Would your DH consider refacing the frame work and new doors? Then you can plan what will fit the counter/backsplash you really want.

Or would he consider having them stripped and restained?

Why wouldn't he want to paint them? And don't you dare take "resale" as a reason.

Sometimes wood just needs to be painted. Just because it's wood doesn't mean it's necessarily worth keeping.

Hubby won't paint them himself, or he won't have them painted at all?

I don't blame him for not wanting to paint them himself. However, new doors and drawer fronts + a professional paint job will not only provide a huge update, but you will be able to choose whatever palette you desire.

Paint them yourself when your husband's not around. I know someone who did that!

What IS it with men and not painting wood?

Sea-glass (in my opinion) would look contemporary, and in 20 years it will probably look dated. Does it matter? [grin] Probably everything we do in our kitchens will look dated in 20 years. Your kitchen vision sounds just lovely to me. And yes, probably better with painted cabinets (though I have no problem with oak either).

Maybe have your daughter tell her dad that the cabinets look old and dated and would look SOOOOO much better painted and she wishes she had done it herself (I am thinking he might listen better to her, assuming she agrees with you of course). And in the meantime, check out the Design Around thread: Keeping the Golden Oak. Then you can see if you can be happy working with the oak or not (it can look very handsome). No right or wrong preference there, but it's nice to be happy about your kitchen, especially if you're a little pensive about the move in the first place (completely understandable).

Here is a link that might be useful: Keeping the Golden Oak

Sea glass is one of the things that looks great with typical oak stuff. Dated soon? Probably, but so what? Wouldn't it be worse to always be current and have people think you were so shallow and wasteful that you remodel nonstop? :)

Your cabinets are already "dated". So if you like the glass, you won't be any more dated but you'll have the pretty stuff you like.

And yeah, what's "hubby won't paint" mean? He ain't the boss of you! (But if you just mean he'd rather not because he likes them, I understand you being considerate of his opinions.)

Oh, Ladies, you gave me such giggles with your posts!
I almost feel overwhelmed with options right now! And yes, northcarolina, if our DD told him that, he'd have a huge smile and know that another conspiracy has been cooked up in that kitchen! :)
I think it's the work involved in painting, and I don't really blame him..and painters are so expensive! For painting!
Sigh....I'm just about ready to order a lipstick red countertop and call it a day!
Oh, I love white....perhaps I'll work on him a little longer (with the help of our Daughter who agrees with me...they'll be redoing our former oak cabinets without the little tweedle on top, in a darker stain...somehow..but it was such a big kitchen! Sob....)
I think that when people retire and downsize, they (read: men) feel that it's a done deal. Oh, we painted, changed all the flooring, but when it comes to things which they feel are "just fine the way they are", they dig their heels in. And he's such a lovely hubby...:)
Thank you, ALL of you!!
I certainly have some thinking to do, and some ammo to do it with! BIG HUGS!

"...for just painting."

HUH!!! HUH!

You are not serious, are you?

JUST PAINTING?

Yeah, if you want it to peel in 6 months, and look like crap until it finally falls off? That's "Just painting."

Take a look at a gudzillion posts HERE about painting cabinets. There are a mud-zillion places someone asked the same darned question that has already been explained, so you're bound to come across it somewhere.

There are days and days of prep, sanding and drying involved for a decent job.

Your DH should NOT paint them, nor, obviously should you. A good painter who does his/her work is worth the $$. Every single time, I think. Having done this work myself.

Hi Glitter53. So enjoyed your posties! We're downsizing, too, with a cross-country move to boot.

For the oak cupboards, would it be possible to fine steel wool them and use Natural Danish Oil? You can wrap a piece of wool around an orange stick to get into the curlie-que.

I did this with a Neo-Rococo Baroque Victorian horror guilded golden oak bathroom vanity and it turned into a lovely naked blonde tone. Also did it in the kitchen but in reverse...golden oak to medium walnut.

Sea glass would look lovely with the oak, too. The old cottage in Provincetown had oak cabs (built-ins) & floors throughout. The kitchen counters were a stunning blue/grey/green seawater swirling something. The backsplash was blue/green/yellow/brown sea glass pieces in random mosaic.

Never thought of it as dated. We'd change things like curtains, chair cushions, towels, lamp shades, and electric plates to give a nod to current fashions.

Didn't change any of the cab & drawer pulls. Those were scrimshaw, carved by family, and "made" the room...they were carved in shell & sea animal shapes. Fashionable family members cringed while visiting. One in particular wanted to use wrought iron pulls.

Here's to new kitchens and happy downsizing =>.

"Neo-Rococo Baroque Victorian horror guilded golden oak bathroom vanity" Rofl. Wow. What a wordsmith you are, Locrian! Thanks, I needed a laugh.

Glitter: is the idea of new cabinet doors out of the question? Maybe even if you kept the same tone, new doors and drawer fronts would take the curse off them for you? Would DH go for that?
What if you do the toddler clothing choice trick? Offer DH the choice between new doors/drawer fronts or painting. Just don't let 'do nothing' be an option. Maybe that'll work and yes, what IS it with men and painting wood? I'll bet this fixation for keeping wood crosses all races, cultures, religions, too. It's a man thing.

I do believe most men (no, not all) are opposed to painting perfectly good wood because wood is real and honest and paint is gilding the lily. A wee bit girly. On the other hand, the first time I read on GW that people were not just painting horribly beyond redemption wood, but stuff like maple, it seemed crazy and sacrilegious. It took me a while to come around.

because wood is real and honest and paint is gilding the lily.

Linelle, I mean no offense, but I had to chuckle at this. Yes, I realize that the expression "gilding the lily" is used most often, but what Shakespeare actually wrote was "painting the lily." If the original expression had caught on, we would be saying "paint is painting the lily"!

From: "The Life and Death of King John":

Therefore, to be possess'd with double pomp,
To guard a title that was rich before,
To gild refined gold, to paint the lily,
To throw a perfume on the violet,
To smooth the ice, or add another hue
Unto the rainbow, or with taper-light
To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to garnish,
Is wasteful and ridiculous excess.

Here is a link that might be useful: The Life and Death of King John

Goodness. It seems I've managed to create some controversy with my cabinet problems. :)
I think men "of a certain age" thing a good thing is just that, and it's to be left alone. I speak of a man who once said he could "live in a cabin and be happy". Good heavens, how he's come around! LOL!!!!
Truth be told, we're at the age where we probably won't outlive a paint job that lasts 20 years, and having painted walls in our homes for the past 42 years, we do feel proficient enough to tackle the job, but simply not inclined to do so.
Whether or not the expression "guilding the lily" is accurate or not, it's an acceptable form these days, and I doubt Shakespeare would mind.
We're going to visit a specialty countertop shop here, and make out decision. I just hope my darlin' hubby can keep me away from the shiny, lipstick red! I've seen lovely things done with a white/grey combination, so that may be a possibility, however, as I type this I realize that it would be simply too depressing, and we'll be moving on to a more lively or soothing combination.

Thank you ALL!!! :)

ps...sorry for the spelling errors, I'm using Opera, and it wouldn't allow me to correct and re-preview....I'll attempt to use IE in the future...

I'm thinking "Wastful and Ridiculous Excess" might be a good name for my own kitchen blog.

I'm thinking "Wastful and Ridiculous Excess" might be a good name for my own kitchen blog.

I agree, but Dave Barry would probably claim it first for a rock band. ;-)

Angie, LOL, no offense taken. Gilding the lily isn't really what I was after, but I had a weak moment. :) In the instance of my original cabinets, it was more like painting the dog-faced lily.

"Neo-Rococo Baroque Victorian horror guilded golden oak bathroom vanity"

that surely is a mouth full. I wouldn't even attempt to say it - lol!

and I have noticed that when it's the men cooking (my bIL and on the house hunter shows) the kitchen REALLY matters! All of my life it's just been you make do with what you have - for me and anyone I've known. The first person I've known to redo a kitchen was a few yrs back and that was my old boss - a single woman! My BIL did a few changes in their old house in kit/DR but when they built a few yrs back he did HIS way. of course, my sister went along w/it as long as he was doing the cooking. She said she retired from that and is happy to let him do it.

Since you're the one spending the most time in there, it should be your choice. You can tell him I said so. I'm sure that'll matter to him -lol!

Well, you gotta decide if you want to fight for a change in cabinets or not. If you do, tell your dh that since he vetoed your idea to paint the cabinets, it's now his turn to come up with a new idea since the current state is unacceptable to you. And "leave them alone" is the current state, not a new idea, and therefore does not qualify as a valid response. Then you can veto and counter propose something if you don't like his idea.

I wouldn't say the reluctance to paint wood is limited to men of a certain age. I don't think my dh qualifies as being "of a certain age" yet and he didn't want to paint the cabinets either. We've gone around and around on this for years, but now he's finally at the "do whatever you want" stage with just a few specific requests that impact him.

I think most non-decor oriented folks find that if something isn't actually broken-down, there's no reason to change it, and risk that comes with change. I finally got through to dh when I told him "Look, when I agreed to buy this house, I didn't agree that we would never change anything in it. The former owners decorated/remodeled it to suit their lives and preferences, and now I want it to suit us. If you want to be involved in the choices, that's great, but just vetoing everything is not an option."

That said...I would be careful about blue tiles and counters in a golden/honey oak kitchen. The blues have a tendency to make the oak look more orange. That's great if you like orange. I loathe it, so that doesn't work well for me. A varied slate mosaic backsplash might give you some of the blue you're looking for though, without being so much blue that it makes the orange pop.

If you gave up your lovely large home to your daughter, I think a well-done paint job is a great consolation prize....
I do like natural wood but a whole roomful of golden oak is overwhelming, especially when it gets that orangey hue going.

I myself have painted a lot of walls, painted exterior siding and ceilings, but I think the prep work entailed to get a nice smooth durable finish on cabinets requires more effort than your husband realizes. Would ordering new doors go over better?

Did you look a the Design Around This thread?

Glitter,
I can totally relate to what you're going through. While I don't miss the upkeep on our larger house with the pool surrounded by trees ugh, there are a few things I miss. My walk in pantry....waaaah.
When we found this house the one condition for me was
we would redo the kitchen. We put it off for several months because we knew what a big job it would be. DH who thinks he can and should do everything himself did the cabinets. It was a way bigger job than either of us dreamed but once it was done we weren't sorry. Just very tired :)
Give it more time and while we may never completely get over down-sizing, in the long run I think everyone knows at that "certain age" it's time to do it. It's been a nice summer with much less to do and more time to take some short vacations. (Still have two 90+ yr old people to watch over)

Here is a link that might be useful: Painting our cabinets

meangoose, I agree with you.
If it ain't broke..

Have you ever seen those couples fighting decorating shows? The male usually wants those white walls because "they're just fine". Really, it's predictable because it's every time.

Once the show is done and he's pretty much been bulldozed into something often nicer, more elegant, funky, whatever, he's all for it.

I think it's fear.
Just like so many people here ask if xxxx "is ok" when all they want is someone to tell them they're not making a mistake.

Get up in the middle of the night and paint the suckers.
Tell him you were sleep walking, you've been obsessing over the cabinets so much. See what happens with that.

I was able to convince my husband to agree to painted oak cabinets in the kitchen by relating it to something that was critical to him...sound. He tuts and clucks if I accidentally move any of the surround sound speakers half an inch when I am vacuuming. He gets agitated because the sound is "off." You can still HEAR everything, but it isn't in the proportion that works for him.

When I got him to see that the golden oak cabinets were the visual equivalent of his moved speakers, and that it was difficult for me to enjoy working in the space, however functional it was, then he agreed to the painting. I made sure that he didn't have to do any of the painting, and while he still doesn't like painted cabinetry, he knows I am thrilled and accepts them.

Is there some way to relate your dissatisfaction with the kitchen to something your DH would instinctively "get"...car performance, etc?

Wilsonart Sea Glass laminate. Perfect for sea glass counters.

Paint those cabinets white, and it will be a peaceful beachy feeling every time you come into the room.

Bottle Glass is also a really pretty choice with white cabinets.

Start by cleaning off the accumulated grease and grime with TSP. If the cabinets are old enough, a lot of times a really strong solution of TSP will remove a failing finish in places. Then you have to address doing something with the cabinets. Hint hint. And the easiest thing to do when the finish starts failing is to scuff sand them and paint them.

meangoose, I don't know a whole lot about color theory, but I do know that blue and orange are complementary colors and will make one another pop like hell. On the other hand, I still have golden (orange) oak vanities in the bathrooms and both the dark and medium gray tile tame them quite a bit.

glitter, who does most of the cooking in your house? I believe that person gets to decide whether or not the cabinets get painted, and in the color they choose.

Thoroughly enjoying this post for lots of reasons. Glitter53, I'm getting excited for you as I can't wait to hear - and hopefully see - how you put your own signature on your new downsized kitchen. Any chance you could post pictures?

I can tell you why my DH doesn't want additional painted surfaces. In the past, he was the one who touched up the paint. He hates to paint. If there are fewer painted surfaces, he doesn't have to paint as often. He also believes that all ceilings should be ceiling white and all trim should be the same basic white semigloss so you don't have to keep track of which paint goes where. Practical, but not very pretty.

Now I ignore him, choose paint colors, and touch up paint myself. It doesn't bother me to do it. You will notice, however, that under this scheme, he has effectively transferred another of his tasks to me.

Does your DH hate to paint too?

Ginny...is it possible that we're married to the same man?! ;)

I think...no..I know I've made up my mind!

Since our appliances are new, and white, and of course our Bunn coffee maker, Keurig coffee maker and other little appliances are black, here's what I propose:

We're putting in a laminate countertop because putting in granite is too costly for this place and I really don't like the noise it makes whenever I've put a plate or utensil down on it and my grip isn't as...grippy lately, so I know I'll drop things in it, too...so!

Slick black laminate: it's matte with shine...a sort-of pebbly finish but NO flecks or colour in it!
It'll be butted to the wall without that cuvey dooey that takes up space. I think it's called "bar cut", so it's a wider countertop.

Backsplash: pure white subway tiles, with a stip insert of "Eclipse black" tile..which I can't find anywhere on here to show you! It's made up of small tiles about 1"x2", all the same size, but randomly placed, some matte black, some a shiny pebbly black, and some are mirrored black!
It's shiny!!
Which makes me happy.
I'm not called "Glitter" for nothing!

But it'll be just a 5-line strip, and filled in behind the stove, then continuing along the other piece of countertop, 2' long. So it'll run for 15', but it'll fill in behind the stove (there's a cabinet above, so there isn't a huge space there, so I didn't want to break it up)

So! I can put any colour of accessories in there I please, because black and white goes with anything! I can't wait to dress it up in red for Christmas!

Anyhoodles.....your thoughts, anyone?
You've all been so helpful..honestly..you gave me the "push" I needed to actually get out there and find what I wanted! I fell in love with that black Exlipse tile!

We're even considering putting an under-mount sink in there, too, since they can do that now with laminate.
I'm thinking a black sink....sigh...which will be the same as our daughter's countertop and sink....! LOL!!!
But whereas she has those glass tiles in brown tones, I'll have my black and white!!

Yay, me!! ((((happy puppy dancing!))))

I think that sounds like a seriously updated oak kitchen!

Happy puppy dancing is good. Yay you, indeed!

Thank you, Ginny....I know it's a far cry from where I started, but I SO fell in love with that black tile...I had to have it! :)