Well, you certainly have a challenge in front of you. I second the recommendation to get some professional expertise in there to help you evaluate your structure, but I would caution you to take the time to find a professional with experience in old houses, not a regular real estate transaction type inspector. The right person might also be a real estate inspector, but if you don't get someone with experience (and preferably affection for) old houses you will be over-loaded with things that need urgent fixing. Over-loaded to the point where burning it down will seem the best option. If you can't find an inspector, at least find someone from your area who has worked on their own old house. Contact your historical society, or local museums, or even your local field office of the New York State Historic Preservation Office (SHPO). If you're stumped there I can help you as I live near main office in Albany. You really do need to get an old-house expert to do your inspection. Now, I don't want to add to your husband's complacence, but yes, things will probably hold up for a while longer, but that only buys you some breathing room to make a plan, not to put off planning, IYKWIM? By all means get the sill repaird and hole patched up. Get a sump pump set up for floods. Go slowly on digging around your foundation. Buy cheap paint and use it liberally indoors to cheer yourself up. Make sure your electrical service isn't about to burn you out. Think about whether you can safely add wood or pellet stoves for additional fairly cheap heat. But then you really have to do the hard part and that is some heart-to-heart plain talk with your husband. I would begin with some thought and discussion about what realistically you can to do economically, and time and energy-wise. This is a lot more complicated for you because this started out as his house and he may have a lot of issues related to that. It will be harder for him to work that through than if you had bought the house together. I have a good friend who married a man with an 1840-ish Greek Revival (gorgeous house with fantastic sunburst-pattern siding on the gable end) that he had grown up in and his father had done pretty much what you describe your FIL did. In addition to the beautiful GR features it also had sill problems, rotten window frames, holes in the slate, leaky basement, etc. What she did (when they had a baby) was demand that they move to a trailer which was set-up next to the house. She wanted at least some clean space and was concerned about the lead paint issue when the child was young. Well, that baby is graduating from high school tomorrow, the GR house isn't fixed up any better and my friend decamped for her own apartment a couple of years ago and her husband is still living in the trailer. I'm telling you this cautionary tale not to discourage you, but to urge you to get a realistic view of what you and your husband have to work out, or you'll be stuck in limbo for years. If your husband is more complacent than you, can you get the cash together to pay someone else to do the work, even if it takes a long time to do it? My friend and her husband could have done that, but always put it off until he could do it, which he never got around to doing. It would have been better to hire workers and get it done. I have a bit of this problem, too, as my husband is less keen than I am on working on the house, and I am really picky about the standards. I've learned it's better, sometimes, to pay workers to do the parts I can't do, rather depend on him to do them. Old house repair can be very hard on a marriage.... but a happy marriage is 'way more important than the house! While you're hunting for the right professional to help you make a plan, begin by having some "real talk" with your husband about what he wants and is willing to do. And read some books on old house care that include outlines of how to assess a structure. You can make the assessment yourself, if you are a careful observer. If you need some suggestions about which books to read I could make some recommendations .... If I were you, I'd prioritize this way: Marriage first; clean and cheerful-looking (even if somewhat unsound structurally) house; careful assessment of structural needs by person with experience in old houses; make plans for slowly taking care of structural problems - as slowly as finances and first priority dictate; try not to stress when you read about other people's renos that seem to sail along (and come to an early conclusion); you don't know about what compromises they made or what unseen costs were paid. Keep focussed on your marriage, your economic situation and what you need to feel like progress is happening. Those are the things you can control. Also take time to appreciate that you are lucky (well, I know some days it doesn't feel that way) enough to live in building with the authentic old features some people pay tons of money to imitate. For instance enjoy every post where people are discussing scarifying their too-new looking old floors. What a hoot! Just thinking about that makes vacuuming up the scurf in the cracks in my old wide-board floors a thrill. Good luck! Molly~ PS: The other thing to appreciate about your house is that since it was your husband's childhood home you are probably not doing this work with an eye to resale, as many people are. That gives you some breathing room, to take your time and pace things so you don't add more stress than necessary. All houses, even old ones, are meant to be lived in, so be sure to make space for your *life*. Any house that's been here for 160+ years will stand up a bit longer while you squeeze in a little personal life between structural repairs!

Mine came out today....yes, the temps outside are still in the upper nineties, but I love my fall décor. The mantle is done and looks great if I do say so myself. There's a wreath on the door, but not much else outside. Boo décor goes up around Oct. 1. I have a pretty centerpiece on the formal dining table and a couple of candleholders there as well. Need to get some fresh candles. I'm giving thought to moving my annual Christmas party to an early November gig. By decorating now, I can really evaluate what else I might want...if anything.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal for your first home away from home, especially if it's with a significant other. Moving out on your own without moving in with a significant other gives you the space and privacy of getting used to such a change. Once everything is in place and you establish a routine, you'll start to have your favorite cozy spots in the house, you will start to create memories there, and it will start to feel like home. But no place feels like home quite like the one you grew up in, and that is perfectly normal as well. Everyone goes through this part of life. Good luck!

@LKB The night stands look terrific & yes, their larger size definitely has a positive impact. They match the scale of bed. For lamp size, I’ve seen guidelines but can’t say just what they are - probably can Google. It’s easy to see when a lamp doesn’t work though. Personally, my guide for height is where light hits when I’m sitting in bed reading & I don’t want tops higher than headboard. Style wise - just want to blend with overall theme. My thoughts on current lamps is they’re too tall, too skinny & too modern. But, they are interesting looking lamps! Don’t think wainscoting is too trendy or dated at all. I wonder though how much of an accent it would be if it was not high enough to be seen over top of a 60” headboard & then if it was over 60”, is it too high? If wainscotting was on all walls it seems worth the effort but then it’s no longer an accent. I’d be more inclined to have it in an entry or entry & adjoing spaces. BTW, I do like your chair find - it looks very comfy so maybe it can stay in a corner spot in room? Very cool that your existing pieces sold so fast - bet your husband is pleased! I just have to ask - what is that seat or??? attached to end of bed? I'm trying to make a cat bed out of it but wondering where dog & its bed went?