AramHan, I am so sorry to hear about your experience. My daughter and her step-father didn't get along at all either, and I actually left him after the way he treated my children, his own children, and eventually me became more than I could handle. He was always jealous of my kids and even his own. Nothing made him happy, and after seven years I packed up my things and my daughter, the rest of the kids didn't live with us, and left. I never regretted it. Reading your post I wonder if your mom is really happy or not. My ex-husband, not my daughter's dad, made good money and we were stable, but it wasn't enough to keep me there. People may have thought I was happy. I will have to ask my daughter if she thought I was happy or not, but I really was miserable for at least half of the time. Luckily I had a career that I had developed and with the help of my family, I was able to support myself. It sounds like you are not able to do that right now because of your age, and it also sounds like you earned any help you are getting. Take advantage of anything you are offered, and don't let anyone make you feel you don't deserve it. I would be interested in hearing more about you, your family situation, and about the specifics of your experience. I would like to hear about things a little at a time. If you are interested in this, let me know. You can email me for more privacy, or you can just post the information. If this is too much, or if you wanted to try and then it didn't work out, I understand. Over the years I have found that at times, it is helpful to get feelings off your chest. It is why so many people keep a journal and why we know about the lives of people from 100s of years ago. I really am interested in hearing about your situation. I am not a psychologist, but have an extensive background working with teenagers and young adults. I think there should be resources out there for adults thinking about trying to blend families that would tell people the right way to go about it, and tell them about the mistakes. Good luck to you in college, and please try to remember that even though you may really believe this very minute that things won't get better for you, I can honestly tell you that they will. I have felt that way before, and more than once, but today I am as close to content as I have ever gotten. I guess that is happy to me! Take care of yourself and I hope to communicate again.

"... even if I said I was leaving it would make no difference". So, leave. Clearly as Sylvia says, you have been relegated to "maid"- if you were a partner/spouse it _would_ make a difference. Why would you continue to be a maid for someone who doesn't care if you are there or not? IMO you don't have a marriage to give up on, more an unpaid job to quit. If you must be a maid, go and be one for someone who will not only pay you but care that you are there. Good luck, you deserve better than what you're currently getting.

Stop answering questions that had nothing to do with you for starters. Whatever happened in someone else's relationship is not your place to discuss with the grandkids. It does not matter why the marriage failed it is not something you discuss with them. Who cares if they think one way and you happen to know they think wrong. You should have switched the subject long before the 'slip' came rattling out. What happens/ed is up to the parents to discuss with their children when and if they decide the tidbits are any of the children's business. Politely telling grandkids to mind their own business and/or telling them the topic is something they need discuss with their parents is all you needed to say. Nothing you say on your weekly visits should be anything that can not or should not be repeated when the kids get home. True, they should not be being grilled, but as you're now known to feel entitled to set topics straight (even if slipped) and/or allowed such topics to be discussed in the first place...well, you've left yourself wide open for the parents to protest and suspect. All you can do now is be certain there will be no personal discussions of such nature again. The believed 'offense' has already occurred so now it will take time to rebuild the damaged relationship (if it can at all be repaired). As far as the get-togethers, it really depends on what the adult children are doing. Are they saying bad things to you while there? Omitting you completely from the social talk? Glaring daggers at you? Just 'treating you badly' leaves plenty of room for about anything and/or everything my imagination can think up. If the adults are truly deliberately making you uncomfortable and are truly misbehaving and going out of their way to make you totally unwelcome, that's more serious than say 'She did not say hello to me when I entered the room'. While you don't necessarily have to 'like' each other, as grown women you both should be able to tolerate each other for an occasional afternoon. If it's not so, excuse yourself and stay home. Just tell your husband you have no intentions of attending a family event where you are poorly treated and unwelcome. I would think he could also remind his daughter that when she visits someone else's home (like husband's mother's home or another relative and/or mutual friend)she too is a guest and should mind her manners out of respect for the host. I'd see no need though for you to be expected to visit the daughter's actual home if she does not want you there. She must not think you are all that bad if she continues to use you as her babysitter every Sunday. She has not tried to ban the grandkids from you. Seems the lady thinks you're fine to babysit and be grandma, just not ok to discuss personal topics with her children while they are present. You can't stop her from wagging her tongue to other church members. Best you can do there is see to it you don't do anything that gives her reason to gossip. If you have a clear conscience than she has nothing to wag about but untrue gossip that your true friends in the church having known an asociated with you will know is untrue.

i had an ex who had a lot of interests, and didn't spend time with me very often. He went away for a weekend, and i learned that i was more lonely when he was home than when he was away. We broke up soon after that. Luckily there were no kids involved.