Pay and Pay and Pay....

18 years ago

Okay this is mostly just venting but I get so frustrated...

I feel like I foot the entire bill for my stepkids, all their food,clothes,activities etc..who pays for it all? Me. Just in the last three years their BM has paid 103.46 in childsupport, which covers less than what they eat in one week...DH is a IT guy who's team got canned a few months back, since then he's been doing menial contract work and bringing in less than the cost of daycare (can't let him stay home with the kids either as we'd be almost a grand in the whole every month) I'm due to have our last child in Dec which will put me at a reduced income for six weeks making the budget even worse and savings only goes so far. I'm just frustrated, the house we're living in is a family home we purchased from my mother that I spent a large portion of my childhood in and I do not want to loose it, not only that if worst did come to worst I don't want to squeeze seven people into a dinky apartment. I know its bad of me to complain, but I just get so pissed their BM is so worthless that she refuses to even attempt to raise her own kids, she refused to even cough up 10 bucks towards their 40 a pop halloween costumes..If I say anything to DH he just gets irritated at me for being 'petty' about something stupid like 'money' but it always seems like I'm the one who's cashing in bonds,stocks and jumping through hoops so his boys can play sports,go on trips, EAT etc..so what am I supposed to say? I can't afford to raise YOUR kids and OUR kids by myself??? Absolutely no way they can go to BM, not only did I (yes I) cough up 20K in legal fees but she'd neglect them and I don't want that either, so I feel stuck...

I guess what triggered this is our youngest son is turning 1 and he started complaining to me for spending $20 on party invites,thank you notes,a cake, etc...yet the next day he booked hotels etc at 5 times that for my oldest stepson to go play football in a weekend tournament we can't afford...or as I should say I can't afford...

sorry for the vent, whew I feel better though...

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Comments (2)

sylviatexas1
18 years ago
"what am I supposed to say? I can't afford to raise YOUR kids and OUR kids by myself???"

yep.

& then stop doing it.

You can't do anything about their mother, but you can change your own situation with their father:

Separate the bank accounts, separate the obligations.

As long as you take up the slack, hubs can afford to spend & to fuss at your spending.

& I'd never spend $40 on a Halloween costume or pay for a hotel room for any reason other than dire family emergency when money is tight.
fleurs_gardener
18 years ago
sieryn,

Beleive me, things will continue going this way if you and only you decided that enough is enough.

Been there, had the T-shirt.

I've been a step parent for 18 yrs. I've always made more money that DH. Which means, i bought HIS children xmas gifts, i bought the groceries, i bought this, bought that, etc. etc. etc. etc . for YEARS until one day i said enough is enough.

I am not saying DH didn't or hasn't contributed to our lives but i was always the one who was the first to spend the money. I stopped this almost one year ago when behind my back he gave his oldest daughter 500 $.

Stop paying and it doesn't mean you don't love these children, it means you are not the only one who has the pay for the happiness of these children in your home.

As long as you keep doing it, hubby will support you alright!

what am I supposed to say? I can't afford to raise YOUR kids and OUR kids by myself???"

yep, that's exactly what you are supposed to tell him. Don't be shy.

When xmas comes my DH always wants to overspend for his children who are now 19, 20 and 27 - the last one has two little girls.

For years, i have been paying for these xmas gifts and again got caught last year when DH asked for 500 $ extra so he could get more gifts. Stupid me ...i took it off my credit card with the understanding that HE would pay it back.

I am still waiting for the money and I've mentionned it often to DH. His response is always the same. Well, you know where my money goes and of course you can see that right now i couldn't give the 500 $ back! Ya, ...well believe me, when xmas comes this year.......he will gbe sorry he hasn't paid back the 500 % back yet.

I've been telling him that his adult children are of an age now where they don't need five presents under the tree anymore, and money in envelopes, etc.etc. Especially considering they have never, never, never given their father or I in the last 18 years a descent xmas gift. Always JUNK!

I've always started telling DH that this year i will not be home for xmas. I am going to the cottage. I don't care if he comes or not but one thing is for sure I don't want to be home with HIS ADULT CHILDREN.

P.S. I've also began to have 50$ deducted every two weeks on my paycheck so it can go to a savings account. DH doesn't really like it but who cares. For years and years, i am the one who paid for this and for that for his children and also for things for him. Today, i am thinking more about me.I am so glad i have 400$ to my name. I've already started thinking what i am going to do with it. Perhaps go see Celine Dion in concert next summer! YES"

So, all of this just to say ......don't hesitate to start thinking about yourself and your needs and stop thinking so much about his needs and his children's needs!

It's not only his ex-wife's fault. It is also a large part your DH fault if you pay for everything.

Keep posting.
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Pay and Pay and Pay....

Comments (2)

sylviatexas1

fleurs_gardener

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