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jeri

Seeking more visitation worried about WW3

jeri
16 years ago

In a perfect world everyone would get along and always put the childÂs best interest first. None of us live in a perfect worldÂ

DH is a fireman and therefore has an irregular schedule. ItÂs not the schedule so much as the having to leave for work by 5:00 a.m. every other day for 24/48 hours shifts. This severely limited over night visits with his daughter until I entered the picture. BM didnÂt want anything to change  she is NPD and expects to be in charge of everyone. She would not allow the daughter to spend the night if it meant being alone with me for 3 hours in the morning. This, of course, was ridiculous but it took going to court to get a proper parenting plan with explicit visitation to force her to comply. DH has joint legal and joint physical and sd is with us 33% of the time. DHÂs schedule is changing and we would like to have SD 50% of the time.

The reason IÂm writing is to get some suggestions on how to proceed while minimizing what I expect to be WW3 from bm. It would be great if DH could simply talk to his ex and tell her "My work schedule is changing  I will be working a standard 40 hour week. I would like to change our current visitation from 70/30 to 50/50." and have her agree to this. But I do not expect her to agree. DH has already spoken to a lawyer who says that here in CA the 50/50 is very popular with the judges and sees no reason this will not be granted.

My biggest concern is that SD will be in the middle. I expect her mom to pull out all the NPD manipulation tactics  which SD is very susceptible to. SD is 14  she will be 15 next April. The truth is, if she wanted to live with us full time and was willing to voice this, the court would allow it. I want her to know this and to make up her own mind, but I also want to protect her from her motherÂs wrath  if at all possibleÂ

If you knew us and you knew SD and her mom  you would believe that this is not only what sd wants  but would absolutely be in her best interest.

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