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yes22

Stepdaughter- affection

Yes22
9 years ago

Hello, (new here)
My SD is 6 and she's a wonderful little girl. I had thought we were progressing with getting along with her, but I feel that we are stuck. My DH couldn't see his daughter for the first 2 years, but he went to court and since then we have been a part of Sd's life. He now has joint legal custody and every other weekend parenting time. He will be going to court next month for more time. SD doesn't cry anymore or seem sad, but she isn't very affectionate. When DH or I hug her, she moves. She doesn't like us hugging her and I respect that, but it breaks my heart to see my husband affected by this. He puts his arm around her arm and she starts jumping or running, but it's only so he wont hug her. She used to hug him so much and for pictures she would smile without us saying cheese. Now we have to ask her to smile. She feels distant. My niece is way more affectionate with dh than her. If she sees my niece hugging him, she starts hugging him. We have many pictures of her hugging her daddy around the neck and with huge smiles and now she seems emotionless. Her mom texted dh saying that SD doesn't like it when dh picks her up from school. It doesn't seem that way because she seems happy when we pick her up. She smiles and tells us about her day. I do feel dh gets along with sd great because she looks for him a lot. For example, she pulls on his leg or taps his shoulder if he's doing something else. I feel that she wants to get his attention that way. She has become a little aggressive. She likes to hit him. We tell her to stop, but it seems as she forgets. she's done it a little less now. It's not something strong or big, but I feel like she likes to do it and laughs.

A little on DH and BM relationship- it's impossible to get along with her. She yells at dh in front of sd- she says why do you take her if she doesn't love you. or because of this woman (me) sd lost her dad. SD has been talking more about her mom in our home- she said that her mom said that she can't take her to Disneyland because her daddy picks her up and that they can't go to parties, play dates because of him. that her mom gets sad because she leaves with us. Dh has taken this to court, but bm lies and cries and acts like a victim. I feel she is alienating SD from him and that might be why I feel that she shows us less affection. I have caught SD playing with her barbies and her stories are weird- The barbie mom is usually very mean and always screaming. Then comes a toddler barbie saying she wants to go with her dad and the mom says you cant go or says go with him he left you for that ugly lady. The idea is the mom is always screaming and seems mean. I know it seems crazy, but I placed my gopro camera in her room and have that recorded because I wanted to show DH that I have heard that story way too many times. Sorry if it is too much, but I do not know another Stepmom. I don't even know if sd sees me as a stepmom, but we love her and do so much for her. I want her to feel comfortable and happy. I know it takes time, but it's been 4 years and we feel a little stuck. Thank you.

oh and she seems like that with my family. I visit my family a lot and my mom gave her her birthday hug and she barely responded. relatives hugged her for her birthday and she has known them for 4 years, but with us is a little less than with them. Also, she seems very affectionate with her mom, moms fam, and her uncle (they used to tell her to call him uncle until dh told them that he wasn't happy).

This post was edited by Yes22 on Fri, Oct 10, 14 at 5:06

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