Any major loss in our lives whether it be from death, divorce, layoff or choice can create the need for us to grieve. I've found that journaling is a great way to give myself permission to explore the highs and lows of my emotions. Somehow, just writing things down releases some of your emotions and lets you move on to next steps. Start with the elements you saw as making up your identity because I'm sure that company executive was probably a big part of how you defined yourself. Then, find positive ways to identify the your new self...avid remodeler, family history keeper, successful life transition coach...to throw a few ideas your way.

Take pride and excitement in your process. Set new goals like saving enough money to accomplish a particular step in your remodel and reaching it. Expand your circle of friends. Find some new acquaintances that are interested in some of the things that fill your life today so that you have people around you that see you in your new identity without the filter of the old one. If you need more structure, consider talking to a professional who specializes in transition coaching. Good luck to you. Making major life transitions is never a snap no matter how positive we believe the long term results will be.

I am not a keep up with the "Jone's" person normally either but every once in a while jealousy and shame try and creep in. It is then that I choose to look around and start naming all the things (not necessarily items) that I am grateful for. I love the fact that you are able to to take over your Grandma's home and build on the love and history put into it (fondly remembering my grandma's home) I could only dream of that. I look forward to seeing pictures of your cozy home as you put new memories into it. Down sizing is a hard task and it takes a very brave person to release the "stuff" of the world and replace it with good "stuff" of the heart.

As for the job remember to sort through the truth accept the things you were responsible for and learn from them but toss any other accusations and lies they are not helpful. Sometimes it helps to write down the lies on paper then burn them so you can see them as they are just smoke.

Blessings to you as you go through some big changes don't minimize the tough things but see the strength you have gained through them.

Cindy

Are these feelings normal.. or do I need to snap the heck out of it?

Yes and yes.

I can totally sympathize with not having a space that looks like what you've been accustomed to- that's what downsizing is all about. It sounds like a wonderful project that will take time and love and aren't projects what life is all about? I mean, what do we do when it's all done? :)
We find more projects...

Funkart, it sounds to me that what you are feeling is completely normal. You were an executive and lived that life style and now you've made the decision to downsize. Perhaps you're internalizing the loss of the job as a negative which I can imagine does feel that way and the downsizing may feel the same way. Take 20 minutes a day to feel that and the rest of the time celebrate your new found freedom to explore and create the world you really want. Think of the job loss as a win and the house is certainly a win. As suggested, take some time every day to write down the wonderful parts of this new found freedom. Expand your vision to include new experiences and friends. Try not to apologize at all to anyone, you don't have to account for your actions. Be thrilled that you have this adventure and others will feel your buoyancy and probably feel a wish that they could do the same. Losing the trappings is very liberating. You're gonna be fine. Oh and yes, it's all normal. Good for you for reaching out. Good luck in all your ventures. BREATHE.LOL

Whoa, that was more of a self absorbed emotional dump than I'd planned-- but I guess that's what most stands in the way of pride.

Fun2Bhere - you absolutely hit the nail on the head! All the things I with which I identified myself have changed. I have always thrived on change but with the exception of going into grad school, I've never changed EVERYTHING all at once. You are right, it's time to reidentify-- and how fun to sit back and decide who you are going to be. Again! It's an opportunity for a do over-- not everyone has that luxury! And while I think expanding my circle is a good idea (I've been hibernating a bit), I must say that my family and friends have been great--but that's because THEY don't define me by the same things *I* define myself. Thank you for opening the door for me to see this. It's huge.

CLBlakely, thank you for your beautiful words and for sharing that you feel some of the same things. You are right, this is a great opportunity I have-- especially in being able to do this project while my grandmother is still here. SHE is excited to see what I will do with her house. Thank you also for the suggestion to purge the lies and accusations because they are toxic and they are all my own. The parent company made a strategic decision to refocus. No matter how it feels to me, it wasn't a reflection of me or my performance.

Angel, so true haha.. there will always be something I want to improve, rework or add. Great perspective!

Thank you all!

Yaya.. you are absolutely right. I know there are others in my life that would love the freedom to downsize or change direction. They are tied down by heavy mortgages or kids or fear of the job market. I know.. because, honestly, I felt trapped until I was laid off. Yeah, it has been stressful but I have great opportunity now! Change isn't always easy-- but it's worth it. Ask the butterfly!

I appreciate all your kind words and encouragement.. they've helped me more than I can say. BUT.. enough about me!! I am strong and capable and will be fine! What do you get through through the phases when your remodel is started but a long way from done.. or when you are patiently waiting for time and budget to come together for you to update the kitchen. Do you do minor things to perk up your space? Do you dim the lights and drink enough wine to soft focus? Do you take a chill pill and focus on the vision?

Change - even change that is desired and longed for - is seldom easy. Give yourself time to experience and accept your conflicted feelings, and give yourself time to grow into this new phase of your life. It's OK to feel what you feel. It's real and it's ok!

A little over 10 years ago, I downsized by leaving a longtime relationship and a big, custom home. As soon as I took that first step, I had two close friends tell me that I was making a big mistake - because, they reasoned, there were countless women who would "kill" to have the home and lifestyle that the money afforded me then. I can still remember the shock I felt at having friends actually say such a thing to me, and I'm just stubborn and willful enough to become even more determined to go my own way.

My home is still very much a work-in-progress, and I have come to understand - and accept - that it will never be perfect, and will probably never even be finished. There are so many projects that just "need doing" in an older home, and I don't have limitless funds to throw at these projects. Oh, sure - sometimes it does force a spark of jealousy when I visit homes that are new and upscale and have all of the amenities that anyone could ever want. But I remind myself that I CHOSE my home, and I LOVE my home, and what I have does not deserve comparison to what anyone else has. It's mine, it's me, it's ok.

We need to have major electrical work done in the detached garage. OK, actually we really need to have the detached garage razed and rebuilt, but that's not likely to happen anytime soon. We need all new windows to replace our numerous, charming, mullioned single panes. But we can't afford that either, so DH is beginning the arduous task today of scraping, repairing, and repainting the windows. I'm excited at the prospect of painting the front door black, and hope I'm able to start on that project this weekend. Sometimes it feels a bit like we're putting Bandaids on bigger issues - cosmetics where complete replacement is really needed - but we're doing what we can, as we can. And it's ok. I feel so much more emotionally invested in my little house now than I ever felt about the behemoth custom. And that is very important to me.

I recently moved to a much more "modest home" by choice. Most of my friends thought it was a huge mistake and could not understand. I have always loved smaller homes. My favorite house was my grandparents house, where I always felt so safe and cozy, something I just never felt in bigger, more elaborated homes. While I appreciate the beauty of bigger and "better" homes, I love my little place more than any of my others. I think we have been led to believe that bigger is better, and for some that may be true. I need to be happy with my choices, I do not need for friends to feel the same way. Doing little things like buying a pretty bouquet of flowers, a gallon of paint, new curtains, or really unique tablecloth made me so happy while I too, waited for the bigger things to get done. I have never looked back. When I looked at pictures of my last home just before selling, I think what a gorgeous home, but just don't miss it at all.

We downsized last year. Granted a former nosy neighbor told everyone we must be in horrible financial shape, but we just decided we were tired of spending so much time and money on a large house and yard.

The house was pretty horrible, and we got a bargain. My kids wouldn't have friends over until we did some cosmetic updates. We replaced flooring, painted, and finished the basement. I cut corners on some projects but I think it still looks nice. Several friends who saw the house "before" and told me I was crazy, are now talking downsizing, and two have done it.

I set out to renovate with budget in mind, and have found that to most people who don't hang out on GW, that I was able to do a lot without a huge budget.

It was very difficult at first, and storage was an issue until we got more organized but I love it now, and love what it has done to improve our finances and free time.

Funkyart, Bravo to you! I think the title of this thread says it all for you. You have so much pride in yourself for what you are doing, but you must feel like an 'ugly duckling' in there waiting to emerge once you re-group and get your grandparents house out of the 'work-in-progress' stage. You, yourself, are somewhat in this stage too, I expect with the changes in your life right now. So while these changes are in motion, see if you can recall days when we 'decorated' with a vase of wildflowers, a stack of books, a vignette of a wine bottle and glasses, and whatever else we had around the house we could put together. Even a couple of bright, inexpensive kitchen towels or hand towels for the bathroom can make you feel better now and then. Buy a decorating magazine and get some new ideas for what you want to do with your space (while drinking that glass of wine).

Good luck to you, and I'm sure the butterfly in you will emerge soon and you'll fly again.

I would do all I could do to make the place look as good as possible as you go along. I'd focus on my t.v or sitting room to be the first place to make cozy and then take it as it comes. It's a work in progress and some of us never finish. Just when I think I'm done, I think of a new project. lol

You're now living in what was your grandparents' home? That is waaaay more interesting than a show home with the typical accoutrements. If I were a visitor, I'd want to hear your stories about your family's lives in the house, what the neighborhood was like back in the day, and what you'd like to renovate or restore. Your decision shows character, not a desire to impress. I wish you much happiness in your new home.

It's all about coming to a place in your life when you are more involved with your goals and projects than you are with what folks think.
I too have downsized voluntarily, and I too seem to be in a constant state of being in the middle of something and rooms in total disarray as I work my way through my to do lists.
To be honest, at the end of the day I haven't any energy left for worrying about what other people think.
Chill pill + glass of wine works for me. As I decompress each evening I make my to do lists for the next day and research techniques or surf for photo inspiration.

You said "I am strong and capable and will be fine!" and you are right!

I SO admire people who forge their own path- they are the interesting people, the ones I can spend hours with and not care if we are sitting in a room with sanded down floors and paint samples slathered on the walls. People with their own vision of the home they want to occupy- these are the people who have the gumption to do their own thing regardless of trends or fads or the "does this look good?" design by committee approach. They want a solid black wall of fireplace (!) they do it and it comes together as a unique, personalized space that truly represents who they are as people.
Sure beats walking into a perfect home that looks like every other perfect room in design magazines marketed to sheep, LOL.

So you may not be "proud" of the state your home is in now but you can be extremely proud of your goals, each step you take to achieve your goals, the skills you have acquired to complete your goals, and proud of your own strength of character in defining your goals.

I would come to your home to visit YOU, not to inspect your home and make silent judgments about every little decorating choice or the square footage in which you live.
How boring. Folks who don't respect your choices aren't worth worrying about IMO.

You can not help feeling what you are feeling. This was not the decision you wanted to make right now. Sometimes in life, decisions are made for us and we can only control how we handle the cards we are dealt.
Understand this: your friends and family all know about your situation so stop explaining it. It just gets you in deeper.
I agree with the poster that said to start with your living room. Make that as comforable and attractive as possible.
You might want to fix the outside as that is the first impression when you enter your home.
I live in a small already downsized house for nineteen years. We bought this when our daughters were young and I remember thinking that this house would be great for just the two of us, years down the road.(Lots of much much larger homes in this area.) That said, with all our expenses in this upscale area, we didn't do the kitchen for fifteen years. Talk about an embarressment! Especially since in our two other places we had new kitchen and bathrooms. But, what I found was that in that ugly kitchen we still ate all our meals as a family and celebrated and had parties all through the years. Would I have enjoyed a new kitchen sooner? Yes! But looking back nothing in our lives would have been any different with a new kitchen.
There are people who are able to put a positive spin on everything. But for the most part the majority of us have to work at it.
Bring us on this journey with you. As you know there is no lack of opinions here! We not only love a challenge, but enjoy it as well!

Again, thank you all for your suggestions, insight and compassion. I am touched.. I hadnt intended for this to be quite the emotional release that it was (else I'd have put it on the other side) but you all jumped in to give me great insight on not just my home and projects but my life too. What a truly caring group you are.

I want to be clear that moving to and purchasing my grandparent's house is my CHOICE. The opportunity came at a time when I am not working.. and because of that, it was a much more viable choice. I wouldnt have been able to consider it at all when I was working 70+ hours a week.. and I dont think I'd have had the clarity to see the value in(and need to) changing my priorities. I was 100% focused on my work. I was blowing off projects, vacations, family functions in order to complete the next proposal or project. There are a lot of things that suck about being laid off.. but the benefits are many too. I have had the luxury of time to reflect on what I want and how I want to live the next part of my life. Amid my personal desires, I want a home I can nurture and build. I want projects that will allow me to release my creative energies.. and I want much more time with my friends and family. I want a house that I can spend more time enjoying than cleaning and paying for.

I have not yet moved. I am going through the grueling task of downsizing. It isnt just purging the extras that I'd been carrying along.. it's organizing, it's looking at my furniture and pieces and deciding whether they are important enough to design a smaller room around. It's deciding how can I repurpose a dresser or table to work in a different context. It's going through 20 years of clothes and purging those that will never come back in style or that will never fit again (sigh).

I always imagined that at this point of my life, I'd have a cool older home with quirky character. Of course, I also imagined that I'd be skating through life stress free with a cool job and lots of money lol. Yeah, no! That's as much a fairytale as the princess stories! I recognize now that while that would be awesome, the work involved to maintain that cool 100 yr house over time wasn't part of my dream. I'd much rather be relaxing, painting, traveling, cooking, anything but replacing plumbing, fixing plaster, replacing furnaces and cleaning books and crannies. The new house is the perfect size for two to live in, maintain and enjoy life. It will become my new fairytale cottage (can you make a ranch into a cottage? LOL)

I AM eager to begin and I am proud of my plans. I am thankful for the opportunity to stop, take a breath and reevaluate where I want to go for the next 30 years. I am approaching 50.. my boyfriend is 60. I want us to have a comfortable liveable world to share. Is there pain in getting there? Sure.. but there are a million cliches remind us that the pain is part of the process. I could have just continued on in this house, taking the next job that came along and going back to the life of working crazy long hours and living life on autopilot. I chose to break that cycle (with the help of a big shove from our parent company).. and in a year or two, as my new home starts taking on my personality, I'll look back at this time and say, it was all worth it!!

I intend to respond to each of you.. but honestly, I am a bit overwhelmed by your kindness and compassion... and the process of assimilating your words and experiences. I need to grab a cup of coffee and reread each post again. I am truly thankful for the time you took to share your thoughts.

I think a lot of us have feelings like that from time to time. I live in a perfectly nice house. Our town is comprised of thousands of the same basic style house since so much of it was built up in the 1920s -- lots of 3-4 bedroom center entrance colonials. So my house looks like most of my local friends' houses. It has become apparent over the last 16 years that this is our "forever" house and I've mostly made peace with it, but earlier in my life I had always envisioned living in a big(gish) Victorian with a big front porch, high ceilings, etc. When I visit someone who has a house like that (or an arts & crafts bungalow, my 2nd choice!) I sometimes find myself coming home and thinking, darn, I can't believe THIS is my house. Not to sound ungrateful or bratty -- these feelings don't last more than a couple of minutes and then I realize how lucky I am!

I have a sort of opposite feeling sometimes too -- I look around my house (usually when I'm cleaning, or trying to organize all our stuff) and I start thinking about how I can't wait until we can downsize and move to a condo! We're many years away from that, but simplifying and downsizing sometimes seems so appealing.

Lesliep & gmp3 - it's so great to hear from others who have downsized. I am more than a little surprised by they naysayers you experienced.. and worse, those who gossiped! My family and friends are 100% with me on my move.. and my grandmother is absolutely thrilled!

Outsideplaying - you read the situation perfectly-- I too am regrouping and in a metamorphosis phase-- with all the growing pains you'd expect. Thank you, your words really touched and inspired me! You reminded me that my style IS about the simple touches that don't cost a lot.. vases of wild flowers, cool old books, found objects! I can do this.. and love it!

Yaya - you always have great ideas that speak to me. I intend to build out a den/office/art studio in the basement but that won't be the first space I work on. You make a great point though, I will need to determine which space is most important to me from the beginning.

awm - thank you so much. I do intend to bring touches in to remind me of my grandparents, their loves and their heritage. I have found a lot of joy in finding ways to reflect them in my new design. However, this was their retirement home though-- they were in it for 25+ years and while I remember their previous home, it is the home that my siblings and their kids remember as theirs.

cearbehaill - thank you too for your inspiration and practical ideas! I am down with the chill pill and wine lol! Most importantly, you give me the virtual head slap to bring me back to my senses. I have always bucked the masses and done my thing the way I wanted. I get why I became self conscious and apologetic but I am done indulging that particular behavior!! Had I talked to my best friend (who lives in a large, gorgeous home), she'd have responded with words very similar to yours.

Ellendi - I love that you mention the outside of the house. My circle is of mixed opinion on this but I am very set on building an outdoor space first thing in the spring. The yard is beautiful but the gardens need some work-- the front especially. Also, I am building a deck. Not an obvious high priority project but I know that *I* need a comfortable outdoor space that I can enjoy and escape to when the inside projects are overwhelming. Also, it will allow me to comfortably entertain when I may not be ready to entertain inside. I should probably look at painting too. I think I'll add a post and get input on the curb appeal. I am comfortable with gardens but less so with the house itself.

Thank you all for your thoughts and ideas.. now and as I move forward!!

Sueb20, I really am looking forward to downsizing and purging. I used to feel comforted by all my "stuff".. much of which has a story. These days, I am feeling confined and claustrophobic with it all. It doesnt mean that it's easy to pare down but it is very freeing.. and will be more so once done.

I am glad that you posted here-- I wanted to ask you a question about your library/breakfast room. I believe I remember that you bought a PB mini sofa to use at a round pedestal table a few years ago. I am looking to do something similar in my very small dining space. I may eventually go with a built in bench, but I dont want to build anything until I do the reno of the adjoined kitchen. I think a comfy loveseat or bench will be perfect for the short term as I want to make this a comfortable reading, laptopping, scrabble playing dining nook. How is the size working out for you? Is that particular sofa comfortable?

Oh funkyart! I could've written part of your post.

We're no strangers to the "ugly duckling" phase. My husband and I have been through many renovations, but this one is different. In January, we moved our family to a new house in a new town. I love this house with all my heart, but it needs work. Lots of work. The house is on a large lot, which used to be part of an even larger lot. The people we bought from subdivided a 3 acre lot into two 1.5 acre lots and sold them separately. We bought the lot with the existing house on it and my brother-in-law and sister-in -law bought the other lot, which was just land, to build their dream house. And that they did.

It's very hard living next door to the Taj Mahal while my own dream house is still in my head. I find myself "warning" people about the condition of my home before giving them the tour and over-explaining our renovation plans - things I never used to do.

But, I have to stop and remind myself that our plans WILL happen and that when we have guests, rather than be embarrassed by the comparison of my home and SILs, I should realize that it's kind of cool that everyone can see the "before" in person (and then they can fully appreciate how much damn work goes into the "after!").

Some of the most charming and beautiful homes I've ever seen have been small. While my home isn't tiny, it's certainly dwarfed by my in-laws' house, and I have to embrace that. Smaller rooms mean smaller costs! Keep your chin up, funky...we'll both get there soon enough - and let's face it, the planning and daydreaming is part of the fun!

Danielleg, I could just hug you lol.. we are, indeed, in very much the same positions. My best friend just did a HUGE reno to their house. The reno itself cost twice what I'll pay to buy this house-- but I've also been her support in dealing with the realities and fears associated with their huge debt in an unsteady economy.. and with the price in time to maintain the house with two teenage boys and a husband who now works 4 hr away as a result of the economy. I don't want to live in that fear.. I dont want that burden of debt.. and like you, I love the vision I have for the future.

You explained my apologetic behaviors better than I could-- I can't show a photo or walk through the house without going into great detail about what I'd change. After the fact, I am embarrassed .. part of it is excitement but part of it is shame. I am saying, "I know this looks rough-- but just WAIT and SEE what I do with it". I am going to make a very concerted effort to focus on the excitement and shed the shame. After all, there is no shame in living the life we choose.

Good luck with your renos.. and I hope you'll share some of your projects and photos along the way!!

Funkyart, the neighbor who gossiped is the street busybody. Moving away from her was completely worth it, she has some serious issues, and most of my old neighbors dislike her, to say the least.

You will have the opportunity to redo your home exactly as you want to, it will happen, and you will love it. Good luck finding a new job, with your lower monthly income needs you will have the opportunity to choose a position that lets you have a life outside of work, work, work!

I also wanted to add that having less stuff is freeing! Granted I still have too much stuff, but I still purge closets and storage spaces every once in a while, I had so much stuff I didn't need, that can be useful to someone else.

Possibly think of it this way....you are ahead of the trend cause almost all of us will be downsizing due to age etc. We did, and our friends are now envious that our home is manageable no matter what the the future brings.

Funky, you have a good memory! Yes, I have the PB Marcel mini sofa and it is working out great. It was the only one I found that has the right seat height for sitting at a dining table. It's holding up well even though it's a lighter color than I normally would have chosen for a seating piece in a house with 3 kids and 3 dogs! Any dirt has come off easily. And yes, it is comfy -- I sit there almost every morning with my coffee and though it's not exactly the type of loveseat that you'd curl up in to watch a movie, I think it's great for playing games, reading, etc.

We are in our 4th house, and I hope/plan it will be the last. Our last house was only 6 yrs old when we bought it, it needed nothing. And it felt like it had no soul.

This house is 48 yrs old, needed a TON of work (still needs it, actually) and I feel like it is a living entity that we're coaxing back to health.

Now ... how do I live with the ugly duckling stage (we're in this, too).

1) CLEAN. OMG, clean everything til it sparkles and make sure you get the windows, too. Take the screens off as soon as you've had frost. Remove all ugly window coverings you can. We have a picture window that has UGLY drapes (that still cover 1/3 of the window when fully open) and had an equally ugly matching valance. I ditched the dusty, dirty, ugly valance immediately. I want to ditch the curtains ASAP and might do it this weekend. They bother me on a cellular level ;)

2) Now that it's clean & you have better light coming in ... Organize. Dedicate a function for each space. I think when someone comes into a house it instantly feels better if they can mentally say to themselves, "Oh - this is where they watch TV, that's where she sews (in that mess of fabric), and that's where they eat."

3) Handling how to explain this to friends and relatives (aka - "Why I am over 40 and living like I just got out of college"). I'd avoid talking about what you plan to do to the place, because I find my plans change a lot over time. Heck, we went from thinking, "Let's add a Nantucket dormer to the front of the house," to "Let's completely replace the second floor." What I do now is find one thing to love & one to change about each space, to balance it out. In the kitchen I might say, "Yeah, I wish the cabinet layout was different in here, but I never realized how much I'd use an island until we had this one." In our vintage bathroom, "The lack of storage in here used to drive me nuts, but the turquoise fixtures just make me smile."

It is hard, I admit. I find mixing the good with the bad helps me explain how I feel about this house. I love what it is now, and I'm so excited for it's future :)

I'm currently in an executive-like role (I'm an engineer & travel a lot to work with customers around the globe) and it limits my time to get stuff done on our house. Even though I curse my trips overseas, I can understand how losing a job is devastating.

Last thought ... there are some unpleasant things about our house I can't change & I can't put a positive spin on - like the fact that we're 1/2 mile from a highway and I can hear rush-hour traffic noise. That used to really bug me - but I realized that if no one would ever live within a mile of a highway, then there would be a lot of unusable land in my state. And there are a lot of houses within a mile of the highway - are they all unlivable? Would people be better off living in apartments than being "so close" to a highway? It helped me put it in perspective, and love my house in spite of the proximity to the highway (and the noise that we never heard until we bought the place).

I hope you come to happy terms with it all! I regret not buying my grandparents house 10 years ago. It was/is kind of small, but we probably could have made it work. I wonder what our family dynamics would have been if I did. Holidays just arent the same.

I live your life funky! When my FIL moved to Fla in 1980, we bought his house.It was the house my DH grew up in, and was built in 1923. It is a colonial revival, nothing fancy.
And it needed work, everywhere.Which we determined would be done solely by ourselves, with a few exceptions.And it has been a labor of love, ever since.I had hoped the work would progress more quickly, but our family came first- we always weighed; Disneyworld or a new whatever.. and Disney and vacation trips , college tuition etc.always won. And I have no regrets.
It is a continuing cycle when you live in one house for so long.Still have 80s paper in my BR but I but I chose it and it's on the list to upgrade.
Like Sue B, I had dreamed/longed/needed higher ceilings, a big kitchen, and a big front porch like many of my neighbors.
We finally remodelled the kitchen ourselves 6 years ago( all but the granite-had that installed) and that enlarged my kitchen from a 6X9 to a 9X14 ish kitchen. Ceilings I have gotten used to at 8 1/2 so not so bad. But have the tiniest front porch ever and just don't understand all of the folks on my street with large, empty front porches.
Long story short, spent years wishing for a different house, and now find myself content here in my little nest.
It is just my DH and I now and I have had fun playing with making a guest room.I no longer feel the need to explain away my little house.
It fits us perfectly, now.

I so appreciate hearing your stories. Yes, I had visions of what my forever home would look like-- and now they have changed. But I have changed too and so has the world around me.., of course my priorities must change. It's time to let the old fantasies go and embrace the new reality. Small, manageable and without heavy debt are so attractive to me-- and here I have the opportunity to have just that.. along with a family home that represents the security, love and pride that my grandparents shared for over 70 years. My grandfather died earlier this year but my grandmother is living strong. It is going to be my pleasure to carry on their legacy in their home.

So dear friends, I am going to shake off the worry and set out to build my new nest. I walked through the house with my bff yesterday (she hadn't been there since we were teens) and we brainstormed a number of ideas for the short and long term. Between her and the help from this board, I feel recharged and re-energized. It so helps to bounce ideas around with others who have different experiences and fresh perspectives. I can't wait to share progress!

EngineerChick - great practical advice! Organization is so key in a small place.. and you are so right about sharing plans that could very well change. Just as importantly, I need layout my mental plan in pencil rather than sharpie. Life isn't likely to fall in step with my timeline LOL!

Sueb20 - thanks so much for the info on your dining sofa! Any chance you have a photo to share? Is your table 42" or larger?

Cooper/SueB20 - I have seen little bits of your homes over the years and they've stuck with me as lovely reflections of your personalities and lifestyles. If I can do as well as you have, I will be absolutely thrilled!

gmp3, katy, boop and anyone else I may have forgotten to call out by name- thank you so very much! Every word shared here has helped me to change my attitude, refocus my energies and develop a practical plan.

I think you need to share your enthusiasm for your new lifestyle with your visitors.

Instead of saying "it's a smaller space and needs to be renovated" say "its the perfect size for me and I have so many ideas to showcase the old world feel in this home while incorporating modern day comforts."

Instead of saying "this isn't ideal" say something like "when I am finished with this room it is going to be just perfect for me."

Instead of saying "my old house was so much bigger" say "this house is so much easier for me to handle. This is my family home and home is where the heart is."

Instead of saying "This old house needs X" say "this home has so much existing character and charm. I love it here. " If you feel the need you can say more "I have so many visions and ideas for this space, but I'm going to take my time and tackle one project at a time."

Funky, here's a pic of our loveseat back when we first got it. Still looks the same except I now have different pillows! And yes, the table is 42". I had a bit of a hard time finding one that wasn't 48" -- which would have been a bit too big for my room. (On the wall opposite the loveseat, we have two 30" tall bookcases side by side, and a smallish leather club chair.)

Sueb20- I envy your dining sofa. I want something like that but can't quite convince DH. Someday I'm just going to DO it and let him see how wonderful it is :)

Thank you, Sue.. that's a big help. It shows me that I won't likely be able to use my round rug as I'd planned. Do you move the table closer when sitting on the sofa to play games or eat or whatever? I won't actually need the sofa seating most of the time but I am looking for it to soften the space and make it cozier.. but knowing me, it will be my seat of choice when having coffee or talking on the phone or whatever.

Thank you again.. it's exactly the look I was going for. I was planning to watch CL but knowing how critical the seat height is, I will likely just go with the PB version.

Funky, I don't think it has been mentioned, but you might want to visit the "Smaller Homes" and "Organizing the Home" forums right here on the GW :-)

Thanks for the suggestions, wanttoretire. I have spent some time lurking over there but it isnt nearly as active.. and because I've been here (off and on) for many years, I tend to prefer the crowds that I "know". I've also spent time lurking on the kitchens forum but I am no where near ready to start the kitchen.

Dillyny - the revised dialog you've shared is great-- and it is really the dialog *I* need to change inside my head to my own self. Good stuff.

Hi funkyart

I recently bought my very first own home, after a 38 year marriage went to pits.

Finally, I live in a house that is small!

I LOVE it.

previously I/we lived in rather large houses, twice the size or larger.

After unpacking most of my belongings (that lived in storage for almost two years), I had a party where my co workers and friends were invited. (one room was still full of boxes at the time)

All were very happy for me, and for what I have now.

Six month later, most of the same friends were here again, for a different celebration, and they were amazed that I now have a guest room, instead of a box room, and pictures on the walls, and a nicely redone back yard.

Celebrate your surroundings!

:)

Moni

Downsizing is the new status symbol - you had a large home to downsize from. :)

Still in the same small house after 20 years -- and we had expected to live here for about two years ... at the outside estimate! :)

But life and the economy had very different ideas -- so we are here -- and we SO understand everyone's feelings ... some days -- life can seem very difficult .... and on other days .... much much better. Both sets of feelings are very valid! :)

There are SO many projects that simply will NOT be done ... EVER. That statement is VERY hard for me to type ... but I try to take it in and deal with it.

Especially when I watch and read about so many folks here with new kitchens, new rooms or even whole new homes! :( I still have white tile counters in the kitchen. :(

Like others we left our big house once the last kid moved out. At almost the same time I got transferred to a new campus. So we went on a house hunting adventure, looking for a much smaller, old house with no garage in the front and in a neighborhood close to a fun downtown. We found a house built in 1908 which did need a lot of cosmetic work. Our kids thought we were nuts! We have it about 80% finished and it fits us perfectly. We can walk to almost everything, the rooms are smaller and cozier (excluding an family room addition) and the upkeep is manageable.

It makes me sad to think that we have become slaves to material things, the more is better attitude. And have bought into the ad campaigns that say you need lots of money to buy lots of stuff to make you really happy or really worthy.

There is nothing wrong with small, less stuff or white tile counters. In fact downsizing has given us a sense of freedom that we never felt before. And a sense of community.
Best wishes,
Diane

Oh, Teacats, I understand how you feel.. not just from my own experience but from my mother's also. she gave up a lot of projects in her house to send three of us overseas as exchange students and to help 4 of us with college, starting new homes and various other life events. The thing is, our homes are the places where we live, love and share. They aren't who we are.. they are the shelters to allow us to be who we are. I totally get that there are good days and bad days.. on the bad days it can be far too easy to succumb to negative thinking -- regret, jealousy, resentment. I say celebrate the things that are important to us-- and if we are feeling down on our homes, then move on and celebrate those things our homes make possible!

All that said, I must tell you that I have very strong images of your home-- it's absolutely charming and has stuck with me over the years. I love the entrance to your home and I absolutely *must* hang vintage Ouija and game boards in this new house.

Diane, thank you so much for your wisdom and experience!! I can totally agree about the freedom that comes with a move to a smaller house-- and the reduced responsibilities (financial and maintenance).. or, I will once I get through the reality of paring down and purging. ;)

You already said it in your post:

"I feel really good about my venture to downsize, reprioritize and purge the auxillary "stuff" that I've carried through my life travels and homes."

"I am excited by the challenge of making the space not just work for me but become a lovely home. I know it will be work--but it's work I can get my arms around."