I am sorry to hear about your dilemma. I am sending lots of hugs your way! The good news is your house will be structurally sound and ready for updating when you can get to that. Hugs and more hugs.

I'm sorry, kam. My answer to your question is "yes, more than once", especially when our deck fell off. Is there something very small you can do to remind yourself you're on the way and will have your kitchen someday? Keep in touch with us; there are so many good and creative people here. What is your structural issue?

I'm so sorry. This is a big disappointment for you, I'm sure. However, it can be fixed and you'll do that. It's a bump in the road, not an obstacle.

Listen, crying never hurts...go ahead and shed your tears. You're entitled.

Hang in there. Do something nice for someone else in need or for someone who is also going through a rough time, it will distract you from your own misery and help you feel better in the end.

So sorry to hear of your new discovery:( Stuctural things take first precedence, unfortunately.

When we bought our home, there were all sorts of must do's. Well, many, many, many years later, there remain some of the to-do's.

I would try to look at it as a positive thing that you are able to afford the structural repairs that have presented themselves. If you had no backup $$, you'd surely be up a creek without a paddle. I know these words of little comfort to you right now, but I promise you that you will eventually get to those upgrades inside your home. Hard work, lots of sweat, and a little money you can manage to squirrel away, may afford you some of those do's, a bit at a time.

Meanwhile, spruce your place up to the best of your ability, make it a home, and enjoy. In today's economy, we who still have are homes are very lucky. Your house may not be exactly where you want it decor-wise, but please enjoy making a home with a now edited budget. Take comfort in that your structural/foundation issues will be totally repaired. Paint is inexpensive, and can go a long way toward making a difference in how a room looks.

At times, life can be all about your perspective.

kam, I know how you feel. We bought our first house 7 years ago and I was so excited to decorate and make it our home. I was here 5 days after we closed and then had to be gone for a month while on bedrest waiting my second baby. When I came home after she was born I noticed the chimney didn't look right. Went out there and gently pressed on a board and it basically collapsed. The whole chimney was rotten along with other pieces around the house. Then a few weeks later I kept smelling animal urine and was having horrible allergies. Pulled back some carpet and found that my home had once belonged to animal hoarders and the carpet had to come out. Then the hot water heater leaked (it's in the attic and flooded one of my newly floored (laminate) bedrooms. Garage doors worked off and on. Cabinet doors are that funky material that you can't paint and it chips and swells. Horrible windows and roof that needed replacing. Then there were the termites!!

Fast forward 7 years. I love my little house. I've cried, thrown pure 2 year old style tantrums, begged God to strike it with lightening while the fire dept was out on another emergency, cursed every square inch... BUT, when I finally accepted this house for what it is I calmed down. Started working on necessary projects one at a time and slowly made this house a much better place to call home. I have painted several times and have enjoyed decorating. I still don't have my new kitchen, deck, shower and tub and I never will in this house. It's ok though. This is the only home my kids have ever known and while it's not perfect we've grown love it and I will be heartbroken to leave.

I'm sure you can't see it now, but it will be ok. You may never end up in love with this house, but the frustration you feel will ease. Enjoy doing small things that won't break your budget and just know you are making your house a better place to call home.

***do you ever just want to cry?***

you betcha. We bought an old house that required lots of intervention with the basics and it was a long time before we could get to the pretty stuff that I had my heart set on. It's hard, but try to remember that the most beautiful kitchen will not make you feel good if your roof is leaking or some other big issue is threatening the integrity of your house. You have to put first things first. And in the meantime there are always small things you can do to keep your spirits up. Keep a pretty flower in a bud vase on your nightstand or your bathroom counter so you start and end you day with it.

Oh ((( kam207 )))

Look up my post from about a month back.....that will tell you how well I know your story and that my heart goes out to you.

Cry? Me? Not much. But sit on the bare cement floor of my kitchen and throw what was laying around and close to me, across the room, while I turned the whole area blue with my language? Yeppers. Been there, Done that.

Throw temper tantrums with feet literally stomping, that would put the brattiest two-year old to shame? Yea, done that too.

Turn the stereo up LOUD, stand in a hot shower and scream?
Uh-Huh.....Very theraputic.

But lemme tell ya...
Come here often, read, if that doesn't calm you down a bit, go ahead and post what you are feeling.
I did that.
I got hundreds of dollars worth of Dr. Shrink care right here at these forums from these terrific people.

Truly, it helps to vent, and to vent to those who've been there, understand, can help you with options or detour you in a new more positive direction.

Please keep us updated.....Everyone here really cares!

One reason a good independant home inspector (hired by you) is important before buying, did you use one? they find the potential major flaws..

How utterly disappointing and disheartening for you. It goes to the old saying, "The best laid plans...." Try to eke out of your budget as much as you can, even $20 or $30, and use it to splurge on something to warm your heart. A great candlestick, a set of gorgeous kitchen canisters, a framed portrait of your family. (You can find wonderful stuff on ebay and craigslist for a song!) Put it where you can see it every day to remind yourself there is beauty in your future, and a nice, sturdy, safe home in your present.
Dee

First, Kam207, you have my sympathy. Been through that before with several houses. It's a rotten feeling. Like others suggested, I hope that you can eke out enough from your budget for something small to brighten kitchen while you save up again for the ultimate re-do. Meanwhile, have a good cry or scream or ice cream splurge or whatever helps.

If company can help mitigate your misery, you can find plenty of company here. But you'll also find some very talented people who can help you make the best of your surroundings on an extrememly limited budget. I never cease to be amazed at the beautiful transformations some posters here have created with little cash.

"Posted by susieq07
One reason a good independant home inspector (hired by you) is important before buying, did you use one? they find the potential major flaws.. "

Susieq07, posts like yours are utterly unhelpful and serve no good purpose. You're also dead wrong about home inspectors. They cannot uncover all, or even most, serious flaws in a house. They cannot see inside walls or under floors, they're not permitted to take things apart or do anything potentially damaging to make a really thorough inspection. Their liability is limited to the actual fee for the inspection, so the home purchaser may get back a few hundred dollars vs. being out of pocket many tens of thousands for repairs. Good inspectors tell home buyers that they should also hire professional roofers, HVAC technicians, structural engineers and various other professionals in order to get a more complete picture of the condition of the house. However, even spending several thousand dollars on every recommended inspection will not guaranty that a house is free of problems.

Kam, I know you have a lot of support here, and I just wanted to tell you that I am totally with you.

We just bought our house last month. 3 days after we closed, the septic guys were outside working on a simple $500 fix, and they noticed the ground starting to cave in on our front yard. The whole septic system was shot. Needless to say, that blew our budget too.

We have still have an empty living room, and will for at least a couple months. We're still eating off of our small table from our old apartment, and we're still sitting on our torn and tattered couch. The POs paint colors are still on the walls. Our dysfunctional kitchen is going to hang around for many years to come, now. At first, I was really upset, and I thought I would stay upset for a very long time. But, after walking through the door every day for the past couple weeks, I can honestly say that even as it is... it already feels like home, and I am not angry anymore. Nothing matches, the walls are bare and riddled with holes... but I look forward to cuddling on the couch with DH, the dog and the cat, and making dinner and doing all the every day-life things in our house, even if it isn't the house I had envisioned for months before closing.

You'll get there, I'll get there... it will just have to happen over a longer period of time than we would all like. But, eventually, you will financially recover. And, as you slowly get a little spending money here and there, you can make small, affordable purchases that will make a big impact. Paint, craigslist furniture, spraypaint... I am learning quickly that those will be in my own personal arsenal.

Keep your chin up and keep us updated!

Agree about the difficulty of finding ANY potential problems in ANY house or structure.

Sending along big hugs to ((kam207))

And add me to the list of "I could just weep" -- this house is always "on the edge" of disaster -- and LOTS of problems needs fixing ...... sigh.

And yes -- fill up the tub with good hot water, throw in some bubble bath, put on some loud music -- and have a soak and a good weep. And a couple of glasses of wine. And chocolate.

Jan at the "don't look now -- there's another looming problem" Rosemary Cottage

Have a good cry, get it out of your system and then look for a project that is going to require alot of elbow grease and very little cash and spend your energies on that.
I'm a old house owner. I know what it's like to have to change the game plan because something more important has taken priority over what you had planned to do. It's part of homeownership. You learn over time how to deal with it.
Your not the first it's happened to you won't be the last. Dwelling on the negative will not help. Focus on the positive. Be happy that what needs to be fixed can be fixed.

It is a total bummer and I am really sorry you have to delay your dreams, but it is actually a good thing to get the structural stuff out of the way long before the kitchen hits the drawing board. If you had discovered the structural issues at the start of the kitchen reno, you might have had to scale back on the kitchen plans or get in over your head financially. This way, you can fix what needs fixing, start saving up again and use the extra time to plan an even better kitchen than what it would have been.

I wanted to cry at 3:30am on 7/24/10 when, in response to DH asking "what is that banging in the basement", I walked down the stairs to find 8" of sewage backup in our basement.

Needless to say, we now have an awesome sewage outflow system which took the place of the 2010 vacation.

I know exactly what you mean because we've had other surprise structural issues on our old home. For us, the silver lining is that after the repair was completed, we had the new peace of mind that this wouldn't be breaking/wearing out/falling apart in our lifetimes. Peace of mind can't be assigned a $$ value.

Hang in there.

Hang in there, so sorry to hear about your setback. We are on our third old house and I love them - but man, they make me cry too.

I agree with amysrq about better to deal with this now before your remodel. Just imagine if you were in the thick of a kitchen remodel and found the structural issue then? (this seems to happen pretty often considering the stories on the Kitchen forum) - that could be a total nightmare - I am not trying to gloss over your frustration and sadness but just trying to say that finding it now, is better than finding it later :) Hang in there, buy some pretty paint and paint something - that always helps me!!

Oh, honey....you are singing my song.I've had the money together for a full kitchen reno not once, but TWICE since we bought this house. First time was a one-two punch with the HVAC/Dying Minivan...second time was a MAJOR retaining wall. Neither could be delayed....so there went my kitchen!

My kitchen isn't scary ugly...but it's not as functional as I would like. SOME DAY.

Yes, I've live in my house for 32yrs. and still face the same disappointments you mention. When you live in an old house, you learn patience, unless you are rich or hit the lottery.

There are some sweet people on this board. :)

Kam- I'm so sorry to read about your disappointing news :(

We live on a farm and it's always something...the well going out, the septic backing up, the barn roof caving in, so I know how hard it can be to try to save up for anything, that's not a structural issue.

That being said, is there anyway you can "pretty up" you current kitchen? Maybe a can of paint or some new hardware on the cabinets? I know everyone says that can be so expensive, but think creatively...think clearance. Valances for the window(s), hardware for the cabinets, floor tiles, everything goes on clearance (sooner or later) and if you keep an eye out, you can get some WONDERFUL deals!

I was never wealthy, but I have learned to love a good sale, since living on a farm! Not that you won't get your dream kitchen (eventually) but try to make the best of it, while you're waiting for your budget to get back on track.

Hope that helps...at least a little :)

oh i so empathize!

the house we bought in may keeps eating my budget for improvements in large bites. i've been able to do very little to the house. it's terribly frustrating - but the bright side is that instead of jumping in and making purchases and decisions willy-nilly, it's forced me to take time and really examine what i want and where i'd like the house to go style-wise.

so that's some comfort.

but i feel for you, and hope that you're able to do a few things that help you feel nested.

No fun. I am so sorry. I totally understand (facing $20,000 of dental work here-ugh-although I had to laugh when I read your post and started thinking of my expense as personal structural repair). You are absolutely entitled to cry/scream/whatever. Then, buy some paint and go to town. I even painted my cabinets the last time I realized a new kitchen wasn't in the cards. At this point I am ready to take a sledge hammer to the entire room and quit cooking! Also agree with the others who said that once you fix the structural issue, you will have some measure of peace of mind. Hang in there-start a new kitchen fund,too!

Yes, indeed....been there, too!
Hang in there!

Wow. I am blown away at the number of responses! Thank you all so much for the support. I guess this is part of life, and I'll get through it. I'm just disappointed.
Unfortunately our issue includes water damage with mold in the wall cavities- not sure of the extent of the damage yet- but my some of my newly painted and decorated walls are coming down. Air testing resulted in mold that is considered a "health hazard". I dont feel comfortable in my own home right now- and need this problem resolved ASAP!
Anyway, thanks again for support, and I'll keep you all posted.

oooo...bummer about the mold. Have you contacted your home-owner's insurance? Water damage is frequently covered...

so sorry to hear about the mold. I would definitely see if your home-owners could help?

Keep us updated and let us know how things work out. If you need to vent more, we're all here!

You have my sympathy. This was the year to do a complete bathroom overhaul(and it REALLY needs it), but instead we have new shingles. Shingles are a necessary evil, but who can get excited about new shingles - they are just there! It's kind of like having to buy new underwear, when you really want a new outfit!

Tuesday

Oh, yes - 2 years ago, when we wanted to get our 20 yr old house "ready to sell"...we wanted something that was smaller and less expensive to maintain, heat and cool...so we started with pressure washing which led to paint, which led to repair of LOTS of rotten wood we did not know we had and replacing 10 windows (where the glass was "fogged"). And then the contractor said about the front of our house above our beautiful leaded glass entry - "looks like there's something going on in that wall - see how the boards there are separated?" 20 years of water seeping between the poorly angled portico roof and the house roof and $10,000 later JUST FOR THAT REPAIR - total spent of our equity to sell the house: almost $25,000!!! Oh, yes, I cried...

Oh Kam, yes, I know right where you are. I almost didn't get the wood floor going in now because a little electrical fix turned into 6 weeks of electrical work and over $10K and then the house needed repiping to the tune of another $8K and I did cry because while I know it is important to have the house "safe" I was crushed to spend all that money on stuff we wouldn't even SEE. I cried a lot.

I hope once you get over this hump things will work out so you can begin to turn your house into the home of your dreams.

well, I guess it makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone in my home repair DESPAIR!!
Thanks again for all of the words of encouragement. Apartment living sounds SO AWESOME right now!!

yes I do feel, When ever I sit back at home, When I am alone and feeling something is hurting inside my hurt but, Exactly don't know what is it, at that time I feel like to cry out loud

Kam

Getting rid of mold is important. But in my mind, making a house a home is important too. One takes care of the body, one takes care of the soul.

Spend what you have to, to make your home safe. Investigate insurance and so on.

But don't put your dreams of the home you want on hold competely. Is there some small project, some part of the whole plan you can start now?

I completely relate. I have been imagining my kitchen remodel since we bought our house eight years ago. The house that we naively believed was "move-in ready" had, um, issues. Our home inspector pointed out all of the potential problems, but I don't think we really paid attention. We were just thrilled to get out of the bottom floor of a dark two-flat building.

Someday, you'll get your new kitchen!

Oh gosh Kam, I completely understand what you are going through, if that's any consolation. The people above have been so understanding and given wonderful advice and you know your not alone. So have a good cry and throw a fit or go on a eating binge. Whatever will help.

All my life I dreamed of owning a historial home. I've lived in big cities in high rises, condo's, cookie cutter apartments, you name it. I decorated this historical home over and over again in my mind for over thirty five years.

And then at fifty two I found my dream house. It's the kind of house you want to wake up in on Christmas morning, even the town screams Mayberry. The cute little train goes by about twelve times a day, the church bell rings on the hour. There is a drive In movie and soda fountain on Main Street. We have parades, festivals, I can even see fireworks on the fourth sitting on my porch.

And then the dream became a nightmare and the Mayberry screams, well, that was my own voice. I had squirrels, leaks, enormous heating bills, even a three foot snake got in and changed my personality.

Today when I came home after spending a week out of town for Thanksgiving, I missed the old place. Sure I get scared because with a house like this you never know what to expect.

I'm sixty now (is that possible) and when the real estate prices get a little better I am going to sell.

But I must tell you Kam, as many tears as I've shed and the fear that has come with this house, I have to say this has been my favorite place I have ever lived.

So, keep your chin up and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Remember you have your family and that is a lot to be thankful for.

And when you do get to decorate I bet it will be stunning.

....Jane

kam, here's one thing that I found helpful to think about when we got hit with the unexpected discoveries in the walls: this poor house has needed us to come take care of it. We're contributing to good energy in the world by making it a safe, habitable place for us and for those who come after us. Some houses are treated like throwaways but not ours. We've had to make virtually every single system significantly better in this house, not just update the cosmetics.

I honestly feel good knowing that even though we haven't been able to pay someone to take down the *much hated* popcorn in the two-story front room, we don't have toilet drainlines that slant back towards the house anymore. The pretty much completely rewired electrics make sense and aren't about to set the house on fire anymore either.

You may also discover that there are less expensive ways to do your most urgent cosmetic updates than you'd thought originally, necessity being the mother of invention and all that...you can bargain shop and jump on c's list items, not just in furniture--check the 'materials' section as well. That section was my best friend during the most heated parts of our multi-year remodeling project. Just one example from among many: we have several hundred square feet of gorgeous clear, high-quality vintage but like-new white oak flooring (had been under carpet in someone's very nice 50s home) in our garage that are awaiting installation and refinishing when we finally rip up the rest of the carpet, that we got for about $1/sf, including delivery. Just got it from the 'materials' section. Stone and tile suppliers also regularly sell remnants/overruns there too, but they go fast. Once you have your design and finishes chosen, you can lie in wait :)

Maybe we can put our heads together and help you do some cosmetic improvement brainstorming so you can have that part of your dream realized at least a little, while you take care of the immediate practical needs...?

oh flyleft, what a wonderful way to look at it all. I'm going to try and change my mindset about my place too, it has been waiting for us to come and take care of it. The previous owners were too cheap to do anything right or to code and it's a wonder the place hadn't burned down before now.

But we are here now to give it the love and care that it needs. Thanks again. I needed to read this today.

We too have lived with what seems to be "serial cheapsakes" for prior owners. When we renovate/repair, we mean it. Our demons have been plumbing and lots of foundation work.

However, it took us less than a week to sell our first house (now in our second for 10+ years) because the improvements/repairs were high quality.

The ultimate payback of taking good care of your house, besides having a comfortable and secure home, is being able to sell the house quickly when you need to do so. That is an incredible benefit, especially in this real estate market. Better to do this now then when you have to sell it.

Hugs kam! Yes yes yes :-) We have been lucky though, now major structural issues (knock on wood) We've lived in our "starter" home for nine years now. We had to replace all the windows within the first year. Finally could afford to remodel the original 1978 kitchen three years ago. Finally updating the original master bath this year.

Everything has been much, much slower than I ever anticipated, and I NEVER thought we would have lived here as long as we have. But it's okay, I've learned a lot in the process :-)