unbearable hurt caused by stepbrother taking inheritance


My husband's parent's divorce in 19 60 was a mess. My FIL was an alcoholic who ran around with my MIL's cousin. The cousin was 10 yrs older than he and had 4 adult children. My SIL told my husband and me that her father molested her during one of her fathers' drunken periods, when she was very young. That was just before their mother filed for divorce. My FIL married the cousin, who put up with his drunken behavior for 30 yrs. FIL had a will dividing estate up 50:50 between families, except if he died first, in which his wife would inherit it all. The will stated that SM also executed a will the same day. Initially, my FIL asked my husband to be his executor, but later told my husband that his eldest stepson would be the executor. FIL had inherited alot of money, property and his parent's home during his life. While they were married, they bought her daughter 2 homes, one of her sons a home, and remodeled and paid off her grandson's home. My FIL died of cancer 5 yrs ago. SM died 2 years later. 4 weeks before SM died she told my husband that inheritance would be divided 50:50 between families. I thought that she really liked my husband. After her funeral we were told by SB that SM had no will, and that there was no money left. As everything was liquidated, that was a lot of money to squander. We thought relations were good between stepsiblings, but found out afer her death that they were not. SB made mention a few times of our not "being family." My SIL and BIL received no inheritance. My husband and I received very little. I don't know how to help this family get past the hurt brought on by the stepfamily. SM had no money prior to the marriage, as her husband died at a young age. She was a bank teller. I understand that she put up with a lot from FIL over the years, but this goes to show you that there are no guarantees in life. I just wish there was a way to help us get over this.

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money cannot possibly make up for the damage FIL caused. were you banking on his money? nobody owes anyone money via inheritance. its just lucky, its not guilt money or a stament of love or a replacement for good parenting. nor is it your job to heal this family. just listen, and relect their pain: "that must hurt a lot." encourage.therapy where appropriate. this is not about the money.

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sounds like you were counting on getting an inheritance. I agree with amyfiddler, no one owes anyone anything, even their own children, when it comes to an inheritance. You have to make your own way in life and if per chance you are left in someone's will, that's wonderful. In a situation like this, which seems very dysfunctional, there's no telling who is going to end up with what when a death occurs. I would just move on past the money aspect of this and if you want peace among the step siblings, work on that without money being an issue. The money part is something you can't fix anyway.

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