My 34 yr old stepdaughter has moved in & out of our home 6 times in the last 10 years. Besides being on drugs & supposedly being "clean" now, she has 2 children (never been married). She doesn't get along with her mom & ends up on our doorstep whenever she gets caught breaking house rules. My husband & BC (stepdaughter) are both co-dependent. Husband & I have never fought about anything but this stepdaughter. She doesn't want to work, can't keep a job, goes out at night (dragging her 5 yr old with her) & parties with her "rehab" friends & comes home drunk OR doesn't come home for several days. Sooo disrespectful! She finally became eligible for Medicaid & thinks if she gets a job she'll lose her medical benefits. Her medical benefits include ongoing Rx's for Suboxone which she sells for spending money. I confronted her on this & she reluctantly admitted it - shocked that I knew about it. There's no reasoning with her. I've spoken with an Addiction Counselor about this & he says you can't reason with an addict. Husband & I have had several sit down discussions with her & her eyes just glaze over. Husband can't confront her because he's afraid he lose contact with the grandchildren. Husband has also tried to put me on a guilt trip about this - he has always succeeded each time. My 2 children (I raised as a single parent) are independent & have decent jobs - which makes this so inexcusable to me. One thing that helped was to approach husband & agree to set a "move out" deadline since she has no goals. I had lost all respect for her & got to the point where I couldn't stand to look at her. Finally decided to sit down with her (with husband present) & tell her how frustrating her behavior was to me. All we got were more excuses for why she couldn't get a job. Unlike her Dad, I didn't buy her excuses. She got up & left. She's been gone for 6 weeks. But I don't expect this to have resolved anything. Addiction counselor said "bottom line - she won't change. She has no incentive to change. Either she goes or you'll have to". I went to another counselor for a second opinion - same advice. Needless to say there is much more to the story. Much more. I've tolerated so much crap from both daughters & ex-wife you wouldn't believe it. Thank God my husband doesn't dispute me anymore re: this particular daughter's behavior.

Depression was something that jumped out at me too. Wonder if you could talk to Dad to find out more of what she is going through, been through, etc etc. Do you have any type of a relationship with her? How's her relationship with biomom? Sounds like she really needs someone to talk to. On another note, I have some friends who call their parents the same amount each day. I actually had a boyfriend (a loooong time ago) who spoke to his mother a minimum of an hour and a half each day. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

I wouldn't go. If she doesn't want you there on her special day, don't give her a reason to resent you for ruining it (in her own mind anyway) It would just give her something else to whine about. You're SDs sound like they have a lot of growing up to do. Why spend a whole day being uncomfortable? Let your DH and younger SD go and enjoy the wedding without distraction. Plan a day for yourself,and enjoy it. As for younger SD moving out, yeah,let's see how the older one and her husband will welcome another adult into their home after they are just married and starting a life together. Frankly, I admire the fact you have even tried this long to connect with them. If it were me, I would be counting the days til that 18th birthday, and celebrate it by helping the little shrew pack her crap into the back of a moving van and changing the locks....but that's just me. Both of them are old enough now to know that you are not trying to be a substitute for their mother,and they should certainly realize how you make their father happy. What did they want? Their father to wallow away in miserable solitude,lighting a candle for their mothers memory every night until his death? They sound childish and selfish. I suspect that when they are older and hopefully wiser,perhaps with children of their own, they will come around and apologize for their terrible treatment of you. But I digress. To sum it up, don't go. SD doesn't want you there, and it's her day. Don't take it personally,as she sounds like a petulant brat who would treat anyone who had married her father the same way. You will not enjoy it. SD would not enjoy it. DH wants you there as his wife,good for him, but it may be a relief to him if you decided on your own not to go. He would have to deal with his daughters tantrums. Go to the spa. Go shopping. Take advantage of an empty house and eat bon bons on the couch in your underwear. Anything. We have to few days on this earth to spend any one of them doing something unpleasant if we can avoid it. You not only can avoid it, but have been given a free pass to do so. Take it.

There isn't enough prison cells for everyone convicted of possession. Now if he had a large amount on him he could of been convicted of dealing. Drug abuse is viewed is a disease, not a crime.