I've been living with some of my choices 'in my head' for so long, I feel like I'm already tired of them, and ready for a do-over. I literally have dreams about flooring, light fixtures, ceiling treatments, and NOT in a good way, either.

For the most part though, when I finally see some of it realized in the real world, I remember why I loved it in the first place. I could have made a lot of these decisions in 10 minutes flat. I argue them over in my head for week, look at a hundred options, and end up right back where I started. But if I hadn't tortured myself [and those around me] for a good long time first, I'd always assume that I'd overlooked a better option.

There have been a couple shifts-- less red in the wood tones, lighter floors, darker walls.

When I have a hard time choosing between two options, it usually means I'll be pretty satisfied with either one.

I think the thing is you will make mistakes AND overlook opportunities AND not find out about materials or resources until it's too late. That's a given. Get over it.

So, you let that stuff go right off the bat and look at what's going on. How does it reflect your design? Are you thrilled to see it come alive? I hope you are! If not, how can your team (your GC, your KD, your cabinet person) modify it? And, then, what's the next thing that needs your attention.

Make them do what they agreed to do but be flexible about the little stuff that will drive you crazy so you can put your foot down about the big stuff that interfers with the workability and the larger aesthetic. And problems have the potential to be the seeds for very creative things.

I'm normally a very type A personality. But I decided before this ever began that it was going to be dirty and soul wrenching and heartbreaking and I wasn't going to let any of that derail me. Best decision I've ever made and, really, not so hard to do as I anticipated. I just embraced the chaos and everything that emerges from it is a piece of the dream falling together. I've had my days when I thought I was going to cry over where the toaster or the phone was and I didn't think I could take it another day. But when I looked around at where we'd started and where we'd come the crazy came in 24 hr. bouts and then went.

Hope you've got a good team to fall back on and sound ideas off of. I nixed the KD before we got started. My GC is a treasure beyond measure. He recommended the cabinet jerk who's strung this out unconscionably. But so long as I can count on me and the GC that's 2 out of 3 and, as the song says, 2 out of 3 ain't bad! ;>

Take lots of pictures of what you're replacing. Take lots of every stage of demolition and construction so you can see the progress and appreciate what things you don't see are really very important and can be time consuming. Then look at them to reassure yourself that even if X isn't exactly what it looked like in your imagination it's a world and a half better than what you started with. And that even the stuff that bogs down eventutally moves ahead again. Then print them out and stick them somewhere to be discovered the next time you do a renovation or for the next homeowner.

The process is just part of what you "pay" to get what you want.

monicakm, many times I wouldn't have recognized "Perspective" if he had walked up to me with his name on a sign around his neck.

Now that we're in, we love our house. Doesn't mean we don't see things we wish we had foreseen and done differently, but that's okay. Some we're going to change later, some we're not.

I headed at least one post on these forums, and probably more, with "horrible mistake" (all made by me, I thought). Don't let your confidence disappear. How about posting some pix so we can all admire your work? (or give you suggestions if you want them -- I don't know if I could have gotten through our build without the folks on these forums).

Monica,

If it makes you feel any better, sounds like you're WAY ahead of me- we started in May (well, truthfully, started in December with laundry room- and basement demo), but the all-encompassing, in-your-face, what else is more important, can't think straight anymore, can I just curl up and go to sleep somewhere clean and not dusty, part began in May. WE STILL haven't moved back into kitchen- may be as close as one to two weeks away with that- but THEN still have a fair bit of custom work to finish it off.

We can't have company over, cuz the only place to sit except for our Master bed is one couch in LR (everything else is piled up and covered with plastic) It's actually kinda funny- DH and I have to curl up together in front of the Plasma TV and whole neighbourhood can see (if they're interested :)

All the above posters had good points too- I am going to take Oruboris's "When I have a hard time choosing between two options, it usually means I'll be pretty satisfied with either one" to heart- that sounds reassuring.

And imrainey sounds pretty sensible- and the kind of straight forward advice that we all need- I know when my Mom was in the midst of building her brand new Gorgeous top of the line house I was losing patience with what I perceived was her basically negative attitude about all her choices (little did I know)- I think susanka is right- we do have to learn to recognize perspective-

It can perhaps be disheartening in some ways when you see what gorgeous options people here have been fortunate enough to have in their homes- but we can't have it all, and I know what you have created is a big improvement over what you had- so pat yourself on the back (if you can reach! :>)and yes, please post some pics so we can all pat you on the back too!

DH and I called it ANALYSIS PARALYSES. so go with your gut and it'll all work out in the end. Are there things we could have done differently and better? SURE but we love our kitchen :-)

Monica,

God bless you and your battle with MS. I participate in the local MS 150 bike tour and feel strongly about raising funds and finding a cure for this disease.

Now, as far as kitchens go, we are all lucky to have the resources to enjoy the transformation. It's a dicey process and everything may not measure up to your expectations. Let this not deter you or question your resolve. Make your decisions and stick to your guns. We *all* fret over our design choices, you are not alone. See this one through like all the rest and move on to living. Just think about the end result of the reno. You will smile the day the punch list is completed. Live NOW.

Cheers,
DD

Monica--I have been feeling exactly the same way this week! Things are finally getting installed that I chose months ago, and now I'm wondering why I chose them and second guessing everything. A friend helped me by pointing out that there are many good choices in every category, but I had to pick one. It doesn't mean it's the wrong choice, just because it could be something different. I think so much of the second guessing comes from the sheer number of options we have for countertop, tile, floor etc. This is my second remodel, and just in the space of 10 years, so many additional products have become available.
I can't yet see the end in sight, but it was nice to see my children actually smile rather than complain when they saw the house looking a little bit like a real house this week!

Hang in there, Monica! I found these periods of self-doubt to ebb and flow in cycles. Sometimes even a few hours or a day thinking about something else can help. Go outside, look at the trees, that kind of thing.

Remodeling is a hellish combination of decisions. Some of them will end in at least a little regret, and it's good to know that going in so you don't take it too seriously.

Oh, and why am I so familiar with Mr. Perspective these day? Because I'm inches away from the finish line. During the remodel itself, he was often nowhere to be found.

Good luck. Trust your instincts. I'm sure you'll be fine.

Pam

Yes, of course. Daily. I could just second most of what everybody has said already. But if I'm not intruding on you here, I'd like to make a couple of comments.

You sure have bitten off a lot to handle at one time. And people I know who have MS, or other energy-draining situations, usually do better when they limit what they take on. So, I can see that you are really stretched with what you have going on. Just bear that in mind and cut yourself a LOT of slack.

You are spending a good bit of money just from what I've seen in your bath. What about bringing in a kitchen/bath designer right now to help you? And don't fight with them; they might be able to come up with some fresh ideas to remedy your design "mistakes", if they are mistakes.

The other thing is my personal situation. We're finishing up the design and specs for a new house. I'm supposed to be finalizing some selections, budget, etc. this week. Into the midst of that have come 3 stray cats I'm caring for, trying to rescue and get vetted/neutered, etc., before cold weather sets in or the female gets pregnant. So far one was found to have FIV/AIDS, so I had to have him euthanized. I've got the other 2 to handle tomorrow; praying that they're negative on the AIDs.

There is nothing quite so perspective-making as life and death and having to make those choices. My neighbors have a wonderful new baby boy. And I'm seeing the fall leaf color here in all its glory. The cycle of life and all that. Unfortunately I lose sight of that, by not scheduling enough "spiritual", shall we say, occasions into my week. And then it becomes much, much easier to partially lose my mind, decide that my cabinet handle selections are just ALL WRONG or some such. And that it matters a lot. In a hundred years it won't matter. It hardly matters now.

I say that to you in hopes of encouraging you to take a little break from your decorating and plan to do some things that help you to reconnect with a larger sense of what life is about. Nothing quite so perspective-making as that.

Thank you to all who read and took the time to reply this tread. Looks like Mr. Perspective can be sneaky and hard to find for a lot of folks :o

imrainey, I too am a type A personality and I would imagine most people here are...that's why we're here. How I'd LOVE to "get over it". Matter of fact, my mother called this morning and asked "how are you today",I said "I'm OK", she said "are you really or are you just saying that?" Now HOW can she tell with just 2 little 2-letter words that I'm not really "OK"? :o Long story short, she says I'm too sick to get this worked up over such insignificant things...that it's really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things...just do it and let it go (or "get over it" as you said). Wish it was that simple.

We don't have a KD and DH and I are the GC. My husband is a floor contractor for a design center. Just as the kitchen remodel 5 years ago, we're on a tight budget and if it wasn't for the fact the DH can do most of the work, we wouldn't be able to afford to do this. One of the designers that DH works for helped me with some choices. My BIG concern right now is my master bathroom color choices. She (designer) *said* she loved the ideas and colors for the bathroom. Link below to current discussion. It was actually HER idea to run the blue tile around the backsplash to continue it all around the bathroom (vs using the granite as backsplash material). I asked the forums before doing this what they thought...no negative remarks. Now that I'm questioning my choices, people are chiming in with unfavorable remarks :( Thought I had it figured out last night when I decided to go ahead and use granite as the backsplash. Can't because of the faucet hole placement.

raehelen, I hear ya about not being able to have company to the house. Actually *company* I could do without...it's my precious 17 month old grandbaby that can't come over unless there are at least 2 of us to corral him to one room...NOT easy and certainly not fair to him. That's probably what hurts the most :(

diy_dirk, thank you for your contribution towards finding a cure for MS! I guess I'm one of the "lucky" ones so far. I've had 4 major attacks since 91. I've gotten over each one but each one has left its' permanent "mark" on me since you never fully recover from an attack. "See this one through like all the rest and move on to living."...did you talk to mom this morning? (g)

houscrzy, you are SO right about the amt of items from which we have to choose! It's mind boggling...that's it, my mind is "boggled"...WAY boggled! :o I hope all of you are right. I will be more than happy to admit, "you were right, I was wrong to be so worried". But, my worse fears are being validated on the bath forum so we'll see.

Hey pammo!! A fellow long time TKOer :) Two kitchens in 3-4 years?? Am I gonna be showcasing your NEW kitchen on another magazine cover? (g) I think your first beautiful kitchen is still on my website. I can't wait to see your new creation :) Speaking of magazine covers, I did one with my precious grandbaby a couple of months ago. Hope no one minds that I embedded this picture (and yes, I know I misspelled "tattoo"
Not my pool, it's my parent's home.

pinktoes, trust me, had I had ANY idea this was going to be as difficult physically as well as emotional as it has been, I wouldn't have insisted we start such a massive undertaking. The other remodels weren't near this stressful. We don't have the kind of money to invest in professional designers. I ran into no resistance (till now) on these forums when I asked for opinions. "The cycle of life and all that"...that really hits home. I strive for that simplicity and pure and utter joy of life. I don't like being so all consumed in decisions that, in the grand scheme of things, shouldn't really be worthy of so much concern and energy. I guess that's another reason I'm beating myself up. I need a "grandbaby fix" to remind me what's really important! Course, spending so much of DH's hard earned money and screwing it up is important too! OK, I'm going to grandbaby's house for some much needed "perspective-making" (g)
Thanks again to ALL that offered their take on the situation and shared their own stories.
Here is a link to some remodel (still in progress) photos.
http://www.pbase.com/monicakm/kitchen_remodel&page=6
Monica

Here is a link that might be useful: Tile Backsplash Layout (Bathroom)

Hey - don't let the opinions of posters here get you down! For every one that loves your choices, ten others won't like them. That's life. We don't all like the same things (thank goodness!).

Do you like your choices? Of course we all see things we should have/could have done differently. That's the nature of taking on a big project. But are you generally pleased with the way things are coming together? It's your opinion, and that of other people living in the house, that matters. Not what a bunch of folks on the internet think!

Can you take a breather for a day or two and go off and do something just for yourself that has NOTHING to do with renovating?

Sometimes we all just have to take a little break to find our perspective. Go hang out with a friend who has really bad decorating taste and you'll feel much better! Lol! ;-)

monicakm: Can you link to the thread where you asked for opinions about your bathroom color scheme? I've searched and read all your posts and can't find it. I want to see if I was less than honest with you about it then. Because I know people are reluctant to be honest; it hurts feelings and gets you attacked. So usually they just edge around it by saying "whatever makes YOU happy is what you should choose." And I'm wondering now if that's the best form of feedback to give each other here.

The other thing I've seen here is that people do try to stick to the specific questions asked, rather than comment on things the poster has no issues with. In your case, for instance, all the questions I could find of yours related to the position/placement of the wall tiles and backsplash. Not about whether the color combination was workable.

What I'm trying to say is that I don't think you ever directly asked about the color scheme. I got the impression you were quite pleased with it. Not that it is the responsibility of the forum to stop you from making mistakes, if you have made one. And I'm still not sure you have.

Your selections were what I would call "daring, unusual, risky". And that's what makes it uniquely you. Most people would never have thought of it. You could have played it safe, but where's the fun it that? When you do something risky, there's a better chance than usual that you won't like it. Is this something that your DH was against? If so, that makes it a little harder to deal with. Although, you can sure gain a lot of credit with someone close if you admit that their idea was better! And credit is good.

Why not look at a bunch of pics of glass tiles used in bathrooms and play around with different ways to use the ones you bought--other than on the backsplash. I saw one bath with one entire wall in the glass tile; don't recall how the others were done, but it was smashing! Like a swath of sea or sky. In a mass you really got the full impact of their beauty.

Or, maybe just do it the original way and thank DH for working so hard on the installation and forking over the money for it. And for letting you have your way. That wouldn't be the worst outcome!

"Hey - don't let the opinions of posters here get you down! For every one that loves your choices, ten others won't like them. That's life. We don't all like the same things (thank goodness!)."

Precisely! That's what makes your design yours. And that's good!

I think you're quite right, monica, that making a zillion decisions and trying to keep them all in your head and choose so that each element fits into a comprehensive design is a HARD thing to do. Even if you're not dealing with other things like illness. But, look at it this way, you've chosen them. That means that de facto they already have the integrity you're looking for. So, if something needs some adjustment you'll come up with the thread of what appealed to you and find the way to relate it to the other things.

If the answer doesn't come to you I think you get farther by putting it aside and letting it just come to you over time than by letting it stress you and become a block.

My kitchen is sort of farmhouse and next to and open to a room that's more northwoods. I mean it's not overwhelmingly northwoods but a pinecone motif is sort of developing in there. So, these two things were sitting in my fevered brain when I was out shopping for a ceiling fan/light for the kitchen and I ended up with something with pine trees and moose wandering around the perimeter at the fan's motor housing.

When it went up in the kitchen it just didn't belong it would have in the family room but not in the kitchen. And I started to freak because I must have bought it 4 months ago and while it sat outside in its box waiting to be installed it got rained on and the dogs went to town on the box. No way Lowe's was going to be interested in taking it back in that condition.

But over the course of time, I decided to try to disguise it. I used some of the wallpaper that's up inside the cupboard in the background. Now a plan to modify the fan is coming together and I think it will bring the elements of that area together more effectively than ever. The next thing I'm going to do is recover the lampshades with the companion paper that's on the self edge. And get rid of those antler pulls. Voila! Customized fan that pulls that paper out of its hiding spot inside of the cupboard and announces it!

In the family room we special ordered a light that I love. ...only now that it's up, the scale isn't right and, as before, It's mine and I'm stuck with it. I had to decide that it would be OK when the right furniture was in the room. Then, only a few days ago when I wasn't even thinking about it, I got a flash that if I paint a motif of pine boughs on a halo/medallion on the ceiling above it, that will create a larger, more in scale presence on the ceiling.

In design as in other things, it's not over until it's over. If you're not happy yet, you're just not done yet. Give it time. Ideas will come. It will be great. It's all you just waiting for tweaking to bring it all together.