Stepgrandparents - Help!

19 years ago

Can someone help me deal with this problem? My son and his wife divorced, primarily due to another woman situation. They had one little girl (age 6), my granddaughter, who I love dearly. My son married the woman he was seeing. She has two children (age 7 and 12) from a previous marriage. Now, they have a little boy together, who I love dearly as well. I had a hard time accepting this wife, but I have tried. Now I have been told I can't see my new grandson unless I treat her other two children the same as my own. I have never mistreated her children, have given them gifts for Christmas, etc. But I want my little granddaughter and grandson to know that they are special to someone. Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

Thanks!

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Comments (3)

sweeby
19 years ago
Your perspective makes perfect sense. It is only natural that you love your own grandchildren in a way that is more special and profound.

But consider it from the perspective of your son's wife and her two older daughters. If you show favoritism to the two that are biologically related, it will be very hurtful and detrimental to the two who aren't. You want your son's new marriage to succeed, and doing everything in your power to keep his family life harmonious is a wonderful gift to your son. There is no reason why your two biological grandchildren will feel any less special if you also show love for their siblings.

I am enormously grateful to my wonderful MIL for the way she treats my son from my first marriage. She is as much Grandma to him as to any of her other grandchildren, and that security is precious. If she doesn't actually feel that way, she has never let me or my son see it.
bnicebkind
19 years ago
I bumped up another post titled: Mom-in-law. it is the same situation, from the viewpoint of the daughter-in-law on this issue.

This appears to be hard from both sides. I suppose the end goal is to help your family and these children grow in an environment that they are your family now, and what can you do to make it one big "happy" family, and try to look at it as more children to love, who will in turn love you. Sometimes, these children may surprise you and end up later in life as your biggest fans!

I am saying this...and yet I understand how hard this must be for both of you.
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sweeby
19 years ago
For what it's worth, my absolute favorite grandparent was the only one with no biological connection to us. He was the kindest, most loving man who treated us like we made him the happiest man on earth. I think I was a teenager when I first realized that some people wouldn't consider him my grandfather. But I sure did -- miss him still. What a loss it would have been to not have him in our lives.

For a slightly different perspective, both of my grandmothers played favorites. I was clearly the favorite of one grandmother, but just as clearly, not the favorite of the other. Knowing that your own grandmother doesn't especially like you is a really nasty feeling that has left deep scars. I'm dreading having to show up for her 100th birthday in the spring...

Stepgrandparents - Help!

Comments (3)

sweeby

bnicebkind

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