind?" and then without too much detail because they are obviously not up on "todays" trends, give them a brief explanation of why you made your choices. Could they have been envious - sure. Could they simply have been curious - you betcha'.

Can't wait to read about Johnny Grey - sounds like my kinda man.
DesertSteph I am with ya'. Old farmers table for me too.

Merry Christmas all!

I had the same discussion several years ago when we put in natural maple custom cabs. I had wanted painted wood, but I fell in love w/ the natural maple grain look, so I stuck with it. My neighbor came after all was done and said "this will look great once it's all stained!" Uh, no.... it is finished the way it is. This was the same neighbor who had never heard of the idea of doing an island in a different color until I showed her some magazines. I decided against it for us, but she was pretty clueless. People just know what they know, like my mom who can't understand why people would put IN hardwood floors; when she was growing up, hardwood was for people too poor to afford to put wall to wall carpeting over it, so to her, she still thinks it's substandard. Interesting....

Sorry just needed to vent for a sec.. What would you say if someone said that to you?

Here's to you, and
Here's to me.
May we never
Disagree.
But if we do,
SCREW YOU!
Here's to me!

About the time they're paying the bills, they can make the design decisions.

Thank you Bill for making me LMAO!!!!! CHEERS and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!
-Elissa

Before I started taking classes at Palomar College, I thought wood was something you stained. If you wanted walnut, you couldnÂt possibly afford it, so you bought birch and stained it. Well, as it turns out, walnut is only a little more in price than the birch, and if you figure in the amount of time it takes me to stain it and such, it pretty much comes out to the same thing. And then I learned that, basically, when youÂre staining, youÂre using a product that is suspended in a mineral solution, or as my instructor told us, "youÂre rubbing dirt on your wood!" And finally, I learned that wood in its natural state is such a glorious thing! From that day to this I havenÂt stained anything.

But when I was first "elevating my consciousness" I made a pine wall cupboard for my brother-in-law, which I gave a natural finish, just clear varnish. When we opened our gifts that year, his 90-year-old grandmother croaked, "Ya forget to stain it!"

Never attribute to malice what can be attributed to ignorance.

I try to remember this and smile and say something kind when people seem offensive to me. You'd be surprised how often they come around; it's almost like a kind response snaps them back on the right track.

When it doesn't work, then you know it was malice.

And your somewhat-friends could be diamonds in the rough. You just never know what pleasant surprises the future holds.

I once unintentionally said something very stupid to a new acquaintance. I am eternally grateful that she chose to let it go and years later we are good friends.

Reminds me of the time when I was in my 20's and I went to a specialty lingerie shop and was fitted for an expensive push up bra. The first time I wore it, my best friend pulled me aside and said in hushed scandalized tones " I think your bra is too small. It's pushing everything up and giving you cleavage."

But honestly, I think you should be happy. If it's something every Joe on the block recognizes as the "in thing" then pretty soon its going to be the "out" thing.

gillylily, where can I find pics of your kitchen? How do I find your previous post?