Sounds like this little girl is reacting to her arrangements. They dont sound like they are making her feel very secure or stable.Being moved constantly from one place to another can be hard to adjust to.
I'm not sure I know many kids who do just accept the word,"no". My DD,is older then your Bf's daughter and when she's told no (about anything) she starts with the excuses or asking why,or maybe pestering a little.
My husband thinks that just saying NO to her and nothing else is right and she should just listen.
I have found that giving an explanation along with saying No works best.

Maybe your BF's daughter is just like my daughter,in the aspect that she likes to "challenge" her father.My DD doesnt argue much with me,but she will try her father's patience.I think it's partly a female thing,that they see us grown women "compromising" with their dad and think they can do the same.
Also,most 7 year olds DO tend to talk and laugh loudly...so I'm not sure if that is a by product of what is going on or if that is just how she is.I have yet to meet a child who is "soft spoken".

I guess the best you can do at this point is maybe talk with him about what issues are bothering you.Dont go off on a tangent,stay only to the topic at hand and be very specific.Otherwise he may see this as an "attack" on his daughter,and that will not lead to anywhere good.

Of course,how well your talk goes also depends on how long you've been together and how serious you are.Your main focus should be to say that what is going on doesnt seem to be good for his daughter.Not how bratty she is acting and that he needs to be more firm.(even if that's the case)

Every-other-week custody as compared to what alternative? Full custody to one parent and every-other-weekend to the other? As long as both parents are capable parents, what you have is, imho, much much better for the child. If you want to know my point of reference, my parents did half the week each house, which accomplished the same goal of equal time with each parent. I was a teenager when they divorced, but my youngest brother was a toddler, so pretty much had his whole life like that. What it (equal time with both parents) does for the children is that it allows them to develop and maintain an actual parent-child relationship with both of their parents. However much an every-other-weekend non-custodial parent may love his (or her) child, he is simply not around on a routine enough basis to provide companionship, guidance, discipline, values, homework help, baseball practice, booboo kissing, bedtime story telling, etc etc all the things that "parenting" involves. If you take away enough time, you take away the "parent" role. Perhaps there are situations where the different household rules are so dramatically different that it becomes confusing enough to the child that they are better off with one "parent" and one "disney dad" than two homes, but I would think that would be an extreme case.

If you are serious about being in this child's life, the best thing for you to do is educate yourself on what to expect. A forum like this is good to get some ideas, but a parenting class (specific to step families) is a very good tool. It can give you a lot of insight on what to expect, how to set limits and discipline. A cooperative parenting class can also help to effectively deal with the other parent, even if they are not being cooperative. Both classes gave us lots of tools to use and most of the time, it works. Nothing is 100%. It's not going to get better if you don't find a way to change how you feel about the child. Getting married to someone with a child is serious and needs to be well thought out. You have to be prepared to do what it takes to make it work, which is a lot of sacrifice at times. You will NEVER be thought of as "mom", even if they call you that eventually. My dad treated his SD like his own for over 20 years and she recently back stabbed him. I raised my ex's kids for seven years and when I left, they've never talked to me again. You have to know that no matter how much you do for them, they may never appreciate it or like you. Raising someone else's kids is much more difficult and stressful than raising your own, because you will probably never be #1 or even #2. You might be lucky to be at the bottom of the list. I'm not bitter or anything, I have an 8 yr. old step daughter and it's been a rocky road to say the least. Dealing with her mom is difficult at best. I was terribly hurt by the children I raised and did so much for and when their dad & I split up, it was really hard for me to think about getting together with someone that has children. I entered into my current marriage with eyes wide open and know that it can happen again. I hope it doesn't but you can't fool yourself into believing it will be just wonderful and end up regretting the years you "wasted" if it doesn't work out. It takes a lot of work to make a marriage and it takes so much more to make a step family work. I'm sure there are those that it goes much smoother for and those that feel like they are in hell, but I guess my point is to think hard about what you really want.

It's not the every other week schedule that causes the problems, it's usually differences in rules and households. Kids can adjust and going to school is a great example. They have different rules at school than they do in either house, yet they learn to follow them. Same is for bus, sports, etc. Children can be manipulative, and if it works, they continue on with it. My SD would go back and forth, telling each parent what the other let her do, or won't let her do. We tried to ignore it when she would say "my mom lets me do this or that" and then explain that her mom is the boss in her house, we are the boss here. But, she would go tell mom what we won't let her do and her mom would call us up yelling at DH that we are being unfair. Again, we would tell SD that her mom rules her house, we rule ours. She doesn't do it much anymore and the only time we say anything is if there's a risk to her health or safety. Even then, DH tells her his concern but doesn't tell her what to do in her house.

I disagree that parent's can't have a good relationship with a child unless they are in on their daily life. It might be a better situation to live with both parents equal time but if the parents get along and communicate well and there isn't a lot of conflict over what the other is doing all the time and if a parent lives further away, they can still have a good relationship. After my parent's divorced, my dad moved back to our hometown where he worked in the family business. I didn't visit him regularly, but we talked on the phone and he has always given me guidance or advice when I need it. I actually talked to him more than when he was still married to my mom, because he was always at work. It really depends on the situation.

If a custodial parent treats the child like a possession that the non custodial parent doesn't have equal rights to, the child is the one that ends up feeling deprived of the non custodial parent.

and quirk, could ya change it to "one "parent" and one "disney parent" " instead of "disney dad"?. My SD has a disney mom...

Maybe a week is too long a time?

maybe 3 days at mom's,
then 4 at dad's,
then 4 at mom's,
then 3 at dad's.

I'm in a fairly similar situation.
I'm in a committed relationship with a guy with an 8 year old son, A__. My guy doesn't have 50/50 - he usually has A__ 2 days a week - but A__ is noisy, doesn't like to be told "no", and alternates between clingy and disdainful. I think it's part of being that age. (My nephew is from a two parent, two kid, one dog, nuclear family and he's the same way!)
A__ argues back a lot too... and I can occasionally be irritated by it too. But that's not 100% his fault - he doesn't have consistent boundaries. I'd probably argue to get my way if I thought that people would cave to me!
It sounds like you're trying to find your niche too... it's hard, hey?? I'm trying to find mine by making a few boundaries without doing any of the major disciplining. If supper is in half an hour, and I see A__ go for chips from the table, I'll say "Only 5 chips - we're eating supper soon", or "Go wash the ketchup off your hands, please"... but if he breaks a rule or is rude, I let his dad handle it. I'm not willing to dole out punishment, but I'm willing to instruct common sense.
How do you feel about that sort of thing? It's not discipline, but it sets you as an authority figure...

just my opinion, if he's rude to you, you have the right to say something to him about it, just as any adult should be able to comment on rudeness.

Part of the problem I see in society today, is when parent's get offended when someone speaks up about their child doing something wrong. If the child sees the parent get offended when he's told something, and even hears their parent tell the person to mind their own business, it lets the child believe that they can get away with the bad behavior.

and I also don't see a problem with saying something about a broken rule, etc. If a child breaks a rule at school or daycare, they don't say "I'm going to let your parent's handle it when you go home", the person that is in charge is the one to decide the consequences. If there is a set consequence for an infraction, it shouldn't matter who hands it down. I know it ruffles some feathers to the BM when dad's GF or wife enforce the rules but, IMO that's too bad. It's your house and if the rules and consequences are agreed on my you and the child's father, then you should be able to enforce them in your home. It would be different if the rules and consequences were not decided before hand and agreed upon. But, my husband and I agreed on what is unacceptable from SD and the consequences and while he's at work, I enforce the rules. If something comes up that we haven't discussed, I will call him or wait until he gets home to deal with it.

Sorry, I should have mentioned: as of yet, I don't spend time with A__ without my BF, but if I did, it wouldn't be "wait until your dad gets home"
And Ima raises a good point - laying out "the rules" with your BF is probably a good idea.

I do second the advie that you should get some type of counseling. I am a mom. Are you also a mom? I would be concenred that you do not understand typical behiavor of a child, and for you to get involved in discipline is not appropriate. I see you getting upset at things that may not be a big deal. Even as SM, I think you have to let DH take lead on discipline, but certinly as GF. You might want to read some of the threads here about would you do it again.

There are a lot of issues with stepfamilies. Have you spoken to FDH about whether he wants more children with you?

I used the phrase "disney dad" because I wanted to encourage tryingtomakeitwork to think about what she would be doing to her boyfriend's (the dad) relationship with his daughter if she tries to decrease his time with her, not because I intended to generalize about dads vs moms. I kind of vaguely got the impression (maybe wrong) that that's what she would like to do. I agree you can have a "good" relationship with a non-custodial parent, but you can't have the *same* kind of relationship with someone you see regularly as you can with someone you only see occasionally. Just ask anyone trying to make a long-distance relationship work, if it's the same as being together. I think something is lost, if over many years of a child's life, a parent is not around to regularly do the day to day things parents do.

Thanks for all the thoughtful replies. That gives me a lot to think about. To clarify a couple of things--I'm not trying to reduce the amount of time my BF spends w/ his daughter--that's not my place. I was just curious what opinions were regarding that schedule for custody. Someone else wondered if I was a mom--I'm not. I believe that may be part of my problem in learning how to deal w/ the daughter--my life has been very different from theirs. I'm not used to kids around (except family members that go home after a gathering), the loudness and the things I mentioned before--I suspect they're something I'll need to get used to simply because it's what kids do. That's something important I learned from these reponses--the ways in which she's behaving don't seem that different from other kids out there. Seems to me the best thing to do would be to first make sure this relationship is where I want to be and then have "the talk" with specifics about what bothers me. I'm thinking about counseling for myself, it just might help me see my way clear.

I think I have a picture in my head of what "my" kids would be like, and this little girl doesn't fit into that perfect image. I'm sure I was annoying at 7, but my parents loved me enough to keep me around. That's what I'm working on--trying to love her and accept her as she is. Some days it's easy, some days I go running back to my own house. We're moving in together in a few months--that's bringing all my fearful feelings to the surface.

Anyway, thanks for the input. If you have any further advice, tips, etc, please post.