Binkie, I reread your last post. If I understand correctly, your daughter and grandchild live free because of a home you let her live in. Also, she does not work. This makes me want to ask a few questions... First, if she doesn't work, how does she have the money to go shopping, even at thrift shops, six or so days a week? Second, if you own the house, then why don't you make it a condition for her living there that she keep it reasonably clean and tidy. What you described in your other post sounds like a health and fire hazard to me. Six root canals, crowns, and an extraction at 3??? I understand why you say that was serious. I'm glad to hear she got the toothpaste. Now, let's hope she follows through with teaching him to brush. Yes, occassionally not wearing socks or underwear is probably not grounds for social services to step it, but if what you've described is true, I would guess they'd step in in a heartbeat. What you have described is a child running around in a house packed full with stuff, everything in chaos, a child with a mouth full of rotten teeth, running around half naked and stinky feet. All of this with the Mother's attitude as "it doesn't matter." Now, what do you think social services would see?

Ks_toolgirl, I know exactly what you mean! We bought our old house because it was very affordable and we loved the architecture. However, my frugal husband quickly fell out of like when he realized that old houses aren't cheap to maintain or repair. And there's ALWAYS something to fix or maintain. We've learned he really needs to be living in a high-end hotel apartment, with maid service and a concierge who can get everything fixed ASAP with little cost or aggravation. I've learned how to be a little handier. It hasn't been all bad, but I'm not sure we'd do it again unless we had a lot more money to restore things as they should ideally be done, or more money to buy a home where most of the work had already been done! My advice is to make a short list of all the things you like (and hate, so he can vent) about the house. For the things he likes, concentrate on making those shine, so he can at least focus on those things instead of all the (costly) drawbacks. And, make the entry rooms spectacular! Peanutsmom is so right -- men love to preen over "their" old-house successes. If other people ooh and ahh over it when they come over, his feelings about things could quickly start to change. I've also had luck with a subscription to Old House Journal and with getting the Rejuvenation catalog. OHJ has helped him to know the history and reasons for some of the crazy stuff in our house and that it's not just us; seeing the catalog makes him appreciate the "old crap" we have for free that people pay big bucks for! For heating, have you thought about getting blown-in insulation in the exterior walls and attic? It's not cheap, but I swear, it pays for itself in just a few years. And, replacing the GLASS in the old windows; you can get triple pane and it'll be better than new (and probably be a little cheaper). Hang in there! Your house is lucky to have you!

I presume there's a reason why this child is in fulltime daycare? You and your husband both work? Any chance one of you could change their schedule so the need for putting your child in daycare would be reduced? I'm all for children socializing with others, but truly, NO ONE teaches or cares for a child like a parent does. You're seeing that now. Children of that age do need a lot of time with their parents. As to naptime--your child must need the sleep or he wouldn't be napping so long. You say bedtime is a challenge. As a parent, and a family living teacher, I have to ask--do you know what the most common reason for difficult bedtimes is? It's that the child is OVERtired. what a lot of young parents don't understand is how a child's body works. When we get tired, we wind down and get sleepy. When toddlers get tired, their bodies release loads and loads of extra adrenalin--hence you have a hyper child who is too wired to go to sleep. There has even been a very reputable study that shows that many (not all, mind you, but about half) the cases of ADHD in children are NOT legitimate ADHD, but simply lack of adequate sleep. Does your child get a full 12 hours of sleep daily (adding up the naptime and bedtime?) Even if he is, it's possible he's one of those who truly does need a little more sleep than 'average'. However, what you're describing about the daycare is totally unacceptable. You're describing a facility where the workers don't care about the child or parents, where they're there just putting in time to collect a paycheck, where they're happy doing as little as possible (a sleeping child is one they don't have to: care for, amuse, watch, etc). The problems you've noticed all come down to the same thing--the daycare workers DO NOT WANT to do their job. I wouldn't allow someone with that attitude to dogsit my pet, let alone care for the most precious thing in my life. It may be time to look into other alternatives--as I suggested, perhaps a schedule change at work. Or maybe there's a family member you trust who would be glad to watch your child for the same $$$ you're paying the daycare. Or you may have to go further afield and find a different daycare center (even if you have to drive some to get there) or a retired person in your neighborhood who is more responsible than the place you're currently using. Good luck! You mentioned your husband--if you are both working, I urge you to sit down and crunch the numbers. Unless you're a really high-end executive, or in some other high paying job, you may find, when you do the math, that you're going to work for just a few cents an hour. Add up: the cost of daycare, the higher taxes you pay, the cost of transportation, the cost of going to work (clothes, union dues, buying lunches out, work parties, gifts for coworkers, etc), the cost of being out of the house hours a day (buying more takeout/prepared foods, hiring others to do stuff around the house like yard work, painting, repairs, etc). When I got pregnant, we did the calculations--and we figured that I'd be going to work for $2000/year or less. Add to that, the fact that you're turning the care and raising of your child over to strangers--it wasn't worth it to us. It made sense financially for me to stay home. It made even more sense to use for me to be the one caring for our daughter, teaching her academically, being the one to educate her in morals and ethics--no one does all that like a fulltime mom. There's a reason why this country is having a lot of the problems it is (crime, irresponsibility, unwed parents, abusive relationships), and IMO, a big part of that is that children are NOT being raised by their parents, the way they have been in the past. Good luck

Went through the same thing with my DH daugther. but she was 6 or 7ish at the time. Its understandable. She feels now she is competeing with you and is expressing it like a 13 year old. Dont let it bother you. Always keep open communication with her and your bf. Dotn think too far like having kids now. Keep dating and live together , take it one day at a time. More important. You and your Bf have to be on the same page and stick to your relationship. His daughter does not dictate your time or how you date your bf. You are the adult.You are in control with your BF. Let him speak to his daughter, let him keep at it with her. You keep your cool and at her age, the teen years she is also going through alot of emotions. Give her space and give her time. If she acts out during vacation let her father deal with it. Dont let it get you down. When she acts like a baby, then leave her with her dad to deal with and you get out and enjoy yourself. You make sure you show her that her behaviour is not nice and that it wont get your down. She wants to behalf nasty then she will have to deal with the consequences. My SD doesn have text messaging and i wouldn't accept it either between me and her. Just gives her power and i do not let her have any since now adays she is being rude. She's a teen:) Thats how they are. Deosnt matter if they are biokids or stepkids or adopted kids...its the age! But it doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Stand your ground and you keep telling her how you feel. BUT if she gets a rise out of you being hurt then you ignore her tactics and say its a wonderful day and your are soooo happy. :) There will be many games , and many ups and downs..i'm sure she does like you . She just needs to adjust and really understand that she doesn't have to be threatened by you. This is what it is. She feels that now that her dad has someone, he wont be as close with her even though the times of seeing her haven't changed. Over time you will prove yourself with your actions and words. Be friends but if she resists..don't force it. you can only be friends with her...not her mother. So if she doesn't want to be friends with you..its ok. I told my SD...if she doesn't want to be friends that's fine with me. I have alot of friends. But you be respectful towards antoher human being..if not..the door is there. Swing both ways..I dont care who you are related to.