My DH has threatened to install child safety software that would block me from accessing MLS listings. So I know what you mean. I'm a serial buyer and seller.

I certainly do a fair amount of research first, but I put in offers pretty quickly too. We were in the market for a lakeside cottage last year, put two offers in pretty quickly, even though we were supposed to 'not be in a hurry, just looking to educate ourselves, etc.'

Good luck if you do make an offer.

There's a very steep learning curve with real estate. I think after your first few properties you know the sound buyers' principles as well as what you like and want, and that's why each successive purchase requires less research. My theory, anyway.

Wow, this is shocking to me... sometimes I think I'm just wayyyyy too analytical. Can you share some links with us so we can live vicariously through your process?

Bestyears,
Oh, it involves plenty of (obsessive) analysis, including a family meeting where we established, with our elementary schoolers, a list of 3 dozen pros and cons of the proposed house, and mitigants. We are next going to assign "weights" to each pro and con.

But what I am saying is, almost everyone I know who says "We're just going to look", buys within a month or so. Am I alone in that observation?

(PS I feel a little odd posting the listing for this house ... when we go back maybe i can post my own photos. There are definitely some aspects where i'd love GW input)

KSWL, That's a rational excuse, but what I mean is I am always falling in love with homes, especially, I realized, homes that I can change/fix/improve!

Sochi, LOL, I need an MLS block too.

Maybe my obsession is more "out there" then I thought! I was hoping that others would 'fess up that they fall in love with homes on the first date all the time...

DH want to start looking for a "where we will retire home" which is going to happen within the next 3 years. I could never just look which is why I am putting it off. I'm afraid I will really fall in love with something.

Can't live in NJ when that time comes. Taxes way too high.

I love houses, and I'm embarrassed to tell people how many homes we have lived in. It seems I find one or build one, finish it and move on! The longest house we have ever lived in is 4 years! (I've been married 25 yrs). This current house we have now, I really plan to stay put for no less than 10 yrs. I'm feeling my age - and this house has done a number on me! Of course... we ended up here because I started to "just look". We purchased a lot, planned to build, things were dragging on and on.. and as I searched through the MLS, this house was the only house that interested me, and since I now live here, you know the story ended!

"Fall in love on the first date" made me laugh. When we bought this house we went up & down the Rd with the name of our place and couldn't find it. Went back home and did a map of the listing. Came back in the dark and it didn't matter what was up this driveway DH was buying it!!! Should have been knocked down and started from scratch, it would have been much less expensive.

We are at the opposite end of the spectrum. We looked at 50 homes before we bought the one we lived in for 32 years. And it took us 7 years to design the new one. And it's only 10 min away from the old house. And the new one is where DH and I grew up ...his grandmother bought the property back in the 30s. We'll be here until they drag us out dead or comatose into the nursing home. Our "just looking" consists of being "nosy neighbors" going to open houses at places we knew either growing up to see what they've done to the place, or have never been in and always wondered what they looked like.

I'm always impressed with people who are willing and able to pack it up and move to a completely different place, lifestyle, and all the work and learning curve that goes with it....

Jerseygirl - I'm with you on Jersey taxes - we know we'll leave NJ but we don't know where. We might just move back across the river to Bucks County, PA. You might not remember from previous posts, but we're in adjacent towns. DH is easing into retirement. Last year he worked 4 days a week, this year it's 3. He'll officially retire in less than a year. We haven't contacted a realtor yet but I do check out the listings to acquaint myself with current prices.

I guess I am more like Annie too.... We looked at more than 40 houses (in one weekend with a toddler and nursing infant!) before we bought this one. I've never found a perfect anything -car, house, sewing machine, laptop..... so it always comes down to analyzing the trade offs and compromises.

I love to look at houses, and do it frequently, but am always, ALWAYS shocked at people who say things like, "Well, we weren't planning to move, but we saw this gorgeous house." Maybe I should be more spontaneous! Really, there are parts of me that envy that spontaneous, flexible nature.

We are going to upstate NY in the next few months to begin a quest of looking for lakefront property. We won't live in this property for 3 years anyway, and at this point, don't even know what state we want to be in. Now you're scaring me mtnredux!

When we bought the beach house we have now, we were "just looking." Not even ready to put our first beach house on the market. But then I drove by this house. DH thought I was crazy, but we called the realtor and made an appt to "just look." Even told the realtor (who we knew from our previous buy) we were not ready to buy, but we were curious. Toured the house, and as we walked out, told the realtor we wanted to go back to his office and write up an offer. Should have seen his face! Bought that house and it took us almost a year to sell the other one -- ugh! But totally worth it. We love our place.

We also bought our first house -- first ever house, not a beach house -- after just happening to drive by on the way to a party. Not even looking yet, but we fell in love with that house and spent every last dime buying it. Never regretted it!

Just to be clear, we have not done this a lot. After moving from NYC, we lived over 10 years in one house, until we bought this one three years ago (yes, this house purchase was totally on a whim). We bought our lakehouse (bestyears, where are you looking? ) almost 7 years ago.

I think what i am saying is, if you gave me a set of constraints and requirements, and let me loose on a dozen listings or so, I think I'd always find one I liked.

I think the issue is that real estate seems so unique. And so every time I like a house, there is a sense of urgency, a sense of "buy this or you will never have this opportunity again". That may be partly because i never bought in a development or a condo, and I like older homes.

Bestyears - I envisioned a search over a year or two as well. And maybe that will happen in the end. But each waterfront property is so unique, I think it is hard not to feel driven to buy one.

Maire_cate -- I'm from Bucks County originally!

Jersey girl -- we came from Montclair, and yes taxes are very high. All of the urban demands and, in the case of Montclair, no industrial activity to provide revenue. When we moved to CT, everyone said "ooh, you will save so much on taxes". Not really so true. I think what masks the comparison is that the houses in NJ are cheaper. So, for example, in Montclair you might pay $35k in taxes on a $1mn home. In CT you might only pay $17k, on $1mn home. But if you wanted an equivalent home the home that is $1mn in NJ will be $1.7 in CT. Of course, you can pay off your mortgage but your taxes go up forever...

Annie, I agree with you, if you are talking about moving abroad, or to a different region of the US. But where we lived and where we moved are all still sort of in the broad cultural ambit of NYC, and so very similar imho.

LOL, eandhl. When we bought our lakehouse upstate, we could not see the lake at all due to fog. We had photos so we bid anyway. The next day we drove back up to make sure the lake was there. : )

Tinker, I could so do that!

SueB, you make me feel a lot better! I am not the only one!

I wanted a place "up north" here in Michigan for years, but couldn't afford it. I would look at listings off and on, but didn't take the step of looking. In 2009 I saw a listing for a small mobile home on 1/4 acre in my favorite vacation town, went to look at it, and bought it. Never looked at any other places. I thought prices then were rock bottom, but since then I've seen better homes for less.
Hubby said at first, "Do whatever you want". Next morning he said, "Seems like it will be a lot of work". So I hired someone to cut the lawn. I did the dishes without asking him to take turns. Then other stuff came up and I got a divorce.
So now, my little old shabby mobile home, 5 minutes from a state park on a lake, is mine, ALL MINE, and I love it.

Here is a link that might be useful: Higgins Lake images

Not sure where we are looking. Our last child has two more years here in the nest, and then we want to live on a lake for half the year, and probably keep a place here for the winter months (a townhome or something). I'm from NH originally, and do love the lakes in NH, but have also discovered the upstate NY area (son is at school in Ithaca). Love the Adirondacks, the Finger Lakes, etc. My husband would prefer to go to North Carolina, which I admit I have come to appreciate as a destination. But I have yet to find a lake there that truly has the look and feel of lakes in the areas I've described. And yes, I'm taking suggestions, although I don't want to hijack this thread, so feel free to email me.

I would love a place in St. Augustine Florida. There is so much beauty and history there. It's only a dream though...boo (just looking), but I would love something like this along with some extra $$$$$$ for a remodel.

Here is a link that might be useful: My little dream 2nd home

I think there are many of us who don't have pocketbooks that allow us to "just look" and then buy on a whim.

I'd love a beach house or a lake house, but can't afford one, at least not any time soon.

Jterri, That place is gorgeous. I think I would like St Augustine, since I rarely like new homes. I once thought of moving to Coral Gables but they say schools are pretty weak there.

Kathy, Lake Higgins is so pretty. How serene to live full time in a vacation spot!

Polly, Hmm, you are right, I don't mean to be so flip --- sorry about that. But I don't really think this is about price point. I have a cousin who recently told me he was looking to buy his first home, my guess is he is in the 150k range. As with most people I know, he intended to "just look" and "get educated", but while a lot of that did occur on line, by the time he was in the front yard of something that felt special, he was a buyer.

It seems like it is about 50/50, of people, like me, who have strong emotional reaction to homes and are unable to "just look", and people who do not hear a siren call every time they open a new front door.

our 1st house we bought was back in the day when realty companys had sunday morning 'homes for sale' shows on tv! we knew we wanted to buy a house, but hadn't really looked too much- saw this house on tv in a neighborhood/town we were unfamiliar with- went to see it and ended up buying!!

other than our 1st house, we have never bought a house without having a job relocation that required it... and, with each house we have owned, i feel like we did look somewhat quickly because we felt pressure to find during 'relocation trips'... liked, but not necessarily loved them...

a couple of times, on vacations, we almost bought vaca place-one time even put in an offer and ended up withdrawing before finalizing negotiations. as it turns out, we really regret not getting one place in particular (not the place where we withdrew offer!)-would have been a great investment! but, we're too darned conservative with $ risks!

was in me this summer- absolutely gorgeous! saw a couple of places in bar harbor i could LOVE, but they weren't for sale! :)
but, even so, in me the water is pretty darned chilly-- that would give me pause and i would hesitate, hem and haw, weigh pros and cons over and over, and the opportunity would probably slip by... lol

Now, mtnredux, you know if it's rational, it's a reason and not an excuse. (Repeat several times until you can say this with conviction to your husband, mother and accountant. ). :-)

There's no one more likely to buy a house than someone who is "just looking." How else do you find a house to buy? In a related vein, there's no one more likely to get a diagnosis than a person who sees a doctor. Or to be run over if you stand in traffic. Victor Hugo said it in decidedly non PC terms: walk with a cripple and at the end of a year you will limp. Go looking with a realtor and it doesn't take nearly that long to buy a house !

Not me. At least, not in MA. I need to see 100 houses before I find one that doesn't make me want to bathe immediately afterwards.

I enjoy looking at real estate. I would love to be in the business at some point. Unless I was needing to move to another home for necessity I probably wouldn't fall in love to the point of buying. I just don't like the process of moving that much.

After working so hard on a home, getting it the way I want it, I don't want to leave. Granted we've moved several times because of military requirements and then as renters trying out different suburbs to call home. We sold our first home (of 8 years) a few months ago, and while we were ready to move it was a difficult process. I brought my babies home to that house and worked really hard to make it a nice home. It was a horrible money pit and we were grateful to find a buyer, but it was still hard to leave.

Fortunately, we've moved to my hometown, across the street from my parents, and in a house that has a lot of sentimental value for me. When the day comes that I get the landscaping "done" and the house updated and additions made, I can't imagine anything else making me want to leave. I will, however, constantly be looking at the MLS because I like to.

My husband has a problem "just looking." He is always ready to pounce so I generally need to restrain him. Having said that, we did buy our second home (on Cape Cod) very quickly after seeing relatively few houses and without really knowing much about the area we bought in. We picked the area for good reasons, but we didn't really know how much we would grow to like it and why. Lucky, I guess. The minute I walked into the house, I knew it was what I was looking for - eclectic, rambling, charming. I found all sorts of "signs" why we were supposed to be the next owners. No regrets, but I do feel like we were fortunate not to make a big mistake b/c we were pretty ignorant. It's not like it would have been so easy to sell the home if we hadn't liked it!

However, to more directly answer your question, I think that it is hard to just look if you are intellectually ready to buy b/c your emotions take over when you see a great house and can imagine yourself there.

We looked at well over 100 houses in the NY suburbs before we found one we wanted to buy. And we weren't "just looking." We actually considered ourselves buyers. I don't feel that emotional tug with real estate at all. I try not to fall in love with things that can't love me back.

I was already looking at and collecting a few house plans a year after we built this house and that was almost 13 years ago. I never get tired of touring houses, which is why I go on home tours when I can, to give me ideas on how to freshen up this one. But like Annie, we'll probably be here til we get carried out feet first or until we decide to give up on trying to take care of the acreage and move back into town or (worse) an assisted living or nursing home. We also have a lake condo, so I always have some project, inside or outside, I'm working on it seems. Next on my list is some outside landscaping tweaking and our Master bath I think.

Yes, the problem with going on house tours is I get the itch to re-do at the very least. But the problem with looking at real estate is pretty much like Marcolo describes or make me want to scrape it and start over. Ugh!

LOL, you think "just looking" at houses is hard, try "just looking" at puppies. That's how I ended up w/ two!

I personally cannot find houses I really like, so this isn't an issue for me. We looked at about 35 here before giving up and deciding to build. When we bought in FL, we looked at a bunch and ended up buying one b/c I liked the location and knew I could remodel, but even there I didn't fall in love with the house itself (just its location and potential). I think my tastes are too specific to like what anyone else has done...

Yep. Or "just looking" at kittens too. Cars has been an issue for me in the past ... "just looking" has almost always meant I ended up with a new one at some point in the process.

My ex had a hobby. It was cruising from one open house to the next on the weekends. I must admit, that got really old with me. To look exhaustively just to get ideas for a future home might have been a bit exciting at first, but after the 379th house, I'd had enough. Actually, it was more than just a hobby for him. I think it was an obsession - he loved to dream about expensive things he could one day acquire - and to that end, started to feel a bit excessively creepy to me. He didn't seem capable of truly appreciating what he had in the here and now.

When I bought the house I've now been in for 9 years, I knew I wanted an older home and looked at quite a few. (I understand that feeling of wanting to come home and bathe afterwards.) When I found "mine", the search was then complete. I really don't feel compelled to go out and look at houses at this point in my life - but I do understand that the circumstances of others are not the same as mine. (And I still don't trust myself entirely on a new car lot.)

Dh rarely buys anything, and almost never impulse buys so he can regularly look for future investment property without worry. Me, I feel frustrated if I can't buy (eventually if not at that moment) so the "just looking" habit has never gone over well in any category.
I like the "hunt" followed by the kill!
Even if it's just something small for the house I can check off and move on to something else.

Bumblebeez, the hunt is fun, too. I just always seem to find something worth killing and carting home.

Sunny, hmm cars don't do it for me and kittens don't either (I'm allergic!) The ex does sound a bit odd (who am I to talk!). I am not usually looking for a nicer house, I am usually looking for another project. In fact, I don't want something "done".

Beagles , LOL the puppies! We always take our dog back to the home of the breeder when we travel, so our dog can visit with the 'rents. I can't go in there when they have a new litter, just too darn cute!
I don't want to buy homes that others have done, either. But there are often elements or settings that just draw me in. One of the homes we bid on when we bought our first home was a rather ornate Victorian. I don't like Victorian, but they had these beautiful huge carved doors, and Eastlake fpl. I still wish I had those doors!

Outside, I don't habitually househunt, but when I try to "just educate" myself, I get trigger happy.

SAS95 -- good point. There ought to be a better word for it.

Marinagal , I know what you mean. And here we go with the love analogies again. I think you know right away if a house is for you. I diligently go through all of the analysis/justification but I think emotions are big. That's why staging works. Things that should not matter, do matter, because they trigger emotions.

Bleigh - across from your parents? How nice!

Marcolo, my family thought the place I liked was a "dump". And since we toured it right after something that looked like a showhouse, the juxtaposition didn't help. But I think of how much fun it is to save dumps!

Fair point, KSWL.

Busy -- yes, i can relate!

Maire Cate- Of course, I remember you. Did not know you were from Buck County originally. I am thinking about moving back into PA myself, maybe Montgomery County. I have quite a few friends in Bucks County. It's where everyone from NE Philly moved to.

Mtnrdredux- I did not know you came from Bucks County. Your analogy of the differences is perfect. It's what I say about PA also, particularly Bucks County. We looked in Newtown prior to buying our current home. Count not touch a home in Newtown like our NJ home for the money.
I call it a wash.

DH keeps nudging (?) to start looking.

Gosh, this topic reminds me of several women I've known through the years who went off their birth control with a similar line 'Oh we're not trying, we just want to see what will happen.' Yep, they are indeed all mothers now :).

Sort of the same thought process as just looking, eh!?

Ann
who has bought one house in her life, and doesn't plan to ever buy any more...

Running, so true! I suppose the issue is that, by the time you are publicly proclaiming anything, you are probably a footfall away from doing it ...

Jerseygirl, Yes, I grew up in Bucks County. Lived in NYC then Montclair. When we stopped working I considered moving back, but it is too far from NYC for me, and at this point CT looks more like the Bucks County I grew up in. So much building and traffic in Bucks! But it is still a great area and, of course, home! Where did you grow up?

Bestyears --- sorry, I meant to reply. I don't know anything about the lakes "up there". Our lake search was confined to a 100 mi radious from NYC (or, as DH likes to say, one video's worth away from home)

mtnrdredux -did you look in the Catskills at all? Not opposed to one 100 mile radius of NYC at all -can you pass along anything you think we ought to look at. I like lakes with lots of woods around them, elevation around the lakes, and I really adore an old-fashioned lake culture in the area. Thanks!

Hi Best,

I will email you.

Mtn

oops, I dont think i can? I think you can email me if you'd like ...

No, that's why I don't look.

I don't walk into a furniture store, appliance store, car dealership or animal shelter unless I'm ready to move forward.

Only place I might look is an antique mall or thrift shop.

Good luck!

In 2005, after my FiL moved in with us after the death of my MiL, we decided that we could afford to move. We really needed a second bathroom with an advanced elder living with us.

What we learned is that we fuel each other in the "gotta see everything" frenzy. It was our first house-hunting as a couple, since I was already a homeowner when we met. It wasn't so much "Falling in Love" with a home that got us in trouble, it was the feeling of needing to read the listing for all the homes that met our objectives, to see the ones that we had an interest in, and to not miss out on a chance to bid on any of them if we wanted to do so. It became obsessive. Him upstairs on his desktop computer, me downstairs on my laptop, hollering back and forth about the listings. I expected him to be a moderating force for me, but he really made me worse.

We found a nice home with a finished basement for him and an in-ground pool for me and wrote an offer. There was a second offer, and after a weekend of thinking that we had prevailed, we learned that the seller's agent had misunderstood and that the seller had signed the other offer. It turns out that this was a good thing for us for a couple of reasons. Then we wrote an offer on a house that had good and bad points. Next morning I was on the phone to the city to see if my realtor was right that I could put up a privacy fence, or if I had read the ordinance correctly and I could not put up a privacy fence. I was right. Called realtor, and was able to stop her before she tendered our offer. When we saw the back yard of the house we live in now,(before going in to tour) we got excited. Wow, perfect yard for our dogs, very private with the hedges. Once inside, loved the size of the MBR, the Eat-in Kitchen. It was almost Love, definitely was "Make An Offer!"

I am with BumbleBeez about the hunt and the kill. I get into an intense focus where finding the home is all I want to do. Once I find it, gotta have it. No bargaining for me, I have to offer pretty much the asking price or I am afraid I will lose it.

Same thing happened a few months ago when we decided it was time to replace my 10 year-old car. Looked every day until we found what we wanted. Researched price, found it competitive, offered asking price (but did insist on one repair). We are not good shoppers. I do not know if we could walk away from a big purchase if we needed to do so because of a problem.

I think what's very different is that you can do so much research on the internet. If you can get a virtual tour of the house itself and the neighborhood, you have really replaced a fair amount of the home shopping experieence. Back when only a handful of homes had online tours, you wasted a lot of time when driving up to a house, you knew immediately it was a "no" but not wanting to be rude!

I think it was a few months ago when you were looking for suggestions for oceanfront for under $1mn? So in reality you have been "looking", no? Did you find something at that price point. I would think that would be hard to do in this area, even with the crash, so if you can get it, it may be an opportunity.

Even so, I agree, houses evoke very strong emotions.