Of course you are being territorial,but rightfully so!

Maybe next time DH should tell her you arent going to be there,but you really WILL be there and maybe that will get the hint across to her.(although it doesnt sound like ANYTHING will get through to this lady!)

Ugh! I wouldn't put myself through that! lol. She acts like we are the best of friends every time I see her. I can't get her to shut up or leave me alone. I make nice just to avoid the alternative.....

Ulterior Motives Alarm!!

Sminnj I feel for you!! We have exactly the same sh%#*t with BM and it's like reading our own story!!
When BM asks if you are coming to some event; just ask WHY she wants to know! People like her don't like answering questions and I bet you won't get an answer out of that one. If that doesn't do the trick just tell her that you don't know yet. But to be honest, it's none of her business what you guys do or don't do so I would NOT answer her question. BM seems to think she is entitled to certain information, NEWS FLASH! She's not.

We had drama's with little athletics about 3 years ago. BM signed them up without talking to FDH (who would never say no anyway..) and then announced he was to take them every Sat morning from 8 till 12. We were only just together then and it bothered me big time, because it was such a powertrip, BM deciding how we were going to spend every Sat morning (for 4 hours mind you!) for months to come. She also put FDH on the spot by asking him to pay for half in presence of kids; no matter he pays child support. DH agreed to it because of kids staring at him in anticipation. FDH made the mistake only once to give the money directly to BM. Next Sat we went to Little Athletics and BM did not sign skids up because she said she didn't have enough money saved up herself. Skids felt awkward and did not get the uniform either, making them feel even more insecure than they already were.
BM payed the next week, the uniforms had to then be ordered in and it took another 4 weeks to get them.

And the kids did not even want to do Little Athletics!! I'm convinced she picked it because it went for 4 hours and every other sport she thought of was less time consuming.
And that is the point here; BM signs kids up for sport for the wrong reason. Not for the kids to play and enjoy sport, but for her own scr*wed up motives. Struggle for power, reason to interact and be "close' to exhusband, trying to create problems between you andFDH, trying to get at you etc etc.

My advice; Show her it doesn't bother you. Don't change your own plans to prove a point to her, just do what YOU planned to do. Maybe sometimes you go, sometimes you stay home and prepare dinner, do what suits YOU and your family.
That is what I do now. BM will pass judgement on your behavior whether you come along or not. If you go to the game than she will somehow make the kids feel bad that this interrupted HER time with their DH (cheap shot at playing at the skids own emotions and feelings of wanting parents to be together).
If you don't come along there will be the comment that you don't even care about the skids basketball because you are selfish and uncaring. Either way you will be bagged!!
Therefore, just do your own thing, it's the best way.

Do you know what happened with Little Athletics? BM took the skids to practice twice in the first two weeks. Than she stopped taking them. Practice was on BM's days and since FDH was working he could not come to watch (and you don't need an audience for practice anyway..). No incentive there for BH to take kids to practice, so she couldn't be bothered. Nice huh?
Then FDH was annoyed because he paid half of all this and the kids did not go to practice. He arranged with work to leave early on that day and offered BM to come over and take the kids to practice himself. You'd think she's jump on it, but nooo, BM takes the decisions and nobody else. For FDH to just organise this himself was out of the question, she flatly denied him access. She also haughtily informed him SHE was to take the girls but he could come along. So do you see it? She wanted to be there with FDH, not for him to take kids himself. That was not the aim of the game!!
FDH did not give into this blackmail. If she was going to make the effort of taking them to practice, he would not take time of from work, if she didn't want to take them, he would take time off from work. So with that the kids did not go to another training session. Crazy, but true.
As for the competition on Saturday morning; the first time BM showed up in trainers herself; which we still find amusing when we think about it. Sporty BM, hahaha..
We usually went together and BM would be there with new BF. She would always come when we were taking them, and we would come along when she was taking them. That did not last long though: (I'm sorry for such a long reply but the memories come flooding back!!);
Once we were at the oval, waiting for the kids to arrive with BM, and when they were (really) late, FDH would try to call them to see what was going on. Nobody answered the home phone and BM's mobile was conveniently switched off. We decided to go home after waiting almost an hour.
Next week the kids were with us and they told us that mum thought it was really funny how we would have sat there waiting, for nothing!! Hahahaha it was a really good joke, and when we tried to ring she laughed even more, HAHAHAHA

Soon after she stopped taking them altogheter but we told the kids we like to finish what we start so we took them EOW for the competition on the Saturdays, sometimes BM would show up (and be a hero), sometimes she would say she would come and then not come (kids upset) and sometimes she would not say that she would come either.
So much for little athletics..
You can just imagine how much fun the kids had.

Now the kids are doing basketball, same as yours!
Different sport, same problems, pfff

Oh how this is all so familiar.

It's really funny sd whispered to me that "mom got daddy a watch for christmas." His ex got him a watch for christmas.... no mind you this is the same women who made ours and the kid's lives a living he@@ last year. And now out of the blue she is buying christmas presents for my DH. She hasnt even done anything with her kids for fathers day bday or x mas since the day the split up. All of a sudden she is buying the man jewlery. SD saw DH's good watch in my dresser drawer and said ooh the watch looks just like that except the blue is darker. So apparently this is no cheap thing. And lately all of a sudden she is DH's best bud calling to chat about the kids which leads into I have high blood pressure blah blah blah.

There is a part of me that is really bothered by it because I know what she's doing ... she knows what she's doing. But, its not like I am going to say anything... my kids (skids included in that) are more important. So, I just suck it up. But then there is a bigger part of me that knows it bugs DH to no end and that he really cant stand being near her... there was a time he thought they could be friends for the kids. But, she killed that when she used dumped on the kids and used them time and time again... and then had the nerve to try and keep him from them.

But now that she isnt with BF anymore... doesnt want kids ... dh and she are best buds... same ol same ol... it's sad really.

Wow! That's really funny. Before we switched to EOW my DH used to just have Sat. night and he'd take her home on Sunday after lunch sometime. Well back in Feb. BM signed her and my SD up for "mommy & me" karate lessons. At 9am!!! on Sunday mornings. 1 hour away from our house. She called to tell DH that he needed to have his DD home by 8 am on Sun. and if not then home on Sat. night. She signed a 1 year contract and they take the money out of her account wether she goes or not. So since Feb. the average amout of Sundays they acually is go is only 1 out of 4. Thank goodness we only have to deal with this until the end of Jan.! When DH wants to keep her on Sun. morning because of some planned activity later in the day, BM throws a fit about karate saying she already paid and what kind of example is that to show DD? By not committing to something fully. But just this last weekend they did not go to karate because BM was gambling with some new guy in A.City. Go figure.

I was responding to liesbeth about BM's deciding what we all are going to do with our early morning weekends! Lord the nerve!

YEP What would we do without BM's talent for planning all these fun events??
Sunday morning at 8, ooohhh how do they do it?

I'd be really ticked off too if BM bought my DH a Xmas present. Especially one as nice as that. I hope your DH is not planning on returning the favor? Did you let him in on the secret? I don't think BM in my situation would give my DH a present thank god. She can't even get xmas for her kids together. You're all going to think I'm making things up when I say this but last year, she did not even wrap the presents for the kids at all! Not a one of them.

Love the title of this one ... Earlier today I was told BM BOOKED THE SAME FLIGHTS AS ME AND THE BOYS TO FLORIDA ...the middle of january to visit GM .... I called my MIL their GM today to tell her I would not be coming because mom booked the same exact flights so her "babies" wouldn't be alone on the plane ... guess I am invisible... then she is catching another plane across state to visit her cousin meeting back up with the boys for the return flight ....pretty good for someone on welfare. I should go on WELFARE so I can fly anywhere on a whim for the hell of it.

So not going ... do not want to be anywhere near the woman never mind on a plane for hours at a time. I would need a barf bag and an air marshall by side the whole time.

pseudo_mum that is unreal! I can understand that you don't feel like going anymore and I don't know what I would do in your situation. The only thing that bugs me with that is that now BM is loving this little game even more because she put you off. I mean, never mind what she thinks, but at the same time you have adjusted your plans because of her, she might feel encouraged to do something this crazy again. Be careful not to let her run your life, because she will take you for a ride, no doubt. Just do your own thing as much as you can handle it.
Having said that; talk is cheap of course, I sometimes change my plans as well because of BM and I shouldn't. But this whole flying business is ridiculous. Since BM is not coming over to GM there is not much GM could do either, unfortunately. 'Change the flight at the last minute' comes to mind, but probably skids will end up resenting you and thinking you are the one with the problem. Me personally I would go and I would even encourage BM to organise the seats in the plane so skids can sit with her. To cooperate and be flexible is not what she wants from you, therefor her little game is not working, she might end up cancelling herself if she doesn't get the results she's after?

pseudo.....what does your husband think of his ex booking the same flight as you guys?

Nah... Dh is most definately not getting her a present. I am helping the kids make her a photo album but that is it.

But that is funny about christmas... Bm does the same thing we invited her to christmas morning one year (before she had bf and didnt want the kids) she showed up with a giant bag with stuff stuck in it... that is the year she actually bought christmas presents...the rest she always seems to not have the money and we end up buying extra and put her name on it.

Except this year ofcourse.. apparently she has enough money to buy DH an expensive.

oh lord pseudo....