Wondering...your Mom most likely feels close to her son...they share a home now...why should she want to see him homeless upon her death? If she buys his cigs and booze..he must be doing enough household duties to get those things..she may buy them whether he did or did not do anything for her....have you ever gone there to help out? Run errands, take her to dr....all those things that adult kids do for parents?? Maybe...your brother feels obligated to live there....be her housemate because he does not see anyone else stepping up to do the maintenance that she may need to run a house...I have seen this arrangement for years with men who live with parents... They give up certain life events such as dating, marrying and sometimes holding a good job because demands at home do not allow it...when my father was ill...I could not work....I had my own home but had to stay at home just to be able to care for my fathers transportation needs to drs ofc. My mother would not do it.... It sometimes appears as if the brother has a great time, but have you actually thought of the things he may have to deal with...maybe that is why the booze...is your concern having the will favor you some? I think your mom might see you as someone who she cannot depend on...I have a mother who made it public knowledge that she favored her boys over her daughters....she even said it as I was carting her a** around town running errands...while my oldest bro...her favorite did not lift a finger for her...ever..that I saw.... My middle bro owns the house...mother is not that crazy about him...but she will leave anything she has to my younger bro....older bro has his own money too....I do not go to my mothers house because when I did my brothers wete verbally hateful....you never knew what they would say....my mother basically kicked me to the curb 14 years ago when I started working full time....if I could not do things for her...she had no reason to talk to me..as she had done to all five of daughters....when my older sister passed away...she did not want to really talk to me after all that time...nephew passed away several months prior and I sat next to her after 12 yrs and she got up and left room. When my sister passed away she started speaking to me only to get a ride to funeral home...after that..nothing...about 2 yrs later after a conversation with another sister about problems in my marriage...my mother calls about a month or so later.....only to hear the details...thinking I would tell her anything...when I did not give her what she wanted...she stopped calling...my mother was just vacant emotionally to her daughters...not much better with sons but she treated them better.... If you are smart...you will let your brother be with this issue....some women thrive on seeing their kids fight..mine did....I have nothing to say to my mother that would mean anything at this point...she raised her kids half a**ed...but we all turned out good.....the girls all have had marital problems...and dependence on husbands because we were forced to leave home by the time we were sixteen....I did not go to clg till I was an adult and had no op to have a real career... I say all this because some women are just born to make trouble for their kids...they will play one off on the other....thats likely what she is doing now...her way of saying..."see what i did"...

Thanks for your comments, folks - it helps alot. The kids' mom said she was spanked as a kid, and she said it didn't kill her, says now she appreciates that she was spanked - says it made her a better person. She was raised by her grandmother. My son, the kids' father, lives in Las Vegas - he and the boys' mother never married. He is an absentee "father", a 'call the cops' type of guy - that's what he called, and told me to do, after he received my voice mail about this incident. I think my son is an idoit (he has a gambling addiction AND works as a poker dealer!)- he's NOT a dad, IMHO - he's an ASS. He thinks that paying child support each month is all he needs to do. You all are right - there is more to this story than even I know. I don't think their mother hits them. I don't fear for the boys' safety - it's just that they should not be receiving 'love pats' from anyone, imho. I don't know how much the boyfriend drinks - I've only been in his presence about four times, but he was drinking all of those times. He came to my house to pick up the kids, was in the car's passenger seat, with an open bottle, and he doesn't currently have a driver's license due to dui. Both their responses, when asked about it, is 'it will be alright'. I personally know nothing about this man, and it appears I don't know the boys' mother, either. I researched the child protection laws for my state - grandparents have no rights. I think the only thing I can do is just keep them if and when they (the children) want to stay, and let a babysitter care for them during the after-school hours. The mother's grandmother lives upstairs from them and I feel she has the kids' best interest at heart - I will pray that she keeps an eye on the kids' well-being. I am now realizing that I should not have moved from my home in Missouri, to here - this is just heart-sickening. I appreciate all the opinions on 'love patting' my grandsons, which is what I was looking for. I realize my hands are tied, and I can do nothing. I will have to leave it in God's hands. Please pray for the situation and the kids' well-being. Thanks again, everyone.

You all bring up very good points, and I know you're right. For me, it was more about being there for the ones they do love. Their grandmother lost her son. Their aunt lost her brother. Both of these women have been good to them and showered them with love and support all their lives. There is nothing they wanted that grandma did not provide, and I mean everything from new cars to houses and property to paying for their college education. For his daughter, college education included med school. I could never turn my back on someone who loves me so, much less make her cry and plead because her wishes mean nothing to me. People attend the funeral services of those they never met in order to support the bereaved they care about, so I didn't see the grandmother's request too much to ask. Dances, I know you're right also in much of what you say, but I doubt who did not attend mattered to her. She wanted her grandchildren with her. When I walked in the door with the program books, she took one glance and completely lost it. She melted into her daughter's arms despite having already seen the completed version on the computer. Times like this, we want our loved ones close. Her problem the other day was she feared she would have so little support. You're really right about it not being my pain to bear. What she was going through is what bothered me so much, but I shouldn't have taken it to heart. I'm delighted to report all the grandchildren were in attendance. The daughter arrived half an hour late, but she was there and grandma was happy. My niece was the pillar of strength for her mom. She took care of everything, as well as hosting everyone at her house for dinner after the service. All is well that ends well. Thanks for your responses and condolences. It's not a one size fits all kind of situation, so I know you're right that the children are entitled to their feelings, too.

Hi everyone. This is the original Dalda nearly 7 years later. Amazing things happen when you have an excellent lawyer who puts things in motion and types up divorce papers under 48 hours. I was finally able to get a divorce. I sent my stepbrother, his wife and nibling on a 6 months full paid vacation. He's too busy, so he took one month off each year to visit each continent except the two poles. LoL. I have set up a educational trust fund for nibling. So nibling can study whatever and wherever nibling wants. Stepbrother is extremely well off on his own, and did not want or need it. But he took care of my lovely mother and wonderful stepfather for years. My stepfathers best friend was my lawyer, stepfather was the man who got down on one knee at 60 years to me and my sister and asked our consent to become family. He knew everything about the inheritance even about the extra millions and kept mumm and guided me, mentored me. Bless him. As for my divorce, ex-H contested it, it dragged on for 8 months, he had a grandchild. Without him being in contact with me or dear daughter for 4 months, we were invited to the birth of the child via a call and text. I promptly congratulated and sent a gift. Then continuously for 2 months me and daughter were bombarded with a few hundred photos of the child. Daughter was completely abandoned by him, distraught and blocked him on all media. Step kids did not remove their possessions even after written notice, I had to pack all their stuff and delivered it to their respective residents via courier service. With proof of delivery and acceptance. I must mention here that ex-h in the end was physically abusive to me. For years I was told I'm too dumb to do a PhD, I wouldn't be able to cope with the family and studies and work. I did not know that he had been funneling money from my account to his for 16 years. He was mentally abusive, which I didn't understand then. But during my daughters therapy sessions I broke down and discussed myself with the therapist and they pointed out exactly how I was being manipulated and brainwashed for 16 years into being under his thumb. They sued me for financial support, mental torture abuse, they WANTED 1 million of the 2 my parents left me, my family heirlooms, access to my house and lost spectacularly. I must write one line from the judges verdict, it went somewhat like this, it seems unfortunate that Mr. X and two of your children have been consumed by greed. You have failed to show one valid reason why you should be granted one cent. As for Mr. X, you should be ashamed as you have forgotten that you have another 15 year old daughter. Daughter and I faced a lot of vile words, threats from ex. He went to her school and tried to force her to sign papers. Tried to make her understand how and why she should share her good windfall. On my 40th birthday, I had a call and had to urgently visit my father's lawyer, telling a shocked and crying me that Instead of 2 million, my inheritance came up to 18 million in total. As my father bless him, left everything he had to me and my sister a few years later, which unknown to us was left to us to be given when we reach 40. I heard from ex-in laws that they flipped. In anger stepdaughter screamed, and broke stuff, ex ranted for days how he should have just sucked up and left his adult kids be, his life would be so much better. Ex got married twice. Him and his son sued me again, and lost, Spectacularly again. At 16 daughter won a full scholarship (she has mama's brains) and went on to an ivy league college with 4 GPA. She's 20 and blooming. With my consent she has set up a trust fund for anonymous merit scholarships for underprivileged students, we also support a local women's shelter for abused women and children. I rented out my house, which was too huge for only two people and moved to a town near her college, was a able to get a much better job in my field, which I did not know I was capable of, went on to do my PhD and Post Doctorate on full merit scholarship, I'm still doing it, it is extremely hard work. And two years later of my divorce I met a wonderful man through my work, my daughter and his daughter. Yes, it's weird. We took it slow, we have been married for two years now. Smooth sailing so far. We both have similar experience with exs and near same financial backgrounds, education. I must mention my amazing stepdaughter gave near same amount to the scholarship fund for underprivileged children from her own business. She has been a positive influence on daughter and guide her like my brother did me and my sister, like a protective wing. We agreed on an airtight prenup. Life is and can be bliss if you have the guts to leave your abusive and greedy mooching partner.