Lonepiper, Although I had a very difficult experience with my skids and DH, I have seen enough blended and second family situations to know that not only can they work, the players can actually be happy with each other and love one another. One of the keys (in my opinion) is not to force a family bonding. This was one of my big mistakes. I have a cousin with two kids, now grown but around 5-6 when she married a man with two kids around 7-9 at the time. They never, ever all lived together. This was a deliberate, strategic decision on the part of my cousin and her 2nd husband. Her kids lived with her, his kids lived with his ex-wife out of state. Not far, but still not in the same town. He saw his kids often since the out-of-state location was right down I-95 and not far. They merged the families slowly, trips to Disneyworld and so on, never trying to be parent to the other's kids and not forcing the clan together. 20 years later the kids refer to each other as brother and sister and the parents, really step parents, stay in more of a friendship mode with their respective stepkids vs parent. I know others with similar situations, just not on this board! Yes, I do envision a life with a better partner some day, why not? That doesn't mean that I haven't learned the hard way to not try to force some new "dad" down my son's throat if that ever comes to pass. Or to try to be someone else's "2nd" mom. Uggg. The walls will be pretty thick between any new person and my son for a long while. That's what I've seen works with divorced people and their kids. But going it alone, and of course, who knows if there is a 2nd act for me, is not what I want at all. I hope I can learn from my mistakes as well as what I have read and learned on this board.

Angel...I was wondering if you ever asked your Dad to help, or if you decided to just do it on your own. My own BF proposed over the weekend and I would also really like for my Dad to help me out with a wedding. I have never been married before and I do not have any children or anything. I've pretty much done everything on my own, including paying for school through student loans and scholarships. In the meantime, my Dad has helped his stepson through a very expensive legal battle due to a DUI in which one of his friends died in the accident...which turned it into vehicular homicide. He is also 24 years old and still living with his mom and my dad. As far as I know, he does not pay rent or pay for food or anything. He has mentioned going back to college (his 4th school/I don't think he's actually even made it through his freshman year yet) in August, but I don't think he even knows what he wants to go for. I don't mean to speak bad about him because I actually like my Dad's stepson, but as much as my Dad has helped him, I hope that he will want to help me pay for my wedding. I'm going to wait a few weeks to see if he offers to help, but if he doesn't I think I want to ask him if he will. I just feel that because of all of the times he has been uninvolved in my life and as little as he has done to help me in the past, this is something that I would really appreciate from him. I know that many of you are going to say that I should just have a small wedding, or elope, and part of me actually agrees with your viewpoint, after all, a wedding only lasts one day and then you have gone and spent all of that money...but on the other hand...haven't you all at some point dreamed of the day when you get to be the princess and everybody you love is there and you get to promise to spend your life with the man you love?

Hi, Part of what I have gone through with my Step-mother is here...http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/step/msg0812243515628.html?46. I commented a few years ago to this post, so you will need to scroll down to where I commented to read about us. There is more to the story, but that was all I wanted to write when I was 16. I am 20 now. There is more about my Half-brother in this forum somewhere that I have included in another comment. If this seems like a story that you would like to hear more about, please comment on here that you would like to know more, and I will type more of my story. Hope this helps you. AR_Dramaqueen

You are doing the hardest work possible in parenting someone else's child and there really is very little reward except the fact that you know you are doing the right thing. You really are an amazing woman. I would suggest the you restrain yourself from sinking to level of the bio-mom. Nothing you say will ever make a difference in what that woman does. It is only fruitful ground for further power struggles. Standing firm by your convictions and being the best role model possible for your step-son is what WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE in his life. May not matter in the short-run but IT WILL in the long run. It seems you and your husband have very different parenting styles. Not that yours is wrong or his is wrong but they are simply different. Both styles are noble. But when there isn't support for both style, it is very difficult to manage. There are other ways to discipline a child who is acting out -- and your stepson is beginning to act out. He will continue and it very well could get worse until he gets someone's attention. I imagine that child has probably seen many forms of abuse and when children see adults being abusive what else could you expect but for them to mirror the behavior. It is a very unhealthy cycle. He needs LOVING discipline in the worst way. He needs to learn in a CARING WAY that there are consequences for his behavior. It sounds like you really care deeply about your husband AND his son and because of that I would definitely suggest counseling. Couples counseling for you and your husband and therapy for the son as well. Your stepson probably has tons of anger and hurt due to the neglect of the bio-Mom and he needs to learn how to cope with it and heal from it. If the two of you cannot find SOME middle ground on the parenting issues, then you may need consider making a healthier change. I might also suggest a series of short holidays every-so-often (somehow, someway) with JUST you and your husband so that you can have some alone time and spend time reconnecting and loving. This will ADD value to you as a couple and to you as a parent. It will benefit the child to see caring relationships and how they take care of one another's needs. Take special care.