Well, I can certainly wee why you're annoyed. And your complaints sound very reasonable and valid to me.

But -- It also sounds like 12 of 14 days, you've got a pretty good thing going for yourself and your children. I'd venture to guess that most stepfamily relationships aren't that good, and to throw yours away would have some negative consequences for everyone.

Lots of non-custodial parents slip into 'visitor' syndrome. It's really easy to do, when you don't want to spoil the few hours you do have together with nasty scenes and tantrums. Of course, children are masters at picking this up and manipulating it to their advantage, and it's hard for the BioParents to see (or admit) but pretty obvious to everyone else. Sounds to me like that is really the core of what's going on here...

What about a few sessions with a family counselor to help work things out? If he's willing to work on things, that sounds like a great start toward possibly changing things.

Worst case, you could try adjusting your mindset to match the "visitor-mode" reality, explain visitor-mode" to your kids (who probably have some idea already, but this'll at least get it out into the open and explain why there are two sets of rules), and see if the different perspective and lowered expectations reduce your frustration.

Why would you let your "boyfriend" discipline and act as a step-father to your children? Then your children witness boyfriend's children giving you zero respect. Remember that your kids are learning about relationships through you. Get out fast, if you can. The reasons to stay would be that you can't afford to break-up, or are afraid you can't do any better.

I am trying to figure out if you live together or have two separate homes. Check out my posting about my 18 year old stepdaughter and that will shed some light on some things you will be going through. First, if I were you I would address the "household rules" so you don't end up where I am today. Read some books about this together, see a counselor, whatever so that you two are a unified front. Or soon, your children will not respect you BF for his lack of "parenting" his own children. Next, hocky - know it well (my 12 year old daughter is a goalie). I know from experience that schedules come out at the start of the season. Do you not get one so that you can plan family activities? Or schedules of any other activities? I personally think that some of our generation caters too much to the extra activities of our kids (mine only get one at a time). We are killing ourselves running around and forget that dinner together at night is just as important. I have learned that you are only "in control" of your own children (not his or what is X decides/schedules). The best you can do for your children is explain that you love them and they will do what you think is best, not follow along after your SD or SS. Remember, we are raising future adults who we want to be responsible and self-sufficient.

Thanks to all who have contributed opinions. I am truly at my witt's end and have mentionned it to my BF again last night. End result? A big blowup! My S.S. is playing hockey 4-5 times/week and of course, BF attends. That means he is gone practically the whole evening (during the week) and has attended out of town tournaments and continues to make hockey a priority.

A new development has been that my BIOson has changed schools (he attended the same high school as my S.D). She would refuse to talk to him and would roll her eyes at him if they passed one another in the hallway. He asked his dad (my ex-husband) to change him to another school and is now living there 50% of the time. This crushed me. My bioson refuses to come over if his step-siblings are here. He's had enough, and rightfully so.

My BF (who does live with me) continues to blame his Ex-wife for the overscheduling and doesn't know how to deal with his daughter about her behaviour. I told him last night that I cannot put MY relationship with MY kids in jeapordy any longer and have asked him to move out.

Isn't it sad how children manipulate their parents in such a fashion that they have the whole world revolve around them? I, for one, have had enough!

A person can only take so much. Hang in there and it will get better. The best to you.