FDH = Inability to plan ahead

15 years ago

This is my vent about FDH's dumba55ery, which doesn't even remotely compare to Nicksmom's DH's dumba55ery, but ruined my night nonetheless.

You all know how A__ is a disaster after he's been at GM's (cranky, hyper, attitude problem, and often unwashed and/or hungry)

So imagine my dismay when FDH comes home from work with A__'s backpack, but no A__. They stopped at GM's to pick up a refill of A__'s meds, and A__ asked to stay at GM's to play with his (mean-spirited, bad influence of a) cousin until soccer.

FDH, not thinking ahead, said OK.

I was pissed because he had soccer at 7-8, so we don't get home from that until 8:15 or so, but bedtime on school nights is 8:30 with 30 minutes of reading.

He obviously needs a shower after soccer, so that bumps bedtime back a bit on soccer nights - tack on 20 minutes.

A__ had homework tonight, so that had to get done after soccer because of being at GM's afterschool when he should have done it - tack on another 20 minutes.

GM didn't give him a nutritious supper (Oreos and chicken wings are NOT a meal, IMO) so he was running on empty after soccer and he needed a snack - tack on another 20 minutes.

So now it's 9:30 by the time he gets into bed... Which is not the end of the world, but he was in a FOUL mood with a bad attitude and it was a miserable evening for us all because of it.

The "D" in FDH is NOT short for "dear" today.

Me: "Why didn't you think ahead to that A__ would have to do his homework and have a snack after soccer and he would be a bear?"

FDH: "I don't know. I just don't think of those things."

Garghgh! Why the h3ll not!? I've only been parenting A__ for a year-ish, and I can think of this stuff! He's been at it for 9 years, why can't he?

Ohforchrissake!

(Did anyone catch on to that I'm annoyed? LOL)

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Comments (11)

justnotmartha
15 years ago
Hey Ceph - glad to hear you had such a great day!! ;-)

Take heart - my DH, a very smart, thoughtful man, has these moments as well.
They just leave me shaking my head thinking 'Did you not think this through? Did you just stop at point A and forget to consider B through F that were right there in your face?' I think the answer is yes. Perhaps FDH had a tiring day, and the thought of being able to just go home alone and watch TV, take a nap or whatever was so appealing that B through F went right out the window. I think it's situations like these that are the major cause of DH's brainfarts. Is it a man thing? Who knows.

Guess I better send you the lamp, huh?
nicksmom
15 years ago
You're right...it doesn't quite measure up to my DH's, but nonetheless...

I do think it's a y-linked chromosomal problem.

And nothing makes me more mad than when he says "I don't know...". I'm calling BS on that! You DO know...cuz' your not stupid....USUALLY!!!
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No.....I didn't say they are close. I said they WERE close and that she loves her father and has a good time when she's here. Then I went into this long paragraph about when the break down started and what was happening. That was about age 10 so there were 10 years when they were very close. You're right, she doesn't return calls, e-mails or texts....now. When she lived here, we started seeing her less, but she still answered the phone and we were involved in her all-consuming extra-curricular activity. Now that she lives far away, she is "increasingly more involved in extra-curriculars". They, however, have not been the reasons she hasn't come. None of them are on weekends, as of yet. And I did not say she IS involved in too many extra activities. I said she was involved in 1 extra activity that was all-consuming. That's when the break down started between her & FDH; when BM put her in this one activity and then made her quit the one that FDH was helping with. We think we know the reason for the not returning phone calls, texts and e-mails. When she sees us or talks to us, she misses us. She wants to stay longer, but 1) doesn't have the nerve to ask her mom and 2) is always bribed by her mom and family with activities upon her return. It's hard for her to leave her dad. So, sometimes, it's easier to ignore the calls and emotional conversations than to wrestle with them every time he calls or every time she comes (which has only been 3 times, but that's a lot to a teenager). I understand that completely. I have told FDH that he needs to keep the mushy stuff out of the conversations because it's hard enough for her not to be with him. Does that make sense? She wanted to move, basically because BM was talking about how great it would be, but also because she's never really lived around extended family before. So that was all new and exciting. But she didn't want to leave her dad. It's hard for her to adjust when everyone is telling her who she should be loyal to. If FDH is all sappy on the phone, she feels guilty for loving her new life. If she misses her dad, she feels like she's betraying her mom and family. So it's easier to leave the old life behind and live in the new one.
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sweeby
15 years ago
It IS a man thing! My DH does that with ours also --

I appreciate that they want to do fun things together, and that Dad wants to spend the time with Son, but Son has homework! (Which should be doable in 20 minutes, but never is.) Plus close to an hour per day of extra reading work. And now Dad is on this "DS is getting to bed too late --Why don't we have dinner each night by 7:00?" -- OK. But that means DS has to get his homework done by 7:00 as well (he's useless after dinner), which means he has to start around 5:00 at the latest, which means he has to be HOME, de-hypered, snacked and watered by then.

Next time, I'm just going to tell Hubby "Oops! I forgot, I have an outside appointment tonight. You need to help DS with his science, social studies, and math homework, do his reading tutoring, and try to cook dinner and have it on the table by 7:00 so he won't get to bed too late. Love you - See you - Bye!" ;-) Then RUN out the door...
silversword
15 years ago
Sweeby..."which means he has to be HOME, de-hypered, snacked and watered by then."

Too funny! Your suggestion is great. The only way they will realize how much work it is to get a kid in bed by their bedtime is if they have to do it once in a while.
tyrannical
15 years ago
i find this even about little things - my BF just seems allergic to planning! tonight he has an extra 'date' planned with his oldest son - so i was asking him this morning - what are you guys going to do? - 'maybe go bike riding' - oh have you found the bike rack? (as we just moved and don't know where everything is yet) - "nope" - oh... 'maybe we'll go see a movie' - oh have you checked what's playing? - "nope" - oh...etc...
it's not a big deal, and i'm sure they'll have fun whatever they do - but it would drive me nuts not to have an actual plan.
ashley1979
15 years ago
Oh, yes! I know exactly what you're talking about. I can't even plan anything for the of us because HE never schedules anything with BM.

Here's the prime example.....BM cheated....they're getting a divorce.....BM says she doesn't want to "fight" in court.......he agrees to not getting an attorney........she gets one under the pretence that "an attorney needs to draw up the papers....he never suspects what she's doing (although she WAS CHEATING, taking HIS kid to meet another man at the park, having HIS daughter lie to him at the tender age of, and now divorcing him).......he doesn't read the papers; just signs......so 7 years later BM is moving his daughter to another state....we get out divorce papers to see if there is a clause binding her to a certain geographical region.....guess what?....NOPE....by not reading the papers, he gave her SOLE MANAGING CONSERVATORSHIP....now, he has absolutely no say-so or decision-making ability over his daughter....talk about Dumba$$ery to the utmost extent!
theotherside
15 years ago
"that Dad wants to spend the time with Son, but Son has homework"

This is why I object so strongly to homework - it intrudes upon family time. In twenty years, which is the child going to remember fondly - playing chess with dad in the evening, or finishing all 47 math problems? The school has my child for 6.5 hours a day - that ought to be plenty of time to cover the curriculum. People who homeschool find that they can cover it in half the time or less.

I do not hesitate to write on my child's homework paper - "I told her to do only the odd numbered problems because this assignment was taking her too long." I have done this even with children without any learning disabilities. I have never had a teacher complain.
ashley1979
15 years ago
I actually agree with you, TOS. I think homework is largely unnecessary. Except for special projects, maybe. But daily homework is designed mostly to get the PARENTS involved. There are plenty of other ways to do that. The old school district we were in had an actual policy (written and everything) that they would not give any homework that lasted longer than 30 minutes.

But that's off subject *blushes*......sorry bout that, Ceph.....*runs and hides*
ceph
Original Author
15 years ago
No problem.
I just needed to vent... So change the subject all you want

And I agree that more than 30 minutes of homework is WAY too much (I think 15-20 minutes a night is perfectly reasonable though).

That said, sometimes A__ has more than 30 minutes because he didn't do his work at school - he was goofing off instead or just didn't want to do it at school - not because that's what the teacher assigned as "homework"
In those cases, I'm a hard@55 and feel that he brought it on himself, so he's darn well going to do it all.
theotherside
15 years ago
By 6th or 7th grade, my kids' teachers were allowed to give up to 2.5 hours a night. I think that is ridiculous.
justnotmartha
15 years ago
I agree. After an hour, if that, SD has checked out of home work. You could argue that making them continue on until they finish is teaching them a life skill to focus on something they don't like, or you could argue that is is wasting time they could be spending with family, outside in the fresh air, etc. as they are obviously not getting anything from it.

DS, in the 2nd grade, has to read 20 minutes 4 nights a week and answer one question in his journal about what he read. That is perfect if you ask me - either he reads and then talks to DH or I about it or he reads aloud. Too bad this doesn't work in middle and high school.

FDH = Inability to plan ahead

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