I get very emotional when knowing that i am spoken ill of...its just a reaction. I get angry. I'm human. But i've also learned not waste time on it. Well...not too much time anyways:) I've basically learned to disengage of the years and i'm basically turning indifferent to the situations. i dont treat anyone special. So my Dh has two kids and we've gone through some turmoil..but i've stood my ground on each occasion. Do they hate me? I dont' know? Maybe they are hating me now since they are hitting their teens. most important question: Do i care? NO. I honestly have reached the point of not caring. If you dont like me, too bad. STay away. I've shed alot of negative people out of my life. Friends, family, and my marriage has improved. It really has. I was about to divorce my DH last year. Went for counciling and realized, BM and her kids were not worth it. BM wants my DH miserable, uses her kids as pawns against him. So i've turned the tables. I confronted my Dh. Told him i understand his depression, his disappointment with his kids and told him its not his fault. Its BM.All the things she has done and said over the years. Granted thsi past year she has been quiet because she has issues she is dealing with under her household...and hte kids are spending less time with us. Whichof course makes her happy. She enjoys trying tomake my DH miserable. But he has begun shaking these emotions off and stepping bakc and saying, its not my fault. And when hsi kids try to guilt him he turns it aroudn and tells them, YOUR DECISIONS, NOT MINE, THEREFORE NOT MY FAULT. ALL YOUR FAULT. I'm so proud of him. For not taking anymore emotional abuse from BM or his kids. Its sad, yes they are stuck inthe middle, but they are also at an age of learning. ANd they must learn to respect another person. to not manipulate situations and to honestly love someone , and not call because they just 'want' materialistic things. THey are both good kids. They are. They are growing. But have been trained not to have us as family by BM due to her insecurities. They all wil have to live with it when grown up. Me. i'm concentrating on my family and trying to be happy. Nikemama, chin up. Be glad and proud of yourself as a human being and a wife that you honestly tried to help and love another person. And continue to be happy because you are a good person. And if stepson says he 'hates' (which he doens' tknow the true meaningof..) then let him hate. Continue to be happy. If your SS wants to be miserable, then its his decision to do so. Why be stress if someone else chooses this? My Sd tried to pull this one on me, and say your not my mom. I said ya your right...then i went out and enjoyed myself like Disengage did. She's also never used that card on me since. Kids, all kids, will test their boundaries. Thats what they do ...we all did that in various degrees. Enjoy your time and concentrate on being happy.

Hi, We are having a similar situation with our 18 1/2 year old Son, except for the pot smoking. He got tired of school back in 2006, and it was fight to get him to go to his classes. He quit and we made him get his GED right away and told him that if he wasn't going to go to college then he would have to get a job. We didn't want him bumming around. Well, he has worked all of 4 months in the last 2 yrs. He is out all night, sleeps all day, and plays around like he's still a carefree kid. He is a very talented musician in a band (not making money yet) and he has alot of potential but NO motivation to get things on his own (work for them). His friends buy him cigarettes & food. His girlfriend drives him everywhere. He doesn't have a car, no license, and he refuses to walk or ride a bike to find work. Says all of his friends parents buy their kids cars, pays for their college, etc. We have dangled numerous carrots in front of him to try to motivate him (what we can afford-since we are poor), including finding him a job where I worked so he could drive with me. It lasted 2 weeks before he didn't like it anymore. We have tried the opposite too, by taking cancelling his cell phone and getting a land line for everyone instead (cheaper), but he always seems to adapt. He see's us work & he see's us share one old car and my Husband rides a bike & bus to work (for the last 3 years). He watches us struggle and he continues to act like he's entitled & selfish. We wouldn't mind him staying if he would grow up, contribute, and not be a mooch. I have been a bit more understanding (because of him being a musician & trying to support him on a creative level) but my Husband has been fed up for over a year. We both are now on the same page & decided to take a stand on it. This is the contract we came up with. We have all signed it. Mabye this will help someone else out. What do you think? I ____________ agree to do the following: 1) Find & Get a paid job (looking doesn't count-must be working by deadline). 2) Be respectful & courteous to others living under this roof. 3) Clean up completely after self & friends. 4) Keep back porch clear of cigarette butts, cups, food, soda cans, etc. 5) Keep own room & house clear of soda cans, cups, food, etc. 6) Follow rules of house. 7) Help without arguing or ignoring when asked to do things around the house, such as cleaning cat box, taking out trash, bringing up trash cans, etc. from time to time. 8) When paychecks start coming, give $25.00 a week to Mom & Dad to put in account to be held until we move or you move out. If you abide by the rules above all the money will be given back to you at that time above. If you do not abide by the rules at certain times then everytime a rule is broken and we have to clean up after you or listen to rudeness or disrespect then portions of the money will be deducted at our discretion. (example 1: you take Moms soda because you drank all of yours-you will be charged and the money will come out of the money saved) (example 2: you decide to make a mess & not clean up after yourself in your room, porch, livingroom, computer area, kitchen, etc. - I will charge a clean-up fee to be taken from the money saved) The amount you save will be up to you and your attitude. __________________________________ If the 8 requirements are met you will be on your way to gaining independence, earning respect, becoming mature, & saving money. __________________________________ On the other hand, if these 8 requirements are not met and kept up with by Saturday Oct 4th, 2008, you must pack your things up and move out. If there is an argument at that time we will move things out to the front yard & change locks if need be. Signed by ________________________ Date ____ Son Signed by ________________________ Date ____ Mom Signed by ________________________ Date ____ Dad

I would agree with some posts that mom should take the primary role of discipline. I do not discipline my skids. I'll verbally tell them off if they talk back to me but they clearly know i'm a fair person and i just do not take anyone cr*p including their dads...lol... I butt heads with stepdaughter but not directly. Its what she says to her dad that i just get up in arms. demanding that we do not do anythign until she visits...so i told my dh...so your son and our son will suffer and be bored until she decides to comedown to visit and will only visit if we are 'doing ' a trip outting??? how shallow is that???? he thanks God told her that regardless whether she was here or not plans will be made and that she will just miss them if she is not here. And he said this ot her before i gave my opinion so i'm glad that this values are instigated. Its not fair to my SS or son that they miss out on a trip because she decided to be withher friends....i'm ranting....sorry. Yah, about the divorce line, kids say the darndest things. You know , even when things are going great here in my household, a few years back at the beginning of the relationship, the kids would do this. THey would pop up saying out of the blue if my dh would get back togheter with mom....i think its just the kids are having a good fun time and it reminds them of what they had in thepast and i dont think you should think too much of it...i know it hurts...and you feel...wtf? what am i doing wrong? You doing nothing wrong...its just an innocent child expressing something , a need, they clearly do not fully understand. Continue with the positive reinforcement, step back onthe discipline and let mom spank her child. I'm old school as well and believe that a little spank when things get out of hand needs to be dealt with but i do not believe in spankingother peoples children. I wouldn't want my child spanked by stepmom or stepdad or even aunt, uncle etc... My SD slapped my sons hand for doing something bad. I told her, no, you do not discipline, its my job and my job only wth your dad. You are not an adult. (biomom places her as the discipline for her younger brother so she assumes the role with no thought) I know your mom places you inthe position but under my roof you will not have that title. She never did it again and i think she is happy in not feeling responsible. I do not beleive in placing such responsibility on a child shoulders..they should concentrate onlearning,,having fun and being a kid.

I’m so glad you found peace Southern Summer ! I know it’s not the way we all visualized our blended families to be, but we had no choice but to separate & RE-gain our marriage back. I know that feeling & I am so glad your husband realized what was happening & found his way back to your marriage as priority & backed you, his wife, his future. I’m so glad to have connected with other SM’s who get it. Have a great day & keep smiling, there is a great life out here for all of us !