Wow...sorry to hear that your christmas was so bad. I would think about if you can live like this for the rest of your life if you get married. Not getting your kids a little something is really really bad..

I wouldn't stick around in this relationship. Why make yourself feel so crappy and be put last? It would be one thing if the two of you agreed that this was how it would be but have you? Do you get him a lot? My friend went through that last year with her loser boyfriend of 5 years. He didn't buy her a single Christmas present and she bought him lots. He makes more than her because she works part time and attends college full time but he couldn't find the money to get her anything. She thought this year was going to be a repeat but I guess he got her something...waiting to chat with her to see what it was. But honestly, I wish she would wake up and leave before she puts anymore time in with this guy. He's all about himself and doesn't care about her much at all. She defends him when he's mean by saying it's not all the time...but it's like 75% of the time. It's not worth it. I'm glad they're living together before they think about getting married. It's great practice and she'll know what she's getting into before she takes that big step.

We just had a discussion (meaning argument) about this situation. He claims that he spent more on his kids because it's the only time he does anything for them. That isn't even true. And he says that he was quite pleased with the gifts he bought me. I say good, he can wear them. And as far as him doing anything for my kids, he says he won't becasue I do so much for them already. Here's a real good one, his kids gave him absolutely nothing for Christmas. But they did get something for their mother. I think this whole family is messed up. No consideration and no common sense at all. I spent $150.00 on a watch he said he wanted. Today he tells me that he didn't want it. He needs to grow up. And I need to get out of this. It's just difficult to throw away a relationship. He can never say that he was wrong. Everything is always my fault.

this is a big clue on how your marriage is going to be! You need to decide if you're going to live with it (and not fight about it) or if you're going to do better for your kids.

Whats more difficult? To look back and say "oh, I've wasted X years on this guy" or look back and say, "oh, I've wasted XXX years on this guy?" Get out now and chalk it up to a learning experience

You say it's difficult to "throw away a relationship". But what kind of relationship is it? It doesn't sound like a mature adult relationship from what you've said. It sounds like a parent/child relationship. He sounds like he's immature and doesn't want to grow up. The longer you stick around, the less incentive he has to change. Why should he? You put up with it.
YOU are more important than any "relationship"!

I saw that you said its difficult to throw away a relationship. That is how I felt after seeing someone and having a 1/2 *ssed relationship for about 2 years. Hated the thought of looking again, hated the thought of being alone again ect ect ect...Got rid of him and a week later met the guy I have been with for 8 months now. We are so happy together and I have such a thoughtful man. He is more concerned about others than himself. I wasted two years with the last one, 5 with the one before that...YOU never know happiness is just around the corner..Now, I dont advise meeting someone in a week. It just happened that way for us. We actually knew each other already though relatives. He just gave me the most beautiful card telling me that I have brought happiness and joy back to his life. The idioit I was with would never say anything like that. Like I said happiness could be just a few days away. Good luck to you.

You aren't throwing away the relationship ... he is. You are the one being thrown. Sometimes its takes something like this to put it all into focus. You now know exactly what he thinks of you AND your children. After marriage, things usually get more relaxed as far as trying to impress. How does that bode for your future with this man? I know that its not the value of the gifts or the number of gifts, but he could have sat down with you before the holidays and said ... "Lets put our $$ together and make a Christmas list of gifts from the both of us". You are engaged right? One unit? He is still thinking "me" and "her" and not "us". Wouldn't it have been nice for his Mom to receive a gift from her son and the woman he plans to marry.. that he loves? He sounds totally self-centered. I am a the owner of some rental units and I always see these couples come to apply that are "engaged". The woman is always so sincere and committed to the relationship and happy and I can absolutely see the guy hanging on the edge ... like he's waiting for an out or for something better to come along. It scares me because I am the Mother of an almost 18 year old and it would kill me to see my daughter accept that this is all that she was worth ... or worse yet - be so "in love" that she didn't realize she was just the latest cow that was giving the milk free (sorry for sounding crass - but thats what it boils down to- to many guys). I have an Uncle that went through a divorce and vowed never to marry again and he is sticking to his guns. He is 60 years old and I would like to shake him and tell him he's screwing up!!! He has a wonderful woman that loves him so much she glows. She does everything for him out of pure love. They have been engaged for 10 years. He gave her a beautiful diamond ring years ago and I am sorry to say that this all she will get in the way of rings from him. She is a wonderful 45 year old woman, beautiful, giving, loving, sweet, gentle. She wants very much to be his wife and keeps hanging on ... hoping. Sometimes I learn more from watching other people than I do from actually living my own life. Look for this behavior in other people and you will catch yourself wondering why this woman is putting up with this!!! .... and then you will realize you see yourself! I am sorry that this beautiful time of the year has been so sad for you ... but maybe someday in the future you will realize that it actually was the best thing that ever happened to you because it was the first day of a new, stronger you. I've been married for 29 years ... with all of its ups and downs, hurts and joys and I still don't know the outcome of our marriage because I have learned that you can't take any of it for granted... life changes and you have to roll with the punches (except we aren't as limber the older we get). Point of this ramble is ... that you deserve to be really loved. It may hurt. It may take time ... to find the really wonderful person you deserve. Learn from this experience about the kind of man and relationship you don't want and what you really want and deserve. Hugs to you.

Rosie has some very good points. To me it boils down to one question: Will it hurt more to end the relationship or to live like you are now? I think to answer is obvious. You and your children deserve more than he can give.

"And I need to get out of this. It's just difficult to throw away a relationship."
It can't be any harder than it will be to stick in this one.

"He can never say that he was wrong. Everything is always my fault."
You don't need this guy in your life. Celibacy is preferable than living with someone who acts this immaturely.

Susnnn ...I was married for 16 years to the WRONG person. I knew for certain it was wrong after just a couple of years. I stayed because it was easier than leaving. I dreaded the thought of divorce, of living alone and supporting myself, all of that stuff. After 16 years of emptiness and emotional pain, I finally left. Six months later I met the man of my dreams, my true soulmate. Now and then I wax poetic and think that I could have spent all those years with my Mr. Right instead of Mr. Wrong. But you know what? Those bad years helped shape me into who I am and made me a stronger person. They taught me what I wanted and what I didn't. When I met Mr. Right, I was ready for it, and I was capable of appreciating how totally wonderful he is each and every day.

If you know it's bad and wrong, and you've had enough of being neglected -- and your feelings for him are more "hopeful" than "love" ... get going! These posters here are right -- Mr. Wonderful might be waiting for you right now!

This guy sounds like a real jerk. RUN!!!!!!!!

Things will get MUCH MUCH worse if you marry him. Run.

I had an ex that used to tell me not to buy his son "too much" for christmas and his birthday EVERY YEAR...I told him that its my money I will buy him what I want..Finally after I tossed him for being a crappy father and never seeing his son he asked me again not to buy his son "too much" for his birthday because he would have to move the few toys his son had here plus the new ones....sick very sick....couldnt imagine not buying the kid things for christmas and his birthday..cant understand why your guy cant buy them a little something...

If your fiance has a habit of making you feel bad on each and every occasion, why in heaven's name is he your fiance? It's much harder to be in a painful relationship year after year than to end one that is bad for you. Getting out of a bad situation can hardly be called throwing away a relationship--it's called improving your life.