Wow, this sounds pretty scary.

Have you talked to her dad about it? What has he said and has he talked to her to find out what the real issues are?

Yes several times and it turns out that I just don't like her, he says. He will not do a thing to help with the situation. I have asked him to come to counseling for my son and hear my son's side of things and my ex won't do it.
My stepdaughter's bio mother is classified as a sociopath and her two older "whole" brothers are Bipolar. Yet again, my ex will not seek help for his daughter.

To be honest I dont know how much there is you can do in terms of her interest. Your son as you've stated should be in that kind of environment, god forbid it turn out to be more dangerous.

Nobody should be subjected to that.

Get him out of there.

*****Just an update*****
I just got dad to go to therapy. He sat in and knodded his head and stated that he believed my son and would ask his daughter not to come over, take the key to his house, yadda-yadda. The arrangement was that my SD lost privelages to see my son. Friday night Dad showed up to my house to get son and stated that daughter was still at his house. He stated that he would talk to her and be back Saturday. Never showed. The New Year weekend came and he shut his phone off and did not answer his cell phone. My son called several times and LVM. No return call. Last night we decided to go over and see if he was OK(recent stroke). He answered the door with his daughter and had no explanation of phone being off or SD still being there. According to the therapist, no court will change the visitation or his rights due to this situation.

I think I'd check with my lawyer as a therapist is not an expert of the law. If nothing else, call the police and ask. File a restraining order on behalf of your son. Call DHS. Anything. Someone will know something or they'll tell you who can help you.

hecallsmemom, do you have a lawyer? I have seen a few posts that you suggest calling a lawyer and while sometimes, it's necessary, my lawyer charges $300 per hour and I'm not about to call her unless I absolutely must. I think there are other ways to resolve conflict before going there and everything else should be exhausted before threatening legal action.

You give a lot of good ideas but lawyers and court hearings should be the last resort.

Personally, at this point, I would go ahead and file a restraining order against the SD. You have been to a counselor, so you have their professional testimony that your child has not only told you but has told the therapist as well as your exH about the abuse. By filing a restraining order against the SD you are taking steps to ensure that she is not there during visitations (okay, legal steps) and if exH chooses not to exercise his visitations because of that, that is his choice, but you are doing what you need to do to protect your son!

If exH and SD violate the restraining order and she is there during visitations, you NEED to follow through and file contempt charges. I know legal stuff is very expensive, but we are talking about protecting your child. Restraining orders can be obtained pro se, and with the counselor's testimony, it should make your case much easier.

Good luck with everything!

That wasn't what I was suggesting Ima. I was suggesting that she call a lawyer or the police to ask if there is anything that can be done and what the law is for this kind of thing.

To me, if you have begged your ex to do something about his adult daughter abusing a 10 year old, seen a counselor, he made promises about stopping it and nothing is done, it's time to call in someone who knows what laws are what/when/how/& why and how to prevent this child from being hurt again. It's about protecting a child, not protecting your wallet.

Besides, in most (if not all) states there is legal aid. If you can not afford a lawyer to help you, you can file for and be granted legal aid to help you.

To answer your question though, I do have a lawyer, and he charges quite a bit for doing legal work, but he's never once charged me for a question.

I agree with you Wimom. I'd go ahead and file it too. The sooner it's filed the sooner she'll feel better about the situation.

lol, you're lucky because mine charges for everything.

I think in this post, he is already not exercising his visitation (possibly because the daughter is there) so there really isn't a need for a restraining order, unless he plans to exercise visitation and allow his daughter to be around his son. I saw the problem as him choosing not to see his son but allowing his daughter to be there instead (he chose his daughter over his son)

Lol I think he doesn't charge me for questions so he can charge me more for actual work!

True, I agree then. If he's getting visitation the daughter shouldn't be around. In that case I'd file the restraining order, but if dad isn't exercising visitation, it's not worth the bother unless she has contact with him elsewhere.

It stinks that the little guy doesn't see his dad because of sister. He's losing out on that time with his father, but dad's losing out on son too. They grow up all too quickly and befor you know it, all that time is gone and you can't get it back. It's a pity more people don't see that.

I wonder if dad wants to see son?

nboyuls - Is the alleged abuse physical, verbal or emotional, and how much iron-clad proof do you have that it occured? Just your son's say-so? And will his word be contradicted by his father? (I'm assuming it will be by his sister.)

NOT that I don't believe you, but the allegations you are raising are very serious, and you know the bit about "innocent until proven guilty." Even if it's physical abuse, there's a bit of a fuzzy line between "sibling spat" and "abuse" -- though the age difference is cause for concern.

If your differences can't be worked out in counseling, then I'd agree with calling the lawyer.

Sweeby- I have an ER report from about 2 years ago that SD sprained his thumb while "punishing" him and a picture that shows a black eye, bruised nose and cuts on his forehead. Social Services was called and told dad that SD had to attend Anger Management classes. Never did because to this day both EX and SD state that it is a sibling thing(10 years age diff).

Everyone is right about the fact that if dad doesn't want to exercise HIS visitations then it's his problem. But the problem is my divorce papers state 50/50 and can this come back on me??? Can he call the police and state I won't let him see him?? And restraining orders are a pain to get in Colorado. You have to have alot of proof and against a family member is almost impossible.

I would just document the fact that you called left messages etc etc... if he is choosing not to exercise the rights just make sure you can say well I called you at x time x number of times... you didnt show your own fault. This way if, for some reason, he tried to go to court and say that you weren't allowing visitation you have specific times and dates to tell the judge. And, if daughter was ordered to attend anger management classes by social services and did not go i would make darn sure social services is aware of this. I simply can not fathom a child hurting his/her sibling in this way without severe issues. The girl needs as much help as your son needs to be protected. And, the fact that the father is allowing an adult in his home (his child or not) to hurt his other child and not enforcing what social services stated is definately something the courts will look at to change visitation. At this point, it is an adult abusing a child ... even if the adult is related it is still an adult abusing a child. And, no different than if a parent was standing by while his/her gf, bf, dh, or dw abused their child. And, at this point, with the age difference there should be no such thing as sibling spats in the terms that we are used to .. ie the 11 and 12 yr old brothers getting into a fight and hitting each other. Both are still children are there is a lot of growing up to do. Not a 19 year old hitting a 10 year old... if this were anything other than a sister hitting a brother ... say a 19 yr old neighbor beating up on a 10 year old neighbor... there would be no question.

And, you never have an obligation to place your child in harms way. One of the first things our lawyer said to us is we never should have let the kids go back. He told us one of the first things the judge will say if you didnt feel it was safe why did you let your child go. You can always file for emergency custody (I believe that is the phrase) if that becomes an issue as well.