OMG!!! What a moron DSS worker!!! "Well why is she telling me only part of the story" Well, DUH!!! She's a KID. That's what they DO!!! They aren't going to call & say, "well, I was doing something I shouldn't and they yelled at me" because they know the response they'll get. HaHa, I don't even have a degree and I know THAT!!!!

This kid has figured out how to work everyone around her and that is going to come back and bite her in the ass later on. If someone (her mom or DSS) doesn't open their eyes to what's going on, I really feel sorry for the life this kid is going to make for herself. She's making your life hell right now... but she's gonna be grown up in a few years that will go by quickly & she's going to have to make life choices that are going to follow her around FOREVER! Nobody has taught her any self control or boundaries.. it's a shame!!! (and she's learning how to be a mother through this whole process too...)

I am so in shock right now. Even if the leaves weren't poison ivy, they should not be coming to your house to look at your LEAVES!

"pretty leaves" from our yard to her mom's house. "I was denying her personal expression and freedoms to her mom with things from our home and I had no right to do that ... she should be able to freely take things back and forth from each home as she wishes".

THAT IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS STATEMENT I'VE HEARD ALL DAY! (whew I almost said "in a long time" but then I remembered this is election year).

"......denying her personal expression and freedoms to her mom with things from our home......"

Since when are the items in YOUR home up for grabs? If she wanted the microwave, would you have to let her take it?

It sounds like a very unfortunate misunderstanding, all around. How old is SD? Did she know what Poison Ivy was before (let alone how to "work" adults diabolically)?

Rest assured DSS probably found it more ridiculous than anyone else having to deal with petty "Leaf Violations". But I guess it is their job to investigate any and all calls. Why were they even called in the first place? Did SD actually have a reaction to the Poison Ivy?

oh what ridiculousness!!! I can not even imagine having to deal with that on a continous basis.

Unbelievable. You might want to spray the poison ivy. She's bound to get it eventually if it's in the yard. I hate poison ivy. It finds me, I swear.

What a bunch of BS!

(Jeez, if A__ called DSS everytime anyone told him "No" in a stern tone, he'd be on the phone 24/7!)

Is DSS the same as CPS? I am not sure why are they coming to your house over such minor issues? yelling at kids to not mix the cookies or whatever is not big enough offense for authorities to get involved. does the girl call them herself? how does she know where to call? how old is she? or her mom called? it is all too weird. get rid of poison ivy just in case.

Poor Psuedo...she is surrounded by morons:(

Ok as far as the poison ivy ... I get rid of it every spring but as most of you know its a weed it comes back several times throughout the summer well I cut it back as far as I can but it comes back when it was green all summer she knew to stay away from it ... no clue if she is allergic or not none of the kids have ever had poison ivy ... so just in case they know what it is and should stay away from it. But in the fall poison ivy turns a beautiful red color ... deep dark red... but because I am not allergic to it I don't know if at the end of the season its just as contagious at the beginning not a horticulturist so no clue ... I recite the little ditties ... furry rope don't be a dope stay away, leaves of 3 be sure to flee .... but in the fall no clue how to keep them away... don't touch red or you'll be dead? no clue anyway...

Now DSS yes they are the same thing as CPS in our state.

Mom called DSS back in July because I wouldn't let her talk to her daughter on the phone and I prohibited SD's access to her mom via the phone ... long story ... after she had been on the phone with her mom for 4 hours I took the phone away and said you do not need to talk to you mother anymore till daddy gets home.... because she was reciting the court orders to me and demanding I tell her where they are so she could show me "she can talk to her mother anytime she wants" and she was also screaming at me about being hormonal and having anxiety all while on the phone with her mother so after hour FOUR I took the phone away and unplugged it. Because I told SD9 that she was angry and not having an anxiety attack "I disregarded her mental health issues" Hubby who was at work that day was alos charged with neglect because he wasn't here to comfort her in her time of "need" mom was also chagred with neglect because she failed to retrieve the child while she was suffering from an anxiety attack ... you see SD9 wanted her cousin to sleep over and when she was told NO she "began having anxiety" so mom picked her up 8 hours later the cousin slept over and SD9 came home the next day no problem and while snapping her neck at me said "Ha Ha I got my way!!!" I said what does that mean ... "Cousin got to sleep over anyway" so I ask was that anxiety or manipulation?? so because I said it was manipulation instead of anxiety I am "neglecting her mental health issues"

Then in August Mom took SD9 and SS10 to file a police report against hubby because they feared coming back home (2 days before going to court) Because they were fighting over the x-box and he took it away and told them to go to their rooms they refused he carried SS10(who weighs 130lbs) and walked SD9 to her room. Mom told the officer they were afraid to come home because he picked them up and "threw" them in their rooms.

But during DSS's investigation they found Mom to be neglectful and Hubby to be neglectful but I was not. So because DSS has charged both parents with neglect of SD9 not the 2 boys ... we are all involved and have to meet with DSS monthly to discuss any issues that arise.

So our service plan states we cannot yell in the presence of the children. Among other piddly stuff like counseling for the kids and medical appts for the kids (Imagine DSS says I have to take the kids to Drs. Appts.) and family therapy sessions.

Mom's service plan is no yelling as well drs appts, parenting classes, family therapy, and domestic violence classes, she can only call one time a day for 15 minutes, she is to let SD9 enjoy her time with her father and she is not to interfere with their visitation times.

DSS meets with us monthly
DSS meets with mom weekly
Mom has a parent aide come into her home from 5-8pm every night we do not
Mom has a parent aide come into her home on weekends from 1-4 pm we do not
Mom has to have a psychiatric evaluation. We do not.

We each have to meet monthly with the childrens counselors on an individual basis ... the children go to therapy every 2 weeks except SD she goes weekly more if needed...

For atleast the next 6 months to a year we are all going to be spending alot of time with DSS and different counselors who also have to meet with each other to discuss a "family service plan" ... So 4 kids 3 adults = 7 counselors 2 DSS workers Multiple parent aides. Then another "team" of people to evaluate the whole situation.

So all in all this should be a fun year.... they are suspecting mom has an underlying mental health issue herself and want to "help the family in the best interest of the children" ...

Serenity ... I know this is going to sound stupid but SD9 has figured out if she says bad things about me and her dad her mom pays attention to her and the boys... she takes notes she has them sit down while she records them and has them tell the story of how they were mistreated at our home ... like when its 11:30PM and we don't let her talk on the phone with her mom, or when after they have been fighting all day and all around nasty to each they have to go to bed early, they have put their own clothes in their drawers, and how we make them take showers even though they just took one yesterday and how we don't let them go out and play til their homework is completed. Thats makes us horrible parents I am the evil SM because we have rules here .... we don't let them play games or be on the phone all night long we have a bedtime. She greets her children with "what did daddy/pseudo do you last night?" "did you get punished yesterday?" not hey kiddo how was your day? you know normal stuff.

Junegemstar.... she didn't take the microwave but she took all the hannah montana and high school musical bedding we bought to her mom's house so she could have it there since "she doesn't live here anymore" also took most of her toys to mom's left stuff that she never plays with behind. Left 3 outifits and no shoes packed all that stuff up.

I know some of you think I am nutz for staying but I am "hoping" someday someone will tell mom besides me and hubby she is off her rocker.

Maybe after the parenting classess and family therapy sessions. Those should be some fun posts.

SD9's counselor called me yesterday to set up a meeting with her ... she told mom she called me ... mom flipped out on her saying "since when do SM's have a say in how a child's therapy goes" and counselor told her "if you didn't want me to talk to her you shouldn't have signed the release" Meeting with her Monday.

This whole thing is stupid.

Making sure kids get their homework done and go to bed on time is a GOOD thing! If you beat them with sticks to make sure they got it done, well that would be another story, but guidelines and expectations are GOOD for kids!

I believe DSS means Department of Social Services which is the same as CPS. In CA, DSS is an entity and CPS is a branch of DSS (along with several other services... including mental health)

What seems outrageous to me, is that it sounds like they are putting you on the defensive... assuming everything is true. And even if it IS true, anyone here can see that those things are not major parental offenses. Yelling at kids??? Saying NO.... those are common things and I've told my kids no when they want to personally express themselves with loud music, putting posters on the outside of their door, wearing revealing clothing, collecting (dirty)rocks & bringing them into the house, and countless other things they might want to do to "EXPRESS" themselves. and FREEDOM is something they achieve when they move out on their own... if then. I'm still not free... just ask my creditors. And who has NEVER yelled at their kids?

I don't even find it ridiculous that BM or SD complained to DSS about those things. I think they both have mental issues or some kind of problem, but a trained social worker should be able to spot BS and a child complaining about not being able to bring 'pretty leaves' or getting yelled at in the kitchen.... even if true as they were presented to the worker... without your explanation, should have been looked at by the worker for what it was. I find it ridiculous that the worker would entertain the BM or SD's 'accusations' in a way that is accusatory to you. Of course they have to investigate EVERY claim. To ignore it would be wrong, but when my SD's BM called CPS last month, the worker went to the school and within minutes, saw that BM's claim was false. She still had to follow up... had us take SD to the doctor & did a home visit, but she didn't accuse us of anything. She asked the right questions that needed to be asked and of course, didn't jump to the conclusion that we were doing something wrong for someone to call them on us. Most well trained professionals should be able to ascertain that when there is a court battle (custody or support), there is likely going to be ulterior motives for making reports, etc. They could also look at the fact that one child is 'accusing' but there are other kids there, doing just fine. If they have not closed the case, I would ask for a different, more experienced worker... or one that doesn't show up at my door, biased against me. Their job is to determine the truth, when often times both sides are painting the other out to be the bad guy... and they need to be able to stay objective and see through the bull. Stressed out, over worked, burnt out workers can sometimes become pessimistic, jump to conclusions/judgments based on past experiences, etc. It IS a very high stress job, but they are responsible for other people's lives and they should be held accountable when they screw up.

---THE FOLLOWING IS MY OPINION NOT FACT JUST MY OPINION---
Well (in my world) I believe they cannot just take SD away from mom because of SD's anxiety issues would be too traumatic for her so in order to do what needs to be done they are making us all jump through hoops .... one of the questions they have asked us several times is "do you fear for SD's safety at her mother's home" and his response is basically for her peace of mind letting her be with her mother is best until SD can learn/realize she can get along just fine with out her mom's constant attention. SD 9 feels her mom will be lonely with out her and that her mom needs her to be happy because when she is not with her mom her mom is sad.

She believes this to be true because mom tells her so ... when dropping off her children she says with tears in her eyes "I am going to miss you guys so much call me if you miss me (children) what are you going to do after you drop us off ... I am going home and think about what fun we had while we were together" I can't wait to see you next time and will start crying.

This has taken 3 years to get to this point we thought going to court and telling the judge what goes on was the best route for a change apparently calling DSS is the way to go ... should have called years ago.

We told the boys counselors some of the stuff and they are helping the boys deal with their issues .... newest one that has come up with SD9 is mom buys her something everyday and she tells the boys if you lived with full-time I would buy you something every day too. So what I get from that is ... she is basically telling the boys to tell dad, judge, counselors they want to live with mommy so she will buy them stuff everyday.

Mom has them on halloween this year so she is supposed to buy their costumes but because she only has "sole custody" of SD she doesn't have to buy the boys costumes. And told them this.

Starting last Feb she told all the kids that in August she was going to get custody of them and they could go to school near her home and go to a fabulous afterschool program near her home and it will be so much fun living with mom ....she spent the next 6 months telling them this many discussions over what school they were going to in September. So as a result the day they went to court in Aug she went home and told them daddy wouldn't let me have you so you have to go to your old school daddy is trying to take me away from and told SD see daddy doesn't love you he only loves the boys he gave me custody of you. We know this because SS10 called here repeatedly for 3+ hours how much he hated his dad for taking him away from his mother and how much he must hate SD9 to just give her up like that .... and how he is not getting out of the car to go to school the next day because he wants to go to school near mom's house... not his old school.

I will say thank you for the good idea KKNY with ROFR hubby is asking for that to be put in place in Feb. so if mom needs to do something on her visitation days he has ROFR before anyone ... :) thats a great idea. Since mom has the boys sleep out every weekend at various friends houses and SD sleeps at the upstairs neighbors.

You know what Psuedo...this woman makes the girls mom look like a saint! I mean, Amanda has mental issues for sure and a bad drug addiction. She ditched her kids only after she had exposed them to some pretty dangerous and innapropriate situations. She even used the alienation tactics and the kids as a weapon strategy in the beginning of our relationship.

Even as screwed up as the girls mom is I don't think she would EVER say some of the things yous skids mother says to them. I have never met this woman and don't care to. She sounds disgusting. She deserves to be labotomized, then maybe she would stop poisoning her poor children!

I can't even BELIEVE DSS would allow any of the kids to live with her. She sounds like a looney tune and it is so beyond obvious what she's doing. Your SD is a monster thanks to her. That kid is going to have so many issues because her crazy mom fried her brain! That poor kid is going to grow up to be just like her mom. Now she's trying to bring the boys over to the dark side too! Hey lady, get a life and stop destroying your children and to whomever her Dr. may be....UP THIS COWS MEDS!!!!!!!!

It just makes me so mad Psuedo. What a waste of human resources.

Thanks doodle :)

Atleast NOW there are other people looking at our situation with open eyes ... since oct 2006 I have been posting on here and keeping a journal of the torment she has put the children through and I listened to hubby ... kept my mouth shut took the high road ... but the clouds on the high road were choking me. Then every six months going to court thought I could see a light at the end of the tunnel most times it was train. :)

Some of you, have read my ongoing saga from the beginning other joined during the middle ... :)

Posting here has kept me sane a lot of the time ... for if not for others saying yep she's whacked with the others saying poor BM I get defensive ... I am not perfect but I have been tolerating way to much for way to long and finally after 3 years ....IRL others beside my hubby and me are saying there is just something not right with that woman. She sees nothing wrong with what she says because afterall its her truth.

SD's counselor called again this morning .... asking me why doesn't BM want me to talk to you .... I said I don't know you'll have to ask her that .... BM has left her 3 messages and wants to revoke my permission to talk to her .... I wonder why!!!