Thank you again, everyone, for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me. I've gained a lot of perspective from your answers. My mom was here for several days and as it turns out, my in-laws will be coming tomorrow or Saturday for a couple of days, so I've been super-busy. Anyway, I called Mary's mom on Sunday and talked to her a bit and will send along the hand-me-downs back with my in-laws, who live in the same town. (They're the new baby's great-grandparents.) When I called Mary's mom, I made it easy on her by starting off with "I understand that you're going to have a new little addition to your family and I was wondering if you'd like some of M----'s baby things?!" -- so that she didn't have to go into any explanation of the situation. She said yes, they could use clothes and things and that they have plenty of the newborn to 6-month stuff, but not the older stuff. Most of my stuff is for an older baby, anyways, since my son is nearly 3, so it should be a good fit. I bought a card to include for Mary to let her know I'm thinking of her and I'll also include a chatty card for Susie along with a small cash gift. I'll send a congratulations to Mary's folks, too. I know some of the GW replies I've received indicate that Susie doesn't need to receive a gift....but I want to repeat that in my opinion, she's watching Mary be the center of attention and watching the family and everyone else spend money on Mary, so I don't want her to be left behind. The girls' mom said they aren't having any showers for Mary until after the baby is born. As I see it, there aren't too many terrible decisions that a person can make that result in parties and gift-giving for them. When's the last time anyone threw a party for someone who, for example, robbed a store or dropped out of high school or took too many drugs? Mary decided she was old enough to handle sex and its consequences and Mary's parents decided to let it happen. Mary's mom took her to the family doctor early on, but when the doctor began discussing sex, Mary's response was "Oh, GROSS! I'm not going to do THAT!" and her parents took her for her word. This pregnancy couldn't have been too much of surprise. My in-laws received a call one morning many months ago, from Mary's mom. Both the mom and dad were at work, and Mary and Susie were home and Mary's boyfriend was there. Could FIL please go check on them? My FIL went over to the house to chaperon and found Mary in pajamas and she and her boyfriend were laying on the couch. When my DH and I heard that story we looked bug-eyed at each other and we agreed it was not IF she'd become a teen mother, but HOW SOON. At the end of the phone conversation with Mary's mom, she said something like - "Yeah, we were thinking of coming down to see you guys -- maybe we can do it in August or something?" Of course I agreed, but I'm wondering if she really believes the whole family, including a newborn and all of the newborn baby gear will be driving 7 hours or if just Mary's parents will come and let a 16-year-old take sole care of the newborn while the folks are away. I'll leave it at that, and hope and pray that the baby has a bright future and long, happy life.

I'm not a worrier. There are probably a thousands things I could worry about, but I can't make myself worry. Sure, I think about things I am responsible for, find a solution, make a plan. But that's not worry, that "get 'er done." I am concerned about keeping my teaching job next year b/c of budget cuts and the fact that I rank low having just started. But all I can do is my best, let it be known that I want to stay, and let things happen. So I am not even really worried about that. What will be, will be. If I sub again and wait for another opening, so be it. But things I can't control, or just don't need to control, nope. People tell me their problems, even family (my brother has a doozy right now that my parents are dragged into) but I am not responsible for that and really don't give it much thought unless I am talking with my mom and listening to her vent. I just let her vent and move on. I have concern for people, but it's not worry. There are a couple exceptions. I worry about my teen driving. That feeling is really what I call worry- obsessive thought about potential bad turn out over something I cannot control. That still freaks me out. One news story about a teen killed in a car accident and my mind loses control.

Some of my granddaughters will give me a big bear hug and others barely anything. When they do that, I'll say Grandma needs a tighter hug! and then they squeeze me back. So maybe try that and see what kind of reaction you get. i also agree with sylviatexas, it could be something more serious and you don't want to ignore that possibility. Also, if BM is badmouthing the two of you to her, that could make her guarded. I hope things turn around for all of you, sounds like she's been through a lot.

unfortunately, you can't force someone to sterilize. There was a Judge that was censured because he gave a woman the option to sterilize or go to prison because she continued to have drug addicted babies. I think she had seven or eight of them and all were in foster care. The Judge got in trouble for that ruling, so it's next to impossible to make someone do that. Even if child services or family services can't remove the kids, they might monitor her situation and offer other services to her... parenting classes, counseling, birth control, etc. and they could require her to be on medication too. The children are all small and someone has to give them a voice. If their grandfather sticks his head in the sand or looks the other way, he is turning his back on his own grandkids. Is he in denial that he raised a child that is doing what she's doing???