Questions from my SS

17 years ago

I get hammered on her from a few people so I didn't want to ask this but what the h*ll...

My 6 year old SS keeps asking his dad and I why he's not with BM anymore and why his lil brother never comes over to our house because he has the same last name.

SS also states that his mommy says she still loves daddy and that one day the will be together again. he asked me if his mommy and baby brother can move into my house with us. He also said mommy doesnt like you but can she move in anyway..

I just say my house is to small for more people to live here.

Any ideas?????

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Comments (11)

silversword
17 years ago
Hi Cat,
A few questions :)

1. The little brother has the same last name as your SS because the mother has your DH's last name or because they have her last name?

2. How long have the parents been divorced/seperated? How long have you been married?

3. What is the BM's living situation that your SS would even consider them moving in with you? Perhaps he's wanting his whole family under one roof and just needs reassurance that everyone loves him, and that everyone loves his little bro. Kids often want their siblings to be included, and this could be all that is going on. Maybe instead of looking at it as he really wants them to move in you could consider telling him how lucky he is to have two families that love him, and that his little bro is very lucky to have such a caring older brother. And, reassure that his little brother is a part of your family because it's his brother, no matter if you see him often or not.

My DH's daughter has his last name, and her mother never changed her name back!!! I told him I'm not going to be the second Mrs. X and until she gets rid of the name I'm keeping my own. Just too weird. BTW, she got married last year, we don't know if she changed her name to her new DH or if her new baby has my DH's last name too! LOL.
lovehadley
17 years ago
My SS has said similar things.

It's actually kind of heart-wrenching. He has asked, several times, why we can't ALL live together---him, BM, DH, his mom's husband, me, my DD, his SS over at BM's, etc. can't all live together in one house. :(

DH is just matter of fact with him and says that can't happen, but that everyone loves him and he is so lucky to have two families, lots of people that care about him, etc.

I think it's natural--just kids working through things in their heads.
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finedreams
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cat38
Original Author
17 years ago
BM and dad were seperated for 6 months before i met him, We had a instant connection, I can not explain it but we did. I was not interested in having a relationship with a married man, so I told him he needed to make sure his marriage was completely over and that he needed to file for a divorce.

Everything happened so fast I have second guessed my decisions several times.

But none the less I love hm and he loves me.

She was pregnant with my SS brother so the divorce took longer. She had an affair with a married man got pregnant tried to pass the child off as DH and so on.

DH said from the beginning that there was no way possible he was the dad of this child. But she insisted he ws. ( she was hoping he was)

DNA test taken by the other married man proved to be that the baby was his, but since the baby was born before the final divorce she gave the baby DH's last name telling him that she did not want her kids to have different last names. ( I personally think she should of thought about that before cheating)

We got married a month after the divorce was final, I know it was soon but he begged me and I loved him so we had a lil wedding at a friends house. I also thought I was pregnant but had a false positive result and then tons of complications.

BM was awarded the marital home where she lived for a few months then decieded to move out and let it go into foreclosure.

She moved in with the babys daddy. That didnt work he cheated on her too... so she moved in with her parents 5 houses down the street from me. No I did not know these people before I met DH.

Yes I would do things differently if I could have a do over.

She wont let go She tells my SS that mommy still loves daddy and maybe one day they will all be a family again. I have explained to him that his mommy is welcome here whenever she wants to see him but we all cant live together. Ive owned my house for 16 years. She can afford a place of her own she is just lazy...

I kept my last name and took his. so my last name is hyphenated.. LOL My ex loves it but I did it more for my kids... My kids by the way love DH and my ex and him get along just fine. I have my ex and his live in girlfriend over for dinner for holidays or birthdays and we all get along and my kids love that....
cat38
Original Author
17 years ago
Sorry forgot we have been married for a lil over a year.
doodleboo
17 years ago
I'm going to start a new thread on teh subject of last names so as not to highjack this one:)
doodleboo
17 years ago
"She wont let go She tells my SS that mommy still loves daddy and maybe one day they will all be a family again."

The girls mom went through this faze too. It was so gross. the girls would have no memory whatsoever of her and Jonathan ever being together if it wasn't for her emotional diarrhea. I think in her case she chose to keep Jonathan's last name more for her than the girls. The girls could care less. She was pretty hung up for a long time and I'm sure she still is to an extent but with the baby now in the mix she seems to have gotten a better grip on reality as of late.....thank god.
cat38
Original Author
17 years ago
I really wish BM would get a grip on reality. All I really care about is my SS who listens to his mother BM told him last week that if I were not married to his daddy him and mommy would be together. The problem with her is that my SS loves me and she wants him to hate me. I would never in a million years do this to my children.
nicksmom
17 years ago
cat,
Maybe it's time for hubby to have a little chat w/his ex. She needs to be told what little guy is repeating, and firmly insist that she stop telling him these things.

And HE (dad) needs to also make sure little guy hears from HIM that his mom can't live with you, but she's always welcome to visit. It's ok for the little guy to know that mom & dad will never live together in the same house, but that they both love him very much. He can also know that his 1/2 brother has a different daddy. And that's ok. There are lots of different shapes/sizes of families.

It sounds like you're handling it just perfect, cat. Keep up the neutral responses. It's only been a year. Before you know it, it'll be difficult to remember life before little guy. And he'll get foggy on life before you.

Good luck. Keep doing the right thing as a stepmom. It really pays off in the end.
cat38
Original Author
17 years ago
nicksmom

DH has told her several times about what their son says, but she is the source so she doesn't care (my opinion).

This whole mess is a lot more than I bargained for, I love my SS and I treat all of my kids the same... SS, Nephew, and my 2 daughters.. Actually to tel you the truth my oldest is in college so she not here right now but my daughter who will be (16) on Tuesday gets the short end of the stick all the time, which I am starting to resent my DH for since we have had to spend so much money on attorneys fees and court fees and time getting paperwork together... We now have to file an appeal she lied we didnt have an attorney before (we thought all you needed was the truth) well thats not tru in florida courts.

I am in therapy for all of this mess...
DH and BM started therapy but only went 1 time he said all BM did was lie and blame him and say she still loved him...

Please tell me how you can love someone so much that you cheat with a married man and have a baby who you try to pass of as your husbands until he puts 2 and 2 together...

Sorry had to vent...
nicksmom
17 years ago
Go ahead and vent...this is a good place to do it.

Questions from my SS

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