First of all, I want to *thank you* all for answering. You wouldn't believe the weight that has been lifted off of my shoulders just by being HEARD by someone looking in from the outside. I realize that I'm new here, and probably shouldn't have jumped into the waters right away with a problem... but, I'm glad that I did. You're a wonderful bunch. :) jenny_alabama:: Definitely take those boys to counseling, but also talk, talk, talk to them on the side. >>I have always let the boys know that they can talk to me about anything, be it good or bad.. that they can call me as easily as they do their dad. I received a phone call from the oldest about the incident we had yesterday with their Mom, he wanted to know what really happened. Of course, I left off some things but basically told him that his mother was being disrespectful to both their Dad and I. LOL.. his words almost verbatim were... yeah, she can be that way sometimes. My husband and I have a rule, there is no badmouthing anyone in our home no matter who it is, we want ALL of the kids to feel comfortable here and we want a home that doesn't feel like a battleground. mmommy::Don't underestimate your children's ability to see the light. >>You're definitely right about that one.. the truth ALWAYS comes out sooner or later, but sometimes when we're in the middle of the battle, we lose site of that fact. Thanks for the reminder. :) sylviatexas::Those behaviors often occur when children are in homes where they witness abuse or when they are being abused, be it mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually. >>That is our worst fears :(. The man has been a friend of my husbands for some time now... more of an acquaintance, really. He has always been nice to my husband and I, but we know what's on the surface isn't necessarily what's inside. We have an appointment tomorrow afternoon with the oldest one's teacher (yes, their Mom knows, she is more than welcome to attend), to discuss issues that he may be having at school. Unfortunately we couldn't get one in to see the youngest's teacher before our appointment with our lawyer on the 22nd. >>You would think that she would want them to get counselling.. she seems to think that they don't need it, that it's OUR home causing all the problems, she says they don't act that way there. Well, if it is.. wouldn't she want to find out for sure?? I'm thinking that you guys are SO right.. if they go.. she looses control. Which is just sad.....

Minnie, I have a five foot faux, skinny tree and when it's time to put it away, I just pick the whole thing up (still decorated) and carry it downstairs to the craft storage room in my basement. That is so nice after all those years of dragging the tree out, decorating it and then taking it all down and putting it away. FINALLY!!!! Sal

"his ex hates my husband she is not sad they they are not together. She likes to cause trouble though." I didn't mean that she is pining away for him, but you said, "My husband was fooling around with the mother of his other child for years on top of everything to start off. I stayed with my husband because I believe in love and 2nd chances." & I thought you are saying that he was fooling around with the mother of this 8 year old & if he was doing that while he was seeing you, then yes this child saw his parents 'together' at least in some way, unless they were so sly that they hid it from their own child. And even if the mother hates him & is not sad, that does not mean she does not let her son know how angry she is (anger is also a feeling that is much easier to express than hurt, so who knows if she truly hates him or is hurt he finally ended it with her and married you) but I'm sure the child picks up on those feelings because children are little sponges & know more than most people give them credit for. If mommy is angry all the time at daddy, of course it's going to affect how he feels about daddy's house & the new wife, baby, etc. "I think that it's good to be proactive and encourage my stepson to be nice to my son. I don't try to force it upon him. To me to encourage him to love his brother should be a good thing. I agree that yes he is eight and may be frustrated which is understandable. I just don't think that it should be ok that he takes it out on my 2 year old son. If their our any mothers out there you know how you are protective over your children no matter who it might be. If it was my neice , my friend son. I would not stand them to be nasty to my children." If you want to protect your 2 year old, then never allow the 8 year old to be alone with him. It's THAT simple. If dad refuses to acknowledge the problem, then it rests with YOU to protect the baby & make sure he's always in your sight when big brother is around. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a happy little family, but if he (the 8 year old) does not want that, it is going to backfire to force it. I believe he does know right from wrong & he has anger, resentment issues... maybe from how his mother expresses, directly or inadvertently. He is manipulative if he changes face when dad comes around the corner & I agree with Sylvia that is a dangerous child that does that. (reminiscent of "the good son") Lovehadley has a great point that leaving is probably not the best idea since the child only comes over every other weekend and leaving could place the younger child in jeopardy when he would visit. The bottom line is that unless mom & dad are willing to work together to find out why their son is so aggressive & deal with it, then the only solution is to never allow your baby to alone with him. Yes, he was part of the package as you & your kids were part of a package, but YOU and your DH accepted each other's package... the kids don't get a choice. He didn't choose the package so how can you expect him to accept you as you've accepted him. You are the adult.

Congratulations on a job well done, Dr. Janie. (Even resulting from using some of the local characters as guinea pigs). With them saying these days that with our diet and lifestyle being such as it has become, with so many juveniles tending currently to obesity and diabetes, and likely to suffer from them later, and that possibly the long average lifespan that we've achieved may reverse, with a substantial number dying younger in a few years, it sounds as though your specialty may be needed in those years. I hope that, along with our continuing emphasis on curing people's ills, we may become more concerned with building a lifestyle that will forestall many of those illnesses in the first place. I hope that you find a position where you can be of good service to the community and find much satisfaction while doing so. Good wishes to you and Eric as you step into the next phase of your life. ole joyful