"I just happen to remember the name of your town kk, because it doesn't have a very upper class name..."

Go back and read the terms of service - which are meant to protect not only the website but our privacy as well. You could lose your ability to post here for doing what you claimed to do. Psuedo, too.

I don't think this is funny at all.

Thanks June.

It seems to me that Ima and Pseudo want to intimidate me into stopping posting. How juvenile. I can only imagine how they treat their stepchildren. Control seems so important.

It isn't funny at all, KKNY. I think it is more than juvenile - it is downright scary that someone would even think to "threaten" to expose someone's identity on this forum and claim to have done research and tracked them down. I would view that as a threat.

And you know, it is ok if everyone remains speechless about this issue and refuses to acknowledge that what they did is wrong - very, very wrong. There is no excuse.

Well, again I thank you for your support.

Not trying to intimidate anyone .... could care less but she just can't say IMA could be the only one to find out anything about anyone ...

its simple to google anyone or anything ...

That isnt what Ima said she did. And Psuedo, I doubt you came up with my real name.

Nobody threatened to 'expose' ANYONE'S identity. Anyone can find out the information here because it's a public forum and we all leave tracks.. there is no anonymity on the internet, regardless of what you think or hope. Hundreds of perfect strangers that haven't signed up for membership or post here can browse these forums & 'track' where someone is from. If you feel threatened by that, you don't belong on the internet, let alone a public forum discussing personal things.

If you want to 'turn me in' and get my ability to post here revoked... go ahead. You'd probably be doing me a favor. Lord knows i have better things to do... and nope, I am not trying to intimidate kkny to stop posting. If she feels intimidated because she is not anonymous, sorry.

and I also want to apologize to OP for this tangent. Personally, I'd like to have any of you for a step mom. For some reason wrychoice1 reminds me most of my own stepmom, but like so many others, I haven't seen her post her for quite some time. I think all the stepmom's here would be good because they all care enough to take the time and effort to find this place and look for ways to make their situations better. [but I would not want any of the ladies that only come here to post but don't share... makes me wonder why they are really here]

Ima,

I didnt say you intimidated me -- I said you appeared to try. And apparently I wasnt the only one who had that thought.

I feel sorry for stepchildren where SM is a control freak.

The part of the user agreement Ima contravened was the agreement not to attempt to data mine info about other users.

But, I seriously doubt Ima did so in an attempt to actually intervene in any way in KKNY's real life.

Ima just seems to be a very nosey person who attempts to find out information about everyone that crosses her path. its not restricted to this forum.

But she IS using it in an attempt to try to intimidate a poster she doesn't agree with. I don't think there is any question about that.

"And you know, it is ok if everyone remains speechless about this issue and refuses to acknowledge that what they did is wrong - very, very wrong."

I'm taking offense to this, June. Are you trying to say that if we don't all stand up and get behind you that we, as a board, are wrong? Hell, I don't even see TOS here 'standing behind' you, so what exactly are you getting at?

Ok, here I am - june is correct. Fortunately, I doubt that kkny is easily intimidated.

JNM - I'm sorry you are taking exception with what I wrote. I am, however, entitled to my opinion, just as you are to yours.

That's just it, June. I don't understand - what IS your opinion? That we should all unite to support KK right now, and we are wrong if we don't? I think that goes a bit past expressing your opinion, be that the case . . . .

How in the world did such a nice, fun thread get turned into a silly cat-fight??? No wonder we all have such problems getting along with our StepParents, StepKids and BioParents...uggghhh.

It started because statements were made of a bullying nature toward another poster and I had the nerve to state I thought this was wrong.

So now JNM is all hot and bothered about it and is attempting to bully me by trying to back me into a non-existent corner.

Raek -- I appreciate Junes support, and I think if some peopel here bully on a board, I can imagine how they treat others IRL. I think June is just trying to point this out, and was not trying to intimidate as Ima certainly appeared to be. And when none of the SMs say anything (as I am certain they would have if the situation had been reversed, had I been looking into where Ima lives) -- it leads to a credibility issue.

I dont think IMA was trying to intimidate anyone.

I just think its part of Ima's nature to constantly check up on people to satisfy her own curiosity.

Anyone here could find Ima's addy since she had her website, which contained her real name and phone, etc, on her profile for a long time. That shows it doesnt matter to her if anyone knows who she is - privacy is not important to her.
examples?

She supports the reading of her SD's letters and journal, because she feels she has the right to invade her SD's privacty because of the situation between BM and SD.

She phoned the ex wife of BM;s boyfriend, to talk about the two of them, and dig for information. She then shares the conversation, which obviously is one sided, in here.

She has said she checks the court files of divorce cases of not only her husband but of other people she knows who divorce. She checks records of anyone not only that she dates, but that her relatives date.

SHe reads the file cases of the people she is going to serve and justifies it by saying that she needs to, in case the person is violent. She then talks about the specifics of a case in here, without giving names. I am not sure about California, but in some states t hat is a violation of process server ethics.

She tries to track down people on this forum to find out if anyone is lying about who they are, thus breaking the user agreement.

Any and all of those horrify those of us who have a deep regard for the privacy of others. Those who dont share that regard are, at this point, wondering what the problem is.

Ima is one of those people who have a hard time respecting boundaries. She justifies it to herself by finding a flimsy reason. She who need to know all the details about everything She then shares those details with others, for whatever reason she can find. She jumps to conclusions a lot, and is highly defensive. I also think she has a deep distrust of other people, which is why she reaches the worst possible conclusion immediately.

I would not likely be a friend of Ima in real life, since her values and mine are at complete odds on how to treat other people. But she is who she is, and this is part of who she is. You cant change it, just because its not something you like, and plenty of people here obviously dont mind, probably because they share the same values. So be it. Its not that big of a deal.

SHe has an open dislike for KKNY and TOS, and often takes digs at the two of them even when they arent taking digs at her. But I dont think she was planning on posting anyones name online or their addy.

If she implied that she was going to, or openly bullied them by specifically targeting them, or threatened them, then I would say yes, she should be reported to Ivillage. But that is not the case.

kkny.....I have been watching this exchange and for the record, I don't like the fact that someone tries to find out where you live. I would feel uncomfortable and be upset if someone posted these things about me, my town, my real name and so on. I don't understand why someone would go to such lengths if intimidation where not a motive. However your comments may exasperate someone I do not believe that it should be taken to this degree.

When I had problems during my first attempt to interact with this forum someone had suggested that I come back under a different name. I didn't see anything wrong with that and think that if I did so it was my business. Having multiple user names was something also mentioned in this exchange.

If such detective work can be done so easily then who was the one that combined your user name with TOS's?

Your point of view on SM's upsets SM's. I certainly get that. Why you feel they way you do is your business, you have the right to say it. Although I don't often agree with you, there are times when I do and I support you in this fight. I would hope that the other parties would stop this unkind behavior.

I agree with raek....to put it in my own words....if we are choose to be as nasty and disrespectful to each other on this forum then why would someone here think that we any different in dealing with our step kids, step moms, bio moms or anyone else.....I do know that we all can get our dander up over something but most of us don't have that tone in the majority of our posts.....I do think that you do KKNY and that draws fire in your direction. I stand by the right for you to say whatever you want to but you should understand also that people get tired of it and will take extreme measures to silence you....as is the case, I think, here.

People might come back with multiple names for a number of reasons -- including they forgot a password, moved etc. I dont care who combined my name with TOSs -- I think it was childish.

I think that extreme views of SMs are tolerated, as in OK for Imamommy to datamine, and to encourage others to do so. If you dont like this forum, start your own. But at the end of they day, I think that some people's credibility is questionable.

Kathline, you very clearly summarized my feelings on this issue. And I agree on not making a report to Ivillage regarding this, and I didn't even think of doing so, to be honest.

The "popular" posters on this forum are not the only ones who have valuable insight to share, but the posters who strike a "raw nerve" are subsequently ridiculed, bullied and then dismissed as "bitter" women.

And yes, I'm speaking primarily about KKNY and TOS as the perceived antagonists on this forum. There was a time when just about everything either of them wrote struck a raw nerve with me, and I was not very nice to them and for that I apologize.

So why do they expose such a raw nerve with some people on this forum? Is it because what they say often isn't very pretty and perhaps it may hit just a little bit too close to home for comfort in explaining why some people are having problems in their marriages, with the stepkids and/or the biomom?

Examples:

1. A woman who gets involved with a man too soon after his divorce or before the ink is even dry on the final papers can expect to have problems with his children and ex-wife, and even if she wasn't TOW, she will be perceived as TOW.

2. That there is something a "little fishy" about a man who has deep and long-term financial obligations to his ex and/or children and who has insufficient income to pay for those obligations and his debts and who then woos a woman into marriage and they question that he may be looking to either get her to help shoulder or bear his financial burden?

3. That women so willingly accept what men tell them as they are being wooed - i.e. "my ex was the cheater" or "my ex is psycho" to explain the damaged lives that resulted from his broken marriage and that none of it was ever "his fault". He never cheated and he was always the "good guy".

4. They take exception and find it hard to believe that all biomoms were the cheater? Or that biomoms have terrible character issues such as being a loser, drug addict, alcoholic, doesn't do enough for her children, isn't appreciative of anything you do for her children and they suggest that perhaps you haven't heard the entire story behind her "psycho" or strange behavior?

Of course it is uncomfortable to even think that any of these things could possibly be contributing to the dysfunctional problems as noted in this forum with respect to marriage, stepkids and biomom.

It is also uncomfortable when you really like a certain poster or posters who continue to have on-going problems in these specific areas of their lives, and perhaps one or more of the issues listed above might just go a long way in explaining why they continue to have problems?

All of these things struck a raw nerve in me, as I said. And they ended up being the exact reasons why I had issues in my marriage, with the stepkids and sometimes biomom. And they are the exact reasons why I am now happily divorced.

My point is - if a raw nerve is being struck from deep within and you feel the urge to jump out and strangle KKNY, TOS or perhaps me :), then I would suggest it might be a good idea to reflect on the reasons WHY you feel so angry and defensive.

But if you just plain don't like the way the message was delivered or you don't like the screen personality of a certain poster or posters, or disagree with what they state, that's a very simple matter and it is easy to move on.

June, how in the world is my asking you to please clarify your post being made into "bullying you into a non-existant corner"? I was asking you to CLARIFY YOUR POST for God's sake, not telling you I was on a plane to your house.
It appeared to me, as I stated twice, that you were passing judgment on this entire board for not supporting your opinion. I never said I agreed or disagreed with you - I wanted to know if that was the case. As you say you are free to have your opinion just as i am free to have mine, but I would never imply that the rest of this board is wrong for not supporting it. I was quite taking aback by the appearance that you were, and asked for clarification because I didn't want to be right in my assumption.

Hot and bothered? No - not at all, until now. Now I have a completly different opinion of you than I did before, and that bothers me. I'll walk away and let you out of your corner now. So sorry my requests for clarification were so threatening to you. Drama.

Ok....I'll let you know what bothers me about the most recent post here from kkny.....I can't tell if there is any kindness here....any friendliness...any softness...and I think that these are reasons I am turned of by her posts....most of them seem so without any emotion other than that of being harsh or so directly to the point that, like I said, there is no human emotion other than hardness. If that is how a person truly is than fine. Those traits do seem to evoke irritation and amazement in others. It is not something I feel warm towards or comfortable with. It puts people off. It seems like it is from someone that places themselves above others. It is unapproachable, unfriendly and cold. I don't know her personally and suspect that she doesn't care to know many people. That is just what I get from her style of posting.

I know the reasons that I sought out this site. I have listed them before. I don't understand why kkny has joined the site or what she had hoped to gain from being a part of these types of discussions.

Beleiver, you dont have to agree with me, you dont even have to read anyting I post, but when some datamine, and encourage others to do so, IMHO, they have crossed the line. IRL, I have know a lot of people, and am respected as a glass half full type of person.

believer why are you making such unkind remarks about kkny? she doesn't bother you, why do you need to make such judgemental comments? you talk a lot about relgious values and Bible (on other threads) but I do not remember Bible teaching such behavior towards others.

fwiw, if you google "physical location IP address" you will find multiple links that all say the same thing; with an IP address, you can find out the geographical location of the internet service provider, NOT the location of actual person or computer. So even if ima did what she said she did, it is unlikely that she came up with kkny's or anyone else's actual address, any closer than who your internet provider is. If that makes anyone feel any better.

finedreams....I don't think that what I said was unkind. I simply was stating how I perceive most of kkny's posts to be. I'm an emotional person and tend to include those emotions in my posts. I was not trying to be unkind or insulting. I'm sorry that I came off that way to you and perhaps others.

My talk of religious values has pretty much been limited to the posts regarding our political views. I don't believe that the Bible says any thing about not stating how you perceive something to be. It is just the feeling I get when reading most of her posts. I would be happy to be proven wrong and would gladly acknowledge that I was should I feel that it is the case. Like I said "It's just what I get from her style of posting." and "...I don't understand what kkny hopes to gain from being on this site." I believe that she wants to have input, and she has that right. Again I will say that I don't understand what she hopes to gain.

hehe sorry. This is really too freaking funny. If any of you plan to visit me for scones and tea, call first please because I don't like unannounced visitors.

Myself, I couldn't be arsed to go to all the work of creating a second nic. Far too much work for me thank you very much. Besides that I want people to know me, even though most times kkny can't spell my nic right.

Ima you are still my stepmother of choice, but I have a much better idea now of who I wouldn't pick;)

JNM -

Perhaps it is was because right out of the box you posted:

"I'm taking offense to this, June. Are you trying to say that if we don't all stand up and get behind you that we, as a board, are wrong? Hell, I don't even see TOS here 'standing behind' you, so what exactly are you getting at?".

I didn't direct anything at you, JNM, except for a polite response to the above. But you didn't let it go at that. You came back to condemn me with a self-righteous and judgemental "be that the case....".

It is quite obvious that you are NOT getting my point, so maybe I can make this very real for you.

How would you like it if someone on this forum who intensely disliked you and who has made absolutely no secret about their dislike for you, over and over and ad naseum, flaunted in your face on this forum that they had the ability to find out your real identity and infer that they in fact, knew your real identity by making statements about the name of the town you lived in, etc.?

And they then went on to describe just how they got this info? By spending what had to be hours or days analyzing IP numbers? Why would someone do that? Why would anyone care? Idle curiosity? Maybe. Maybe not.

Would it make you feel "comfortable" to know that if this person decided to yield their self-proclaimed power, if they so wished, they could actually reveal your real identity on this forum?

Let's say they go to the extreme and they post your real name here. Then anyone who does a google search on your name can get right in here and that could be the biomom in your life and she could see your posts about her numerous short-comings as a mother? Or it could be your SD, who sees what you have written about her mother? Would that not cause extreme damage in your personal life? You bet it would.

After all, this is the Internet. No one here knows with any degree of certainty just what someone is capable of doing. We do not know one another. We only know the screen person, or we think we know them. For all we know someone who calls herself "Mary" could really be a man who is a convicted felon who is getting his jollies, pretending to be someone he isn't.

I guess what this has shown me is that even with a screen name to try to protect our identity when posting, we really have no protection at all, not if someone decides to chase us down.

That is my point, JNM. And if your opinion of me has changed, so be it. I don't know you and you do not know me.

I never claimed to know anyone's physical address. I said I knew a town name. I never encouraged anyone else to seek that information, I suggested that anyone that thinks they are anonymous on the internet is naive. That isn't meant to intimidate ANYONE. It's a fact that anyone can find out the same thing and if that intimidates someone, they might need to reevaluate their choices.

Kathline, I don't know what state has process server ethics that are violated by reading public documents. Court papers are public record. There may be a few injured or dead ones that should have read them or determined the level of danger they might be in. If that makes me nosy, I'd rather be nosy & alive/safe. If checking up on guys I date or those that date my relatives is nosy... I weeded out a guy that was an alcoholic & potentially abusive as I found he had beaten an ex GF when he was drunk. So, I won't apologize for that. and yes, I monitored things my SD wrote in the weeks following her mom leaving her. I was concerned with getting her help & working with her counselor. Justified? Maybe not to you, but then I also think it's okay to read children's personal writings if you suspect they are doing drugs, having emotional issues or potentially suicidal. You are entitled to your opinion but not to judge or describe me as you see me like it's a fact. That's the only problem I have with what you wrote about me... it's written like you know me and you know what kind of person I am and that it's a fact and not just your opinion of me based on what you've read here. (or do you know me IRL?)

These are taken from the GardenWeb User Agreement that I posted a link to. I find it interesting how many are violated daily.

"Differences of opinions are fine, condescending attitudes and sarcasm are not." Does anyone know ANYONE here with a condescending attitude? Does anyone here use sarcasm?

"Postings using profanity or that we feel reflect badly on another user, or any class of users, are not allowed." Are SM's a 'class of users'?

"Messages addressed to or meant for particular users should be sent via email and are not allowed in the forums." I'm sure nobody ever addresses a post to any one particular person.

"Please avoid topics relating to politics and religion" I'm sure nobody would start or participate in one of those topics here.

"nor may they run contests or surveys in the forums." I'm sure nobody does that either.

"Users are expected to use a single identity in the forums" but apparently some disagree.

"The use of copyrighted material within postings is unlawful and we are obligated to identify any user doing so. If you are copying something verbatim from somewhere else, be sure it isn't copyrighted." I'm sure that this never happens either.

Here is a link that might be useful: GardenWeb User Agreement

For gosh sakes - I got THAT point. What I just couldn't understand is the condimnation of the rest of the board not rising to KK's defense.

"It appeared to me, as I stated twice, that you were passing judgment on this entire board for not supporting your opinion. I never said I agreed or disagreed with you - I wanted to know if that was the case. As you say you are free to have your opinion just as i am free to have mine, but I would never imply that the rest of this board is wrong for not supporting it. I was quite taking aback by the appearance that you were, and asked for clarification because I didn't want to be right in my assumption.

This is my 'self rightous' case? Wow.

It has nothing to do with "rising to KK's defense." It is about speaking out against the violation of posters' rights to privacy.

Exactly! Thank you.

Actually, this really has nothing to do about KK's defense OR an invasion of privacy. That was not what I took issue with in the first place. Your reaction and opinion on the rest of us was what I took issue with, as I've said 3 ridiculously redundant times now.

"Actually, this really has nothing to do about KK's defense OR an invasion of privacy".

I disagree. I think the reason why you are so upset with me is because the poster this happened to was KKNY and I had the unmitigated gall to actually speak up and say I thought it was wrong.

You can continue to take issue, and you can continue to be redundant, but at the end of the day, I don't owe you any explanations. And it is the end of this day for me.

Good night.

Ah ha! I guessed that would be the tact you would take, but you couldn't be more wrong. You might want to take a fact finding lesson from Ima - you would then learn that I am not one of the ban KK (or TOS) from the forum gang. I'm actually one who defends their right to be here. The fact I enjoy debating with them does not a villian make.
So no - you couldn't be more wrong. This has nothing to do with the fact it was KK. It has everything to do with the issue I have spelled out 4 times now. I do not like wide sweeping finger pointing. On any issue. By any one.

So there is a "ban KK or TOS from the forum" gang? Well now, that is interesting to hear coming from you, JNM.

Why does Ima need to back you up on your proclaimed support of their right to post here? The only thing I need to do (and have done) is look at your previous posts to see that you are actually the LEADER of the gang.

And that is exactly why you are so upset with me. I had the nerve to rain on your silly little parade. I never pointed a finger at you - you pointed it at yourself.

I think it was a figure of speech june. Once you understand them, they are really quite hilarious.

Are kkny and TOS really the same person????

Thanks, Colleen. I've been on this forum for a year and a half and have had some chuckles and have learned a lot in the process.

I highly doubt that KKNY and TOS are the same person. Their situations are somewhat similar, however, Ima and JNM's situations are also similar.

But again, this is the Internet and we really do not know for certain just who we are talking to! We would hope that a person is presenting themselves and their issues as they are in real life, but I guess we can only hope that they are real.

June, your act is not working. Of course there is a 'gang' or 'movement' of posters who question TOS and KK's right to be here. You see them post about it frequently, as do I. BUT, you do not see me agree with them. Please point out my previous posts (after my first month here when I admit they did have me wanted to pull my hair out) that I have said they don't belong. While you're looking back at old posts, perhaps you could pull up the ones where I have defended their right, and even spoke of enjoying having them here to debate with.

I said nothing about Ima backing me up. I said you should learn to check your facts a little better - something she seems to be well versed in.

Your parade and finger pointing comments are cliche and cute, but misdirected. You really don't know what you are talking about.

JNM,

" Of course there is a 'gang' or 'movement' of posters who question TOS and KK's right to be here." -- yes, and of course they would not question any invasion of privacy -- unless it was of the stepmom briagde. Then it would be outrageous.

I think that this forum has the potential to really grow and be a place where new people feel free to share their problems, ideas and solutions.

I can certainly understand why people don't want to get involved in the personal feuds that often erupt in these posts. Everyone has the right to just move on and not participate in taking sides.

A healthy debate over solutions is good, but acrimony for entertainment or attention is not.

There are many good SM's and bio Moms here who seem to really care about other people's problems. I've only been a member here for four months, but I don't think that any blanket statements apply to this group. This forum is diverse and that is good. As a stepdad and bio dad, I guess I'm in the minority here, but I do feel that I have something to contribute.

It's unfortunate to read sometimes that a new viewer has felt reluctant to post because they fear that their words will be misconstrued, or they will get bashed outright. That leads me tho think that there are many more who may never post here at all for those reasons.

I hope that they will change their minds and feel free to express their concerns. We all learn and grow by trying to help each other. That's why I joined this forum.

JNM, I'm sorry your thread, a fun thread, has turned into this.

June, you can think what you like, but it doesn't make it reality. I have not intimidated or tried to intimidate kkny. She has as much right to post here as anyone, even if I do point out that she's NOT in a stepfamily situation. I have also questioned why she is here and what she gets out of it. I haven't yet figured that out, nor do I care to. There have been plenty of people that at one time or another said they have no business here, myself included, but over time... especially with posters like JNM (and others) saying she and TOS have a right to be here, I have to agree. They have a right to be here and I am not trying to force them out. However, I do wish that many of the posters that have come and gone... well, I hope they didn't leave because they felt forced out by being attacked by those that remain here because they have the right to do so. I don't hear anyone bringing up violations of the user agreement when a new poster is bullied into leaving or feeling they are being attacked just for being a stepmom.

Anyone that thinks I hate or even dislike TOS or KKNY knows nothing about me. I don't hate anyone. I don't hate my SD's mom. I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for TOS & KKNY because they are stuck in a place that seems so painful they can't get past what's happened to them. Their days are filled with trying to make others (SM's) as miserable as they seem. Why else would a person constantly remind others that the divorce rate for second marriages is XX%. So she can make you feel like you are helplessly wasting your time to make this marriage work? Why bother? It's doomed and that's how she'd like us to feel. And yes, they both remind me of my mother and her bitter attitude. I've admitted that about them but I don't hate my mother, I feel SORRY for her. She's wasted 25+ years of her life in that bitterness and I wouldn't like to see anyone waste their life doing that. But, if my reaction to them is viewed as 'hitting too close to home' because it bothers me that they imply my marriage is going to fail... rest assured that I take offense to that because it's the same attitude my mom has toward (anyone's) relationships, therefore I can't talk to her about my happiness. She only seems interested in hearing my problems and never the good things. And personally, I don't much care for negative people.

and the reason given on the parents forum for posters having and using multiple user ID's, there were many theories on why a poster would create more than one ID. The obvious one mentioned was to gain support. When someone didn't get the support for an opinion, they logged on as more than one user and post in support of the original opinion. A couple of the users mentioned there, also post on Stepfamily forum and I looked at IP addresses to see if it were true. It is. It didn't take me hours or days, it took a few minutes & I don't even remember who posted but I do remember the name of a town.

If it's interpreted as me trying to intimidate anyone into not posting, all I said is that the information I got can be found by ANYONE, even people that don't post here. You don't have to be logged in to read, only to post. I said a year ago when I came here, the internet is not 'anonymous' and if anyone comes here (or anywhere else on the internet) and thinks everything they say or do is anonymous and safe, they are being naive.

and I don't take everyone's silence or reluctance to speak up as being supportive of what I did or against kkny's right to privacy. Of course we can only guess at why nobody said anything, but there are threads/topics I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole and everyone has their reasons for posting or not posting... it's unfair for you to assume everyone is in support of me (or what I did) just because they don't speak out against it. Just as everyone has a right to post, they also have the right to refrain from posting. It's ridiculous to expect others to jump into what they might see as a snake pit, regardless of which side of the issue they are on.

mom1sm2 "I will make homeade mojittos (whatever that is)"

Its easy! And I wouldnÂt want you to lose out on such great Skiddies just for lack of knowing!! We;re a little past mojito season as we're coming into fall, but it can still be done without the alcohol police giving us too much trouble for drinking summer drinks out of season!

HereÂs one from http://www.jeffreymorgenthaler.com/2007/mojito/

In a 16-oz mixing glass, gently muddle together:
1 large sprig spearmint
.75 oz simple syrup

Add:
Half a spent lime hull, and
1 oz of lime juice (no less, no more)
2 oz white rum or vodka
3 oz sparkling mineral water

Top with crushed ice and mix with a straw until drink is combined and glass is frosty.

Simple Syrup:

1 pound (2 cups) granulated cane sugar
2 cups boiling water
Stir together until clear. Let cool and pour into a clean bottle with a pour spout.

Do you want a simple mojito? This is my recipe for us on hot summer days when we just want an easy drink, yet want to be a little fancy:

Get a frozen can of lime juice. Heat 1 cup water and steep with mint leaves. Cool. Add minty water to lime juice. Pour into glass with crushed ice. Add a shot or two of alcohol. Cut some slivers of lime to go on top, or garnish with fresh mint sprig.

Thanks I thought maybe it was an iced coffee drink with booze or something. I will have to try that soon. Thanks

JNM,

I really don't want to continue to argue about this anymore. I read something that alarmed me and I normally would have ignored it, but I didn't ignore it and I pointed it out in a post.

I most likely reacted to it because the friction between the two posters has been just terrible. Like fingernails on a chalkboard. For a very long time.

I felt it just went too far when the identity thing was mentioned and I wrote my post and I then added a comment to the effect that it was ok for others to remain silent and not acknowledge that what was done was very wrong.

And you know what? It is ok if everyone remains silent on this. Most here have and I see them as being a lot smarter than we are right now.

What Athlete has stated is so true - this forum could really be a more positive place.

Truce?

Certainly. I don't fault you at all for speaking out - that is the bauty of this forum. I don't disagree with your post, either. I think your 'very wrong' statement just rubbed me the very wrong way as another mass accusation and I reacted without thinking it through, something I don't normally do. The lumping together or mass accusation tact on this board is just my biggest sore spot.
We've taken this dead horse into the ground, and I agree it's time to let it die. A much smarter choice than continuing the ride for sure.

I think it is unfair to expect anyone to reply to specific posts even if they are as inappropriate as revealing private information. i personally rarely read some of the posters simply because they are either constantly repeating same story on and on, or they are way too long. for example I seldomly read ima's posts so i only recently dicovered that she apparently revealed someone's private info on this forum. It is entirelly inappropriate, but I didn't know about it. plus we all, or most of us, have very limited time for the Internet, like 5 minutes here and there, who has the time to read everyone's posts?

although checking up on other forum members might be legal, I still see no purpose for it. it is not the same as checking up on potential dating partners. i doubt one is planning on dating gardenweb posters. lol

Ima,

I'm not assuming that most people's silence has to do with support or no support. Please see my above post to JNM about that.

KKNY and TOS also reminded me of my own Mom, even though I think we are close to the same age. When I started posting here and throughout my marriage and stepfamily issues, much of what both of these ladies posted really bothered me.

I didn't want to hear about second marriage statistics or other such negative stuff, either. My own Mom had done enough to make me "miserable" throughout my courtship and marriage to what is now my ex-husband and I really didn't need to hear any more. Especially when I came to this forum for support.

I married a divorced guy, and a freshly divorced one at that. He had been in a long-term marriage and had two adult daughters. My Mom didn't like the situation at all. She told me I should call his ex and find out why they really got divorced and who was really the cheater. She asked me why he was in such a hurry to get married again when he just got out of a long-term marriage. She told me that his daughters would always resent me.

My Mom also said many men will tell a woman they are wooing that they had been in a loveless marriage and hadn't had sex or slept with their ex's for a long, long time before the divorce. Ouch. That is what my ex told me. And that's what KKNY and TOS said, too. But how would my Mom know anything - she's been happily married to my Dad for 53 years.

I did end up on this forum because of dysfunctional step family issues that were making me miserable. And the things KKNY and TOS stated didn't help me at all. I needed support, not a bucket of cold water thrown in my face. If I wanted that, all I had to do was talk to my Mom.

When I say this, I truly mean it. I still believe in love and I hope that everyone on this forum, including you, enjoys a long and successful second marriage and that their stepfamily issues get peacefully resolved. And I do think it is possible, but there are many challenges along the way.

My marriage did not work out. I was able to get a legal annulment after five years of marriage, rather than a divorce. Of course there is a story behind that and it isn't pretty and I can only pray that story remains private and kept with those that I truly trust, my attorney and the judge. That is why the privacy thing is so huge to me.

After the annulment, as I pondered my life and my future, I eventually came back into this forum to look back at my past and I forced myself to read my old posts. I saw one I wrote, just a few weeks before I discovered what he was up to, in which I went on and on about how much I loved him and what a wonderful husband he was. Though it was hard to read, I got through it.

I went further back into some of the posts in which I had exchanges with KKNY and TOS and in which I dismissed them as being bitter trouble makers.

And what I saw were two ladies who have been deeply hurt and who are devoted mothers. They say what they think, most definitely, but they speak from the reality of their lives and their experiences.

I don't see them as bitter, and unable to move on, but rather that they state the ex-wives point of view and the stepchild's point of view and the reasons for those points of view. It is somewhat unpleasant to acknowledge, but I think they are probably accurate in what they say about those points of view.

The points of view of the bio mom and the step child are really pretty important if there is any hope of trying to build some sort of a solid foundation as a step family with a happy future. And even if the bio mom is less than involved, she is still the mother and she will resent it if you try to "replace" her.

Tough as it is, I think it is the truth. And I know your situation may at times seem impossible, but I think if you could somehow disengage from the anger you feel toward your SD's bio mom it might help improve the situation over time. I do think that is the best hope you would have for some peace with the situation because no one will win if you continue to fight one another.

I also hope that there is some way that you, TOS and KKNY can start over again.

Best wishes,
June

OK...gonna try to get this thread back on topic.

I am SHOCKED that nobody wants me as their stepmom! REALLY! I realize I haven't posted in a while, and am going to just assume that's the reason why.

My stepkids have told me time and again that I'm the best stepmom they could ever imagine! And they are both teenagers!!! I think that's saying a lot.

And folks who meet us and don't know that we're a "blended" family, are always shocked to find out that that's the case. So I kinda feel I've been doing something right as a stepmom. I do pride myself on having really great relationships with all my kiddos, bio and step, alike.

Way to toot my own horn, huh?

OK, so now who wants to vote for me?