"She literally drags kids to psychiatrists to diagnose them with something to prove that it is not her fault." Or to get them diagnosed with some kind of problem which would make them eligible for SSI. There's a girl who was in SS's class whose mother has been trying for years to get her diagnosed as being bi-polar - starting at age four!

Why doesn't your BF try for primary custody since things are so bad?

Oh yes, we are in the middle of the custody battle. Things are pretty tense. BM is the master of playing the victim and postponing the court stuff. It has been going on almost for 2 years. The worst part is that kids are in the middle and the court procedures just takes forever. I hope the judge looses her patience soon...

sounds like my DH's ex has another clone.... right down to pushing for a diagnosis & medication!

If the court does not change custody to dad, then my advice would be to let it go. Send them home in the same clothes they come in or buy thrift store duds. If you live close enough, dad can offer to pay for activities... you and/or dad can offer to pick them up & take them. If you are in court battle now, when the final ruling is made, that can be asked in court if dad remains NCP. Dad doesn't have to have custody to step up his involvement if mom is lacking on those things. When it's all said & done, maybe he will look at his lawyer bill and realize he could have paid for private school, tutors, after school activities and so much more that the kids NEED. That is the sad side of Family Law. After we spent about $10k on the first trial, the court gave them 50/50. Fortunately for DH (Unfortunately for SD), BM moved away a few weeks later and GAVE him custody... too bad it wasn't before he spent all that money on our attorney. Every dollar spent fighting is money taken away from caring for the kids.

Ima is right.
I've been down this same road. Your email could have been written by me (except my crazy BM believes that she is a psychic healer, not a student).

However, consider this: a trial will bankrupt you - and the stress is even worse than the expense. Most courts rush to order 50/50 these days because it's the easy solution. Even if, by some miracle, your bf wins custody, you'll end up with two angry, hostile and very messed up kids living with you fulltime. This won't be good for anyone.

My stepkids are a little older than your stepkids and we're just starting to learn now the extent of the psychological damage that they've suffered. Much of it likely occurred long before the divorce. There is only so much that you can do for your stepkids - and rescuing them from BM is an unlikely solution. Ima has some good suggestions (like protecting their clothing and taking them to activities at your house).

Here are a few more suggestions that worked for us:

-investigate private lessons (for swimming, skiing etc) that can be scheduled when the kids are with you. Private lessons are more expensive, but we found that the kids needed fewer private lessons than group lessons (especially when they were missing half of them).

-buy some items at the thrift store that you don't mind losing if they take them to the BM's house.

-get your stepdaughter some magazines about health and fitness. She's at an age where body image is important. My stepdaughter is now worried about her weight and she demands better food from BM.

-get the kids into counselling. You probably have no idea how bad it is at her house, or what the kids have suffered. They likely need a lot of help.

And - most importantly: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!! I cannot overstate the importance of this advice. You will not be of any help to anyone if you are exhausted, impoverished and burnt out.