When parentsâ financial situation changes over the years, they may decide to provide more or less for their kids. It is parents' decisions and none of others business.

DHâÂÂs parents paid full college tuition for his younger sisters when their income increased but he had to put himself through college. This did not indicate that they love him less. All the siblings in DH family believe their parents love them equally but differently.

My friendâÂÂs aunt had a lavish wedding, but her youngest sister received very little help because their fatherâÂÂs business failed when she married. No any bitterness between the two sisters.

Why do you bring up this subject? If you feel your DH does not receive gifts as he deserves, as the wife, you could find a good paying job and make up the difference for him.

Well, their financial situation has been affluent from the get-go, so it is not about an increase in income. I think children whose parents treat them unequally are allowed to have feelings about their parents decisions. And I, in turn, am allowed to have feelings about how that affects my husband.

it is just a very upsetting, unequal situation. part of a long line of actions that they take to show how "less" my husband is to them. He takes it all pretty well, but I can tell my husband is affected by it.

azmoom, your point about my getting a job has nothing to do with this for two reasons: 1) I have a job and do my best to make my husband happy and 2) this is about how husband and I both feel about his father and stepmother's decisions, and their relationship with my husband, it is not about my relationship and gift-giving towards husband.

Anyhow, they don't treat their kids equally, yet have the means to do so.

I am the adult child of divorced parents. My advice is don't ever point out the inequality to your husband. If he initiates the conversation, then take your cues from him. But it's not your issue to deal with, it's your husband's.

I'm sure there's inequality in my extended family and I don't care. I wouldn't thank my husband at all if he resented it on my behalf, either. If you resent the inequality on your husband's behalf, all you are doing is making things more complicated for him. Let sleeping dogs lie.

This may sound harsh and I don't mean it to be, truly I don't. Your husband will be much happier in his life if he's the type of person who doesn't dwell on this aspect of his family life. I think you said in a previous post that his bio mother is wonderful? If so, then he (and you) have a terrific blessing in that aspect of his life. Celebrate it, rejoice in it, let the rest roll off his (and your) back.

This relationship is your husband's to manage. You need to let it go. Seriously. Think about it, please. If they would treat your husband like this, are these the type of people you want to be around? Are these the type of people you want your children to be around? Thank your lucky stars they don't want to be a big part of your life and let it go. You will not wave a magic fairy wand over them and change the type of people they are. Let it go.

Sorry, you touched a nerve with this one, I guess.

Daisyinga, thank you, you are not harsh at all. I think what you said is full of wisdom and truth. They are better people in many ways than you may think, but then again you are right, I need to let it go for my husband's sake. He does bring it up sometimes, but lately it is more coming from my end. I just hate to not have a relationship w his sisters, but like their parents, they forget about us most of the time. I need to gracefully take what ever inclusion they are willing to give. It is hard for me b/c the injustice of it pisses me off...especially when his dad shows me his sweet and encouraging notes to his daughters or when he recently made a crack about my husband marrying me for my car (mine is a very nice used camry compared to hubby's ancient Nissan). I gotta let it roll off and be a magnanimous person, it is just hard! I will try even harder, though! I will remind myself of what you said. Wish I had a fairy wand to make it better, but. I don't. I will remind myself and hubby of all our blessings. I cannot really talk to anyone I know about this, as i don't like to gossip and cause even more problems, so it is good I can post here, vent, and get good advice. Daisyinga's was very sage advice.

I agree with the other posters about the spending habits of your in-laws not being anyone's business. I imagine that there are more than just a few years between your DH and his siblings. I doubt that it is favoritism, but probably more that their financial situation is different than that of his dad's first marriage.

My DH and I don't have children together, but if we did, I can assure you that I would probably buy that child things which he was unable to provide for his kids with his first wife because we are financially in a better situation. I earn quite a bit more money than his ex and it is just the way it is. I would not expect my child to attend junior college out of fairness to his/her (half) siblings if he/she was accepted into a university and I could afford it. It's nothing personal, but more to the point of me providing for my child in the manner which feels appropriate to me.

As an aside, my sister was fifteen years older than me. My parents bought her a new car in her favorite color when she was seventeen. They wanted to be fair and they would only spend the same amount of money on a car for me when I was seventeen (and they were financially in much better shape with me). Their fairness could only afford a used, brown, ten-month-old Hertz rental car which had 30,000 hard miles on it and many dings.

I just hate to not have a relationship w his sisters,

You need to let go of what you want and what you want for him. He obviously developed into an awesome person without a close relationship with his father's family. He can have an awesome life without them, if that how it all ends up.

they forget about us most of the time

Sounds like they are high school girls. My daughter is 21 years old, so not that long out of high school. Your husband's sisters are thinking about dates, prom, colleges, looking cute at school, homework. Not their grown stepbrother and his wife. You and your husband (in their minds) are going to come after sports, school, dating, friends, etc. It doesn't always have to be that way, but for now that's the way it's going to be. They may be interested in you more later on as they get older. Keep in contact, but don't try to project your need onto them.

I need to gracefully take what ever inclusion they are willing to give

There are some nuances to this. Yes, you need to accept that they are a foursome and don't really want to let you completely into their little group, just on the edges. You need to accept it gracefully.

Which leads me to.....you and your husband don't have to sit around waiting for the crumbs of affection they throw your way. There are only 24 hours in a day. The time you spend thinking about and wishing for your husband's father's family's affection is time you could spend thinking about and pursuing other terrific things.

The world is full of wonderful, fun, caring, generous people. You and your husband are young, full of energy and have your whole lives ahead of you. Quit wasting your energy on his family and pursue friendships and family relationships with people who want to include you.

I gotta let it roll off and be a magnanimous person, it is just hard! I will try even harder, though!

If I were in your shoes, I'd quit trying so hard. That's probably part of the problem. Quit caring so much. So you don't get cool in-laws to hang out with - go find some other cool people to be part of your lives. You can't "fix" your husband's family, but you can find other people to fill the void.

It does help to be able to vent and get advice from people who don't know you. Good luck whatever you decide.

Good advice again, daisyinga. Thank you I will take it to heart. I probably should care less :-). I am used to close family ties and have closer relationship w his older half sister from his mom's previous marriage, and even w our sweet step-niece. His mom's side is super inclusive. My family is very close and generous. I cannot quite compute how to handle his dad's side. They are warm-ish sometimes. Then cold again. We are only coming up on our one year wedding anniversary. So I have not gotten used to it all. They have been very affluent since my husband was a small child. So, it is perplexing to see these discrepancies. Fancy gifts, tuitions, trips, etc. not including his son seems f-Ed up. I don't know why I let such shallow, small hearted people throw me for a loop. I guess I expected what we have w his other family and my family to develop on his dad's side too. I won't be
Making that mistake any more. The girls are about 18 and 20. Hubs is 28. When they get more mature, if they seek us out, I will be available. I will not force it. Thanks - just needed to hear this and reckon with the truth. Daisyinga u should have an advice column!

Here's a viewpoint from an "evil stepmom"...may or may not apply to your situation, just my 2 cents worth...

Married DH when SS was 6...BM was a train wreck and that's pretty much all I'm going to comment on that..DH always had custody and we never saw any child support $ BM was court ordered to pay...BM would show up periodically to create havoc and then disappear again, we once went 2 years without hearing a word from her...

I believed when I married DH that the right thing to do was treat SS exactly as if he were my own..which I did. (in retrospect huge mistake)....I always made a lot more than DH and I completely picked up the slack financially where SS was concerned...so fast forward..
DH & I had 1 child together...SS hit the teen years and I'll spare you all the sad stories you've read on a hundred other posts...less than stellar behavior as you can imagine..and after a few years of tolerating this along with SS making it clear to me on a daily basis that I was not his mother..I found this message board (a life saver) and I learned about disengaging...so when SS was around 15 I disengaged...I can't tell you what a difficult thing that was to do...I had raised this child from the age of 6, signed him up for little league, soccer, took him to school every morning, made Halloween costumes, was room mother, called off from work and took him to the Dr when he was sick, insisted that he get braces to fix his horribly crooked teeth (even going against DH on that one) everything I thought a good mother should do for her child...except there was one problem....he was never my child..

So now fast forward to present day..SS is 22 now and on his own. My DD is 11. Are they treated different? Yes they are. It's because they have different mothers. I am really really sorry that SS had a mother that did not plan for him financially...that's not my fault and its not my DD fault either....

Gerina said it best above when she said "It's nothing personal, but more to the point of me providing for my child in the manner which feels appropriate to me. " I could not agree more...

I had to join this site just so I could respond to this. Tea I know exactly what you are talking about! My husband's parents divorced when he was very young, his dad remarried (has since divorced again), and three more children with his second wife. And to get technical, the second child is not my father-in-law's bio son although he raised him as his own. My husband's siblings are 24, 21, and 17. My husband is 35. In the eleven years that we have been together there has been a very obvious inequality between my husband and his siblings. And now I see it with the grand kids as well. The siblings and their kids are showered with gifts for Christmas and birthdays, my husband and our kids do not get a thing! My husband never says anything about so I have kept my mouth shut but it really bothers me! I feel horrible for my husband and kids. I grew up in a family where everyone was treated equally and even now that we are all adults. My stepson is not treated any differently than my bio kids by anyone in our family.
I don't have any suggestions on how to remedy the situation or help you feel better but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in how you feel.

I am 32, my younger sisters are 30 and 15. My 15 year old sister gets more than my other sister and I ever did.

Do my sister and I think she is spoiled....or course. However, we realize that my parents are in a better place fiancially to give my baby sister more than they gave us.

We don't feel like our parents loved us any less just because we didn't get what our baby sister does. We basically just tell baby sister to be grateful for what she is getting and leave it at that.