Need baby momma advice...

12 years ago

My partner and I have been together two years, live together, and he has a toddler who stays with us part-time. Long story short, my partner cheated on me with his baby momma as well as lied about us being together in the beginning of our relationship. In the end we decided to try to work it out and are together and generally happy now. However, I still have an extremely hard time dealing with my emotions about his ex. I resent the fact that she is a part of my life at all. I also feel disrespected by her and know that she has talked about me behind my back as she is a rude and spiteful person. My partner supposedly told her that she has no right to do so, but I have doubts about him telling me the full truth about other incidents. In addition the baby momma is invited to every family and holiday event which puts a lot of stress on me as like I said, I think she is disrespectful and goes out of her way to do things to annoy me (follows my partner around, touches him, etc). He is always telling me that we just have to be the bigger people but I am so tired of being the mature one. I don't think he has established appropriate boundaries with the baby momma and he claims he doesn't see the problem. For instance, due to the cheating and our history, I have asked him to have no conversation or contact with her except that about the child. About a month ago, I found out he has been playing her in a game on his phone. This really bothered me because I have asked him to not have any connections with her. He said he would stop playing, then a few days ago I come to find out that she asked him why he stopped, and he said because I wouldn't allow him to play. I literally burst into tears when I found out because I feel embarassed and betrayed. It's no one's business what goes on privately in our relationship and I feel that by telling her this, he threw me under the bus. He says that it's just the truth and if I don't want to be the reason he isn't allowed to do things, I have to "stop being the reason." I don't want her knowing anything about me let alone my insecurities and feelings about their interaction. So, in short, I feel violated and betrayed and in addition, guilty for "overreacting" and "causing problems when there aren't any". Not to mention the fact that I'm constantly reminded that the most important person is the child, so I apparently should out myself last. Feeling burnt out, sad, and insecure, as well as anxious about having to spend the upcoming holiday with this person I can't stand. Please please help. Thank you.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (8)

catlettuce
12 years ago
Move along-two years can turn into ten in the blink of an eye. It's not worth it.

~Cat
sylviatexas1
12 years ago
No matter what he *says*, his primary relationship is still with his child's mother.

which makes you the other woman.

& at this point in the relationship, he should be showing you his best side;
time and the lack of negative consequences for the way he's treating you now will make him act worse & worse.

Learn from this young woman's experience.

I wish you the best.

Here is a link that might be useful: To Disengage or Not
Related Discussions
Momma Rabbit?
Q
Comments (30)
I have not heard her scream but she will growl. Sounds like a dog growling. Brendan are you talking about breeding rabbits like the SICK LINK you posted on breeding cats over on the Homesteading Forum? I agree with freedomfarm, you are sick and ask that you not post to me. Ruthieg thanks for explaining about her not spending much time with them. I was going to ask about that. I have checked on them and they are fat and warm but was concerned about her not staying with them. There is a pile of hair to the point you can't see them without moving some of it. It is in the 80's during the day and 60's at night.
...See More
New baby desert rose, need advice
Q
Comments (23)
Hi I have been growing desert roses for 18 months now, started with seeds which have flowered, but sadly not the colours they were supposed to be, but I love them all, grow mine in terricotta pots and well draining soil, also I keep mine nice and bushy, nipping them after winter, they are in full sun but we are starting to go cooler at night so some of the leaves are yellowing, a chinese gardener told me to give them fertilizer every 2 weeks until winter and they love potassium to give big flowers. I only water my big pots weekly but the smaller size more often when very hot and dry, I find our local markets have a great range and also Bunnings they are very addictive and always on the look out for a new colour, good luck on growing the little beauties
...See More
Baby robin rescue - advice needed
Q
Comments (0)
Robins were nesting in a small tree next to my entrance and earlier today I discovered a small baby robin on the ground. It was a nestling hardly 3-4 days old. We read at the Audubon website that it was fine to put it back which we did. There was no other baby in the nest nor on the ground. I was so excited to see the parent back in 10 minutes only and slightly later watched it feeding again the same baby robin. Then a few hours later I ran out the house because I again heard a robin's "nest danger" warning to see the same baby again on the ground with some stray cat coming near. The cat ran away right away from me and I didn't see any injuries from the cat so I assume I intercepted it on time. I was still disheartened because the baby wasn't breathing and frankly showed no signs of life, but it was warm and we again put it back in the nest. It was very late afternoon and I saw the parent again nesting on it but only tomorrow we'll see if it turned out to be alive or not. This hit me really hard and I have two questions. - why is there only one robin baby in the nest (hardly 3-4 days old)? I read that usually there are at least two baby robins. - what could explain that it fell from the nest twice the same day? It couldn't jump alone because it doesn't have developed wings, no cat could reach the nest because it's quite high, and we didn't see any crow or bluejay in the vicinity today. The nest was in excellent shape without any signs of disturbance. I wonder if it could be some other robins but I don't know if they attack other robin's babies. All this was heart-breaking. I was so much hoping to see parents succeed after we successfully rescued the baby at first and also for them having such trust in me to nest in my yard, only a few feet away form my door. Please help with any advice so that I know for the future or, if this little one turns out to be still live despite the second fall, then how to help its parent to protect it.
...See More
Help! Need Advice on prepping for overnight guest with baby
Q
Comments (10)
what I didn't mention in the primary post is that my bf is much older than myself. I am 31, he is 56. his daughters are 29 and 27 and the baby is 1 and a half. I don't have any kids and I don't have any experience. Kids terrify me, I have no idea how to interact with them so I freeze up and I feel like they hate me! I mean, I've never even babysat! This baby is the first baby I ever held and I just love her to pieces! Unfortunately his oldest, her hubby, and the baby live overseas so we don't see them often. His youngest only lives about 1.5 hr away but they barely even talk so we see her even less. to top it all off my bf is a real life hoarder. this house is small and every inch of it is filled with one thing or another. I am a minimalist but thanks to a house fire last year I don't own anything anyway. he is also super protective over all his stuff so he barely tolerates me touching anything. It makes cleaning and organizing incredibly difficult bc everything is his and theres so much of it. if I dont get the "dont touch it, ill do it later" speech, I usually just get overwhelmed and give up. I'm also embarrassed about it. ive tried to change him, thats not gona happen. I know it sounds shallow but I want them to know its not me and I don't approve either. I wish I could change this one part of him but since I cannot I need ppl to know its not me. I know how shallow that sounds but its the facts. Luckily his daughters are awesome in every way and have always been accepting of me regardless of the age difference. I want to make sure they feel at home here and know they're welcome anytime. What I dont want is for the girls to think this place is dirty bc its cluttered, feel uncomfortable having the baby here thinking we would leave something out that could hurt her, and never come back. bottom line is that I have to get it right and I have to go above and beyond their expectations. growing up they lived with him for longer than I have so they know all about him and his ways! but baby needs to be safe so things need to be perfect today and, god willing, maybe his beautiful granddaughter who he loves to pieces will give him some incentive to change his hoarding ways. fingers crossed!
...See More
Amber3902
12 years ago
>>He says that it's just the truth and if I don't want to be the reason he isn't allowed to do things, I have to "stop being the reason." No, HE has to be the reason things stop. If the affair is over, he would not be playing online games with her or have any kind of contact with her, except regarding the child.

Think about this way, if you cheated on him, but realized it was a mistake and wanted to work things out with your BF, would you decide to play a game with your ex-lover on your phone? You would do everything you can to make sure your behavior was beyond suspicion.

There is no reason for her to be invited to holiday and family events. They aren't together, your BF can divide the holiday time so each parent gets to spend time with the child without having to deal with each other. You are right, your BF has inappropriate boundaries with his baby mama, and tries to make you feel guilty for daring to voice your concerns.
lyfia
12 years ago
I think you deserve better and should dump the idiot. BTW that was me putting it mildly. He is not worth your agony or even worry about. If he cared about you he wouldn't be disregarding your feelings and knowing that he already cheated on you and in 2 years time hasn't built that trust up again with you then he is really not worth your time.

You deserve much better and although it is tough to break up your long term relationship that little voice in your head is telling you something. Try to listen to it. I'm certain it will be a rough few months, but be strong and I have a feeling you'll start wondering to yourself why you didn't do it sooner.
emma
12 years ago
I agree. There are so many things in life like that and when we do finally put a stop to it, we end up wondering why we wasted all those years.

I will give you a little advice that my Mom gave me when I was unhappy, it does work. If you do decide to end the relationship, try not to dwell on it afterwards, redirect your thoughts to happier things and stay busy. Do things that make you feel good. For me it is reading and good movies. I also found playing video games which leaves no time to dwell on anything but the games.
sylviatexas1
12 years ago
good thoughts, emma.

I used to encourage all my friends when they had break-ups, or when they were feeling like they weren't getting what they needed from a relationship, to take a big step back & "go cold turkey" for at least a month.

no contact, no dates, no sex,
no phone calls, emails, texts,
no acceptance of flowers (give them to the gal at the front desk)
no going through photos, no crying over your favorite songs, no eating at your favorite places.

Within about a month, you should have a really clear, fresh perspective.
emma
12 years ago
Thanks Sylvia, I think sometimes I have to much pride, but I will not give the other person the satisfaction of seeing me hurt. I will say goodbye with a smile. If on occasion we met, I will smile at them and move on.
taylermarie
Original Author
12 years ago
Thank you all for your advice, I've really been struggling with this.

Need baby momma advice...

Comments (8)

catlettuce

sylviatexas1

Related Discussions

Amber3902

lyfia

emma

sylviatexas1

emma

taylermarie
Original Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

Need baby momma advice...

Comments (8)

catlettuce

sylviatexas1

Related Discussions

Amber3902

lyfia

emma

sylviatexas1

emma

taylermarieOriginal Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

taylermarie
Original Author