I'm happy you have communication in regards to your dad's true feelings. At least you know what's happening now. It's a first step in a healthy direction, even though he plans to stay by her side. In time, he may grow weary and decide to take another step forward.

It would be interesting to hear how your step mother became crazy & paranoid. How your dad's brother and family became estranged from your dad. It would be interesting to hear the reasons from your step mother why she feels the way she does. I am sure there is another side to the story. Your happy to see that your dad's marriage is falling apart, how sad. Maybe you should see if this women (step mother) could use a friend to talk to about all her crazy and paranoid feelings. It is sad when a person has mental illness and no one is there for them. Maybe your dad's brother could suggest a counselor they could go to for help. If this women is truely sick then the right thing to do is get her help.

My stepmother was crazy and paranoid long before she ever came into my family. She has a pattern of behavior that we have traced back more than 40 years, involving four different husbands (three of whom she lied about when she met my dad). She lied to get my dad to marry her; then viciously moved to manipulate, lie, cheat and deceive in order to isolate and mentally abuse my dad for the past five years. In doing so, she has estranged him from his mother, his siblings, his friends, his children, his grandchildren and even his faith. We have repeatedly attempted to get her help, which she refuses at every juncture.

And yet you scold me for being "happy" to see my dad's marriage falling apart. She has nearly wrecked his health and completely ruined his relationships with everyone. She keeps him in mental isolation and verbally abuses him. I not only fear for his sanity, I fear for his safety should the marriage continue indefinitely. The best thing that could happen is not for this marriage to fall apart, for that would hurt my father even more, but for her to accept that she needs help. You can't begin to know how much pain she has caused my family. In fact, she does have several confidantes, but has lost several others because of her irrational behavior. In fact, one of the women with whom she made a connection abruptly severed ties. When questioned as to why, she said her son, who is a psychiatrist, met my stepmother and subsequently advised his mother that my stepmother exhibits paranoid and psychotic symptoms. No one can force her to go into treatment, though. My compassion for her extends to hoping she gets the help she needs, but having been the target of her brutal attacks and manipulations over the years, I have no interest or desire to ever be in the same room with her again. And I don't need to apologize to you, her or anyone else for my feelings.

Here is a link that might be useful: Bullying in the family

It's all very sad. The entire chain of events. A woman loses her mother, that's enough grief for a lifetime, only to have her dad remarry a woman with baggage/problems that isolates him from his family. The family doesn't stop loving this man or worrying about him. It's the long good-bye for lilysuzanne, her dad is alive, yet in many ways he's dead. He was her father first before he was this woman' husband. This man gave her life. It's unfortunate the stepmother is ill, but it's tragic for lilysuzanne and her family... It's a good sign her father opened up to his brother, it shows he's aware of the dynamics of the sitution. At least lilysuzanne knows her dad still loves her....and that he's aware he has a nightmare on his hands.. My hat goes off the lilysuzanne for handling her situation as well as she has..

Thank you, organic maureen. You have been consistently supportive of my efforts and a source of comfort on days when I feel down.
Again, thank you.

Hang in there. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I've been to hell and back with my similar situation. I finally had to let my dad go. This didn't come easily, but I basically disconnected from the entire situation. My dad calls me now a couple times a week just to chat about nothing. We never discuss her or her problems. I think I provide a safe haven for him in these chats. A place he can escape too and keep connection without her. With your dad going back to work, you too may find the connection with him returns. I'm grateful we have our chats about nothing...I have no desire to ever speak to my stepmother again. She's filled my life with intense pain. Hang in for your dad. He's just a man and men can be so simple. I suspect your dad loved your mom very much and her death crushed him. Men do silly things when they loose the one they love.