I regift all the time but I pay attention to what I am regifting to whom. I have a cupboard full of gifts that i buy when i travel overseas, and items for regifting. Everything goes into that stock. Whenever I have parties, bdays, annivs, etc. I just have to open that cupboard and shop :)

"I would rather *think* someone selected a gift for me than to be offered someone's item that they got but didn't want/like/didn't meet their standards/didn't like the quality..............it's not good enough for me, but here you can have it if you want it. Gee thanks. Just give me a present."

I'm pretty sure most folks who don't regift but give away gifts that they can't or won't use aren't doing so in that manner. I would never offer something that "isn't good enough for me" to someone else...those things would either get donated or be thrown in the trash. I'm very sensitive to smell so perfume or other fragrances don't set well with me, but would be enjoyed by someone I know. I personally do not wear tops with horizontal stripes because that pattern makes my middle look extra wide...my similar sized SIL can pull that pattern off. If I get a gift card to an establishment I don't frequent but another friend loves I'll offer it to her...I don't make time for salon pedicures and would gladly give a pedicure gift card to any of my pedicure loving friends. I don't think blessing someone with something I can't or won't use is like giving them something that is substandard. I just won't repackage a gift that was given to me and give it to someone else. BUT, I also don't give gifts without putting any thought into what I'm giving. I make most of the things I give or I buy something I know that person has said they wanted. I also don't give gifts for the sake of giving gifts which is the only thing I dislike about Christmas. Became so funny swapping gift cards in the mail with my husband's family or watching gifts come and go that made no sense for the recipient. We finally got out of that insanity by expressing our preference to make a donation to a charity instead of swapping gifts. Unfortunately I still get the good quality horizontally striped sweaters and nice perfume from my MIL and my sweet SIL's benefit b/c they know I'll pass them along when we're all packing our cars to go home.

It's the thought that makes or breaks a gift -- not the source, and I think the regift/don't regift divide reflects that.

This is so interesting. How judgmental we are. How does passing a gift off to Goodwill make one better than a person who gives an item away? You both GAVE A GIVEN GIFT AWAY!! If you think major time and effort were put into every gift you get YOU ARE CRAZY! If that were true the gift would be something you could use or want!! All this miscellaneous gift giving is expensive. It sure feeds the economy but does nothing for anyone else. If nothing else a gift I pass on to someone else has saved me time and money and that is a GREAT gift!! I got an unexpected/ obligation gift from a co-worker. A bag full of beauty products I would never use. They are such a mish mash they may likely be a re-gifting. They will be perfect stocking stuffers for my girls. I am thrilled to have received them, and double thrilled I do not have to make one more mall run for stocking stuffers. My girls will LOVE them. This way EVENTUALLY a gift is loved!! EVERYONE is happy!! If I had to give gifts with the added stress they may not be able to return/exchange/re-gift I would be so stressed I could not make any decisions!! All that money and time literally thrown away?! IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!!

I re-gift. Mostly items that I get for "Door prizes" at one of our club meetings. People wrap a lot of junk for these "prizes" ... so I just re-wrap and take it next time.

Is it really being judgmental or could it be that people are sharing why they do or don't regift? Don't we all make decisions why we choose to do something or not? I'm not passing judgment on those who regift...just saying why I don't. Gift giving for me is special and I do put alot of effort into what I give others. That's why I don't regift. I most definitely do not expect other people to put than kind of effort for me. I can understand the other side of the regifting discussion too...it's really just a matter of preference.

I agree with bleigh. I don't "regift" because it's my personal preference not to do so. I'm not about to judge anyone if they do. There are myriad reasons for choosing to do so and not choosing to do so. I couldn't care less what others do, and think that, as bleigh points out, we're just sharing whether/why we do or don't here.

A regift is convenient, that's it. It takes the hassle out of looking, choosing and paying for a gift. I don't regift because I don't see gift giving as a hassle. I enjoy everything that goes into the process, including the expense and the meaning of what that gift represents.

As others have said, I will give away unwanted gifts but I don't misrepresent what that item is or what it means to me by giving it as a gift.

Judgmental? Maybe but it is truly how I feel.

Interesting thread.
I have regifted nice iitems that have some $value but aren't,my color or style. I would never regifted a used item unless the use was ok like an antique for a collector. I would like all the tacky gifts to go straight to goodwill as I don,t appreciate them, and that includes the stuff from the back of a closet. Giving that conveys that the person to whom you are giving it is second class to yourself, or that you have issues with throwing away junk without guilt.

I haven,t told a receiver of a nice $regift that it was a regift. I suppose because I don,t want to seem cheap or that the gift is less special,but maybe I should. I'll have the think about that more next time it comes up.

What arcy said, I agree wholeheartedly.

This is so interesting. How judgmental we are. How does passing a gift off to Goodwill make one better than a person who gives an item away? You both GAVE A GIVEN GIFT AWAY!! If you think major time and effort were put into every gift you get YOU ARE CRAZY! If that were true the gift would be something you could use or want!! All this miscellaneous gift giving is expensive. It sure feeds the economy but does nothing for anyone else. If nothing else a gift I pass on to someone else has saved me time and money and that is a GREAT gift!! I got an unexpected/ obligation gift from a co-worker. A bag full of beauty products I would never use. They are such a mish mash they may likely be a re-gifting. They will be perfect stocking stuffers for my girls. I am thrilled to have received them, and double thrilled I do not have to make one more mall run for stocking stuffers. My girls will LOVE them. This way EVENTUALLY a gift is loved!! EVERYONE is happy!! If I had to give gifts with the added stress they may not be able to return/exchange/re-gift I would be so stressed I could not make any decisions!! All that money and time literally thrown away?! IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!!

Every gift I give has enormous thought into it. It is a gift I think the recipient will genuinely want and like (for their whole life!!) Where the gift comes from is irrelevant and so is how much I paid for it. If I ever find out they don't use or like it, I'm ok too with that.
That said, I do have a price range when shopping but I also put effort into getting the best deals and I have very rarely regifted mostly because I have rarely had a person for whom the regift was perfect.

And, I will tell you, last week I returned to a store, yes, it worked, an item my brother gave me last Christmas. I cherish the thought he put into it, but in reality I will never use what he gave me ever. The store gift card that was issued to me does make me happy as the money wasn't wasted now. Still, while feeling a qualm and a little sad I know I don't want to pretend (get the item out and use it when he comes over) so I'm ok with what I did but I will never tell him.

"Gift giving for me is special and I do put alot of effort into what I give others. That's why I don't regift. I most definitely do not expect other people to put than kind of effort for me. I can understand the other side of the regifting discussion too...it's really just a matter of preference."

I had a suspicion this would be a spicy discussion:).

About what is quoted above--I too put a lot of effort into the gifts I give. My own principle is that I never, and I mean never, give someone something that I truly would not and could not find useful, beautiful or thoughtful.

And I re-gift frequently!

Why? Because as was also wisely pointed out, the fact that I shopped from my 'stash' doesn't negate that I am giving something that meets my own standards for a gift. I mentioned giving a close colleague/friend a re-gift. In that situation it was something that I know he will like, will use, and which really fits with a life change of just purchasing a home. The cherry on the sundae is that the item actually matches his decor both in style and color! Now, it doesn't check a single one of my own boxes for the above issues.

So just because it is a re-gift, it doesn't at all mean I didn't put thought and care into the gift.

Ann

"I had a suspicion this would be a spicy discussion:)."

This is what makes the discussion kind of fun. I'm all stressed out with my husband being unemployed and even though this topic brings out all sorts of emotion...it's good to get it all out. Alot of folks get really stressed out with gift giving this time of year and this topic is right on. If nothing else, we can all find a camp that makes us feel better about how we do gifts : ).

Funny regifting story. My husband receive a nice pen from his boss at Christmas, but prefers his own special pen. We regifted it to our son -in-law and when he opened it, we were horrified to learn that it was customized with my husbands name! WE all still laugh about it!

I agree with the regifters for most of the reasons they've already cited. Many of those opposed to regifting did come off as quite judgemental. LOL to the story above. We all need to keep our sense of humor and stay off those high horses! Don't want any falls to ruin the holidays.

We all need to keep our sense of humor and stay off those high horses!

Sounding pretty judgmental to me . . . LOL!

Precisely Arcy - without yelling back, it's the thought that counts...which is why those recycled teacher gifts my sister doles out have hurt many feelings in our family. There is zero thought behind them...it's just a way to get rid of her unwanted gifts and eliminates the necessity for any thought or expense on her part. I guess I (and the rest of my family) are ruined on the idea of regifting after two decades of this every single Christmas. I surely have been surprised on how touchy this subject is.

So, isn't the REAL issue here about the problem of thoughtlessly given gifts, and not really about where the gifts come from??? Storklady notes her sister gives with zero thought gifts to relatives that school kids have given to her -- how would it be any better if she had gone to the dollar store or wherever, and randomly handed out purchased items????? (And of course this is obviously not about price either..) If you've just unwrapped an ugly mug when everyone knows you only use fine china, is the fact that it was purchased by the giver going to make you feel better????

Another funny but true story, perhaps more about recycling than re-gifting.
My SIL and her husband came to stay with us. Her birthday was during the stay. They had a long standing arrangement where they actually reused the same birthday card year after year! (Strange to me but...)
This year my SIL had finally requested a new birthday card but just in case my BIL forgot to buy one she packed her years old, used birthday card to bring with her. On her birthday, to her surprise, her dutiful husband proudly presented her with a new card. Guess what? It was absolutely identical to the old one she had brought with her!!!!!

I've been the recipient of "regifts" in the past; it miffs me a little bit but I try to excuse the giver, possibly they ran out of time and grabbed what they had, or if I know the person can't afford much, that's fine; but there are some that I know are cheap and try to get away with it. A friend of mine brought her 2 adult sons to my open house, and gave me an ugly plastic container of still frozen lemon squares from her freezer stash. Heartfelt ? I don't think so.

My brother, who has very low means in terms of $, will give me a lovely 7$ stem of rose from a florist, well wrapped and fresh, that touches me because he makes a point of showing his appreciation when I host parties.

I'll give away gifts I don't care for, but I won't regift them. I just can't bring myself to do it.

I do understand those who have stashes of good stuff to regift, that's fine. But if I can sense it's a regift because of the crushed wrapping or the oddness of the gift, then I question it.

I'm just venting here about my feelings about regifting, but honestly, it's not such a big deal to me.

Peegee, I think that is really what touches the nerve-the care and thought, or lack thereof, behind a gift.

And mitch, I completely agree with you. I'm in awe of my sister--she has a chronic medical condition that some years has almost done her in, and which has caused severe financial hardships for a long time. And yet, she is the most thoughtful and caring gift giver I know. She consistently manages to find gifts for all of us in the family that are so perfect, no matter where she gets them or how much (or how little) she pays. It is indeed the thought that counts, in my book.

And to all a Merry Christmas, no matter where your gifts come from!

Ann

Yes indeed , Happy Holidays to everyone !!!!

However you spread happiness it is acceptable. There are two sides to a present exchange afterall, and both requires the individual to have an open heart. I spent a lot of time and money this year buying gifts for two nieces (new and expensive items). Unfortunately, I'm expecting that even after all of this effort their mother's still won't be satisfied. People that are ungrateful and judgemental are going to be that way no matter how you obtained the gift for them or how much time you spent looking. Best you can do is put the good feelings out there and hope it is received in the manner in which it is given.

As a receiver let's be generous to the giver and assume that their intentions were to make us happy. We can't really know their true intentions or means. It may be that they want to give us presents but have limited funds (whether or not that is apparent to us), aren't creative (how often can you really find a truely special gift) or have a problem shopping for others (they are just challenged). BTW - I've had all of these problems at one time or another. If we don't like the gift we can regift it later if that makes sense, or it can go off to Goodwill where it will make someone else smile (whatever works for you). The exchange of gifts is to spread joy afterall. So if you open the present and must take a moment to forgive the the giver silently - do so. Then hug the giver, thank them and spend a special moment together. Your true gift will come to you in other ways.

Seasons Greetings.

I don't think I have ever gotten a regift but then rarely have I ever gotten a gift I really wanted. My mother used to give me gifts that I really liked/wanted about three quarters of the time otherwise, most people are close, you know, they get the right category, notice interests, but aren't able to get the gift right.

I regifted a bottle of wine this year. I thought it was kind of odd for someone to give me the bottle to begin with (I am almost 6 months pregnant) and my MIL loved it. I don't think she really cared where it came from and we gave it to her with her other gift. She talked about the wine more enthusiastically then the other gift anyway! :)

Just want to update my re-gift of the red scarf this year.
My neice loved it! Better yet, her new baby is very colicy and she used this red scarf to quiet the baby. She held it up high and softy swished it over the baby's head and body - low and behold the baby loved the softness of the scarf.

My re-gifted scarf was the hit and highlight of Christmas! She kept thanking me for the scarf and that it saved us from hearing the little one cry.

My sister re-gifted pot holders to my mom..We all laughed coz right away my mom said, Hey I bought these for you last year !!!

Then my dad, who really didn't re-gift, but went to his garage and loaded up a plastic bag w/old electrical items, antique little saws, etc. and gave them to my newphew as a gag gift. He also gave him a used extension cord. What a agood laugh we all got out of dad's goody bag. My mom was excited as maybe if dad keeps doing this, their garage will be less cluttered LOL

I'd rather not get anything if I'm going to be given something that has been regifted. Especially because of the items I've received that are clearly regifted are not something I like or enjoy.

Like this year, I was given lotion to Bath and Body by in-laws whom I've told every year I am allergic to it yet I still get it. Or my other gift was a coffee cup with a serving of coffee and cookies. Number 1, I don't drink coffee or caffeine which they've all been told. Number 2, the expiration date indicated it was purchased Christmas time of 2009. Seriously stop buying or giving crap just to give something. Gah.

Maybe if someone regifted me something I'd love like a red scarf or gift cards that I wouldn't mind. But I'm not so lucky.

I am a very practical person, and I am okay with regifting. I have done it myself. HOWEVER, this is only okay with me if the gift I am giving is of a quality (regardless of price) I would have normally purchased and is highly appropriate for the recipient. I don't save random things for future gift giving unless I know they are good quality and will be appreciated by someone I know.

For example, I received some really ugly dishtowels and hot pads, among other things, from my MIL. They were decent enough quality, but truly hideous. I wouldn't regift these because I know my friends and family wouldn't appreciate them. On the other hand, I have received things like books or journals, nice leather garden gloves or bath sets that are perfectly lovely and perfect for certain people in my life, but just don't work for me for one reason or another. I have no problem whatsoever regifting those, and have no problem with not telling the recipient they were regifts. Whether I shop a department store, local boutique or my own closet (of gifts I've received but have no use for myself) is immaterial to me. I'm still putting thought into it and choosing an appropriate gift for the recipient.

I have also received regifts. I am okay with the ones that were thoughtfully given. I am not okay with the ones that were given to me simply because the giver just wanted to get rid of them.

I skimmed through the responses.

I'll regift only if I know the person truly would like the item. It's also not necessarily the only item they'll receive. Other times I'll take it to the local thrift store or just ask if they want it.

Not every item is thought out in the first place. There's what I consider, while nice, the 'safe/generic gift' - a candle, bath and body works or VS lotions and sprays. Then there times when the giver really thinks those items are something you'd really enjoy. For example, my MIL stocks me up with certain body sprays throughout the year. I'll NEVER use it all and honestly am not wild about a few of the scents but I know she thinks I think it's great. I've been regifting or giving those away for some time now.

All this talk of "I might give something to someone that I got and won't use, but not as a gift".

Um, you DID give them a gift. Unless they paid you for it, it was a gift to them from you. The definition of a gift is: "the transfer of something without the expectation of receiving something in return."

It has nothing to do with what was spent or how it was acquired. Would it be any better if you took back the scarf or purse or whatever you got that you didn't want, took that money, and used it to buy someone a scarf or purse or whatever that you know they want?

I have NO problem with re-gifting, when it means someone receives something they will enjoy and appreciate.

More along les' post, how do you distinguish between a gift and a 'non-gift'? What do call this non-gift? Handout, alms, tip, charity, award?

I received a re-gift at Christmas and I love it! My DIL is a teacher and she gets a lot of presents. One was a Partylite Candle (pricey) and since she already has a lot of candles she gave this one to me. But she immediately told me and it didn't bother me at all.

I've got a re-gifting variation story. My niece, 23 years old and spoiled rotten, received a sewing machine for Christmas from her grandmother, my MIL. The thought behind it (expressed in a lovely note from grandmother to granddaughter) was that it is always good to be able to sew enough to mend hems, fix minor problems and thus maintain a wardrobe. Sweet, right? Well...niece is currently living in NYC and working on a start-up in the fashion industry. She is fully $pon$ored by her mom who pays all her living expenses including rent for a tiny studio apartment in Manhattan. This girl doesn't do anything herself, from cooking to housecleaning, even has someone doing her laundry. She has no space for a sewing machine and absolutely no interest in sewing whatsoever. She looked, as my MIL put it, 'horrified' when she opened the gift.

Cut to her cousin, my daughter. My girl is 20 YO and this year started getting into sewing patches on her clothes, as well as learning how to hem, do basic repairs etc. She told me the next day how she would have loved to have gotten the sewing machine, that she would use it, that it really was a great gift. Grandma hadn't gotten my daughter anything yet; they planned to go out after the holiday and look for a locket--my daughter had asked for one with a picture of grandma in it.

And then she did something so mature and wise. After we discussed it thoroughly, she asked her grandmother if it would be okay if she proposed a swap with her cousin: grandma's locket purchase value to cuz for the sewing machine for my daughter.

Everyone was pleased at the suggestion and as of last night cousin has a bit of cash in her pocket, daughter has a sewing machine (NB-the machine is a very basic one, equal in value to the cash) and grandma is very relieved and happy that everyone is happy.

A successful re-gift/swap/ingenious solution for all!

Ann

Some here are defending their re-gifting ethics with a bit of venom. Must be the guilt talking.

Now it's the semantics of the word gift? It's one thing to "gift" someone something you've been given without acknowledging that fact. It's totally different when you confess it's a "re-gift".

Natal said:

"It's one thing to "gift" someone something you've been given without acknowledging that fact. It's totally different when you confess it's a "re-gift"."

Why?

As I said, if you had returned the gift you didn't want and exchanged it for something that would be given to someone else, why is that different? If you got a lovely candle in a fragrance that makes you gag, and it is not used or damaged in any way, and instead of spending the same money on a candle as a gift for someone else you give them a BRAND NEW candle, why is that bad? It is still a new item.

It's not the same at all. You're using that as an excuse to justify re-gifting. Give them the candle if you don't like it. Give it for no reason, but don't pretend you bought it and call it a gift.

A gift is a gift. If you give an item to someone and don't require them to pay for it in kind, you have given them a gift - regardless of what the item is or its provenance. Right?

Exactly what I said, AuntJen. A gift is a gift. Just because you didn't pay for it doesn't make it any less a gift.

If the measure of a gift is the amount of money you dish out, then giving someone a certificate to babysit for them, or walking their dog when someone is recovering from surgery do not qualify as gifts.

If your grandmother gave you her locket, which she received as a gift 40 years earlier, isn't that re-gifting? Are you saying she should be condemned for that and that you would not accept it?

And that doesn't deal with the other idea, that if you return a gift and use the money from that to buy something for someone else, you have not spent any money - you are re-gifting by using someone else's purchase to fund the gift you are giving.

Would you feel it necessary to tell the person that you didn't spend YOUR money on this, but used money from a returned gift you received? I don't think so.

I agree, Les. I also think it's often awfully difficult to accurately ascribe motive behind a gift. One of the worst gifts I ever received was from my ex-SIL. One of those little battery-operated clothes shavers. That (and only that) was what she chose to give me for Christmas one year. I really struggled with whether I should feel insulted at having received what I considered to be a really crummy gift, but after awhile I chose to believe that she considered it a useful item that she thought I'd appreciate having.

My goodness - how many times have I gotten myself in trouble for trying to think through what someone else was thinking, and just getting it horribly wrong. This is something I'm still working on, day by day.
;-)

If your grandmother gave you her locket, which she received as a gift 40 years earlier, isn't that re-gifting? Are you saying she should be condemned for that and that you would not accept it?

Of course not, but that's not what we're talking about. When you take a candle, a knickknack, or whatever you've received from someone as a gift ... something you don't like for whatever reason ... then wrap it up and present it to someone else as a gift ... that's re-gifting.

Well said, Jen. I think we all can get in trouble trying to determine another's intentions.

There's a lot of hairsplitting going on here. We all know what a re-gift is and what it isn't. Let's not pretend that re-gifting is anything but CONVENIENT.

I'm not sure that I have ever received a re-gift and really I wouldn't care if I did. In fact, I'm happy to receive any gift at all and would never turn my nose up at a gift no matter what it might be or where it came from.

But I draw the line at GIVING a re-gift because my conscience just wouldn't let me. As I said before, for me, a gift is about the process of giving but most importantly the thought. I just couldn't RE-WRAP a gift and pretend that I was thinking of that person when picking out their very special gift. It's simply DISINGENOUS.

Now, if a one-in-a-million chance happens that I received a red scarf as a gift and I just knew that that red scarf was going to save the life of a colicy baby - well I might just rethink my policy on re-gifting . . .

A gift is more than it's simplistic definition of "the transfer of something without the expectation of receiving something in return." and we ALL know it.

Amen!

"Let's not pretend that re-gifting is anything but CONVENIENT."

Wrong.

Re-gifting may be giving someone something that would bring them great pleasure. Re-gifting may be passing along something (like the aformentioned vanilla candle that makes me nauseous or to which you are allergic) that someone else would love. Regifting may mean being able to give someone a special little something that you otherwise could not have afforded to do. Regifting may be an opportunity to make someone feel special, someone for whom you otherwise might not normally purchase a gift. Regifting may be a gesture of kindness or a little added item that makes someone happy.

If the items are new, unused, in original packaging, and something that the new recipient would love, I cannot see how anyone would think it wrong. But then I guess the dollars spent aren't what matter to me.

Thank you, Les. My sweet little 9-year old niece recently gave me a sparkly ballcap that someone had given her. Not because she didn't like it, but because she did like it, and wanted me to enjoy it too.

I'm not understanding why only negative motives (thoughtlessness, convenience only) are being ascribed to those who "re-gift." Why choose to think that?

I should also probably amend my answer to the question of whether or not I "re-gift" to say that my practice has generally been not to, but that's not because I find it objectionable. I've not been given something that I thought anyone else could use or would want, so donating items to Goodwill has always been the best option for me.

I can make someone feel special and make myself feel good by NOT re-gifting. If I have a vanilla candle that makes me nauseous and I want to get rid of it, I might give it to a friend and say, "This was given to me as a gift but as you know vanilla makes me sick but I know you love the smell so please take it if you want." See, that was easy. I got to get rid of the offending candle and not be deceitful about it's origins.

But then I guess the dollars spent aren't what matter to me. What a red herring! Money is not the issue. A gift doesn't have to cost a dime.

Also, just to make sure we are on the same page, if the person tells you the item was a gift to them and they are passing it on to you, that technically is not a re-gift because you know where it came from and the person isn't giving it in the guise of a new gift.

This is getting laughable.

"Money is not the issue"

Really? The item is brand new, unused, in original packaging - it is just as you would have purchased it from the store. The ONLY difference is that you didn't spend any money on it.

So if money isn't the issue, then what is?

And this IS getting laughable. "Technically it is not a re-gift because you know where it came from, and the person isn't giving it in the guise of a new gift".

It is a gift you received that you are giving to someone else - that is a re-gift.

It is a new item, unused, in original packaging - it IS a new gift.

Kelly, I know for a fact the candle I received wasn't out of convenience. My DIL & I are both candle lovers . She didn't give it to me because she disliked it, she gave it to me because she knew I would like it, while she has some similar candes already. Her gift ( she gave me other gifts also) was given out of thoughtfulness.

There are different types of re-gifting. Some good, some not so good. Mine was very very good!

I am guilty of both regifting and thoughtless giving this year. After a two month illness, my dad passed away at the beginning of December. I had neither the time nor the proper frame of mind to shop meaningfully this year. So my in-laws got a box of steaks, because they were there, in a nice box, at the meat counter. My best friend's mentally challenged twin brother got the Christmas video that I won in our dirty santa game at work -- to which I brought a pointsietta and 4-pack of Coke bottles that I picked up minutes before and shoved into a gift bag. My (grown)kids and my husband, whom I love as much as life itself, received a couple of nice things from me and a bunch of just "stuff". And ya know what? Christmas came anyway. We were happy to be together and share the greatest gift of all ... time.