okay, call ME stupid, but with the exception of the earrings, this list doesnt seem that bad. She has a mix of expensive things, middle price things and inexpensive things on there, so you can pick which ones you wish.

We gave my SD a digital camera when she was 12. It was pink as well :), and cost us about a hundred dollars. So far she hasnt put any pictures on facebook BUT...she has taken several hundred pics of our camping trip to Glacier park, and the birth of our puppies, and her brothers birthday, and her school pageant, and a million other precious memories that she will be able to look back on some day.

Now, her xmas list is only two things ( she will be thirteen very soon)...a laptop and a cell phone. WE cant afford either of those, so I guess she will be getting money or gift cards. I WISH I had your list

Have you seen the 1st list?

Wow - didn't you just write another post about how much trouble the girl is in? She's either pretty stupid or pretty ballsy...

My inclination (not having a teenaged daughter myself and being a future SM who falls on the stricter side of parenting) - she gets necessities or educational gifts only for xmas. Something like appropriate school clothing and books. Submitting that wishlist, in my opinion, clearly demonstrates that she has *NO* clue that her behavior is way off track. Why in the world would she expect to get anything she wants when, based on your other post, she can't take care of what she has? Sounds like you're punishing her in other ways, but I don't think a limited xmas with a few modest and wisely chosen presents is uncalled for at this point.

Tell her that you're getting her educational books so she can learn to value her education which will get her a good career and she can buy her own diamond earrings one day.

And for a stocking stuffer, buy her a can of pink paint, some coveralls and a paintbrush and tell her to paint her own room...

My parents actually found me a lump of coal one year for xmas and seriously put it under the tree as my only present (as a joke). I got a few other small things, but they were lovingly making their point that I had been a snot for some time at that point and if I kept it up, coal would be it next year.

hlmhr: I'm going to go with pretty ballsy! Ha! This is her 2nd christmas list and this one is MUCH shorter than the last and a lot cheaper than the last one too. (see christmas gift ordeal thread).

She also submitted this christmas list 2 days after she got suspended from school and her @$$ chewed by DH for not caring about anyone but herself. Guess that shows us she was paying attention.... NOT!

DH says no about the pink paint. SHe changes her mind so much that we'd be forever painting her bedroom, so it's staying the color it is now. I draw the line on painting the night stands and entertainment center. They're antiques and they were MY great grandmother's. Great big unh-uh.

I'm still liking the idea of giving her the glasses. She threw the ones she picked out in the trash because she wanted contacts and dad said she couldn't have them until she learned to keep up with her glases. So give her another pair that he picks out instead of giving into her whims and spending tons of money on stuff she won't appreciate anyways.

I don't know. I've already bought things and they're already wrapped, so I can't take them back. But it tears at me that she has NO regard for anything but what she wants.

Posted by hecallsmemom (My Page) on Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 12:26

I feel so much better after reading this! My SD-13 handed DH, myself, and her GM a $2,000+ list including a new ipod, digital camera, a laptop, and $200 high heeled snow boots (what's the point there???).
This was after we insisted on a list because we weren't giving her the money she said we should give her because she didn't want to have to pretend to like our gifts!

I'm very insulted. DH and I make good money, but we're not spending $2,000 per child.

When we told SD so, she said that her mother had told her we'd say that, and that we could afford it and didn't love her if we didn't spend it. She also said that BM said that her daddy would have bought it, but because I was there he wouldn't because he loves me more than her.

Is it any wonder SD is convinced I'm the biggest B-word that walked the Earth?

Wow. Well the glasses sound like a good idea - practical and a necessity.

Have you thought about taking stuff away when she is disrepectful of it and making her earn it back? Put a dollar value on chores and keep the item until she earns it through hard work. Though, it sounds like getting her to do any work would be like pulling teeth.

My little SS peeked in our closet this week and saw one of his unwrapped gifts. He came out and asked me if he was a 'stinker' and when I asked why he would ask that, he told me that he saw the gifts in the closet. I said yes, in fact, he was a little stinker for peeking. I also said that if he finds any other gifts, the gift goes back to the store and he doesn't get it. He swore he'd never go in our closet again.

He asks for every toy on TV so we've also decided to sponsor 2 kids through the Salvation Army. We're going shopping and no one in our family is getting anything - we're only buying for those kids. He wasn't so excited about it at first, but now he thinks it might be fun. I don't want him to grow up worshipping the almighty dollar, and if he wants to worship it, at least understand what it's worth and how to use it wisely. He's little enough so we still have a chance to nip the greediness in the bud without too much drama.

my son used to run back and forth trying to see who would buy him more. He liked to play the "my mom bought me this" to see if dad would outdo me, or "at dad's house, I have x" to see if I would get him a better one. I have to admit that we didn't communicate and there were, at times, some competition that if I look back on it, we both made a mistake there. For several years now, I get him things I can afford and I feel he deserves, not that he feels entitled to.

This year, SD's mom has already called DH several times to let him know she's buying SD a quad (atv). She made a request to get SD for a couple of hours on Xmas morning to give it to her. DH denied her request... last year, she pretty much tried to ruin our holiday with her demands. My SD gave me her list & I posted it on the other thread. I read it and got a chuckle out of it, but she's getting what we want to give her. Kids need to know that the holiday is about giving, not getting. I sure don't want to be paying for this years cheer for the next five years, plus interest.

I think if a child were ballsy enough to write a demand list, i would probably get them nothing. and such expensive things... please!!!

and the list in the original post, it may not be unreasonable to some parents but c'mon. My kid might get ONE item from there, NOT all.

My SD gave me a lengthy expensive list. I simply just don't intend intend to buy the things on her list that are a)too expensive B) Not age appropriate. I just looked at her when she showed me the Ipod on her list and told her not in this lifetime kiddo...... and giggled..
On another note from what your SD has on her list with all of the room stuff sounds like a really good oppurtunity to do something together as a family. Maybe you could get her a GC to home Depot or cans of paint along with homeade coupons of free labor (you and Hubby) to help her makeover her room?could be a grat bonding experience..especially ifshe is giving you and hubby a headache right now..just my thoughts good luck!

It's just manipulation, & really, you already know that, you just don't realize that you know it.

"we could afford it and didn't love her if we didn't spend it. She also said that BM said that her daddy would have bought it, but because I was there he wouldn't because he loves me more than her."

Don't take that bait! There's a hook in there!

I am still hung up on the presentation of the list 2 days after getting busted at school - it really does show that she has concept of consequence and does not take your words/threats/punishments seriously. I would be hard pressed to purchase big ticket items from it, Christmas or not. A holiday does not pardon behavior at that serious a level.

BUT - I actually like the bedroom idea, with a few modifications. I could be a family event, and it could be fun. We have had an agreement with my SD that she can have a new bedroom for each new school level - elementary, jr. high and high. Knowing she has to live with the colors for years she has been pretty reasonable - I adore the light pink and chocolate brown we just did this year! There is no need to paint your special furniture, but is there an Ikea or something nearby that you could get her an inexpensive desk, nightstand and dresser for Christmas? A piece of plywood and some fuzzy fabric could easily make a headboard. Wall clings are cute on www.modwalls.com, or you could do what we did in my SD's room and use the paint can lid as a stencil to paint polka dots on the walls. We actually made chalkboard paint in chocolate brown and she can write on the dots! Perhaps if she felt her bedroom was really her space it would be her sanctuary. My SD actually enjoys sitting at *her* desk in *her* room with *her* bulletin board of her stuff above it to do homework. She goes in there just to lay on her bed with it's fun pillows we made together to listen to music.
If you run with this bedroom theme not only is it not giving in to the more selfish wants like earrings or an Ipod, it's giving her something lasting and productive. To give her coal will further alienate her, but this could be a win win.

This morning at 4:30 SD comes into DH and I's bedroom, wakes us up and asks if she can go to her BM's for the 3rd weekend in a row knowing that DH is a very heavy sleeper and will say yes to anything. BM also has SD next weekend and on X'mas Eve even though we're spending that weekend at my family's house and my son will be there on X'mas eve to celebrate with us because it's dad's year for X'mas.

We'd planned to go to MIL's this weekend to help her put up her X'mas lights on the outside and then go finish our X'mas shopping for MIL and SFIL with SD so she could pick out their gifts from her. Besides, MIL hasn't seen SD since right after Halloween.

Needless to say DH said yes and we ended up in an argument this morning because I mentioned our previous plans. A few minutes later he was all cuddly again and I wanted to smack him with the lamp.

It's probable that I have PMS or that I'm just irked because he didn't remember our plans of at least two weeks or remember that she was suspended from school for two days this week for skipping class.

Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

"A few minutes later he was all cuddly again and I wanted to smack him with the lamp."

So true!
It's those things that make lesbianism look awfully appealing ;)

Amen! Lesbianism or as I suggested to a friend of mine once: Buy a good vibrator, a dog for a companion, an electric blanket, and a trash compactor because men never remember to take the trash out anyways.

Oh yes Sylvia it's manipulation, and I know it is, but DH doesn't realize it. He's fed up with all of the lies and the disrespect and all of the other things SD has pulled.

He bought her a cell phone 3 months ago (with texts totally blocked... I love Alltel!!) and she still doesn't have it. Doesn't know it exists even. We looked for the cheapest phone they had with no camera because DH said that if SD had texts and pictures and a camera she'd be sending bad pictures to little boys and because it's not a pink Razr so she's going to throw it away anways.

How sad is that? Her own father knows that because it's not what she wants it will go in the trash anyways.

At this point we're totally done with shopping for SD. Being kicked out of school for 2 days, throwing her glasses away, and the other panel of BS that's gone on, including calling DH from school this morning to scream at him, has finally worn DH down enough that he's not buying another thing. He said no to painting her room pink because she changes her mind so often that we'd be painting it again in two weeks. So I'll back him up on that one, no pink bedroom.

He's also to the point where he's ready to yank everything but her mattress and her chest of drawers out of her bedroom and let her earn everything back. So at this point with everything going on he said absolutely not to the list. I don't blame him.

She didn't get a single thing on any of the 3 of her lists. Not because we couldn't afford it, we could, but that's not what Christmas is about. She got presents, just not what she thinks she's entitled to. (No we didn't get the glasses...)

Good for you on the gift decision. I know someone commented about win/win, but sometimes before you can get to win/win, the other party needs to appreciate what it feels like to lose. And then they might be more willing to compromise themselves into a win/win situation.

I know parents who did strip down the kids bedrooms, including removing the door - and then making them earn everything back. Needless to say, it doesn't go over so well in the beginning, but once everything enjoyable in life is gone, they usually come around. The only thing I might be afraid of as a step is that the kid will take off to the other parents house.

I tell ya - I want a daughter really badly, but I read stuff like this, and I have a moments hesitation. My hats off to anyone dealing with a teenage daughter who's drama and angst ridden. They should give you a purple heart.

Thank you. I agree with you on this one. The problem is going to be making SD stick to the gameplan but we'll figure that out as we go along, even if I have to hire a babysitter for afterschool.

I thought about removing the door. It would keep her from closing herself in her bedroom for days on end. :)

If she took off for her mom's house I'm pretty sure that DH would call the cops before he started searching this time. And I'm pretty sure that BM would bring SD back because she doesn't want the cops in her house.