Polly, I'm so glad this worked out so well! I bet you'll notice that others in your family and friends will follow your lead and do this too. What you avoided: My four-year-old neice just received 9 (yes, that's nine) new American Girl Dolls including all accessories and furniture bits for her birthday. Of course, that was only part of the gift haul. She's got an older sister and an entire toy room of dolls and furniture and costumes already. My SIL is from a big family and they celebrate all holidays and birthdays with big get-togethers and I think there's a lot of competition as to who buys the most/best. These are NOT families with a ton of money, either. Holy cow. Thank you thank you for being so strong and forging ahead with your idea! You're happy, your son is happy, the charity is happy, and your guests are happy. That's what a party is all about! Good job!

I presume there's a reason why this child is in fulltime daycare? You and your husband both work? Any chance one of you could change their schedule so the need for putting your child in daycare would be reduced? I'm all for children socializing with others, but truly, NO ONE teaches or cares for a child like a parent does. You're seeing that now. Children of that age do need a lot of time with their parents. As to naptime--your child must need the sleep or he wouldn't be napping so long. You say bedtime is a challenge. As a parent, and a family living teacher, I have to ask--do you know what the most common reason for difficult bedtimes is? It's that the child is OVERtired. what a lot of young parents don't understand is how a child's body works. When we get tired, we wind down and get sleepy. When toddlers get tired, their bodies release loads and loads of extra adrenalin--hence you have a hyper child who is too wired to go to sleep. There has even been a very reputable study that shows that many (not all, mind you, but about half) the cases of ADHD in children are NOT legitimate ADHD, but simply lack of adequate sleep. Does your child get a full 12 hours of sleep daily (adding up the naptime and bedtime?) Even if he is, it's possible he's one of those who truly does need a little more sleep than 'average'. However, what you're describing about the daycare is totally unacceptable. You're describing a facility where the workers don't care about the child or parents, where they're there just putting in time to collect a paycheck, where they're happy doing as little as possible (a sleeping child is one they don't have to: care for, amuse, watch, etc). The problems you've noticed all come down to the same thing--the daycare workers DO NOT WANT to do their job. I wouldn't allow someone with that attitude to dogsit my pet, let alone care for the most precious thing in my life. It may be time to look into other alternatives--as I suggested, perhaps a schedule change at work. Or maybe there's a family member you trust who would be glad to watch your child for the same $$$ you're paying the daycare. Or you may have to go further afield and find a different daycare center (even if you have to drive some to get there) or a retired person in your neighborhood who is more responsible than the place you're currently using. Good luck! You mentioned your husband--if you are both working, I urge you to sit down and crunch the numbers. Unless you're a really high-end executive, or in some other high paying job, you may find, when you do the math, that you're going to work for just a few cents an hour. Add up: the cost of daycare, the higher taxes you pay, the cost of transportation, the cost of going to work (clothes, union dues, buying lunches out, work parties, gifts for coworkers, etc), the cost of being out of the house hours a day (buying more takeout/prepared foods, hiring others to do stuff around the house like yard work, painting, repairs, etc). When I got pregnant, we did the calculations--and we figured that I'd be going to work for $2000/year or less. Add to that, the fact that you're turning the care and raising of your child over to strangers--it wasn't worth it to us. It made sense financially for me to stay home. It made even more sense to use for me to be the one caring for our daughter, teaching her academically, being the one to educate her in morals and ethics--no one does all that like a fulltime mom. There's a reason why this country is having a lot of the problems it is (crime, irresponsibility, unwed parents, abusive relationships), and IMO, a big part of that is that children are NOT being raised by their parents, the way they have been in the past. Good luck

Briley, this post was written a while back but I hope you still read the comments. I can so relate to you. My dads wife came into the picture and acted nice as pie at first..then she slowly drove a wedge between my dad and I. Her jealousy of your relationship with him and concern for $$ after he dies I believe are her motivating factors -as are my dads wife's motivations and concerns. I truly feel that if they don't care about the adult children -they really don't care about their spouse. Caring for your spouse is being cordial and welcoming at the very least to your husbands children-no matter what age. My dads wife has wrapped such a web around him-he cannot even see what she's done to us and our father daughter bond. ): and the grandchildren. My advice to you is to make plans often (3x) week to see your dad outside the house without her-quick coffee, dinner, breakfast, a walk on his lunch break -keep your bond strong before he retires. Once retired, the talons get even stronger. I am so very sorry and I can relate more then you even know. It's really really important to not let her keep you from having one on one time with your dad. My dads wife would call and talk to my dad for 20 mins when I was out having a special lunch with him. She would tell me as they left my house"they were going home to have some fun". It makes me want to throw up. She would exhibit naked statues around the house when we came to visit with young children saying it was art. She's highly jealous and suspicious if I am talking alone with my dad like I am the other woman. Some people are really mental. I wish every day that my dad had never married her and ruined our family.

I cannot believe he is threatening you with going back to his BM's house to stay hours of the day there. I think that is completely unhealthy for the child #1 because obviously mom and dad are not together so the kid has to get used to the two homes regardless at 2yrs or 20yrs. I had divorced parents and if they were in the same house all week long acting like a married couple I would probably have ended up a super confused kid later on!! It is good for them to get along obviously but that is a bit odd to me. Regardless of him even having a relationship with you. He sounds like he wants to be there for his child (fantastic) but that he doesn't wan the entire responsibility of it. If having his child for days on end is too much for him, and HE can't handle it even with your help (which should be minimal or whatever YOU feel YOU can handle) then he needs to tell the child's mother! And work out another plan. Maybe he can't do the sleepless nights, and maybe he can bring the little guy over to your place and then bring him back or something or lilmit the days he has him in a row. I think there are a million different scenerios that can be thought of here... but what is currently going on is not fair... If you read any of my posts I have a guy that really doesn't want to deal with steping up to the plate and being dad ALL the time... he wants all the fun stuff like going to the park, riding bikes, playing and watching movies etc.. but no part in disciplining and in your case doing the dirty work... If this relationship is going to work you have to set the rules now. I would seriously suggest, that you realise that this is your bfs child and the child has a mother. You can think about the position and role you want to get into with the child and maintain that role.... But you need to think very long and hard about it because like I have come to the sad realization - Step-Mom gets ZEROOOO say in the wellbeing of the child.. in my situation and in many other I know of personally. So be careful how invested you are letting yourself get here. Really think about what you want to be to this child. Because you will never be mom. And you did not chose to have a child, you chose to be with your boyfriend and comes with him is a child which you must accept and care for. Draw the lines and define your version of 'care for'. Best of luck, Hope everything works out positive.