To everyone posting on this subject... Be sure to check out my thread problems with my 19 yr old daughter.... Where theotherside once again flip flops on her beliefs... she is a total hypocryte!!! Here she is ready to lynch this man and in my post she makes it very clear that my daughter is not mature enough to handle her life and I should do it... She even states that a child is not an Adult until they are around 30!!! So therefore this man is not responsible for the affair!!! He was just immature and his parents should have stepped in and DONE something! right? :) :) Oh the isanity goes on. :)

I am sorry I didn't make it very clear. It was late and I started thinking maybe I should get to bed...lol. I absolutely in no way would ever think it is ok to be TOW. If I were in that situation you can bet there would be some hard feelings. The only thing I was saying and I guess most came from some other posts (my fault for not clarifying that) is that it can be very beneficial and supportive to have a step parent at certain events which is the case for all of my children. My husband has never once thought that his ex's spouse should not be at the kids' events and actually my ex has never thought twice about my husband being at my childrens events and I think that is true in many other instances we have read on these posts. The opposite can apply also if the motivation is wrong. That is all I was saying about attending events and it wasn't directly related to the case with TOW. Again, I do not agree with adultry. I guess I copied too much when I was quoting TOS and then my comment about attending events led everyone to believe that I couldn't see why there would be tension and anger in that situation. My point being with the quote was more directed at the fact that TOS is apparently fasinated with message boards that involve step family situations because she admitted to being at another board that involved step families so not that I am trying to be a judge at what boards she visits but I am just curious as to why she seems to pick at things on these boards when we didn't do anything to her and we all just want a little support and advice (not that we have to agree with everyone) but maybe she could get passed some of the issues she has with step families if she visited more boards that were similar to her situation which is obviously not a blended family. It could help her immensely. I am trying to help I guess and make a suggestion to her. I am not saying I think she shouldn't be here at all but what is the attraction if she doesn't agree with anything here and what we are trying to do for each other? I am sorry for whatever it is that has caused such turmoil for her and my husband and I are pretty much in the same situation as far as paying for just about everything for all of our kids. I recieve a couple hundred dollars in CS from my ex for four kids and my husband pays over a thousand a month for his five while my ex holds a minimum wage job and his ex doesn't work. We just know that we have the satisfaction of the kids' success and happiness. When we look back when they are grown our reward will be just that....their happiness and knowing that we have nothing to be ashamed of. You know my 14 year old SS and I were just talking a few days ago and he told me that sometimes when parents remarry the kids are afraid that not only will the step parent not be good for the kids but the kids are also worried that person may not be good for their bio parent. He continuted to tell me that he is very lucky for who he has in his life. I simply said....thank you. It was from the mouth of a child who feels loved and blessed...I couldn't ask for more. Sorry this is long but I just wanted to make it a little more clear...sorry for the confusion. God Bless you all

Wow, I feel as though I wrote part of that - right down to the ex cheating on our husbands, then somehow blaming us as the reason their families aren't in tact. Sheesh! I am similar in that any sign of approval by my skids was viewed, by their mother, as being disloyal to her. YEARS later, the X told the kids the truth - that she had had an affair that caused the marriage to end. But, my relationship w/ the kids got off on such a bad foot (what 12, 14, and 16 y.o. kids would dare to like a younger woman they were told wrecked their home?) I bent over backwards, at first. I still try to please them, but largely, I am resentful and angry under the surface. I think it's killing me. My body isn't handling the stress well and now that these kids are well into their twenties, I expected them to be self-sufficient. What a fantasy, I guess! The girls aren't that bad, but the history makes it hard for me - and they do continually do little things that disrespect me, my time, and one of them isn't all that kind to my oldest son (7 y.o.) while he adores her. Mum23, you said you failed in your blog. I don't think you did. No one here should ever judge another w/o first walking in her shoes. I've said that before and I'll say it again. We all do our best and hindsight is always 20/20. You had to get out of your prior situation or possibly be a statistic. He wasn't abusive to your son. Are you still in contact w/ your son? I hope he knows you left your X, not him. I'd hate to see the X poison him against you or anything - no one deserves that. Is your second marriage over? You referred to helping your DD have a good relationship w/ her dad - hiding from her if he was too busy to see her, etc. Was that all meant for what the X should have done, or are you finding yourself now being the X? Post again. I feel we are a lot alike - blindly thought love could get us over all obstacles. Dana

When I read this post, it happened to be on the same day I read a post written by my 24 year old niece on facebook. My niece married at 19 (IMO, on the rebound from her HS sweetheart ~ she became pregnant from Mr. Rebound & they got married... he was 18) Everyone told her about the red flags & warnings but she ignored them all, saying she was not a child, she was capable of making good decisions in her life. The marriage had some problems in the second year & they split up. Then reconciled & she had baby #2 about 8-9 months later. That child is now 2 and they have filed for divorce. Not sure why they didn't make it but from an outsider's perspective... he was too young/immature & she thought she knew it all & could have it all 'because she WANTED it', I think she had baby #2 in an effort to turn him into the family man she wanted. It didn't work. Well, she has had a new boyfriend... almost from day 1 of the breakup... she likes to post pictures of her boyfriend & her in suggestive poses. She has posted pictures of her boyfriend, cuddling with the kids watching TV. She writes a bunch of stuff that appears she is trying to make her ex jealous. I have no idea if it's working.. BUT: The other day, he came to pick up his kids & his new girlfriend came with him. My niece went off on her (on FB) about how dare she come with him and pretty much issued an open threat... IMO, it was a very immature reaction after all the stuff she has put out there with her new boyfriend... another one of those "I can do it, but if you do it all hell will break loose" My point, this is what I see young people doing (being very immature, making decisions without thinking of consequences) and this is the kind of immature reactions that some young people have. I would hope my niece grows up & realizes that just because things didn't work out with him (and admit they were BOTH immature & it's not all his fault) Funny thing is, she acts as if they are being mature with each other... but this was before he found a girlfriend. Why anyone would WANT to get in the middle of that kind of drama is beyond me.