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lyvia_gw

vent circles and internal drama

lyvia
13 years ago

I thought I would have time to concentrate and finalize my plans over the holidays - the bank needs to appraise the plans for the construction loan, and that needs to happen in Jan if we are to dig in March.

But I got caught up in kitchen layout. I think I did a very human annoying thing - letting other people's ideas percolate until they bubbled out of my own head. No idea anymore who first suggested moving the doorway or adding a table.

In particular, I added a table about 7x2 feet against a wall. We can do four corner legs plus a leg in the very middle. I ordered samples of formica 180fx laminate, so it won't be so heavy. So I emailed this off to the builder.

(obstacle first - I am no longer sure of the kitchen designer's name. She came here once a few weeks ago, and did lovely preliminary drawings, but I have no email. She works for the builder, so no huge problem, just awkward. I keep wondering if she is on this forum! Double awkward!)

So the builder and I left messages yesterday, but never spoke. Now I am thinking that I tried to squeeze that table in that spot last summer, and the builder had an issue with it. Triple awkward. Drat my hazy memory. I guess threads from last summer are long gone. DH usually supports me, but he is being hands off (He is lost in video games until his new job starts Monday.)

Now I feel like I am being the demanding client. Or maybe I pay them enough that going back is my privilege. Maybe the dread I feel is that this is the first of a thousand details that will slip from my grasp until all I can do is try to wash and feed at least the kid every day until this is over. Or maybe this is a hormonal moment, and a cup of tea is the solution. It likely is the latter; the more I write it out, I see that the obstacles don't justify the feelings of dread. Nothing is really wrong, except I feel awkward, indecisive, and forgetful, thus inadequate. Beating myself up again. Yup, tea. Maybe call my mother.

And in the end, (as long as the plumbing holds out) It doesn't much matter if we dig in March or April or May. Deep breathing ... I need to go back to reviewing plans/specs for the rest of the addition, and making a written list of changes.

Thanks for being there! I've never done this before, and it helps so much just to read and vent.

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