I don't know how you deal with this. It's just disgusting. Are the children in any kind of counseling?

I'm glad you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Your children are very fortunate to have you.

does she have any type of mental illness because this just does not sound normal. not to excuse her of course but just trying to figure out why does she behave this way?

I am really glad that your skids maternal grandparents are involved in their lives, and care enough to maintain contact.

I think that will really help mitigate the abandonment issues that would otherwise crop up, on account of mom not wanting to be involved at all.

The more people out there pulling for the kids, the better.

She has no diagnosed mental illness, nor does any run in her family.

I think she is just lacking that motherly feeling somehow. I think for a while the kids were "out of sight out of mind". Then she moved away so it was hard to see them. Then she began having more kids and I just think it is all too much for her to handle. So she avoids them. Only wants them around to "show" others that do not know her well that she is a good mom.

The grandparents and mothers siblings are good people. The grandparents have made a few trips out here to see the kids and call on occasion. I do bring up to the kids to call them as well, like I did on Thanksgiving because we do feel it is important for them to be in contact with some people in their moms family.

There are 'mothers' in this world that honestly lack the mother instincts. They just do not care , there is no connection with the kids. No protective feeling. Its sad but its a fact. People like this exist.
BUt its good that your stepkids have you and they have other loving people surrounding them. That is what is important.

i know you are trying to help the kids, but you know how she is, i wouldn't put the children in a position where they will be disappointed again.

Stargazzer:
I think you misunderstood part of my post. When I said "I do bring up to the kids to call them as well, like I did on Thanksgiving because we do feel it is important for them to be in contact with some people in their moms family."

I meant that I encouraged the kids to call their grandparents on their moms side, not their mom. I did not bring up them calling their mom and they did not ask to either. Besides we only had her work # and she is no longer working there so we could not call her even if we wanted to!

Mom2-

We are in the same boat dear. The girls were out of school for the entire week. We have wised up and didn't mention Biomom to the girls at all. SHe has dissapointed them far too many times. It's a good thing we didn't because we didn't get a phone call or nothing the entire holiday.
It was really sad because the girls made her Thnaksgiving cards ont heir own accord and she never even called:( I HATE that woman. I HATE her!!!! Luckily the girls stayed busy enough with my family (who they love) that they didn't have time to dwell on it. We had a very nice Thanksgiving without the heffer.

She has been back in town for a month and has called once and visited them once. I am beginning to suspect that she may have moved back out of town without informing us. I hope she moved to the the North freakin' Pole this time and doesn't come back. ALl she does is stir the pot when she buzzes in for a few days every other month.

I guess we will see what happens at Christmas..... HAPPY HOLIDAYS! AAARRGGGHHHH!!!!!!

BM finally called yesterday. Big coincidence since the kids talked to their grandparents Thurs. and then again yesterday morning!! Wonder if bm was told to call the kids???

Anyways grandparents are coming in town over Christmas Break and mentioned to the kids that they will coordinate some plans with them and bm to get together. Funny how bm was asking the kids yesterday about all their upcoming activity schedules for December! Guess she wants to play "supermom" for a month to impress her own parents when they get here! That way she can say "I was at ___ and ___ and ___". Makes me friggin sick that she wants to play mom for show!

Luckily the kids did not know dates off the top of their heads and we were not home at the time. So bm got no dates...likely she will not call again for a few weeks and miss it all anyways!

Like you mom2, Thanksgiving came and went without any call from my SC mom. Kids tried to call her but no answer. They tried to call their aunt, her sister, again no answer. No return calls, nothing. I wish my SC were not concerned that she hasn't tried to contact them; but both have been miserable and moody because they have not spoken with her. Then they take it out on me, the mom who IS here. This happens alot. When the kids are convenient for her, she will call and play the "good mom". However, when it is not convenient to have children, she doesn't even acknowlege them. I almost wish she did not have the excuse of living 1000 miles away; then the kids could see what she really is all about, instead of the BS excuses she feeds them. However, she has always been like this. She barely contacted them for the first five years after she left, which is the only decent thing she's ever done for them. Although part of me would like her to take a more active role in their lives (pay the support she's supposed to, actually care for the kids half of the time), the other part wishes she would just completely drop out of sight. This "in and out" act leaves the kids confused and hurt. That is until the next time she shows her face and makes them beleive she loves "her babies". The sad part is all the time, she fills their heads with how "evil" I am. She can't be a mom to them, but resents the fact that I am doing her job. I wonder how she can sleep at night. Anyone with a conscience would not be able to treat their children in such a way and still be able to look themsleves in the mirror each day.
Sorry...venting!