Where do you drain your dishes - save my marriage!
tartanhabit
15 years ago
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pcjs
15 years agofran1523
15 years agoRelated Discussions
Trying to save my marriage...Advice?
Comments (16)Well I thought I would give you all a staus up date on my situation: I have wrote letters, cards, emails, telling her exactly what was suggested on here. Thursday night I get this email: David, Well, I've had right close to 4 weeks to think about everything that has happened to us and to our family. You are correct in what you said about how I felt about the whole situation. I feel like I had all this trust for you (finally) and then the bridge just collapsed beneath me. I understand that at the time your intentions were good and that you meant well by doing what you did.....but, at the same time I don't understand how you could have so little trust in me that you wouldn't tell me what was going on. Am I that horrible of a person that we couldn't talk and try to work this out together? Dave, how many times does it take getting your heart broken before you look at yourself in the mirror and wonder..."why am I doing this?" Every time something has happened to us I would just step back and tell myself "Ok Paula, this is the last time something like this will happen".....only to look further across that bridge to see that it has collapsed again. I know that you are making a lot of changes now.....that is awesome-I'm really proud of you. But, the fact of the matter is-will all those changes erase the hurt, distrust, and anger that I have? Will they make me forget everything? The answer is probably not. I want you to know that this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life......this is not easy at all. David we have had two beautiful girls together-for that I will be forever grateful to you. I will always love you for the dad that you have and will continue to be to our girls. But, I don't think that I can be the wife that you deserve given the events that have taken place. I already have a hard time trusting people and I feel like if we continued our relationship I would constantly be looking over my shoulder...wondering what is going to come next. Always second guessing and "checking up" on things to make sure everything is kosher. That is no way to live. I feel like the best thing for me to do is to pick up and start over...get my priorities right-make things stable for our girls. I love that you are doing things to change yourself and you are getting help from Ashford (counsler)-it takes alot of courage to sit in an office and put your trust in a complete stranger and to ask them for help. I'm glad you are doing it-for yourself and your girls. I hope that we can still be a support system for each other-I do care an awful lot about you Dave. I also hope that we can continue to be civil to each other and be friendly toward one another (the girls will have a better time adjusting if they are able to see us get along). If there is anything I can do to support you in your changes-I am here for you. I don't hate you at all and I do forgive the situation-I just can't continue with this relationship. I know that what I'm saying in something you don't want to hear and I know that I have probably broken your heart....for that I am sorry. I don't like to hurt anyone-especially you.........I hope that we can still be good friends. love, Paula Then on Saturday she told me that she contacted an attorney and is drafting up a seperation agreement. Yes I am heart broken, and never wanted any of this to happen. I am completly beside myself and am lost without her in my life. I had the girls this weekend, and when I went to take them back, they were both crying that they wanted to stay with me and not go back to there grandma's...where they are staying. I know that they are just as confused as I am and to answer any questions involving the kids...the answer is no. I avoid it at all cost. My question now is this, since she has given up, or in my eyes she has, what are my next steps in this process? I have to thank each and everyone of you for offering your advice and I wish the circumstances were better, but they are not. I do love my wife, and miss her everyday that I am awake. I wanted a chance to make things right, but she has shut the door on our relationship....See Morexpost - Save my marriage - tiny kitchen layout disaster
Comments (1)Yes, there is a rule, plumbing code, that says your drain line must slope, the entire length. BTW, I've found a 33" side-by-side refrigerator to be much less convenient that an over/under, and it holds less. I prefer the freezer on the bottom style. JMHO...See MoreSave my marriage?
Comments (25)Oh my gosh, you just can't cover those glorous windows! They are absolutey drop dead gorgeous. I wouldn't do anything to cover them and would only add a valance if you need to add interest. Birdgardener had a great idea to plant tall hedges to block the view in but keep your windows uncovered. My DH is always grumbling about me getting curtains and we live in the country on 3 1/2 acres with nothing but wildlife close by so in my opinion drapes and curtains are not utilitarian just decorative. I can never find window coverings that I like!...See Moredislike stepson - need help to save my marriage
Comments (13)Ok...I don't have teenagers (yet!) and after reading this I might lock them in closets between 13 & 18 (just kidding *LOL*) but truthfully. I've worked with teenagers and agree that some of this is just where they are emotionally (if you remember - it was an awkward time!), some of this is his issues with his parenting (mom leaving, dad making little to no effort), part of this is his testing your love for him. (Ever read the children's book "mama do you love me?" it is all about that test of love for children.) But part of me thinks that you have allowed a level of disrespect from him in the past 4 years and still given him things that please him. Children have the ability to change their behavior parent-according. Like Alstep's SK knowing that dad is a marine who would never tolerate such behavior. I'm strict so my SS(s) pull less with me than with other parental figures (BM, Grandparents...etc.) It is hard to correct behavior that probably should have been nipped in the bud years ago but I would still try. I agree with all the previous posts in that aspect. He is not a lost cause. Most importantly, however, is exactly what others have said. Your DH needs to step up and instead of thinking "this is magically going to change when SS leaves" you need to be thinking "this needs to change now." This is not going to sound very nice but DH's "let you deal it" attitude is a form of disrespect as well. After all - this is HIS biological child - it is MORE his problem than yours (that is not to say that you didn't sign-on as a mom when you married a full custodial parent but I really feel like DH was burnt out on being a dad so when you came into the picture he used you as his vacation from parenting.) I've seen this behavior before. Knowing that you will step up and do what needs to be done has taken a weight off of him (and unjustly put it on you!) And you have allowed it (while secretly brewing resentment and frustration for the past 4 years since you unknowingly volunteered to be a single parent in a marriage.) You need to talk to DH and let him know that parenting needs to be a SHARED adventure (which is sometimes a shared headache!) You may see better results with a counselor because things that are "objective" coming from a third party are "personal" coming from your spouse. Although you have put all of this stress and frustration on your SS ("I hate him"), it is not REALLY about him or his behaviors. It is about the fact that you feel alone in a no-win situation and would like a little help from the other parent in your home. You, and every parent on the planet (biological, step or adoptive) needs respite! Respite can come in the form of what I call "daddy duty" when I just NEED to sleep in, be alone in a store, or have a "girls night out" (we've obviously got littler ones.) It is joint-parenting. I'm very fortunate that my DH and I agree on discipline and that he is very intuitive to my needs. He seems to know when I'm being pushed to the brink and he steps up to relieve me saying "I've got it this time". You are lucky that you are married (I don't know how single parents do it!) You need to UNITE with your spouse and decide how you are going to handle this situation TOGETHER. It is not fair that you probably feel like a single mom who never even gave birth. (My DH is great but I've felt that way myself. Luckily, when I voiced it, he was receptive to it but he wasn't always as instinctive as he is now!) You MAY be frustrated with your SS's behavior but he is NOT the center of this problem. And won't it suck when he leaves in three years and the problem doesn't go with him! Has dad ever given him just dad-son time? It seems to me that this boy is crying out to be acknowledged by his father. He is becoming a man and wants to know how. Your DH needs to show you more respect by stepping up to his responsibilities as an example to his son. If Dad doesn't take on responsibility and doesn't show you respect, why should he? SS could also be anticipating the destruction of a marriage here (he doesn't need to know that you don't make love to know something isn't right!) Maybe your DH could discuss having a weekend fishing trip (or something) with just he and SS but that SS has to earn it by following the rules, doing his homework, and being respectful. There HAS to be something that SS does "care" about. Has DH ever sat down and talked to SS about what he is so down about? Can you level with him at all?...See Morealexrander
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