Take one for my friend. Offer best wishes in person to the other guy.

Enjoy yourself.

I agree with HappyinTexas!

Thanks! Good advice, and since we don't know the other guy, we don't know what type of humor he has, either

I would not bring a card for the other fellow. If I was one of the honorees and I didn't know you, I wouldn't want or expect a card unless it was in the context of the host saying, "This is Jim's sister and her husband" type of introduction.

Susan

I would bring a card for your friend and wish the other fellow a happy birthday at the party. I'm really glad you are not asking if you should give your friend a present before or after the party, since you don't want other people to see it! You would be amazed at how many people bring gifts to a "no gifts" party because they either believe they are so close to the honoree that he or she will expect it, or are just set on doing what they want, regardless. We've had several events like that and I have been astonished at the rudeness of people handing over gifts when they were specifically asked not to bring them. It guess it's the "doesn't apply to me" mentality, and it is very annoying.

Sorry for the rant..... but in my book you don't need any help in etiquette because you're honoring their wishes!

First of all, the biggest mistake in etiquette is issuing an invitation that makes any mention of gifts. It is considered improper to suggest that a gift should be given, or to suggest to the guests that they don't have the choice of giving a gift if they so choose.

That said, if both people are being honored at the party, then it would be nice to bring a card to each of them. A card is merely a written version of verbal well-wishes, and you should be able to find a fun and friendly card that says 'happy birthday' without knowing the person's sense of humor, political affiliation, or color preference. I assume that you will be introduced to the guest of honor that you don't know, and it would be a nice chance to reinforce the meeting (who knows, this person may become a regular in your life) with a card.

ThatÂs interesting about the poor etiquette of requesting "no gifts" - especially when virtually everyone feels the need to show up at birthday party with a gift. What would Ms. Manners say about the issue at kids birthday parties, where parents are tired of getting loads of made-in-China stuff at each party. Where the parents would rather everyone just come and have fun celebrating a birthday and have guests not worry about spending money on gifts of any sort at all, not for the birthday child, not for charity, just plain old come and have fun, no gifts required. (IÂm being serious here, not snarky) Any suggestions?

I too have heard that it's "inappropriate" to state "no gifts" on an invitation -- something about mentioning gifts in the first place implies that they would otherwise be expected, and that a gift is just that -- a gift that the giver should have the choice of whether to give freely or not, with no implied mandate on the receiving end. However, in our society's tendency to feel that gifts are mandatory, I personally don't see anything wrong with stating "no gifts" on an invitation. I've seen it done with this wording: The honor of your presence is the only gift that we desire, and I think most people understand that and are respectful of that request.

I agree with the others that a card isn't necessary. But you could always buy a "generic" card and leave it in the car and go get it later ("oops, we forgot to bring this in earlier!"). In my experience, most men don't give a hoot about cards anyway.

Jenny, I think a good way to avoid the etiquette problem for adult parties is for the host to not even mention that it's for a birthday, anniversary, housewarming, graduation, or whatever. I don't understand why people think they need a reason to have a party. :-) (I'm being serious, too, not snarky.)

What do others think? Would you go to a party that wasn't for a specific occasion?

A party for the pure sake of partying! Of course! I'm there! ;-D

party on, Wayne.

Can a card be considered a gift? After all, it costs money too. Heck, some cards cost as much as a gift!
What about a card with money in it? It's not wrapped up in a large box with a bow so no one will know it's actually a gift. They're probably trying to avoid the scenario where the birthday boy has to sit down and open a lot of gifts with everyone standing around watching.

Have you noticed that even when they say NO GIFTS someone always breaks the rule? They bring wine, food, flowers, they find ways. And then everyone else is left thinking uh oh maybe I should have brought something afterall, a hostess gift at the least.

I like the suggestion of ommitting it's a birthday from the invitation. We're all too condition from childhood to bring gifts to birthday parties. That's why potlucks are good. It makes the guests feel like they're bringing something.

I doubt that the other guy will care about a card from strangers, and frankly, does your friend really need a card to open, look at and throw away?

No gifts and Miss Manners has been dealt with before here.

Here is a link that might be useful: Any ideas on how to word an invitation requesting no gifts?

LOL - I thought this thread was dead last night when I thanked y'all for the reply.

I don't know if it is considered good/bad etiquette to have NO GIFTS on the invitation or not, but I can tell you that the hostess of this party is the most etiquette minded person I have ever met. She is Miss Southern manners, and I love her!

BTW - I will let y'all know how many non-card gifts the birthday boys receive. :)

I wasn't referring to adults in my post - just to kids. I suppose you could invite a bunch of kids and their parents over and not tell them it was a birthday party. But after the cake came out etc (we believe in celebrating birthdays) they'd know. Then I bet at least some of them would show up with presents at a later date and it would be sort of awkward. I don't think gifts should be obligatory, but lets face it, that's the way they are generally viewed by many people. I think people should be able to get together to celebrate a birthday openly, but not feel the need to gift the person (even if it is a child) with anything but their presence and well-wishes. At any rate, I would not be offended by "no gifts" on a party invite.

Back from the party.

Both birthday boys were greeting at the door. We met the man that we didn't know. Very nice, and my husband made a business contact.

Near the door, there was a small stack of both wrapped gifts, and cards. Someone didn't listen!!!

Our friends grandchildren were adorable, and kept asking when "papa" was going to open his presents. Papa said maybe tomorrow. <:>