Yoyobon said: WHY is a 13 year old allowed full use of the internet without restrictions and supervision? You are asking for trouble and you will get it I guess I didn't explain what NetNanny is well enough, my skids were never allowed to just go on the internet without restrictions or supervision. NetNanny is like cyberpatrol, it blocks all mature/adult content/ sex/ drugs/violence you name it. And the pages that the kids are allowed to browse are reported back to us so we see where they've been. Also we can turn the chat on/off and same for facebook/myspace etc. Or we can turn the internet access off completely for the hours that we choose. The only issue (big issue!) is with the chatting. We cannot control WHO they chat to, only that they chat. The agreement was that they would only chat to friends, and BECAUSE we monitored it we noticed it the first time that SD13 thought she was going to have a chat to Justin Bieber. But yes, it's too unsafe, at 13 you cannot see the dangers, so no more chatting. And CyberPatrol does look like a good program, it offers the same as netnanny. But unfortunately I've found no movies on the subject, however the NBC series might be a good step. Thanks for all the advice :-)

Look back on your own childhood and how you were parented. Is there a good example there? I was blessed with good parents who taught me about parenting by example. They made me feel valued and accepted for myself. Some people think they need to mold their children, make them into "something better." They mean well, bless their hearts. But you have to let children be themselves, learn about who they are, and figure out how to be their best selves. It doesn't mean you don't expect good things from them. It's a shift in thinking to "I know these kids do good things, and are capable of even more, and I'm watching for that" instead of watching for the mistakes to criticize. I have spent time with many other mothers. Some of whom I admire very much b/c of how they relate to their kids. I learn from them and try to model what they do when I notice something I really like. I remember noticing one mother whose kids were great little people, not just well-behaved, but really happy, well-adjusted kids. The thing that stood out to me was the mutual respect. She talked to her kids the way she wanted them to speak to her and to others. Of course she corrected them, but she corrected them the way an adult would *want* to be corrected by, say, an employer. With respect and a goal in mind. Once when I was preggo with #1 I observed a mother in a store, total stranger, whose kids impressed me the same way. I complimented her and asked her for insight, telling her that what she had accomplished was my goal. Every time I ask a parent I admire, it always comes down to respect. Just because they are children does not give adults the right to belittle them, rudely criticize them, embarass them, and generally disrespect them. That's hurtful, and hurt kids cannot be their best selves. It's a good idea to find a moms' group to join. That saved me when my kids were young. The exchange of ideas and comraderie of knowing you're not alone is invaluable. You'll meet parents you like, and some you don't. But you can learn from all of them. If you see your husband's anger as part of the problem you really have to find a way to address that. You still have a long road ahead, so find a way to have these conversations. Does he think he's right in what he does? Or do you think he's also confused and without ideas? I know I don't always do the right thing with my kids (ages 7, 10, 13 and 16). I try, but I have bad days. So does my DH. If I don't like the way he handles something, I tell him later, when things are calm. It has taken practice to get to the point where we know which of us handles certain situations better and we let that one handle it. I'm better at handling school stuff. When our 16 y/o gets a low grade, I remind DH to look at the big picture before he acts rash. Is this one low grade among 10 good ones, or is there a pattern? DH is better at handling DS's social life issues, he knows how a guy thinks and is better at getting to the truth with DS. Parenting takes practice, it really does. The fact that you are thinking, questioning and trying to make adjustments is a good thing; it doesn't mean you're failing. When your kids are babies and toddlers and you are physically exhausted, not sleeping, can't close your eyes or take a shower- people tell you "It gets easier." They are just trying to make you feel better for the moment. It does NOT get easier. The issues of that age pass, but it just gets hard in new ways. Emotionally exhausting ways instead of physically. ;o) Not to scare you, just acknowledging the truth of it. If you were expecting this to come easier, but it's not, it is not a comment on YOU, but rather on the challenge of parenting.

mom2emall and organic brice....thank you for responding. I am having a better day today. Getting enough sleep and planning projects around the house and yard are helping. I am having to hand it all over to God. I can't changed the world...I can pray for it though. My daughter is spending time with friends and has deleted former Bf's number from her cell. I am trying to attend to her creature comforts and making sure that she is still working on her house keeping issues (She is the daughter who is the slob that I posted about before) She is afraid that former BF is going to call me. I told her not to worry that I could handle it. I hope he doesn't though. I appreciate your kind words organic. There are many hurting people in this world and doing some thing to help is such a meaningful thing to do. I am signed up to ring bells for the Salvation Army several times between now and Christmas and am donating some things as I clean out the house. I was volunteering at the local crisis pregnancy center and think that as soon as my pain is manageable I need to get back there.(chronic sciatica) Shopping for some baby clothes would be fun! Doing these things is good for me also. Blessings to you both and thanks again....;o)

I personally hate TV--it makes me antsy, antsy, antsy. I can't stand to have it on unless I'm actually WATCHING it, and there are very few shows I can stand enough to waste my time on them (Smallville rules!!! anything w/ Superman) I don't like my kids to watch TV because i don't like the content, I can't control it because I can't see what it is before it happens. I also think a lot of cartoons are over their heads. And I hate commercials. The day my daughter came home from Grandma's, where she watches her 2 hours or less per week (though I swear I think it's more) and said, "Mom, do you know the hair you want can be the hair you have?" I almost called grandma right then and there to announce they wouldn't be coming over anymore. My societal objections to TV come from 2 places: a Nero Wolfe novel, and a study done in Canada on social interactions and how they changed w/ the advent of TV. In the Canadian study, they measured the amount of time spent in conversation, the ages of those conversing or interacting, and the topic of their interaction. There was a town that only in 1970 or so was able to get broadcast TV, so it was a great place to study. They found that cross-generational conversation plummeted, and that those conversations specifically (but all conversations) became more logistical, superficial, and less ideas-driven or emotional. Shallower, and about the stuff you HAVE to talk about, like pass the salt and what time are you getting out from work. In the Nero Wolfe novel, Archie Goodwin goes to some people's house to pick up clues and impressions, and they all file into a semidarkened room to watch TV and nobody talks to one another. He comments to us that the advent of TV has ruined investigations, because nobody talks anymore, and when they do they talk about TV shows instead of something interesting. When my kids watch a video (the only thing they're allowed to watch at home), they don't talk to each other (except to fight about who's bonking their feet against whom) or to anyone else. And I'm w/ you all the way, Stephanie, on the idea that we have to choose. (I love that "are you new here?") I also like Anita9's point that "those wonderful old shows" weren't necessarily so wonderful. And I think that kids approach TV differently. They've got a lot more competing for their time and attention--computer games, etc. We don't really remember that time period well--WE WERE KIDS!!! And we have romanticized anything we do remember (which is perfect normal). Also, I remember reading that w/ Game Boys they found that after the first year of kids being mesmerized, they actually didn't like to play w/ them very much anymore--they're become sated. I think that happens w/ people who watch a lot of TV. I, for example, grew up WITHOUT a TV. We didn't have one in the house until I was 17, and our rural town got cable TV as an experiment, so my dad got us a tiny B&W (I thought the Incredible Hulk was gray, and said so at school, LOL!). So I am mesmerized when it's on around me. I get sucked in, even if I don't want to be. I think a huge part of that is that I'm just not used to it. Other people I know can have it on as background noise and never even notice it; they all grew up with a TV going a lot. They feel lost when it's off and t e noise isn't there. I also read that the advent of the auto and of the TV correspond w/ the advent of obesity as a problem for children. Here's another great truth: " It is only when you have NO rules and NO LIMITS that you run into serious problems. "