I havent posted in quiet a while - have taken most advise and focused on my relationship with hub and forgot about the drama of step children..but here we are at the holidays and so it begins.
I have one SD that is 23 and has a 5 month old baby. She lived with her BF after we forced her hand a bit - she was going back and forth and really disturbing our lives - so we pushed her to make a decision so she moved in with him about 2 months before GD born. They lasted for about a month after birth and she called begging to come back home. of course we let her, i wouldnt want my children not welcome...but with guidelines she would pay rent, etc. She moved in and BF threatened to take baby, etc so we put her in contact with attorney. Since then, they are on again off again - she will dissappear for weeks and then show up when they have broken up again...and be in a tirade around our home. We have had to put new tires on her vehicle because she has barely worked at all and BF will not help her - she is close to loosing her vehicle from no payments (which we will not pay for her, has no car insurance...and we have had to buy diapers and formula, etc. We will not let GD go without necessities...but it is frustrating..

Anyway - long story short - we are having our Christmas get together with family Sunday. She went back to him just this week...and I made the mistake of asking if he would be there - he has two other children and I wouldnt want them left out in gifts, etc...it is not the childrens fault at all. Today, she is making demands of me that if I dont buy him gifts they may not come at all with our other GD....
I feel like wrapping him and IOU that says I have been supporting your child for months...merry christmas! but as, SM, i am always singled out as the bad guy - i have quit keeping my opinions to myself because her actions disrupt our household - she shows up in between their relationships to gain our sympathy and help with baby - then dissappears without any word....for weeks...but if I dont go by her demands - she calls her sisters and bad mouths me as a horrible person that doesnt care for them at all...and lord knows trying to win 5 adult step childrens approval after 5 years is still a struggle and a tightrope walk...

It just stresses me out so much!!! any suggestions how to handle - if I buy him something it will be minimal as we have 7 children and 3 spouses and 9 grandchildren without his family drama...