Dear Kate. Thanks for your encouraging words. When I first made this post I said no one understood my grief, I didn't mean the people on this thread of course everyone here dose understand that's why we came here. I cannot talk about TJ without tearing up and hardly can talk. It has helped me in so many ways to talk about him. I have never felt this way about any person or animal. I just can't explain why? This little dog has meant so much to my life and now he's gone, I feel so empty. The person on this site said if you do not have a connection with a animal there is something missing in your soul. Truer words were never spoken I might have been one of thoses people because it has taken me 71 years to feel this way. I have had other animals,Cats, Dogs: None of them has affected me this way. TJ consumed me in a way I have never known with love and devotion. When I would have to go out shopping, my wife would look after him. TJ would not stay in the house he would go to the garage and waite for me to come back, looking through the screen. When I came back he was jumping up and down at the screen he would run out to greet me and lick and kiss me for two minutes at least, that is just one of the memories I have of his love for me. Kate, I read your responce to Mike about losing his Maltese, everything you said to him was just how I feel. I know you loved Homer very much, it shows in evry word you speak. LIFE HAS A WAY OF TEACHING YOU A LESSON...And I learned one. I am 71 years old and retired. I have a wonerdful wife married 52 years and three grown kids who are all doing well. My middle son lives in Alaska (A State trooper.) with his wife and two Boys. My Daughter lives in Chicage. My other so lives in Atlanta, His wife will be having their first child in August. I have more to say but have to get off for now. Charlie.

"It would be nice if some men would respond. Linda put her side of the problem on the forum (Posted 11-8-09), only women responded." Wrong. I am male and here is what I wrote to her then: "Posted by asolo (My Page) on Tue, Nov 10, 09 at 15:17 You had separate finances before. You have separate finances now. Nothing unusual about that. But there must be mutual understandings. I assume your presence and activities within Dan's house amount to something. Cleaning, housekeeping, errands, cooking perhaps? In that sense, what makes you a "tenant" -- one who pays rent -- as opposed to a "housekeeper" or "personal secretary"-- one who is entitled to a wage? I would encourage you not to open that pandora's box. However, if he does, I wouldn't hesitate to turn it around instantly. Spouses often share expenses but they do NOT pay "rent". Suggest you share all expenses (excluding taxes and insurance on Dan's home which remains his asset) but not "rent". I think "rent" within a marriage is an obnoxious term. As time goes on and you may buy furniture, etc,. you must be careful to record what's his, yours, and "ours". Your union can work just fine with separate accounts. Both of you should gain. Neither of you should have your assets depleted. "Rent" would be a net depletion for you because if you still lived in your own house, you wouldn't be paying it. I would resist that. If you contribute to repairs and/or upgrades to Dan's house over time, that becomes your equitable interest in the property, too, which you'll want to record. Overall, I think Dan's being kind of a jerk about this. He's creating more problems than he's solving. You may have married a pedant. If he persists, you may want to consider a "post-nuptial" agreement and put this nonsense to bed permanently. How's the marriage going otherwise?" Your questions from this post: "1.) I am asking Linda to share the living cost of the home we live in. 1/2 of the cost is $240.00 per month (includes taxes, insurance, utilities etc.). Is this right?" Yes and no. Your idea of "living expenses" is flawed. She should share in "expenses" such as utilities and food and cleaning products, other things you both consume. She should also be willing to contribute to occasional appliance repairs and other wear-and-tear items that both of you use and that will require repair or replacement in time. That part would be fair in my opinion. How much and whether or not that will represent equitable interest thereafter will be a can of worms for both of you, of course. She shouldn't contribute to any capital item. You remodel the place or replace the roof, you pay for all of it. She should not pay taxes or insurance or anything else related to the capital value of your separate asset. "2.) I am also asking Linda to share $160.00 per month of the profits she makes from her 10 rental units. Is this right?" No. Hers is hers. Yours is yours. You've already agreed to that. Your justification is nuts. She could say the same thing if you wanted to turn it around. She's agreed to dance to your tune and you want her to pay the piper, too. "3) I feel the request I am making for her to share is fair and honest. Am I right or wrong?" I don't doubt your honesty. Making requests is "fair" but I don't think an experienced disinterested outsider would back you up about the logic or "fairness" of your proposal. I suggest two things -- and both of you should share the cost: 1) Seek out an experienced family-practice lawyer, lay this on the table before them and ask their opinion/advice. Nail down the financial logic -- which may give both of you new perspectives. 2) Assuming you reach an agreement, I would then lock it down in a post-nuptial agreement. What the hell....the way you two are thinking, you're going to be talking to lawyers soon enough anyway if you can't clear this off the table. You could allow Linda to purchase 1/2 of your house. Maybe she could do her own financing or maybe you could carry the note. That wouldn't disrupt anything else for either of you and would remove the root cause of all this financial pedantry. If, in your opinion, those options can't be considered -- you will have told me more about yourself than you may have intended.

Dear all, Here's a copy of email I sent to the three Kids: Dear SS, SD1 and SD2, SS, your father tried phoning this evening, left a message, and turned in for bed before 9pm. He did have an opportunity to speak with SD2 on the phone a bit earlier, and he went to visit with SD1 at (her work) for a couple of hours today. I want you to know that we would really, really enjoy having all three of you here for a few days to spend lots of time with each other and your father. I know you all would like it best if he would come to (SD's hometown) (either with or without me), but he's feeling pretty stressed, and does not want to travel at all right now. He and I had planned to have a couple of days in the motorhome this September. We had talked about it in the late summer, after it was evident that we weren't going to be busy canning our non-existent fruit this year. But now he doesn't want to go anywhere. He seems to forget about the plans we had made -- that's just how things are right now. It's been very confusing to him to have all the conversations with all three of you about how, where, dates, etc., regarding this visit and trying to explain how and why he feels like he does. What he would like best is for all of you to come here and stay in our home or cottage (which we are still keeping vacant until we hear the final plans). Right now he's most comfortable at home, and he can't think of being anywhere else. I think the best thing to do for everyone would be to just try and make this visit as easy as possible, as comfortable as possible for everyone, and just plan on having nice relaxing days "chewing the fat", reminiscing, and hanging out together. Going sightseeing, going on adventures, experiencing new things ... are out of his comfort level. He's unsure on his feet, is afraid of feeling confused, and can't describe how he feels at times. I know that I have many projects I can work on and things I can do on my own, which would afford all of you time to be there to talk, listen, and nap with your father as you see fit! Who knows, you might all enjoy relaxing in one of his two favorite rooms and close your eyes like he does! Maybe there will be a day where your father feels less weak, confused, agitated or stressed and he will feel like riding with me over to SS's town, SD2's town, or SD1's Island -- but that day is sure not now. Since I'm the only one here who can tell you what it's like to no longer have your parents alive, I'll let you know this: It's final. It's nothing you can wish or pray to change. There are no more opportunities to enjoy their presence. There are no more opportunities to say what you wanted to or should have said. And if I had to live with regrets for not doing what I knew I needed to do ... well, it would be unbearable. Please understand that I'm not trying to "guilt" any of you into anything ... I'm just trying to share what I've learned because I've recently experienced losing both of my dear parents. They weren't perfect; my father especially wasn't always easy; and I wasn't always the best daughter. However, next to your father, their wellbeing and happiness were my top priorities. Above all else, you must know that my love, time, energy, and money went to care for them and your father, as it does now for your father alone. I know that I tried to put myself in their shoes and do everything I possibly could for them, just as I would hope that my daughter and granddaughter will do for me someday. So, please do what you can to visit with him sooner rather than later. As we all know, "later" doesn't always arrive. And if you all can't make it here together (with or without your spouses) please know, again, that you are always welcome to come visit on your own. Love, Kathy ...................................... This is the email I received back from SD2: Dad and Kathy, I spoke very briefly to (brother - SS) this morning. He should find out within a couple of days when he has to go to (foreign country for work). I would prefer October 17 as I think it would be better for my work. Our freshmen are arriving tomorrow and school begins September 22. Its always crazy this time of year and I can feel the tension around my office increasing each hour. So IÂm hoping that (brother - SS) will know in two days (by Thursday) if he is available Oct. 17. If he doesnÂt know by then, maybe IÂll need to get bite the bullet and be brave and let (my boss) know IÂm taking Friday, Sept. 26 off (donÂt ask, tell her!!) and weÂll come that weekend. I want to know by Thursday so that I can book at least a one week in advance flight. IÂm leaning towards flying out on Thursday night but that will get me in to Seattle between 10-11 pm then I will need to drive to (your home). If I leave on Friday, half the day is over before I get there. I will be leaving Sunday evening whether we come Sept. 22 or October 17 to get back to work on Monday. IÂm sorry for all the confusion and seemingly indecisiveness. But itÂs just that all of our lives, like everyone elseÂs, is complicated with all 3 of our work schedules. I havenÂt spoken to (SD1) yet but hopefully sheÂs flexible. Love, SD2 ................................................. Here's the email I sent back to all three of them Dear SD2, SD1, and SS, Thank you both for trying to arrange things. SD2 and SS, I am willing to pick you up and take you back to Seattle airport. Your father might be willing to "go for a ride" since he usually reclines his seat and sleeps whenever we travel beyond (our home town) anyway. I'm accustomed to driving to and from the airport, and night driving isn't a concern for me. It's not my favorite thing, of course, but it's not too difficult as long as there's not rain. However, if both of you, SS and SD2, are able to arrange flight times close to each other and you'd like to rent a car that's fine too. I don't know the need for another vehicle while you're all here, but that's up to you, of course. Your father's still in bed, and I'm bringing coffee in to him and we'll sit and enjoy that. I'll let him know of the (still possible) dates. I know he'll feel relieved and happy to know that you'll all three be here. And SD2, the lawyer I worked with for so long (and who is still a good friend and I admire so much) had a lovely sign in his office. About "easier to ask forgiveness than permission". I think you'll find this true with your boss! Of course, we got most of our clients through that same adage ... trying to sort out their "forgiveness" because they hadn't asked "permission", but I don't think (your boss) will sue you about this! ha ha I'll put the cream in his coffee, and go visit with your father right now. Thank you both (and SD1, too) for trying to arrange this visit with your father. Love, Kathy .................................................. NOW, friends on the Stepfamily forum: I thank you for all your ideas, suggestions, comments, and opinions. My husband made his decision and spoke with all the kids about it. They discussed it amongst themselves. I sent emails and they sent emails. Everything is settled and, as you can see, all communications are friendly, proper, and loving. I am certain we will have a nice visit with them ... whether they arrive in a week or so, or later in October after we return from our one flight of the year ... to a grandson's wedding in Santa Barbara. PLEASE LET THIS TOPIC DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES, NOW. I hate to see so many of you going on and on about this. This is NOT what I needed from any of you. I don't think continuing this conversation is beneficial to anyone. I believe we all know where everyone stands now. However, if any of you would like to learn more about Dementia and/or Alzheimer's Disease, I suggest you do some research. I've read a number of comments that led me to believe some of you just don't understand the disease and its symptoms and behaviors. Now, to all, Goodnight! I'm joining my husband in the library where we will watch (undoubtedly) something on The History Channel, because that's one of his favorites! Kathy in Washington P.S. I'll tell you a perk of being married to a man who fought in World War II: learning my history from him! I know more about that war than I ever learned in school. And I have such a great appreciation for what truly was The Greatest Generation! Please ask questions of anyone you know who fought then -- they'd most likely be happy to share their experiences with you.

I've been using the "Unfollow" feature. You stay friends with the person, but don't see their posts. I've unfollowed a lot of people who post constantly and those who insist on bashing their ex, airing their dirty laundry, etc. on FB. I (and probably no one else) wants to see constant snarky comments on your ex and what a horrible person he/she is. I like Facebook in a lot of ways. I've connected with some college friends and some far-away family. I would probably never interact with them in any way if not for Facebook. As far as texting vs a phone call - DH and I prefer, in most cases, a text. DH may be working when I text, and vice versa. A quick text is much less intrusive. My sister actually expressed surprise that I'm ok with DH texting me instead of calling. If I know that DH is driving I will call. Same for him. Otherwise, we mostly text.