Welcome from a mostly lurker gal!

What's your biggest frustration with the design of your home?
It's like a great pair of shoes that just doesn't quite fit. If I were building this house from stratch, I'd add another bedroom, make the too small living area larger, open up the kitchen a bit more, and add more porch space. Oh, and having access to gas for a cooktop would be good. There are days when I think we need to look for a more 'comfortable' home....

2)What have you tried so far that hasn't worked for you?

3)What's your biggest fear when it comes to designing/decorating your home?

That I'll invest effort and dollars and hate the result.

4)What worries you - what are you afraid will happen if you don't do something immediately?

Interesting phrasing...I capable of taking my time.

I have a design background, but I will answer the questions as I see hear them from others.

1) Frustration: awkward or ill-proportioned rooms. People sold on open, vaulted or double height spaces with window sills ten feet off the ground or six inches away from a fireplace. Very hard to place furniture, to treat the windows or to decorate, but people keep getting sold on how great they are. These rooms are the Emperor's New Clothes.

2) What hasn't worked: decorating according to trends instead of trying to determine or develop one's own taste.

3) Biggest fear: afraid of color combinations, Deathly afraid of pattern mixing.

4) Immediacy: afraid of living with an empty corner, an empty wall, a non-accessorized surface. Must go to the cheap decor department, cheap art store and fill the void. The converse is people who buy so much house that it goes unfurnished for years. They need 3000+ square feet, but use the 1200 square feet of furnished space for the next decade.

I too mostly lurk and am fairly new to contributing, but here goes:

1. Frustration: Even though we built it, I often wish for some custom storage features for certain items (dining table leaves, table cloths, etc). Would have made laundry room a little larger, open the kitchen a bit more, and add a home gym, (and have a bigger budget).

2. What hasn't worked. Window treatments

3. Biggest fear: Same as happyintexas. Spending boatloads of money and then not being happy with the results. Even if it's just paint I hate to have to re-do.

4. Immediacy: When redoing a room, am afraid if I don't finish it all now, I won't ever really get it done. Just those little touches that 'finish' a room like a picture on the wall, drapery, accessories. Not that I lack the money to do it, I lack the time to shop and confidence in what needs to be put there sometimes.

Welcome!

1)What's your biggest frustration with the design of your home?
The quality and timeliness of workmanship. I am fairly particular and I notice every imperfection. We have just expanded and renovated our entire house, and there are a hundred little disappointments. They aren't big issues ... it's more of a Where's Waldo exercise ... but for the money spent I expect greater care.

2)What have you tried so far that hasn't worked for you?
I'm a bit soured on professional designers for two reasons. Over the years I have used 3 or 4. On this project, which was a design build and included design work, I pretty much did it myself anyway.

My gripe with designers. One --- they are rarely value seekers. They almost always gravitate to the most costly solution. I think this is to enhance their portfolio and their revenue and also because it is less risky. Less risky because, often premium products do look better and perform better. But do they do this in their own home? I doubt it. Case in point: I have a mudroom powderroom in my 1904 CT farmhouse. Instead of a vanity, I wanted to use a potting bench to hold my sink. The designer proposed a $18,000 custom vanity. A potting bench costs $500. Part of my idea was a utlititarian look. Surely it did not need to cost $18,000. Would she have done that for herself? And in fact I got the look I wanted with an old work bench I got for 1500.

My second gripe - The designers I worked with had a definite aesthetic that they wanted to impose, regardless of my own preferences. This is a two way street of course. I may not have asserted myself enough, or i may have chosen designers with an incompatible aesthetic. Since I don't have any training, I know I make mistakes if left to my own devices. But I don't want to slavishly follow what a designer tells me to do, either. I've not found what I want, which is a designer that will help execute my vision, only better than I can because they are educated professionals.

3)What's your biggest fear when it comes to designing/decorating your home?
Selecting "investment pieces" and later changing my mind. I have a wonderful floral Bessarabian that does not fit physically or aestheticallly in my new house and I have no idea who might ever use it again or when.

4)What worries you - what are you afraid will happen if you don't do something immediately?

It doesn't worry me, but I've made an observation from friends who sold their home and even my own experience. Many of us spend considerable time and effort preparing a home for sale. We had a quite large old house and we employed a handyman for almost 5 months just working on little things (especially in the basement and third floor, where we hadn't particularly focussed before).

All of us said, when the fixing and staging was done, "why didn't we do this for ourselves"? The answers to that varied. I had some friends who were waiting to do a big project, so in the meantime they didn't refresh what they had. In our case, we neglected secondary spaces because we didn't really need to use them much. And the myriad little projects, it had never occured to me to hire someone to come do a long list of little things, without any room overhauls.

So my answer is, I am going to make sure I am always "staging" my home for myself, too. I am not waiting to do things or putting off small annoyances. Why should we make our homes perfect for strangers, and not for ourselves?

Welcome Ethan.

Frustration-Being able to analyze why something isn't working, so as to determine what should be changed. I have had success with:

Having a friend with a good eye come over to move things around
Taking pictures and looking at them to see what looks "off"
Learning to do a storyboard as done in the Design Around This kitchen threads.

Frustration: Finding good quality accessories that are not ticky tacky. End tables in particular are difficult. 15 years ago I was able to buy many things at estate sales that were very affordable and good quality. Now I just find junk.

What Hasn't Worked:
Taking DH along to buy anything. Bless his heart, he just wants to pick something and get out.
Being afraid to be honest about what is a realistic budget to solve issues.
Realizing that things don't have to be kept forever, even if they are not worn out.

Lessons Learned: Function is the most important outcome. This includes comfort of use, lighting, clutter control, and ease of upkeep. This is my current decision rule. Example, I may be getting a new DR chandelier. I do like the look of cut crystal, but would not consider it as the cleaning is not something I want to endure for the next 2 decades. So I will look for a shiny finish and larger scale, but not 10,000 tiny pieces.

Biggest Fear: Focusing on the wrong problem, while not fixing the main one. I have realized that my home does not currently have a comfortable space with good lighting and no drafts to read for several hours at a time. When I re-do the living room next year, getting that fixed is my first priority. Previously I might have spent the bulk of the budget on a sofa. Now I will most likely spend it on a chair and ottoman and lamp and side table for ME. Will also consider getting the fireplace fitted with a gas insert. I am always cold, and DH is never cold. This is a problem for me, especially in the dark winter months.

Immediacy. I am very organized about spring/fall changeover, and now will plan and save for upgrades. We have been in the house 15 years, and kids no longer live here. So I am at the phase to get the place as I wish it to be for DH and myself. Since I work full time and have social events on many weekends, I try to plan blocks of dedicated time for disruptive projects. Example is that I repainted 2 DDs rooms and their bathroom when DH was out of town for a trip. This way I can keep the mess out and do it as I like, and let everything else go for a while.

I have also realized that scheduling HoneyDo Weekends about every 2 months is a good way to stay on top of things. This allows me and the DH to tackle in a cluster the caulking, lime scale, gutters, washing windows and painted trim, silver polishing, washing china and crystal, closet cleaning and taking items to charity, cleaning the garage and shed, and other tasks that affect the overall look of the home if they are not done regularly.

Julie said many things that match with my experience.

"Frustration: Finding good quality accessories that are not ticky tacky. End tables in particular are difficult."

Ditto the end table problem. Why are so many end tables the size of a freaking chair!?! Right now I'm on my porch and the end table is a 2' diameter circle. Holding a 4" diameter glass, and that's it. Same frustration with LR end table choices, way too big for a lamp plus glass. Whenever a horizontal surface is larger than needed it just attracts "stuff".

"What Hasn't Worked:
Being afraid to be honest about what is a realistic budget to solve issues.
Realizing that things don't have to be kept forever, even if they are not worn out."

Julie really needs to quit reading my mind ;)

Yes to all this as well, especially the part about being able to get rid of something before it is 100% worn out. Today my big goal is to get rid of some old sheets that are worn/stained/pilled. I recently bought each bed two sets of white sheets, and that's all I intend to keep. If I struggle to get rid of sheets, you can imagine the angst of discarding a lamp or chair.

As to the budget ... I tend to want to spend more money on the "hard scape" than the furnishings. For example: it was relatively easy to spend an extra $12k on a recent remodel to get higher ceilings and more square footage. I upgraded from carpet to hardwood floors for another $3k on top of that. And choosing the better windows added another $2k to the entire second floor. BUT - the rug I like for the master bedroom is $2400 and I'm having a hard time spending that. Sort of illogical, that an extra $17k for the second floor was easy but this is hard.

The last problem I have is that I keep thinking about how I should live or how my parents lived. But ... I work a completely different kind of job with a completely different schedule than they had. Burning a fire for heat isn't practical. My pets all live inside the house (no such thing as an "outside cat" or "outside dog" in my life today). And I'm not on acreage. I need to reconcile myself with all of this and select furnishings and functions for rooms with this in mind.

Welcome aboard, Ethan. You pose some interesting questions. Looking forward to your input here.

1)What's your biggest frustration with the design of your home?
Nothing that can't be solved by downsizing!! I live in a 1936 center entry colonial. Although we have updated and added on for our needs, we now have unused or little used rooms (formal LR, DR mostly). Part of that is due to recent empty nester status. I do love my house, though.

3)What's your biggest fear when it comes to designing/decorating your home?
I have design style ADD and am drawn to many different looks but am consistent in certain ways. Tailored looks, crisp details, always suck me in but they can veer into formal and stiff if I'm not careful and I since live a VERY casual life, that won't do.

3)What's your biggest fear when it comes to designing/decorating your home?
Getting it almost right but not quite and not seeing the missing element. I hate that feeling of 'a swing and a miss'. Having a room that yawns - or makes me yawn.

4)What worries you - what are you afraid will happen if you don't do something immediately?
That's not really my issue - I enjoy the process and the hunt.

I have a background in landscape design, and laboratory design ... recently bought a vacation house, planning a retirement house, living in a third.

1)What's your biggest frustration with the design of your home?

In a few words for the current home - the poor traffic flow.

Current home: the kitchen layout has a bottleneck at the kitchen entry, the DW opens and blocks access to the cabinets (G-shaped kitchen), the best exit to the back yard is through the MBR and bath, the 1980s "conversation pit" impedes furniture layout in the LR, the way around the pit is impeded by a raised entry (constant step up/down), and there is no human-sized entry to the garage from the back yard.

None of them would have been difficult to prevent at the design stage. Now, the only thing fixable at reasonable cost is the kitchen: we are shortening the peninsula of the "G" to make a larger entry.

2)What have you tried so far that hasn't worked for you?

Nothing ... we're in the "live with it, then sell it" mode.

3)What's your biggest fear when it comes to designing/decorating your home?

None. I tend to plan thoroughly, my tastes are such that I can go high-budget or low budget with no pain, and don't worry whether my tastes are going to be dated or not.

4)What worries you - what are you afraid will happen if you don't do something immediately?

Nothing, unless it is a needed repair.

Hi!

Really interesting and fabulous comments from others so far! And I agree with Engineerchic that Julie is all in my head!

1) In general, I like the design of our house. It's an older home, and the rooms are well-proportioned, have adequate storage, flow well with the rest of the house, and don't have any weird features that pose any horrible decorating issues. EXCEPT...the master bath and the "dining room". I put dining room in quotes because at some point, it was remodeled, and a good portion of the functional floor space was walled off to add on a pantry in the hall. This means that the kitchen has TWO very generous storage pantries, but the "formal dining room" is now a tiny little rectangle. Even if there was no other furniture in the space, it would be a tight fit to seat a group of 4 or 6 in there without hitting a wall. So, they did give the kitchen fabulous storage, but at the total expense of the function of the dining room. The master bath was remodeled sometime in the 80's, and has one of those massive garden tubs with the whirlpool jets, all set on an awkward elevated area with a step and a pony wall. The current tub is difficult to clean, difficult to get in and out of, the step is covered in carpet (!!) and the whole setup gobbles up a huge amout of space. If either of us ever needed to use a wheelchair, walker, or crutches, we're out of luck. Oh, and the walls are covered in floor to ceiling diagonally set tongue and groove paneling.

2)Buying things to fill the blank space and almost immediately regretting it. We have a couch we bought because DH insisted that we needed more seating for an upcoming party. It took us most of a day to get that monster through the door, neither of us particularly likes the couch, and we never sit on it. But there it is. I also have a hard time with window treatments. I think I eventually end up with something that works, but not until there's been a LOT of trial and error. And this is a big one...sticking with too tight of a color palette. If I start with green towels in the bathroom, then all other accessories end up being green. And the same shade of green. Repeat this for the bedrooms, living room, etc.

3)Like others, spending a lot of money, and not loving the result. Or, as in question #1, who knows what's under all of that? We haven't removed the paneling, because we have no idea what's under it, and the worst case scenario involves a total bathroom tear out and redo. We haven't reached the point where we have the time and money to devote to a total bath redo, so there it sits. I am also afraid of both color and pattern. Yikes!!

4) I do like things to be finished, but I also can find the patience to let things evolve. I'm currently struggling with my DH, who has no sense of urgency at all. I want the exterior of the house painted...two years ago...he says it can wait. Wait for what?

Hello, Ethan, and welcome.
Thank you for saying such nice things about our community - and it really is a community, isn't it?

I was in the trade myself, though not any more, at least not professionally. The house I live in now is in a neighborhood we love, and had so many good things about it that we decided to live with the flaws, since we wanted to spend neither the time, the energy, nor the money to overhaul it. We came from a much larger house, every inch of which I had made over to suit us, so it was an adjustment, but a welcome one.

So - on to your questions:

!. Frustration: It's a Victorian-era city townhouse, every room is two or three feet too narrow, and there is hardly any storage to speak of.

2. What hasn't worked: Our initial parceling out of the bedrooms to their uses. We're changing that now - my workroom is being switched with the guest room, and my old workroom is now half guest room and half closet.

3. Fear: That I won't be able to stop myself attacking things I swore to accept.

4. Worry/immediate action: At this stage, I'm more worried HAVING to do something I don't want to do!

Wow....interesting to learn that I am channeling the issues of many!

I do think that it's interesting how one's areas of concern change over the course of the decades. I remember hearing that in the past, that homeowners often moved on average every 7 years because that is when their life status had changed enough to need different things and it was time to move. Single to married to one kid, one kid to 2 kids, kids to teenagers, kids out of the house, etc.

I think that with the current economy, that the needs will still change, but that people will re-engineer their spaces every 7 years instead of move. We now have both kids out of the house. I find that now I am in the process of not downsizing my home, but downsizing my contents. I know I will be most likely living here 20+ years, but also know things like the annual holiday I host will be Thanksgiving, and that no one is probably going to need the old camping gear, but that the tools need to be handy.

Gosh juliekcmo - you're on a roll and made a good point about re-engineering one's space.

I'm not sure which question this answers but- when looking at rooms in house I think sometimes we get locked into their floorplan definitions. Who says that a DR has to be a DR or a LR a LR - if it works better for your needs then switch them.

We have/had a very formal LR but my DH and I no longer wanted to go downstairs to watch the tv and he wanted a bigger one than is in our small sitting area. So we deformalized the LR and put in a big screen. Everyone is happy.

3)What's your biggest fear when it comes to designing/decorating your home?

That I won't like it. In the past I have let trends and styles drive my choices. I no longer do that but it takes a big leap of faith to go with your gut. I think designers can get up in the current trends as well instead of looking at the way the client lives and really listening to them.

Welcome!

1)What's your biggest frustration with the design of your home?

A few years ago we totally gutted the whole public area of our house, and then added a 600 plus sf living room with a large stone FP. It's a cooking FP, so it's pretty big. We put the TV near the FP so we could enjoy both during cold weather. I like the setup very much. Except I can't really re-arrange the TV seating area in the room! The back of the room is large with a table in the middle on a rug, but it's not used all that much. No clue what to do!

2)What have you tried so far that hasn't worked for you?

Most of my accessorizing. IMO, accessories and their color's are a huge part of decorating. I'm never satisfied with my accessories! Right now I have two pieces of furniture in the LR with nothing on it.

3)What's your biggest fear when it comes to designing/decorating your home?

See above: Accessories

4)What worries you - what are you afraid will happen if you don't do something immediately?

That I'll be dead and not enjoy the little tweaks I want to make. :)

My frustrations are the things we got wrong when we built. While they are few and small details, it bothers me....especially since we have no one to blame but ourselves! ;)

What isn't working well is all the stuff that I've accumulated from cleaning up other family member's places and getting stuck with their stuff...not my taste but some sentiment and "it's all still good" so I struggle to get rid of it, yet it makes it very difficult to justify spending $$ on buying even more stuff that would work better with my decor. Instead it's all stored in our attic which looks a lot like a Goodwill store!

I don't really have any fears about design and decor...it's all play to me.

My worry is complacency...I find that after I live in a room awhile, I tend not to see it anymore, so projects that were in my mind to get done lose their urgency, though not their ugliness. Taking pictures of the room tends to help some, but it's stuff like Mom's old book case that we're using as an end table (because all the end tables are too large!) that needs repainting, but I just don't notice the knots bleeding through and such any more.

Wow, these responses are so interesting and engaging. It seems that many people feel as if their home should be continually evolving with one's self.

These answers to these questions shed so much light as to what in our homes we feel connected with and where our frustrations lie.

I always like to go back to that idea of "rightness". You know that feeling when you step in a home and you just feel comfortable. That feeling seems to be different for everyone and a different set of design solutions can have a very different effect on individuals. This is why I started the thread with the idea that the design process is somewhat broken. Although tearing up magazine is an important part of the process for some, it seems that homes that lack that personal response often feel empty, even though the room is fulled with stuff. So how can we infuse more of that personal response, and less of that magazine-itis? What do we need to do to design our homes so we always feel comfortable?

With so much focus on this idea of changing place. What is it in our lives that suddenly says we need to change our home?

How would you describe your perfect home? Would you use the word beautiful, has character, is comfortable, or just simply pretty?

But how do we get to this point. Is it our past experiences that help shape our design aesthetic?

Is it the functional performance of the room that in turns makes us appreciate the beauty?

Ultimately the question is, why do we want our homes to be the way they are? What problems are we trying to solve?

I cannot resist asking these questions. I am just so captivated with the responses thus far.

"My worry is complacency...I find that after I live in a room awhile, I tend not to see it anymore, so projects that were in my mind to get done lose their urgency, though not their ugliness."

Amen! Good to know I'm not alone. I live in my head with the visual of what the room *could* be!

Well said, Annie -

Once you get into the mind-set that the word "home" is naturally followed by "improvement," it's hard to stop the process.

Sort of like the sad creatures who can't stop getting plastic surgery.
Okay, maybe not so pitiful as that.

But we are all so besieged by the marketing machine that it takes a lot of discipline to stop being made to Want Things.

I'm old enough now to realize that I don't have a perfect home, but I do know what I would likely do if the constraints of budget were lifted. It starts with a notebook compiled over years, a thorough search for the best existing house to start with, the best architect I could afford, and a good friend of mine who is a darling, and a better interior designer than I am.

Wow, I find myself saying, 'Yep, that too' to a lot of these answers. It's funny though, almost every time we have people out to our house, especially someone who has not been here before, we get compliments on our home. Of course you don't ever know if someone is just saying that to be nice, but I don't think so when they say things like 'your home is so warm and comfortable' or say 'it's feels inviting and friendly to be here'. That always makes me feel good, even if I don't think it's perfect in some ways.

1)What's your biggest frustration with the design of your home?
Main living space/flow. We had 2 kids when we moved in, and now we have 5. I feel like we are constantly bumping into each other.

2)What have you tried so far that hasn't worked for you?

So many things. One right now . . .TOO much seating in the living room that is TOO BIG. At first I hated it, and then I liked it. Now I hate it again. We bought furniture that I liked the look of, was cheap (we always need cheap), was OK comfort-wise, and would give us enough seating. I knew it would be too big for the room, but I said, "oh well." Now I feel like I can't breathe in that room. I wish I had bought fewer pieces that were scaled down more.

Ditto for our dining room table. I bought the biggest one I could find. It is OK as far as traffic flow, but I feel like I am so far away from everyone. I wanted a big one to "grow" with us as the kids grew . . .but it's just too big.

3)What's your biggest fear when it comes to designing/decorating your home?

Spending money on things that don't work. I think SCALE is probably the most hardest aspect to a room . . .first decide the function of a room, then the layout, and then pick the correct scale. I think people tend to buy furniture that is too big and accessories that are too small. Mixing patterns pleasingly can also be tricky.

4)What worries you - what are you afraid will happen if you don't do something immediately?

Well, hopefully we are moving, but if we end up having to stay, I am worried my house will continue to feel like it's closing in on me. I want to get rid of just about everything. I want a super minimalist lifestyle, but I am finding that very hard with the 5 kids and husband. If I could have 2 hours to shop or to declutter, I'd pick declutter.

Anele,
I loved your responses.

Scale is very hard. I think that catalogs and internet make it harder.

The answers you get here will not be close to the answers you will get from clients in real life.
People here think about all this a lot more than the average person.

When our architect first asked me what kind of home we wanted, I'm sure he expected colonial or cape or ranch. Instead, I told him I wanted a home that was adorable and a home that, when people saw the outside said, "Oh I wonder what it looks like on the inside." As we've had strangers stop and tell us they love our house and ask if they could see the inside, I guess it worked.

When we had our first meeting with him, I told him fabrics speak to me and I pulled out a swatch and said I want my library to have this for the windows. The fabric is now hanging in the library window.

To me, what makes a room work is a combo of function, architecture, and decor. I've seen rooms that emphasize one of those far more than the others and those rooms seldom work for me, such as the 2 story family room that looks fabulous but you can't decorate, or the room with the fabulous architecture but no comfort and no function.

Welcome Ethan - I hope you will continue to visit the forum and offer your professional opinions.

1)What's your biggest frustration with the design of your home?

Likely it's that I've changed over the 17 years since we planned this house. I accept this so it's not really frustrating and still like my house altho wouldn't now build the same plan. We put a lot of thought into the design of the house but I was in a different space then. One thing my house lacks is enough linen storage altho it could be that I have too many linens! The closets are all generously sized so I use them.

2)What have you tried so far that hasn't worked for you?

a) I've been downsizing furniture and home decor accessories for the past few years as had gradually accumulated more than was sensible. I become attached to things so tend to keep them longer than I perhaps should.
b) Years ago when we lived in Europe I had the opportunity to try a different style and completely furnished our home with modern Euro style which is so not me. It was an interesting experiment but we sold everything before returning to Canada. I also, more recently, was intrigued with Shabby Cottage style and fortunately only tried it in a guest room as I found I wouldn't have liked it in more rooms.

3)What's your biggest fear when it comes to designing/decorating your home?

I don't really have any fears as consider the process a learning experience and feel I've learned quite a bit over the decades. I am also willing to make mistakes which is part of life and usually not as disastrous as many believe. I suspect I have a great tolerance for the imperfect! I have some concern that I won't be adventurous enough with my choices. I want to buy a red sofa next time and hope I'll have the courage when the time comes!

4)What worries you - what are you afraid will happen if you don't do something immediately?

I've never, since furnishing our first home, started completely from scratch with decor. I have always replaced a few items at a time when redecorating. Home decor, while a passion of mine, has little urgency about it for me.

I agree there is a disconnect for many people because IMO they want to be seen as trendy and yet are very afraid of perceived failure and making costly mistakes. This can cause them to be incapable of creative decision making. My attitude is that decorating my house is a hobby and must be enjoyable. Better to create a comfortable home one loves than create a 'perfect' trendy one that receives kudos from friends or fellow posters on a home decor forum but that doesn't work for the occupants of the home. This puts the emphasis where it belongs - learning ones' likes and dislikes and making appropriate choices for a personal, unique decorating style regardless of trends or other people's opinions.

I do ask these questions to clients a lot and the truth is, some clients have fantastic answers others, are not as thoughtful. Like everything else in life, you must respect the individual, and where their head is at.

My intent was not to research for my clients, rather an intrigue and interest in a ongoing question I have for the root what makes us tick in design. This forum just seems very in tune

Annie, I loved your approach to to working with your architect. To me this is where successful design takes us. It is able to interact with our deep emotions. Getting there is what often seems difficult.

1)What's your biggest frustration with the design of your home? My current home is very well laid out so I really have few frustrations with the flow and number and placement of rooms. What I don't like is that it is new construction - we purchased from a builder and it was reasonably well built, but not with my finishes. I also prefer older homes with more character and grace. In this house, my interior design choices are partly intended to mask the new construction/somewhat builder's grade feel of the house. This fall, we will be moving to a lovely older home where the features and bones of the house will be featured, not hidden.

2)What have you tried so far that hasn't worked for you? Not being bold enough with my choices. Also, I have ended up a little more formal than I want to be with some of my rooms. I want people to walk into a room I've put together and (1) feel comfortable, (2) be energized and (3) see lots of interesting things.

3)What's your biggest fear when it comes to designing/decorating your home? Like others, that I will spend too much on something I don't really love. I really try to keep what I buy for a long time, so I try to be certain. I have made plenty of mistakes, and try to learn from them.

4)What worries you - what are you afraid will happen if you don't do something immediately? I am okay with unfinished spaces. I am picky and if I am not "sure" about something, I won't buy it. I can drive my husband crazy with my looking and analyzing. I can't stand buying things that don't please my eye or that clutter a room. Every piece of art and photograph hanging on my wall means something to me, and I won't hang a painting if I can't find a place for it. But I LOVE the process of making a space pleasing to my eye.

Great questions!

So how can we infuse more of that personal response, and less of that magazine-itis?

- A little magazine-itis is good; i think people have much better "taste" then they used to, before home decor was such a broad interest. The problem is when the architecture, lifestyle, and budget are out of synch with the glossy pages torn from the magazine. I think a designer with a good portfolio can be an antidote to magazine-itis.

What do we need to do to design our homes so we always feel comfortable?
You have to be cognizant of spaces that make you feel good, and learn how to copy them. It's different for all of us.

How would you describe your perfect home? Would you use the word beautiful, has character, is comfortable, or just simply pretty? My perfect home is unique in some way, is nestled into its setting, is large but looks and feels small, has history, utilizes fine quality materials and craftsmanship, and allows me ample space for all the activities my family enjoys, entertaining, and boarding guests. It offers pretty vistas and vignettes inside and out.

But how do we get to this point. Is it our past experiences that help shape our design aesthetic? Yes.

Is it the functional performance of the room that in turns makes us appreciate the beauty? Like anything beautiful, sooner or later you want performance, too. : )

Ultimately the question is, why do we want our homes to be the way they are? What problems are we trying to solve? We want to reduce stress and enhance pleasure. We want to express ourselves and impress others.

I cannot resist asking these questions. I am just so captivated with the responses thus far.

I just realized you had asked more questions!

So how can we infuse more of that personal response, and less of that magazine-itis?

I think it requires courage to determine our personal style and acquire only what fits with that. For many years I collected pictures cut out of magazines, then started collecting online. Before I threw out the magazine pics I looked at them carefully and realized my style had not changed over all those years. It's not a trendy style but is collected, eclectic, and a little bohemian.

What do we need to do to design our homes so we always feel comfortable?

We need to allow our creativity and not follow trends unduly. We also need to allow ourselves to make mistakes and learn from them.

With so much focus on this idea of changing place. What is it in our lives that suddenly says we need to change our home?

For those with a passion for interior design it's an obsession. However, there are times I think the need to change things in our homes is due to a dissatisfaction in other areas of our lives from things we cannot control. Decorating is something we think we can control more easily. When I sense that in myself I try to improve the basic problem (or change my attitude toward it) before changing anything in my house.

How would you describe your perfect home? Would you use the word beautiful, has character, is comfortable, or just simply pretty?

Oh my! Architecturally interesting, quality construction, and decor that is comfortable above all, but evolving, unique, and of course attractive to me. One of my requirements is to have lovely views from the windows as well as personal decor inside. I could never decorate with all new items, I require some vintage/antique things as they give a different feel to a room.

But how do we get to this point. Is it our past experiences that help shape our design aesthetic?

Definitely our past experiences shape our design aesthetic and we need to have patience to allow this to develop. My interest in houses and home decor started at a very early age. It's also helpful to broaden our knowledge of home decor. I like to study rooms done by well-known designers whose work I admire.

Is it the functional performance of the room that in turns makes us appreciate the beauty?

An extremely beautiful-looking room that doesn't function properly will soon lose it's appeal unless one merely wants to look at it. Not too many of us can dedicate a room merely for 'pretty' that doesn't function well. A room that merely functions well may not be beautiful but when decorated well to our taste certainly is.

Ultimately the question is, why do we want our homes to be the way they are? What problems are we trying to solve?

For my emotional well-being I need my home to be decorated in a way that expresses who I am with things I have personally chosen and like. For me it creates a healthy environment. I would not feel comfortable surrounded by things that I don't love chosen by someone else no matter how perfect or trendy.

There are two books, "The Timeless Way of Building" and "A Pattern Language", by Christopher Alexander, that speak directly to the "rightness" quality that you're talking about. Alexander talks about how we as humans have innate feelings about a place, but it's hard to codify what about it feels right. His books try to do that - to document the patterns in architecture that make us comfortable, feel "at home", complete. They are a fascinating read. Some of the patterns seem way out of reach (design of towns, cities), but others, like how to best design alcoves, entrance spaces, the transition between public and private space in your home, are really applicable and very understandable.

Anyway - when people talk about how a space "feels" - this is always what I think of.

With so much focus on this idea of changing place. What is it in our lives that suddenly says we need to change our home?

I really don't change my home that much. It could be because we installed all our own upgrades in our TH when it was brand new. It started with removing the standard cabinets and adding wood flooring almost throughout the own house. This started the day after settlement. I do find the latest trends interesting but I decorate in my taste and to me and DH it's timeless since I can always add a new pillow in a trendy color, if I choose.

How would you describe your perfect home? Would you use the word beautiful, has character, is comfortable, or just simply pretty?

Interesting question. When people come into my home the first this thing they tell me is that I have a beautiful home but I look at it as an interesting home. It's beautiful but not formal. My goal was to make a quiet statement of both our tastes especially in art.

But how do we get to this point. Is it our past experiences that help shape our design aesthetic?

I think mine came from being brought up by a father who could not care less about providing well for his family and a single mother who worked hard to make sure we had food on the table and shoes on our feet. Our furniture never worked due to it being all hand me downs or very old and in poor condition from her marriage to my father. When I lived at home I was always painting my bedroom furniture. First it was antique yellow than it was antique blue, and lastly somekind of brown stained tan. My friends remember me painting our apartment as a teenager.

Is it the functional performance of the room that in turns makes us appreciate the beauty? Both. I make sure my home and seating is comfortable and my furnishings are attractive. You can have conversations in any room.

Ultimately the question is, why do we want our homes to be the way they are? What problems are we trying to solve?

My answer is the same as Luckygal's. She hit it on the nose.

mtnrdredux, My perfect home... is large but looks and feels small...

I understand what you were expressing, but I thought it interesting as, when we were building, we were going for the exact opposite. We wanted a smaller house and smaller rooms for energy efficiency, but we didn't want it to feel small...cozy was good, but cramped was not. What we achieved was a house that is relatively small...about 1/2 to 1/3 the size of most in the area, but feels much larger due to the use of light, sight lines and open spaces.

I think, Annie, what we wanted was the opposite of the much-derided McMansion.

IMHO, many of the features used in new construction are the the equivalent of sartorial wide stripes; they make the house look bigger.

We wanted our house to be spacious and generously accommodate all of our needs, but not imposing and with a cozy scale befitting a home that is, at its heart, an old farmhouse.

That said, if it were just the two of us and we wanted a small footprint, I totally get your POV.

I don't think that a lot of people understand the transformative effect that having a good room can have on how you live.

I had a client who approached me about decorating in a very conventional sense, from the standpoint of needing to replace some things. This client traveled all the time, was never home, even if it meant she was just at a mall or something.

She actually did a lot of eyerolling and other kinds of derogatory things when I said that she spent so much time out of the house because it was a very uncomfortable place for her to be, as it was currently. I don't know if she understood what interior designers did, but I worked with her until we got a couple of rooms done that made her want to stay home. She moved and I did an entire house for her the next time. Her sister, who lives nearby and works from home often comes over and works from her sisters' house. She is not quite to the point that she understands that her own house is driving her away, but she will get there, perhaps.

The other example is my father. He visits his doctors in the town where my sister lives and occasionally stayed overnight but was always eager to return home. I did a bedroom that was Just For Him at my sister's house, and talked about doing a TV-reading room for him too, so he would stay for a few days at a time.

After spending one weekend in the room, he said that maybe he should move in with my sister and sell the house he has lived in for 40 years.

That's an extreme response perhaps, but one's sense of belonging in a space is very important and I think that is missed in current design, particularly with these makeovers where the occupant is not involved in the process.

Pal,
A thought-provoking post for those who may think design is frivolous.

)What's your biggest frustration with the design of your home?

I love furniture, and the rooms are not huge; they're good-sized, but I need to learn to edit more to give me the sense of visual space I need.

The family room is also a challenge since it has openings on 3 walls and a fireplace on the 4th.

2)What have you tried so far that hasn't worked for you?

I have tried to live with more color, but it just makes me feel uncomfortable. OTH, I own way too much black.

3)What's your biggest fear when it comes to designing/decorating your home?

I really don't have any fear. But, like others, I hold onto items past their prime when I've spent a lot of money on them, thinking that someday I'll use them again. (Isn't that a hallmark of hoarding???)

4)What worries you - what are you afraid will happen if you don't do something immediately?

I like to finish a project because most of my projects require the talents of DH, and he'll move onto something else, leaving my requests on his to-do list.

I do want to quote something quite genius I read here not long ago, and saved, as a response to a poster by palimpsest. I think, along with magneverde's caution against decorating for the life you WANT, rather than the one you have, I will hear these words in my head on future decorating decisions. I think it speaks to what you mention of people decorating from magazine tear-outs.

One thing that I would caution against is combining too many things that are of the decade, or it may end up starting to look like a room in a showhouse, which to my mind ends up having a bit of anonymity about it in the finished product.
It looks really nice, but there is something ephemeral about it.
Ephemeral is fine if you want to do serial redecorating, but you may find that serial redecorating, like serial monogamy, gets a bit tedious at some point and you may want to develop a "relationship" with the room and build on it, rather than starting all over again when it starts to get old.
-palimpsest

This is how I decorate, and why it's so difficult for me to rid myself of past items. They often find their way back because I DO have a relationship with my rooms and items are easily interchanged.

Welcome, Ethan!

Dee

"Although tearing up magazines is an important part of the process for some, it seems that homes that lack that personal response often feel empty..."

I'm not a professional decorator, but visitors and friends occasionally ask me for decorating help. If they tell me they "don't know where to start", I will often suggest they start tearing up magazines. Start a notebook, I say. Learn what you like. Learn what speaks to you.

But I caution them against using this notebook to recreate a particular room. I tell them to use the notebook to learn about themselves -- and to learn how to analyze what they see.

The ability to analyze -- that's what we need to learn. It isn't all instinct.

Let's say I like a picture of floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. Okay, that's nice, but it's just the begining. The next step -- I must think about WHY I like that photo. How does it make me feel? Does it remind me of anything? What will I put on the shelves?

THEN... comes some technical analysis of the photo. The proportions of the shelves. The way they're constructed. What are they made of? What color are they? And even some analysis of the photo itself. How is it lit? Where is the light coming from? Many, many, questions.

Technical analysis is where the real learning begins. People who feel deficient in this area (and who can afford it) are often the people who go running to a decorator in a panic. They feel uneducated and incompetent. They shove the photo of the shelves under the decorator's nose and demand, "Give me that!"

The best decorators will guide you through the process, not just replicate (usually unsuccessfully) the photo.

Does this make sense?

Very interesting, Pal, and it gives me a renewed appreciation for what I HAVE been able to accomplish in my home as opposed to projects still waiting. Maybe I've achieved too much comfort because there are days at a stretch (in winter) where I never stick my nose out the door except to retrieve mail! My home is my favorite place.

Ethan, you pose more interesting questions.
What is it in our lives that suddenly says we need to change our home?
Sudden is not usually part of my operating process. I grew up in a home that my parents designed & built over a 4 yr process, with much of the decorating evolving during that time. Little changed when they moved out many years later other than some reupholstering. I've lived in 2 homes since then, one for 11 years and the current one for 22 and counting.

How would you describe your perfect home? Would you use the word beautiful, has character, is comfortable, or just simply pretty?
With the 2 homes I've purchased, in both cases I knew instantly from the curb that I wanted to go inside and once inside I knew instantly that I wanted to live there. Neither had anything to do with current furnishings or decor but the houses spoke to me, sheltered me, and felt instantly like home. One was a tiny 1925 tudorish 1.5 story, the other a 1936 traditional colonial. My perfect home is old, or new that feels old, solid, a sense of mass and weight that comes from plaster walls and hardwood floors, door and window casings of substance, solid doors..... It's immediately apparent to me when it's there - and when it's not.

But how do we get to this point. Is it our past experiences that help shape our design aesthetic?
I am definitely influenced by the home my parents built and decorated, but also childhood books play an important role in my case. Storybook houses in picture books, the descriptions of homes in chapter books, the gables, sheltering eves, windows glowing in the evenings...... I carry those images in my head and seek to recreate that sense of home.

Is it the functional performance of the room that in turns makes us appreciate the beauty?
I think they go hand in hand. One without the other is only half the story.

Ultimately the question is, why do we want our homes to be the way they are? What problems are we trying to solve?
I need a home that is comfortable for 2 on a daily basis with shared and personal spaces for each of us, welcoming to friends and family in small and large numbers and flexible enough to still be comfortable. Grand spaces are not in my vision, but flowing spaces are, rooms that can meld into one another, then onto a porch, then onto a patio....

From Palimpsest "I don't think that a lot of people understand the transformative effect that having a good room can have on how you live." - I couldn't agree more Pal.

Ethan - welcome, great questions, and responses.

1. What is it in our lives that suddenly says we need to change our home?

I'm not sure it is all that sudden. My mother continually, but gradually, changed her home through the years, beginning in the '60s through to today. I keep buying houses in need of renovation, in part because I live in an old neighbourhood with old run down houses. I enjoy buying and selling and I enjoy renovating to my tastes, I prefer not to buy already designed homes. But I carry out the changes gradually, over time (at least partially this is dictated by finances). Hopefully as the rooms develop or grow up they still communicate to one another, but they also reflect my evolving interests and life too.

2. How would you describe your perfect home? Would you use the word beautiful, has character, is comfortable, or just simply pretty?

My perfect home is beautiful and welcoming, while comfortably accommodating the needs of my family, adults and kids. I have two young children and my house reflects that, but I haven't given my house over to the kids (if you know what I mean).

Beauty is a big deal to me. Not just a pretty face, but a welcoming place that puts you at ease and truly makes you feel at home. The house has to function of course, but the marriage of function and beauty is a beautiful thing indeed. That is what most of us here on GW are looking for I think.

3. But how do we get to this point. Is it our past experiences that help shape our design aesthetic?

Absolutely. I'm deeply influence by my mother's design aesthetic, but also by my adult experiences. I have travelled a great deal and lived overseas, that no question that has had a huge influence on me too. My taste and interest is design has evolved significantly over time, coinciding no doubt with the fact that I spend more time at home now (I'm in my early 40s with young kids) than I did in my 20s.

Plus we are all influenced by media and trends of course. I don't watch TV anymore, but I'm addicted to design magazines (aka house porn), esp. European ones. No question they have influenced me.

4. Is it the functional performance of the room that in turns makes us appreciate the beauty?

Ha, I think I answered this above. Absolutely. The pretty face alone isn't enough (although it can be a great start! :). You need the whole package to really appreciate the beauty, to really feel the impact on your well-being.

5. Ultimately the question is, why do we want our homes to be the way they are? What problems are we trying to solve?

I'm not sure how to answer this. We all want beauty and comfort, plus things must work for particular life situations. I guess this is the problem we are trying to solve - how to get all this in MY old/new/unique/odd/small/big/deco/victorian/loft space?

Pal really good point about getting your home to where you want to be in it. I love being in my home and I like to be at home. I like to putter, to read, to whatever and I am comfortable there. I have a friend who doesn't like being in her home. And I don't like being there either. She let her MIL decorate it and there is just too much stuff going on in the space and it doesn't suit my friend. Interesting point.

This thread has been so interesting to read and I love the insight that others have shared.

1)What's your biggest frustration with the design of your home?

The home we just bought will be my third in less than a year and we're not yet moved in but I'll still use this one for my responses since it's on my mind the most. (Context: DH and I got married this past January so I sold the house I owned, moved into his itty bitty place for the past several months, and are now moving into a larger house we bought together.)

My biggest frustration with the house so far is that it isn't my Dream Home. I didn't walk in and instantly fall in love with everything about it, but instead looked at the school district, the location and property, and what I thought its future potential could be. I'm very impatient and don't have boatloads of money to throw at it right now so I have to wait and keep envisioning what it will someday become. Plus, it's old and I've always liked new construction. :)

2)What have you tried so far that hasn't worked for you?

Convincing DH of all my "must haves"? :) Really, what I think I've done in the past is either try too hard to mimic some other style because I didn't yet have a sense of my own preferences, or occasionally buy cheap disposable type furnishings because it might have the look of the moment rather than long-lasting durability and character. I'm trying to change that by looking at Craigslist to find more sturdy items that I can still afford.

3)What's your biggest fear when it comes to designing/decorating your home?

Spending money and then either hating it or changing my mind a few months later. I can be kind of fickle and like to swap colors and styles occasionally so I'm trying to move toward very neutral big ticket items that allow me to easily switch out pillows or window treatments.

4)What worries you - what are you afraid will happen if you don't do something immediately?

I'm terrible about this. I worry All. The. Time. When it comes to my home I want everything to look finished and perfect and I don't think that will ever realistically happen. So in the meantime, I feel like I need to point out to any visitors that they should ignore X and Y because it's only like that for now and my vision is to _________. I guess I feel like my home is a reflection of me and my personality so if things aren't just right then I get really anxious. Plus I find that the more chaotic things become in my life - marriage, moving, selling a house, buying a house, changing jobs, preparing a rental property, and so on - the more pressure I feel to control the little things like painting the bathroom.

I think I mostly answered your follow-up questions too, except I'll add that I've found myself saying the word "pretty" a LOT lately. I want to surround myself in things that are pretty. Pretty things make me happy. I smile when I look at my shower curtain of all things since it has pretty little blue birds on it. I like the pretty flowers in our bedding. I want pretty little glass pulls on the guest bath vanity. I want pretty little toss pillows in a variety of colors and patterns. I don't know... maybe that stems from living in DH's little grubby bachelor pad for most of the year. :)

Palimpsest: "I don't think that a lot of people understand the transformative effect that having a good room can have on how you live."

Absolutely...people thought I was nuts but I spent a lot of time and effort decorating my office at work. I mean, I spent more of my waking hours there for over 30 years than I did anywhere else...I had an oriental style rug, lamps, book case, tchotchkes, a pendulum clock on the wall, art work, the whole schmeer. The only thing I couldn't do was change the wall color or the carpet, but don't think I didn't think about it! It made a tremendous difference, not only in how I worked in the space, but how other people related to the space and to me when they came by for meetings or conferences. I decorated DH's office where he worked too and it changed the way people related to him as well.

However, I think the way a room looks is also a reflection of the person's state of mind...I have seen some very depressing rooms surrounding people who were very depressed. And clearly this hoarder business is an outward expression of the inner difficulties these people are experiencing.

Before I got my interior design degree, I was pretty good at the decorative aspects of interior design without the technical or historical background.

I had an apartment with a dining area in a loft that I designed a custom railing and table for, and we never felt comfortable eating there. I created an office area in a room sized landing and I was very uncomfortable working with the stairs at my back.

I ended up putting my computer/desk at one end of my huge walk in closet. It was painted and carpeted and well lit and I was very comfortable there--even though it wasn't "decorated."

I think that people will decorate a room without designing how they want it to work for them and this can be a disconnect --having a well decorated room that is not a room you want to be in.

1) My biggest frustration is not knowing enough about the styles and periods of furniture. I have always liked and had electric decor but I am often stumped on what would be an appropriate mix. I have learned a lot here but have a long way to go.

2)I cannot think of anything that does not work for me after Im done. My choices may not be others cup of tea but work with my lifestyle and budget. It often takes a while for me to get it right though.

3. I'm not all that fearful. I'm not afraid of pattern mixes or color or trying something new. The only thing I can think of is that I would not want to over pay for something.
   
   4)I can never do all immediately so no worries there.
   
   5)I have never used a decorator or designer so I'm not sure my answers count. It seems like it would be impossible to get in my head to pin point a style. I am often inspired by a thing, be it a picture or a chair or whatever. I always have to use a lot of existing furniture and decor. Things just evolve from there without a clear initial plan. I often try to have a plan and even make up a board but I never end up with the original plan. I always end up with something I like more.

1) Biggest frustration: Virtually none of our existing furniture works with the look/style of the home we bought. Mostly for reasons of scale. With the exception of a few pieces, I have essentially had to start from scratch. Which has been frustrating, but also fun.

2)What I have tried so far that hasn't worked: At first I thought I could furnish the rooms by myself, with the help of an assorted friend here and there. I soon discovered (fortunately before I bought anything) that I had no sense of scale. So I have brought in outside help where needed.

3) Biggest fear: As others have said, spending a ton of money on something not returnable only to discover it was a big mistake.

4) Why the immediacy? I have moved around my whole life for work, mostly living in rentals. We have been in our house for a bit over a year now, and I want it to look and feel like a home as soon as possible. I'm fine with empty spaces and accessorizing over time, but I want to get the bulk of it furnished sooner rather than later.

"I often try to have a plan and even make up a board but I never end up with the original plan." - jterrilynn

I think that is what often happens. (Just ask everyone on the kitchen forum who have redone kitchens). You start with what you think you want, what you think looks good but as you set out to accomplish it, your tastes evolve, or you become more comfortable with another idea or vision. The original plan is just that, a plan, it isn't set in stone.

Round two answers!
1) Lots of reasons. In the past it was working up to a better school area and that involved a lot of remodeling for re-sale. Now, I'm not sure because we are caught in a weird zone. I want to stay and improve on things in this house, husband wants to move-on to a downsize and a new challenge remodel in a smaller home. Like I say, we are in a weird mind set at the moment.
2) My perfect next home will have everything to do with location and that means that I want and need to be close to the beach and nice safe pretty areas to walk. It will be a place where I can put in a new kitchen. I will not have a dining room; my kitchen will have a large table in the middle of the room. It will have a small but lovely yard. There will be a room off my lovely yard where I can have an art studio. My perfect home will have the room to have large walk-in closets in the master. I'm thinking I want 9' ceilings instead of 12" to keep the noise and utilities down. I want a metal roof because it's good for hurricanes and will probably last til I die. Now that I'm older I want more practical things.
3) Yes!
4) Function yes but quirks or ok too as long as they are interesting quirks. I especially like a few ugly quirks.
5) Problems to solve? Hmmm...I do have to be comfortable above everything else. My idea of comfortable is to have things that make me happy but not things I have to worry over. I wouldn't want a seat that looked like one shouldn't sit there or a coffee table top where I would have to worry about the surface.

Blfenton,you mean I'm normal? Who knew lol!

Thank you to everyone who answered my curious questions. I am always interested in how people approach the design of their homes, and loved reading all of your thoughtful and engaging responses.

This place is truly a great community and I can't wait to become more involved.